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Authors: Julianna Scott

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BOOK: The Holders
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I looked back up at him, almost awestruck, “You really do that? Go to hospitals and prisons looking for kids?”
“We usually go out twice a year. We’ll make a special trip if we happen to get a tip, though they are rare these days.”
“Do you find a lot? How many are here now?”
“On scouting trips we average five or so in any given year. And even then, most of them aren’t full Holders. Right now, we have twenty-two Holder students enrolled, so with Ryland, twenty-three. There are about five others around Ryland’s age who are not yet awakened, and the rest are spread out in age with four about to graduate. Though out of all twenty-three, Ryland is the only one who will grow to be a full Holder. The others’ abilities are too diluted and weak to be of any real use or trouble to them. Before Ryland, our last full Holder was Chloe, and even she is severely limited.”
“What do the Holder kids do after graduation? Do they stay like Chloe has?”
“No. Usually they go off to a college or University and start their lives just like anyone else would, or sometimes the ones with families will go home. Occasionally Jocelyn will hear from a graduate, but not often. When we teach the Holder student about their abilities we make sure to give them all the information they need, but we never tell them about the Order or any of the specifics that could prove… damaging. The only students we tell are the ones who will become full Holders, and even then, it’s done cautiously.”
“That’s why Chloe knows?”
He nodded.
I shook my head slowly, bewildered. I had so many more questions about the school and the other Holder students, but I couldn’t find the words. The only thing I could think about were all the terrified kids out there who were being locked away and abandoned, all for something they had no control over. “How…” I asked in amazement, “How do you do it? How do you keep going? It seems so sad.”
Something like joy lit behind his eyes and he smiled. “No. No, not at all.” He turned in his seat to face me fully. “I can’t tell you how I felt when Jocelyn came to me and told me that I wasn’t crazy and that there were others like me. It was like a dream come true. And now to have the chance to save other kids who are alone and scared like I was… it’s incredible.”
“Still, I’m sorry for what happened to you.” I looked away, feeling the anger bubble up in me again. “I never would have let them…” I trailed off, not knowing if I was talking more to him or myself. What I did know was if I had anything to say about it, no one would ever hurt Alex like that again.
“I know.” There was so much tenderness in his voice that I had to look up, only to be met by the most wonderfully soft expression in his eyes. “The day we came to get Ryland – the way you fought for him – it was the most amazing thing I’d ever seen. When I told you that I wish I’d had someone like you watching out for me, I meant it.” I felt myself start to blush and looked away. “And as far as what my parents did,” he continued with a shrug, “oddly enough, I’m grateful. No, really,” he insisted with a smile, seeing my face. “It was terrible yes, but if it hadn’t happened the way it did, I would never have found my way here. I would never have learned who I really am. It was a long road, but it led me here, and for that I can be nothing but grateful.”
I looked at him in awe. He truly was the most amazing person I’d ever met. To have gone through something so horrible at so young an age. I knew all too well how scared and lost he must have been – I’d seen it in Ryland’s eyes countless times before. But Ryland had me; for Alex there’d been no one. Before I even realized what I was doing, I leaned forward, wrapped my arms around his neck, and hugged him.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly, my cheek resting against the warmth of his neck.
He stiffened, and for an embarrassing moment I thought he was going to push me away. However, after what felt like two years – though couldn’t have been more than two seconds – I felt his arms slide around my waist and his head sink into my shoulder. I breathed in the scent coming off his hair, which was sweet and musky with the tiniest bit of cologne. The headiness of it was invigorating, making my skin tingle and my pulse begin to pound.
I pulled back – though probably not as far as I should have – and looked up at him. “I’m sorry for earlier,” I said, feeling like a total ass for whining about Jocelyn to someone who’d had it so much worse than I ever had.
Immediately his eyebrows furrowed. “Don’t,” he said, shaking his head. Then, without seeming conscious of the action, his hand came up and slowly brushed the stray hairs away from my face, softly grazing my cheek. My heart lurched and sputtered, and I prayed he couldn’t feel my hands shake against his shoulders. Holding my eyes with a look that made my stomach tight, he continued, “Don’t ever apologize for saying how you feel.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but suddenly out of nowhere, he dropped his arms like they were lead weights and stood. “I need to get back,” he said quickly, shoving his hands in his pockets and not meeting my eyes.
“Oh, OK,” I said, trying not to seem let down.
“Can you find your way back?” he asked, walking past me.
He didn’t want to walk with me?
“Sure, no problem,” I said, which was of course a lie, but if he wasn’t going to offer to take me back, I certainly wasn’t about to ask.
He paused at the edge of the tree’s canopy and looked back at me – or more accurately, looked at the ground right in front of me.
“Are you free later tonight? We really do need to talk about Ryland. Can you meet me at the rotunda, say around six?”
“Sure, six is fine.”
With that, he walked back the way we’d come, only to break into a jog a few yards away from the tree.
 
9
 
Two hours, a ripped shirt, and a skinned knee later, I finally stumbled back into civilization, exhausted and frustrated. Alex’s pace had ensured that I was unable to follow him, and I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere.
I had seen enough of the Irish woods to last me several years, and was beyond in need of a shower. Dirty and sick of nature as I was, even more troubling was the sudden and drastic turn in Alex’s mood that afternoon. I couldn’t believe I’d hugged him, what the hell was I thinking? Obviously I scared him away – or at least that was the only thing I could figure.
Though… he had hugged me back.
Regardless of what had happened to upset him, one thing was certain: I was not at all looking forward to seeing him again that night. I was terrified it would be as uneasy and awkward as the final few minutes of the afternoon had been, which would not be any fun at all.
As I reached the top of the short flight of stairs to Lorcan Hall, I saw a short blonde figure pacing in front of the large bay window in the Hall’s main foyer. “Chloe?” I asked, stepping into the invitingly warm hall.
“There you are!” she cried, running up and throwing her arms around my neck, “Alex was so worried!”
“I’m fine,” I mumbled against her shoulder.
“He made me promise to stay right here and – mercy be!” she said, pulling back and seeing the state of me. “What happened?”
“Had some… trouble,” I stammered, feeling like an idiot. “It’s no big deal.”
“Oh, you poor dear! Alex felt so awful for leaving you! I promised him I’d keep a watch out for you until he got back.”
“Got back from where?” I asked, trying not to sound overly interested.
“The Order has called a meeting, but he - Oh! Mr Anderson!” she called, seeing him come down the main stairs.
“What can I do for you, lass?” he smiled, cheerful as always.
“Are you off to the meeting?”
“Aye, and it could run long by the look of it.”
“Would you please tell Alex that-”
But before she could finish, Alex came around the corner, pulling on a jacket. “Chloe, I’ve got to go look–”
He stopped short as he saw me, acute relief washing over his features. Though relief quickly became horror as he got a better look at me. I self-consciously tucked my hair behind my ear in a vain attempt to look as though I hadn’t just gotten the crap kicked out of me by Mother Nature.
“I am so sorry,” he breathed, guilt stricken.
“It’s fine,” I said with my best smile, “I took a detour, that’s all.” I tried my best to sound convincing, but it was clear he wasn’t buying what I was selling.
“I’ve got to go,” he nodded over his shoulder, “they’ve called a meeting and we might be a while. I don’t think we’re going to be able to meet tonight. Tomorrow morning, same place? Classes start, so everyone else will be busy. We’ll have all day.”
“Sure, that’s fine, don’t worry about it,” I said, hoping to ease some of the self-reproach he appeared to be stuck in.
He nodded, then looking me over again, added, “You should go sit down–”
“Don’t you worry,” Chloe cut in, wrapping her arm around my waist giving me a squeeze, “I’ll get her all taken care of.”
“Aye lad.” Mr Anderson gestured to Alex, whose eyes hadn’t left me. “We’re needed yonder.” Alex went without an argument, but looked back over his shoulder at me four separate times before turning down the main hall and out of sight.
So, he abandons me one minute, then feels horrible about it the next. Interesting… As much as I hated myself for getting any sort of pleasure out of someone else’s discomfort, I had to admit that I rather liked the idea that he was worried about me. Plus, I was glad to see that he seemed to be over whatever funk had caused him to leave me in the first place.
With my spirits adequately lifted, I turned to Chloe. “I should go shower.”
“Yes, of course, you go and clean up. Then when you’re done, come over to my room and we’ll have dinner and a chat,” she said, clasping both my hands in hers excitedly.
“Sounds great,” I said, smiling.
I don’t know that I’ve ever taken a shower that felt so good. Even the soap stinging my fresh scrapes couldn’t lessen the warm relaxing joy for me. It was however, the first shower in which I had to clean leaves out of the tub when I was done. Fun.
After I dressed, I called my mom for the first time since we’d left for Ireland. I spent almost an hour telling her all about the school, and how well Ryland was doing, and assuring her that everything was great. Luckily, she didn’t specifically ask how I was doing, nor did she bring up the subject of Jocelyn, for which I was immensely grateful. I would have hated to lie to her anymore than we already had, but honestly I had no idea how I was feeling about everything, and as far as Jocelyn was concerned, it was better she not know what had actually happened. Much as I had always wanted my mom to see Jocelyn for what he was, I couldn’t bring myself to hurt her with the truth. She and Ry may have both been under a delusion, but it made them happy, which was good enough for me.
Once Mom was reassured and all her questions answered, I hung up, got ready, and then slipped on my shoes to go over to Chloe’s room. However, as I reached the door I hesitated, my protective instincts rearing up. I hadn’t heard a word from Ryland since leaving his room that morning, and I was anxious to find out if he was still doing all right. Wasn’t that why I was here, to make sure he was OK? What if he needed me?
What if he didn’t…?
Ignoring that last echo of a thought I went back to the phone, grabbed the card Alex had given me with his information on it, and dialed the number to his room.
“Hello?”
“Hi Ry.” At least he was there.
“Oh, hey Becca.”
“So how was your day? Did you have fun with the other kids?”
“Yeah, it was fun. Everybody’s great here!”
“Good, I’m glad.” Really, I was. Glad. “So, I was thinking I’d come take you to your first class tomorrow.”
“Oh… um, sure…”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, it’s just… I am supposed to meet some of the guys so we could walk together. A lot of us have the same classes, and…”
…and you don’t want to look like the baby who had to bring his sister along to hold your hand. “Oh, yeah sure, that’s fine.” It really was. Fine. “I just wanted to make sure you knew where you were going.”
“Yep, I’m good!”
“Good.”
“I’ve got to go up and eat now, but I can come see you tomorrow after classes if you want.”
If you want? Great. A pity visit. Fantastic. “Sure, sounds good.”
“OK, I’ll see you then! Love you! Bye!”
“Love you t–” click
Bye…
 
Less than an hour later I was sitting cross-legged on Chloe’s fluffy pink comforter, eating the last slice of pizza, while she sat behind me playing with my hair.
“I’d kill for hair like yours,” she gushed, running her fingers through the curls she’d just let tumble off the barrel of the hot iron.
“No you wouldn’t,” I mumbled over the last mouthful of pizza, “Trust me, it sucks.”
“How can you say that? It’s gorgeous!”
“Oh, I agree, it’s spectacular – when someone takes the time to do it. Otherwise it’s a humongous pain in the ass. Most of the time it’s in a ponytail or a frizzy bun.”
“Aw,” she said, stroking my mane like a cat, “it just needs some attention.”
“Tell you what, chop it off, and we’ll make you a wig.”
“Don’t you dare!” she gasped.
“Where did you learn to do hair?”
“Oh, I don’t know, playing with my dolls, I guess. But I’ve always wanted a real person to practice on,” she giggled, giving my hair a playful tug.
“You’ve never made-up your friends?”
“No, you’re the first actual human head I’ve done. To be honest, I’ve never had many girlfriends.”
“You’re kidding!” I was shocked. “I would have figured you to be one of the most popular girls on campus.”
She laughed. “No, not me. There was one other young female Holder who went through school with me, but she didn’t care for my company. She didn’t like being a Holder; thought it made her a freak. I, of course, was thrilled about it, so she and I didn’t really get on.”
“But what about the girls who aren’t Holders? Didn’t you get to know them?”
“I tried for a while, but when you have to keep so much about yourself a secret, it’s hard to get close to anyone. Probably sounds odd, but I was happier to keep to myself.”
“That doesn’t sound strange at all,” I said, glancing down as I rolled the hem of my shirt between my fingers. “Actually, I know exactly how you feel. I’ve never really had any friends either.”
“How can that be?”
“I was advanced,” I said, the last word tasting sour on my tongue. “I didn’t move through school with the same group of kids like everyone else did. I was always jumping ahead and taking special courses, always the youngest in the class. By the time I was nine, the kids my own age didn’t even remember who I was, and the ones I took classes with were too old to view me as potential friend material.”
“We’re a pair, aren’t we?” she laughed, giving my shoulders a hug from behind. “But not to worry, because now you have me!”
“Yes,” I agreed, ignoring the ache that came with the knowledge that I would soon be gone.
“There! Done!” She hopped off the bed and grabbed a hand mirror from her dresser. “Have a look!” she said gesturing to the full-length mirror on the wall.
I followed her lead, using the two mirrors to examine her handy work. It was stunning! She had fashioned a series of interlocking braids that were incredibly elaborate, while at the same time loose and flowing. The woven strands transitioned seamlessly into a sea of bouncy curls that fell against the middle of my back. There were curled strands hanging loose at my temples and neck, and even a small jeweled pin in one of the locks. The whole thing looked delicate enough to fall to pieces at any moment, yet at the same time felt secure enough to withstand a tropical storm.
“This is amazing, Chloe! I feel like I should change,” I said, suddenly feeling underdressed in my T-shirt and jeans. “When I get married, I am calling you up.”
“Deal,” she giggled.
“Not that that will be any time soon,” I said, laughing at how her eyes lit up.
“You never know,” she said with a dreamy sigh, resuming her seat on the bed.
“Oh, I’m pretty sure.”
“No boyfriend, then?”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “I started high school when I was twelve and graduated at fifteen, which meant the only boys I knew were anywhere from two to six years older than me.”
“That’s not such a difference.”
“Trust me, it is. Maybe when you are twenty-two and twenty-six it’s no big deal, but a fifteen year old seeing someone who is a nineteen or twenty? The US has laws against that,” I laughed, sitting down next to her. “What about you? Boyfriend?”
“No, not yet.” She fell backwards onto the bed and put her hands over her heart. “But I’ll find him. He’s out there, I know it!” Her tone reminded me of the way a kindergarten teacher would read the “and they lived happily ever after” line to a room full of doe-eyed toddlers. Suddenly, as if remembering something, her eyes widened and she sat up. “Anyway,” she said quickly, turning to face me, “how’s your brother doing? Does he like it here?”
Ignoring both the remaining sting from Ryland’s continued dismissal of me, and the fact that she was deliberately changing the subject, I answered, “He loves it, more than loves it. I don’t know if he’ll ever come home.”
“That’s great!”
“Yeah, it is.” I smiled, but I lacked enthusiasm.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I sighed, rolling a loose thread between my fingers.
“You can tell me,” she said, with what sounded like real concern.
“It really is nothing,” I said, suddenly realizing that I actually wanted to talk to someone about it. “It’s… well, I guess I never expected him to take to it here so fast. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he did, it’s just that this is the first time he hasn’t… needed me.” I looked down, feeling silly.
“Oh,” she said leaning over and giving me a hug, “of course he needs you!”
I returned her hug out of courtesy, expecting it to feel stiff and awkward like hugging an elderly aunt you barely know. But to my surprise it wasn’t. It was warm and comforting and actually made me feel better. It was shocking to think that I’d only met this girl a little over twenty-four hours ago, and she already felt like someone I’d known for years.
After a long moment she let go, and said with a smile, “It’s his first day, he’s just excited. You have to know he still loves you.”
“I know. It’s not that, it’s more…” I paused, not sure how to put it into words. “For as long as I can remember I’ve had to take care of him. Protect him from everything; from mean kids who would follow him home from school shouting and teasing him, to doctors and teachers who wanted to put him away. I haven’t even gone to college yet, mainly because I was terrified to think of what might happen to him if I left. I’m overjoyed that he is finally happy and with people who understand him and make him feel at home, I really am. But now that I don’t need to constantly worry and look out for him, I’m not sure what to do.” As soon as I finished, I realized how horrible I sounded. I was coming across like some self-centered psycho who would rather her brother be miserable so long as it meant she had something to do. God, why did I have to tell the truth? Why didn’t I just lie and say, “Yes, Ryland is great and I couldn’t be happier” like I had to Mom? It wasn’t even a lie. “You must think I’m horrible,” I mumbled, not looking up.
I felt Chloe take both my hands in hers and give them a squeeze. I hesitantly glanced up to see nothing more than compassion and sympathy in her eyes. “You know what I think?” she said gently. “I think you are an amazing sister.” I smiled, if only out of relief that she didn’t think I was nuts. “I also think,” she continued, “that you have spent enough of your life putting other people first. You’ve spent years worrying about Ryland. If he is doing well on his own, then maybe it’s time to start worrying about yourself. What do you want to do?”
BOOK: The Holders
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