The Immaculate Deception (42 page)

“
Are you a blithering idiot, Perry?” I asked.

“
Let me finish, will ya? The money would get flagged and a police investigation would be launched, tracing the origins. Another part of my plan for baiting my mother’s murderer and seeing justice triumph.”

That still didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me but then again I didn’t have a degree in law.
Oh who cares anyway?
“How did you figure out that Dick was Vera’s murderer? You were freaking me out that day in your office. You were so scared.”

“
The Fiddlers showed up in my office. With a gun. I hadn’t actually seen the guy before. But I knew Fawn. She found the money in my office when we… Um, never mind. They stole my money from me and the guy kept talking about how the money was his and how my mother had been punished for taking the money from him. That’s when I realized that my plan had worked. That I had finally caught my mother’s murderer. But they got away and I still had no proof. I panicked. I couldn’t stop them. I felt so guilty.” He had tears in his eyes.

“
What plan, Perry? What were you up to?” I demanded.

“
I wanted to bait my mother’s killer, so he’d reveal himself and get caught.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “Come up with something better. Why after all these years would you think you could bait the killer?”

“
Because I’d been sleeping with his ex.”

I ran my hands over my face. “You’ve been sleeping with the gorgeous Fawn Fiddler?”

“
Yep.”

“
Why would she sleep with the likes of you?” I remembered the police badge and panties I’d found in his couch. I believed him.

“
To get to my money.”

“
How would she know you had the money and why would you target her?”

“
Dad told me before he died. That Thursday after the domestic violence incident. He told me Fiddler had been blackmailing him. I put it all together and came up with a plan.”

“
Why did you tell me to run away that day in your office?”

“
I didn’t want you to get in the middle of my plan and goof it all up. Plus you were wanted for arson.”

The doorbell rang. I trotted into the foyer and let Bubba in.

“
How is Mr. Meddlestein, Chief?”

“
Oh he’ll live. They’re keepin’ him overnight for observation. Pumped his stomach.”

“
I thought he threw it all up?” I led Bubba into the living room.

He shrugged and said, “I don’t understand the process.”

Perry said, “Chief, I’d like to brief all of the authorities involved on the murderer before they press charges against Dick Fiddler. I have additional information on an old case. Did they nab him?”

“
Right, Judge. But it’s a bit early for that. Guy vanished without a trace. He’s done that before,” Bubba said.

Tammy said, “I thought he was a cop? How could they let him continue to carry a badge if they knew he was rotten?”

Chief Bubba said, “Dunno all the specifics. Just that he went AWOL before.”

I said, “Yeah, they interviewed me about that. His ex-wife Fawn did.” I fetched my big blue purse and produced the badge. “Is this Mrs. Fiddler’s?”

Perry looked at it. “Could be.”

I blanched. “How many lady cops do you undress in your chambers?”

He grinned.

Tammy said, “Eww! Shut up!”

I laughed.

Bubba said, “I’m gonna go back over to the hospital and sit with Gloria. Poor thing’s been through so much.”

I said, “Thank you so much, Chief. Please call us if his condition changes—hopefully with good news.”

“
I will.”

He left. I leaned on the door until it clicked, just like Officer Dick had told me. Shoot, the locksmith never came back. I returned to the living room. “Perry, come and help me in the kitchen.”

“
Sure, sis. What ya got cookin’?”

“
No, I need to take the French doors off the hinges and turn them around. That’s how Officer Dick broke into my house.”

We walked in and I flipped on the light. Mrs. Meddlestein had evidently tidied up the picnic while we were busting into the perpetrator’s house.

Perry whined, “Oh-Donna, it’s raining. Can’t we do it tomorrow?”

“
Tomorrow? You’ll come back tomorrow?”

“
Come back?
I’m not leaving.”

“
What do you mean you’re not leaving?”

The doorbell rang. I scurried down the hallway and peeked. “Tammy, your boy toys have arrived.”

She tinkerbelled down the hall and opened the door. “Come on in, boys. Put my things upstairs. Oh-Donna, which room is mine?”

Perry said, “I dib the one with the most windows. I need cross-ventilation.”

I said, “No. This is
my
house. You have homes. Why do you think you’re welcome here?”

Perry looked like a whipped puppy dog. Tammy’s lower lip quivered. I couldn’t believe these two.

Tammy said, “We came to take care of you, honey.”

Oh my goodness, I think she means it. No, don’t let your guard down, Donna. They were up to something. What the heck, I’d play along.

“
Perry, you can have the front bedroom, it has windows on two walls. Tammy, take the center one.”

Arnold and Ziad toted a big trunk up the oak stairs. There was a loud bang on my front door. Scratching. Crying. I jumped. Tammy grabbed onto me. Perry tiptoed to the door.

Chapter Eighteen

M
y brother opened the door. Scooby Doo-ette trotted in.

I said, “No! Get her outa here.” The thunder cracked.

The Great Dane shook raindrops all over us. Tammy laughed and rubbed her under the chin. “Oh-Donna, you can’t make her go out in this storm. Just look at this pitiful face.”

Perry said, “Put her in the basement.”

“
No, I can’t do that. I have a renter. My roommate has the whole basement to herself.”

Perry said, “Ah ha! So that’s how you do it.”

“
Do what?”

“
Afford this nice big house on your little income.”

“
My little income? You’re always acting like I’m a gazillionaire.”

“
Well, you are.”

“
And just how did you ever reach that verdict, Judge Perry?”

“
Easy. Chloe and Dad never mentioned helping you out with
anything
.”

“
You make no sense, Perry.”

“
So you must have a trust fund.”

Tammy’s eyes bulged. Her little pert mouth dropped open.

I laughed. “Yeah, right. Momma and Daddy opened a trust fund for me. They just forgot to give me the account number.”

He said, “Stop playing dumb, Oh-Donna. I know who your real father was.”

He knew before I did? He knew about Mike Taurus? Momma, that wasn’t nice.

Perry said, “Frank Sinatra
.
”

I giggled. “You’ve been listening to too many of Daddy’s stories.”

Tammy said, “I thought you were Sammy Davis Junior’s kid.”

“
I most certainly am not Sammy’s offspring. Or else I’d look like you, Tammy.”

“
Sammy Davis Junior is my father?”

Perry cracked up. “No, dummy. Dad probably is. Was. I mean that’s why they adopted you. Oh-Donna means she’d be a mulatto like you. Your mother must’ve been African American.”

“
Mommy Kay,” Tammy said quietly. She appeared pensive.

“
I have no trust fund, I have no rich and famous father, I worked hard for every penny I’ve ever received. Get over yourselves.”

Perry said, “Well, then it wasn’t very nice that Dad didn’t include you in the will.”

“
You actually sound concerned. How brotherly.” I glared at him. “By the way, Mr. Meddlestein said your will is invalid. Daddy wrote a new one last fall. September, I think… When is yours dated?”

Perry sat up. “What new will? What does it say?”

“
Daddy left everything to his lawfully wedded wife Chloe. Put that on your pulpit and gavel it.”

Tammy said, “I knew it.” She cried.

Perry said, “Not so fast, Tammy. We can contest the will. Chloe’s nowhere to be found. She probably dropped dead somewhere. Plus she’s insane. We’ve got plenty of grounds to fight it.”

“
Momma is not insane! And if I get my lawyer to subpoena her records from Saint Christopher’s, where you so wrongly sent her,” my eyes shot thunderbolts at Perry, “I’m sure they’ll show she is a fully functioning upstanding citizen.” I couldn’t help standing up for Chloe, even though she’d denounced me. Old habits died hard.

Tammy boo-hooed. She was a pitiful little quivering beauty.

I said, “Oh would you look at Tammy. You are even gorgeous when you cry and sling snot.”

She said, “Stop it, Oh-Donna. Why are you always putting my looks down? You can’t be jealous.”

“
Damn right I am.”

“
Really?” She stopped crying.

“
Duh.”

“
But look at you, with the porcelain skin, naturally curly blonde hair, powder blue eyes, ass like J-Lo…”

Perry said, “Oh-Donna, if you’d get some clothes that fit and make an effort with your makeup…”

Ziad and Arnold came down my stairs, two at a time. Muscle poetry in motion. Ziad said, “You are beautiful, Miss Donna. I like your clothes just the way they are.”

I glanced at my green sweat pants, stained with yellow paint splatters, and an old white T-shirt.

Arnold added, “The beauty runs in your family. Your mother must be a princess.”

Tammy said, “Whatever. Thanks, guys, I owe ya for the move. I’ll buy ya dinner next week, ’kay?”

Ziad shook his head negatively. Arnold said, “No, but we’d be happy to take you to dinner, if your sister might join us?”

My eyes grew big. Was Arnold asking me out? I ran my fingers through my hair.

Perry said, “Hey, what’s your roommate look like? Let’s make it a triple date.”

The doorbell “Aura Lee”-ed. Thank goodness. I peeked through the hole and then opened it.

The locksmith said, “Sorry, I couldn’t get here sooner. The dispatcher said there was a complaint on the locks I switched out?”

I said, “Oh no. Why’d she say that? I didn’t complain. I was wondering if you’d turn my French doors around, so the hinges are on the inside.”

“
Show me.”

We walked back to the kitchen. I passed the musclemen and told them, “No thanks, I have much too many things to do. But thank you for the nice offer.”

I showed the locksmith what I wanted done.

He said, “That’s gotta be against the building code. How the Hell—oh excuse me, ma’am—I don’t know how this passed inspection for final occupancy. Yeah, hon, I’ll change it out for ya.” He removed a screwdriver from his tool pouch and pried the hinge pins out.

“
Aura Lee” resonated through the townhouse. I said, “Excuse me, please.”

The locksmith nodded.

Tammy was holding the front door open, waving to her boy toys. Doc Goldfarb, Mr. and Mrs. Meddlestein and retired Metropolitan DC Police Chief Bubba Wrigley were stepping into my foyer. I motioned them into the living room. “Here, Mr. Meddlestein, you take the recliner. I thought they were keeping you in the hospital overnight?”

“
My insurance wouldn’t cover it.” He sat down.

His wife perched at the end of my couch, nearest the recliner. Chief Bubba Wrigley remained standing. Tammy and I sat on the couch with Gloria Meddlestein and the doctor. Perry plopped down in the corner, on my computer chair.

Roddy Meddlestein raised his right hand and began orating as if he conducted a symphony. “Corn cockle and ricin poisoning. Dick Fiddler tried to murder me. The man was all messed up in his head. Something about voices telling him to murder people. He wanted to stop the killing but the voices wouldn’t leave him alone.”

Gloria Meddlestein said, “Can you believe the heinous sickness of that beast? Breaking bread with a guest—
poisoned bread
. Donna, I hope you never go out with his type again. Who knows what he would do to a sweet innocent girl—”

I said, “I never dated him! Never!”

Perry said, “I dated his ex-wife. But she never gave me food.”

Mr. Meddlestein said, “Sorry, Judge, but she was just using you to get your antique money.”

Tammy asked, “So did they catch him then?”

Chief Bubba said, “Not last I heard.”

I could see the puzzle pieces again. They were tumbling into place. I said, “I’ll bet Officer Dick torched Little Mount Vernon.”

Tammy said, “Yeah!”

Bubba asked, “What motive?”

I said, “Tammy, did your boys empty out the attic over the carport?”

“
Eww, no. I didn’t want moldy spidery junk.”