THE IMMIGRANT (6 page)

‘Lucknow has a small town mentality. Segregation was the norm. Dating was not possible; people would see, talk, the girl’s reputation would get spoilt. Of course everything was done, but not out in the open.’

‘So, is she still your friend?’

‘Some years ago she had an arranged marriage.’

Gary took a moment to contemplate this tragedy of Indian life. ‘Is that why you are so sad all the time?’ he finally asked.

Had Gary forgotten the death of his parents that even now weighed his heart down with a mountain of stones? Was the absence of some ephemeral girlfriend easier for him to understand?

Yet he desperately wanted to be the kind of person Gary could connect to. His only experience with a girl had concerned not the unavailable Priyanka, but Nandita, bespectacled, plump, dark, with long black hair and a snub nose. Nandita from Kanpur, who had flattered him with her interest, but who had only one thing on her mind, even snuggling up to him in a taxi after suggestively taking her glasses off. He was slow to respond to her demands. Later he heard that she had cast aspersions on his manliness. He had never hated anyone as he hated Nandita.

Three months after Ananda had moved into the Geller home Gary acquired a girlfriend who was training to be a nurse. She had an unattached flatmate, and thus Ananda found himself fixed up with Sue, uninhibited and willing to like him. ‘I love the colour of your skin,’ was one of her early statements. ‘We lie in the sun for hours to get a tan like that.’

This remark grated on Ananda, because he knew that even in liberal Canada an artificial tan was considered superior to natural brown. And if she really did like his colour he didn’t want to reveal that all his life he had been considered too dark. Instead he reciprocated by telling her that in India, her skin would be loved.

It was so pale, in places you could trace the green lines of her veins beneath the surface. Her eyes were big and blue, the eyelashes blond fringes, the eyebrows almost invisible arches. Fascinating gold patches glistened in her hair.

Sue smiled and reached for his hand. They had just parked and were walking to a downtown film hall behind Kim and Gary, who were also holding hands. Kim’s long white legs ended in wedges. Her skirt was short, her blouse fitting. Both girls were unself-conscious about their bodies, even with so much uncovered. He admired that ease.

Ananda’s background, his tragic history, his Lucknow medical college, the stories he told of India, all made him a romantic figure. A few more dates and Sue wanted to carry their intimacy further. Gary continually asked whether they had done it yet. Anxiety and desire grew in similar proportions.

A few weekends later Sue invited him to a Kim-less apartment. She took the initiative, kissing him, unbuttoning his shirt, zipping open his pants, while his hands and tongue followed where they were led. He climaxed before he reached the desired goal, then threw himself face down between her legs, so that hopefully she wouldn’t hold it against him.

Later Sue asked, ‘Was I your first?’

Yes, she was.

Sue giggled, mused and melted at this. Half an hour later she wanted to do it again. The result was no better.

Next time he took her to his own room. She admired the gay bedspread from Five Seas, the cosy light the papier-mâché lamp threw on the bed, the fluted wine glasses he set out for their drinks, the sitar music he played on his little two-in-one. When he could no longer linger over foreplay, he breathed deeply and desperately, tried for entry, but again to no avail.

Sue, it turned out, felt the need for discussion.

‘Maybe you have issues around sex. Here it’s no big deal, but in your culture it must be different. Deep down perhaps you are not comfortable?’

‘Not at all. I am very broadminded.’

‘Well, that’s always one possibility. On the other hand you could have a problem. Just temporarily, you know. Some men do, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.’

The relationship cooled; a few more encounters and it turned quite cold. The tactful ceasing of Gary’s questions led him to believe that knowledge of his failure had spread. He abhorred the experience of Western women, which gave them the ability to compare.

It became worse when Gary started going out with Sue. Sue the voracious. She reminded him of Nandita.

‘What about Kim?’ he questioned.

‘We weren’t making it man, Sue is more my type.’

‘But still her friend and all?’

‘Hey, man, nobody owns anybody.’

‘Is that Kim’s view?’

‘Why don’t you ask her if you are so concerned?’ snapped Gary. ‘Besides she’ll find someone else, plenty of fish in the sea.’

The sea could be crawling with fish, but to meet the one his friend was now dating was going to embarrass him terribly.

Gary made no further attempt to fix up dates for Ananda. ‘There are always solutions to problems, man,’ he said invitingly, but Ananda chose not to get into this discussion. Gary was his dearest friend, but how could he explain a difficulty he barely understood? There was a lack of inhibition in the women he met that excited and alarmed him. He had to match up in some unknown way. After his encounter with Sue he went over his performance in minute detail. Where had he gone wrong? He had so longed to abandon himself in her arms—Sue, who stood for the whole race, who was the book of knowledge.

As he tried to figure out his feelings in the dark watches of the night, he wondered whether his inability to love a white woman meant he had never really left India. Perhaps he was still clinging to his parents, still unable to come to terms with their deaths, still faithful to the notions of purity they had instilled in him. In his more despairing moments he liked to imagine he was indelibly marked by a tragedy that had imperceptibly seeped into his blood, bones and muscle. He who had never failed at anything was now failing in this most fundamental act, an act which even the poorest, meanest, most deprived peasant in India performed with ease.

In his less despondent moments he dismissed these thoughts as trivial rubbish. The fact that his penis seemed to have its own notions made him a little vulnerable, that was all.

The few Indian girls he met in Halifax did not attract him. He was too suspicious of the strings he saw around them. They might be looking for marriage, they might regard any physical contact as commitment, they might get their parents to contact his uncle.

And then too Indian women meant he could never escape his country. His uncle might remember on occasion that he was Indian, Nancy might enjoy playing the native, but for him the basement of the Equador Hotel on Diwali and Holi only evoked the shadows of home without its beauty. He hadn’t travelled so far for that.

For a while he was edgy around Gary, wary of Sue’s presence and judgement. But Sue met him with her usual friendliness and Ananda was forced to behave as she did. Gary continued to be his natural self, and gradually the trust that had been severely shaken was reaffirmed. Such a friend was worth crossing the seven seas for.

Meanwhile Ananda threw himself into his work. He had done well in the first part of his DDS, he was soon appearing for the clinical evaluation. His skill in passing exams stood him in good stead.

Finally he was a qualified Canadian dentist. Dr Cameron offered him a junior partnership. He was getting old, his back hurt, his eyes were giving him trouble. It was time to semi-retire. Ananda was delighted to prove that he was not the menial he had seemed the previous summer. All those people for whom he had made impressions, mixed silver, filled glasses of water, now all those people were going to see him in his true avatar.

When his uncle posed the big question—did Ananda want to specialise?—the nephew replied that he could not afford to. Gary however was going to become a paediatric dental surgeon. After that the two friends were thinking of a practice together. Yes, professionally things were going smoothly, congratulated Dr Sharma. Now for his personal life. ‘Beta, here one is alone. You need a companion. Unfortunately these things are not arranged as they are in India, otherwise—’

The boy blushed, ‘Uncle, please, there is no need. First I want to repay my debts.’

Didn’t Ananda know that in Canada a wife was willing to support you while you established yourself? Women did demand—some of them—equality, but in turn they also shouldered considerable responsibilities. The boy was good-looking, with sharp features, dimples, smooth skin brownish red in colour, bright intelligent eyes behind black rimmed glasses. Was he gay? Gary?

‘Does your friend have a girlfriend?’

‘Lots.’

You too could have lots, cried the uncle’s heart, you are such a good boy. Any woman would be lucky to have you—steady, faithful, reliable, earning well.

But he had to let him be. His wife was never tired of pointing out that he was obsessed with his nephew. He wasn’t, but he had a special empathy for young Indian immigrants, facing his own initial difficulties.

Ananda fixed his eyes on the grass outside the ceiling window, picked his lips with his fingers, tapped his foot against the floor and withdrew into his shell. After a few minutes the uncle left, leaving Ananda free to throw himself face down on the bed. He could smell his uncle’s cologne and it made him furious. What he did with his emotional life was his business. They were not in India. In the guise of discussing his future he could not come and say anything he liked.

To himself he could admit how desperately he wanted a girl to love. His experience with Sue had been traumatic, but maybe another? In this country nothing was awarded the faint-hearted.

There was little variation in the next two years of Ananda’s life. He worked at Dr Cameron’s and saved money. He did not move out of his bedsit, and he did not take a holiday. Gary accused him of penny-pinching—but that was Gary not understanding his ways. Though another loan was unavoidable, he wanted it to be as low as possible. Gary and the nation could go on paying interest on borrowed money, but he saw no necessity to follow suit.

Gradually Ananda lost Gary to Sue. Occasionally he joined them, but he was hesitant about being an awkward third, the bone in the kebab, the fly on the wall of their love. He envied his friend the security of his relationship. Sue was territory he had explored but had not been able to possess. She had been willing but an essential part of him remained hiding in his pants, shy, insecure and frightened. Now she and his friend had found each other and day and night they bloomed.

Gary and he talked of partnership, of loans, rentals, offices, practices, equipment, types of insurance and hiring staff, but when it came to anything intimate, he fell silent. Unlike Gary’s, his personal life was confined to the same, monotonous, never varying place.

Many girls were attracted to him, but he could keep nothing going beyond a few dates. Still, he was hopeful. With an understanding partner, sexual prowess could improve. He dropped all those who suggested doctors, they were trying to undermine his confidence. How could there be anything wrong with him when he wanted sex so much? And which doctor did these stupid women think he could go to? He belonged to the medical fraternity, and he knew no sex therapist existed in Halifax.

Two years later Gary emerged a fully fledged specialist. By now Ananda had gained experience and popularity at Dr Cameron’s. Being Indian turned out to be his USP. Arranged marriages, elephants, tigers, tree houses, there was no end to his patients’ curiosity or misconceptions. There they were, pinned to their chairs by their open mouths, happy to listen to him, willing to be distracted, eager to be enlightened. Dr Cameron was very sorry to see him go.

Gary and Ananda bought a house on the corner of Durant and Leslie Streets. By himself Ananda would not have dared to venture into a future tied up in mortgage payments, but with the security of Gary by his side, he felt bold and Canadian.

Ananda loved the house. It was double storied with brown wooden shingles. Twin hydrangea bushes flowered on either side of the steps, and on the front lawn was a Japanese maple with maroon leaves.

The pair hired an architect to help them convert the ground floor into a dental clinic comprising three offices, a reception with picture windows and a tiny kitchen. A ramp was built for wheelchairs. Upstairs was transformed into a self-contained residential unit that the zoning laws demanded. It had hardwood floors, a fireplace, a tree brushing against the back window and large rooms; a place to die for. Gary fixed the rent, and decided that he would be the one to stay there—if his partner didn’t mind. For, he explained, things were getting serious with Sue, and he needed a proper place. Of course, said Ananda, of course Gary must take the apartment.

Nothing further was said. Both saw it fit that Gary should retain the privileges his birth and country gave him. Later Gary would get the slightly larger office with the slightly better view.

Many of the repairs Gary intended they carry out themselves.

‘I am not a carpenter,’ complained Ananda as they drove towards Canadian Tire.

‘You’ll learn on the job, that’s what we all do. As it is, the plumbing will cost a bomb.’

They sawed, they fixed, they painted. Dr Geller senior helped, as did all their friends. The chumminess reminded Ananda of his friends at King Edward Medical College. How many of them, he wondered, had built their own shelters in a strange land? Truly an immigrant had to be skilled in many things.

Despite Ananda’s two years of saving, his debts became oppressive. A friend of Dr Geller senior sold them his practice for twenty five thousand dollars. That was twelve thousand five hundred his share, plus ten thousand on filling materials, five thousand each on new dental chairs, six thousand on new X-ray machines. Then there was malpractice insurance, liability insurance and the insurance for the equipment and office contents. In frightened moments he added his dental school loans that he was paying off at the rate of ten percent interest. Gary laughed at his fears and told him to be a man. In a few years he promised they would be earning so much he wouldn’t even notice his payments.

There was much comfort in the fact that he and Gary were a team, consisting of two dentists (themselves), one hygienist and one receptionist cum secretary. If only his parents could see him now. A respected member of society, with a Canadian as partner and best friend. A man of substance in the new world.