The Impossible Search for the Perfect Man (9 page)

When I come round, I’m slumped on the
ground with a most concerned Marcus on his knees beside me.  Apparently
Sylvie’s gone to get me a glass of water.

I’ve been out for several minutes,
Marcus tells me, looking most anxious.

‘I’m fine,’ I try to smile reassuringly
at him,
then
at Agnes, who’s materialised beside him.
 
Though actually I do feel a little odd.
 ‘I
just had a little bit of a shock.’

And then I remember.  
Karina
...
 Oh bollocks. Not a little shock, at all.  My mind obviously just
decided it couldn’t cope and zoned out.

Five minutes later, though wobbly, I’m
back on my feet and Agnes and Marcus between them lead me to a cushioned bench
in a quiet corner of the garden.  Mercifully Sylvie doesn’t find us. 
I’ve no wish to explain what her daughter’s been up to.

‘I’m going to get you some tea.’ 
Marcus strides off, leaving me with Agnes.
  How does he
know that bizarrely, that at this party with free-flowing champagne, all I want
is a hot cup of
tea.

‘It’s her, Agnes,’ I tell her urgently,
when he’s gone.  ‘The Karina Arian’s having an affair with.  I know
it is...’

I try to stand up again, but my legs are
feeling shaky.  All I want is to go home.

‘Sit down Louisa,’ says Agnes, calmly as
ever.  ‘You’ve had quite a shock. But how can you be sure it’s the same
Karina?’

She has a point, but nevertheless I’m
absolutely certain it is. It’s an unusual name, ‘Karina’.  And she’s
pregnant.  And just moved back home.  And she didn’t exactly look
like a radiant mother-to-be, as though something wasn’t quite right and I’d
convinced myself that it was simply a matter of time before she saw Arian for
the selfish tosser that he is.  I know I’m right.

Agnes waits with me until Marcus comes
back carrying a bone china mug, then she goes off to find Beamish.  Marcus
sits down, close enough that I can feel the warmth of him against me.

‘To my rescue for the second time
today...’ I joke feebly, still a little shaky.

‘Are you sure you’re alright?  Only
for a moment there, you had me worried,’ he says looking anxious still.
 No hint of cockiness or arrogance.  
Just kind
concern.
 

‘I’m fine.  I just had a shock.’ I
sip my tea, which is strong and sweet, feeling calmer and less light-headed.
 ‘I mean, you don’t expect to meet the woman you’re
husband’s
left you for, not at a party…’

Marcus stares at me, trying to work out
whether I’m joking.

‘She’s called Karina,’ I explain. 
‘His bit on the side is, I mean.’

‘You know,’ he frowns.  ‘It’s
possible it’s not the same one.’

I give him a look.  Honestly. 
Men have absolutely no sixth sense where such things are concerned.  Can’t
he just see that I
know
she
is
?

‘Okay,’ he says soothingly.  ‘So
let’s say you’re right.  Now what?  Would you like me to give you a
lift home?’

It’s tempting.  Collapsing into my
warm, comfortable bed seems very appealing at this moment, but hold on just a
cotton-picking moment.  I’ve been looking forward to this party for too
long.

I decide that I’m not letting anyone
ruin this evening.  That I can handle this little
inconvenience
and
that ‘Karina’ might live here but as it happens, I’m still a guest.

‘You know what?  I’m going to stay,
Marcus.  I’m fine now.’  Marcus is looking a bit unsure as I get up.
 ‘Come on,’ I add with more certainty.  ‘Let’s go and join the
party.’

Marcus glues himself to my side as we
circulate.  Not entirely relaxed, as we take care to avoid Karina.
 At one point, Sylvie sees me and immediately comes to check that I’ve
recovered.

‘I’m fine,’ I say, losing count of how
many times I’ve said that. 

‘Really.
 I think she was just a little, erm, overcome...’ adds Marcus.

Nice choice of words Marcus. Now she
just thinks I’m a pisshead.

‘Well, as long as you’re sure... I don’t
know where Karina’s gone, but I’ll try and find her…’ 

‘Don’t worry now - we’ll look out for
her,’ says Marcus. 

Sylvie looks doubtfully from me to
Marcus, who gives her a reassuring nod and then disappears into the multitude
of dazzling guests again.

I have quite a good time after that.
 Marcus and I dance for a bit,
then
he takes my
hand and leads me off the dance floor.  I’m feeling odd again, but not at
all like earlier when I fainted.  No.  This time it’s more like a
lovely warm, floaty feeling, from my heart pounding a little faster
 Somehow my hand ends up in Marcus’s and we walk across the garden, which
in the darkness has an ambiance of pure romance.

There’s a silence between us, but for
once it’s comfortable rather than awkward.  I’m just about to tell Marcus
that actually, in spite of what went on
earlier,
I’m
having a lovely evening, when out of the corner of my eye, among the hundreds
of people that are here, I spot Karina again.  
The
opposite side of the garden this time, over by the bar.
 She’s
definitely looking unhappy.  And she’s talking to someone I can’t quite
see because his back is towards us.  But then he turns and his face is
caught in the uplighting, so that I can make out his profile, perfectly
silhouetted against the house.  Unfortunately it’s one I know well and for
the second time this evening,
a dizziness
comes over
me.

It’s Arian.

At that point, I grasp Marcus’ hand and
march him agitatedly in the opposite direction.  I’m sure he must be
thinking I’ve gone mad.

‘I have to go home,’ I tell him, more
than a hint of desperation in my voice.  There are limits after all, and
I’m really not ready to confront my ex-husband and his squeeze, particularly in
front of all my work colleagues and an entire party of hundreds of posh guests.
Gosh, wouldn’t that give them all something to talk about.

Ooh, see that girl over there, the one
that got pissed and fainted? She’s only gone and given Sylvie’s daughter a
piece of her mind, and at Sylvie’s party too…I ask you…You’ll never guess what,
but she says she used to be married to Sylvie’s daughter’s boyfriend…I think
she’s a bit mad, or maybe it’s the champagne, you know, gives some people
delusions…can’t think why Sylvie invited her…

I don’t think so.  On this
occasion, I would utterly prefer not to be the topic of people’s gossip, and it
would most definitely be more dignified to slink home quietly, unnoticed.

‘Louisa?  Louisa?  Are you
okay?’ Marcus is sounding worried again.

No, I’m not okay at all.

‘Can you tell Emma for me?’

‘Look, I’ll text her.  I’ll drive
you. You look terrible.’

It’s not what I want to hear.  But
he’s probably referring to the ashen whiteness that I can feel stealing over my
face.  For once, I don’t fob him off.  I’m actually very glad to
allow him to propel me in the direction of the Land Cruiser, where I sit quietly
while he drives me home.  It turns out he’s hardly had a thing to
drink.  Mostly my fault, I suppose, because he’s spent most of the evening
babysitting me. 

‘So, Cinderella,’ says Marcus, once
we’re away from Sylvie’s.  ‘What
was
all that about?’

I sigh. Having dragged him away like
that, the least I owe him is an explanation.

‘It was my ex. 
Definitely.
 
With Karina.’

‘Ah.’ 

‘And don’t ask me if I’m sure,’ I snap
rattily at him.
‘Because I am.
 I could hardly
mistake him could I?  We were married for five years.’

‘Hey Lou.
 It’s okay, I believe you.’ He says calmingly, as if to one of the horses
that he’s about to stick a big needle into.

We drive the rest of the way in silence.

Marcus comes inside with me and I make
us tea.  Not really a night bird, Elmer staggers out of bed to greet us
and then collapses snoring on my feet.  

‘I’m so sorry I ruined your evening,’ I
say guiltily to Marcus, as we sit down on my sofa.  

‘You haven’t,’ he says firmly. 
‘And anyway, these things happen.  You’re getting over your marriage
breaking up.  It’s hardly an easy time for you.’  

‘But I’m fine,’ I wail pathetically.
 ‘At least I thought I was.  I definitely don’t want Arian back.
 I don’t know why I feel like this,’ and then once I start, the tears
won’t stop.

I don’t know how much later it is when
Marcus hands me a neatly ironed handkerchief.  ‘Here.’

I blow my snotty nose and wipe my eyes,
and look at him.  He takes the handkerchief from me and gently wipes under
my eyes, where no doubt my redistributed mascara has made me look as if I’m
impersonating a panda. 
Then gives it back.

‘Look,’ he says gently. ‘I know you
think you’re
fine
, as you keep saying. But it takes a little longer than
a few weeks to get such a huge betrayal out of your system. One thing I do know
though,
is that next time you see either of them, the
shock will be less. The first time was always going to be the worst. Louisa,
you really will be fine, you know.’

I’ve never heard a man say anything like
that before.
And so masterfully…
I’m flabbergasted. 
How does he know all that stuff?  I look at him quizzically.

‘Did something like this happen to you?’

He laughs. 
Sort
of.
  
‘Kind of.
 But we were
never married, thank God.  My girlfriend shacked up with the bloke I
thought was my best friend - after we’d been living together for three years.
 I’d been about to ask her to marry me.  I’d even bought the
ring.’  He laughs again, more hollowly.

‘Oh.’ I’m shocked.  That’s almost
as bad as what’s happened to me.  I’m nosy too, and then I realise. 
‘So that’s why you came to work with us.’

‘I’m afraid it is.  I needed a
change of scene.  Laura and I worked together. I didn’t have much choice
in the matter.  I couldn’t see the point in giving myself a daily reminder
that she preferred my mate to me.’

I put my hand on his arm. 
Poor Marcus.
  I know exactly how that one feels.

‘Anyway,’ he continues.  ‘It was
months ago, and I really am okay now.  
Fine, in fact, to
use your favourite word.
 But I’m also tired.’  Looking at the
simple, heavy watch he wears, he yawns.  I like the watch.  It’s
classy.  Far more tasteful than the mobile phone type contraption that
Arian used to strap on his wrist.

I look at my clock and realise we’ve
been talking for ages. It’s nearly three o’clock in the morning.

He gets to his feet and I walk with him
to the door.  Just before he leaves, he turns and looks at me, before
kissing me on the cheek, taking me completely by surprise.  He lingers
slightly, as if wondering whether to do it again -then obviously thinks better
of it and walks away.

I wake up late the next morning. My
bedroom is bright with sunlight and my watch says ten thirty. I’m about to leap
up when I realise that actually, it’s Sunday and I don’t have to.  So I
lie there for a bit, and go over the events of last night.

So Karina is Sylvie’s daughter!
 What were the chances of that? Marcus is right though.  Even today,
the thought is less upsetting.  
And Arian was there too
.  It
was the last thing I’d been prepared for, though the shock has worn off and I’m
okay with it.  At least, I think I am.

Then I remember Marcus again and how
nice he was to me.
And the kiss goodnight.
Okay. 
I have to admit it.  
Louisa Mulholland, you made a mistake. Marcus is
not the arrogant womaniser you had him down as at all.
 
He’s really
nice.
 

Eventually I get up and go to see Horace
whose foot needs rebandaging, so I sort him out first and then Elmer and I go
for a lovely relaxing walk by the river, the sun beating down on us. Well, it’s
relaxing until we pass a scruffy-looking teenage boy loitering along in the
opposite direction, with a rather mothy looking dog in a bling-encrusted
collar.  At that precise moment, Elmer goes into
savage-attack-trained-pit-bull mode, nearly pulling me over in the process. She
can really be a pain in the arse.

The boy glares at me malevolently.

‘Oy Mrs, you ortta train that effing dog
a yours
...’ he shouts aggressively at me, as he
reassures his trembling mutt.
Cheeky bugger.

‘Sorry,’ I yell back, knowing it was all
Elmer’s fault and dragging my vile dog away, before she does anything else.

When I get home, Emma’s there, talking
to Horace. We have
loads
to gossip about. It’ll take us hours to get
through everything.

I lock a disgraced Elmer up in solitary
confinement.  Then we sit outside in the warm sun with cold drinks, and
Emma tells me everything that happened with Ben.  It doesn’t take much to
work out that this girl is
in lurve...
Apparently they drank champagne
and danced until sunrise, and then he came home with her… Wow.  Did he?
 
Sleepover?
 I mean did they...  Emma’s
smiling like the Cheshire
Cat
from Alice in
Wonderland.

‘Oh Lou, it was just amazing!
Incredible!  He is the sexiest guy…’  

Oh.  Well.  Of course I’m happy
for her, but it’s too much information for me today.  
Especially
after last night.

I tell her that I too had a memorable
evening and that I almost met Karina and collapsed in an undignified heap on
the grass in a dead faint, and then, after I’d seen Arian was there, Marcus
took me home.  But he didn’t stay, I say pointedly.  He went home.
 Her smile vanishes.

‘Karina?  Not Arian’s Karina? 
What was she doing there?’ she says incredulously. ‘I’m so sorry I abandoned
you… What a nightmare.’

‘It’s
okay,’ I assure her.  ‘Marcus was with me all evening, actually.  He
was great.’ Emma does a double take.  She’s used to me
slagging
him off, not singing his praises.

‘You,’ she says, ‘and Marcus...’ and a
grin slowly spreads across her face.

‘It’s not like that,’ I say
crossly.  ‘Focus, Emma. I’d just been told that the tart my ex-husband is
shagging is to be my new best friend.  By the way, I forgot to tell you
this bit, Karina just happens to be Sylvie’s daughter...’

That shuts her up.  I tell her how
Marcus took me home.  I omit to tell her about him kissing me. 

‘I’ve arranged to meet Ben in the pub
tonight.  Do you fancy coming along too?’ Emma says to me.

I think about it and how I’d quite like
to see Marcus, who’s usually there on a Sunday evening.

‘Okay,’ I say, in spite of feeling
exhausted. ‘I’ll be there.’

It turns out that for once, Marcus
isn’t.  He’s on call.  
Of course.
 I
think I knew that.  Emma and Ben are like two lovebirds, so I quickly down
my drink and leave them to it. There’s a Land Cruiser pulling away from my
cottage as I round the last bend in the lane.  Ah ha, I know who that is.
 I wave at it.

It stops for a moment and reverses back.
 Marcus gets out.

‘It’s the first time my phone’s stopped
ringing, so I thought I’d drop in and see how you were.’   

Goodness.  This is rare. 
Once word gets out that it’s Marcus on call, that’s usually a cue
for all the girly clients who fancy him to start inventing urgent problems that
he simply must come and attend to immediately.
 But then, I contemplate
delightedly, he had a brief lull
and he’s come over here to see me.

‘Quite an evening, wasn’t it?’ he says,
ruefully.  ‘How are you today anyway?’

I decide I’ve been overusing the word
‘fine’.  ‘Good, thank you.’

Marcus raises his eyebrows at me.

‘I think it really was just the shock
last night,’ I say. ‘And thank you again, for rescuing me twice in one day.’

‘My pleasure, madame,’ he replies
half-jokingly.

‘So, don’t you have endless pretty girls
and their horses to attend to?’

He laughs at me.
‘Trying
to get rid of me again, Louisa?’

Oh. No. So he’s noticed.  I really
wasn’t, actually.  Not this time.  He sees my discomfiture.

‘No. It’s all quiet. There’s some
football match on. It’s surprising how non-urgent some cases can suddenly
become, you know. It happens when Wimbledon’s on too, especially the men’s
finals.’

‘I’ve just been to the pub with Emma,’ I
say.

‘Back early, aren’t you?’ says Marcus.

‘Well, Ben was there and it was all a
little bit cosy.’ I explain.  ‘You
know,
two’s
company and all that.’

He nods.  I don’t add that I’d
hoped to see him there too.

Then his mobile goes off.  He has
to go.  Somewhere, there’s an equine that needs him.

‘See you at work Lou,’ he says.  I
get another kiss on the cheek as he leaves.

A little later, Leonie calls me, and
tells me that Pete’s started something called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

‘At least he’s agreeing to go, but he’s
got weeks of it ahead of him,’ she tells me. ‘I was half expecting him to back
out after the first session, but he says he’s going to give it a proper try.’

Then she pauses.  ‘And it’s really
weird Lou. Only a few weeks ago, he could barely bring himself to look at me,
let alone speak to me, but now
he’s forever wanting
sex…’  She sighs.

What with Emma and Ben, Leo and Pete,
Arian and Karina, it seems they’re all at it, like rabbits. 
Just not me.

It’s
great news, I tell her, that Pete is slowly on the up and I’m really, really
pleased.  And I’m sure she’ll cope with the sex bit, even though I agree
with her that three times a
day  does
sound
rather excessive.

‘But take it from one who knows,’ I tell
her.  ‘Too much is better than none at all.’

Then I tell her about the events of last
night. I can almost hear her jaw hit the floor at the other end of the phone.

‘Lou!’ she says, quite shocked.  
‘How dreadful for you!
What did you say to him?’

I tell her I didn’t, seeing as it wasn’t
the place and how  I’d been somewhat shocked to find him and his slapper
at Sylvie’s, of all places, when he’s always been positively scathing about
anything horsy.

‘Marcus took me home,’ I tell her.
 ‘I just couldn’t face them.’

‘I don’t blame you,’ she replies
sympathetically.  ‘Poor you...’

Then she adds, ‘Pete had to go in to work,
to see his manager, and while he was there, he bumped into Arian too.  I
wasn’t going to tell you Lou, seeing as you’re just getting yourself together
again.  But it seems all is not rosy with him and Karina.  By the
way, Pete told him he was an arsehole.  I thought you’d like to know that
bit, at least.’

I make a mental note to thank Pete, but
I’m wondering - if Arian’s thrown his marriage away for some short-lived fling,
which only weeks on, is going up in smoke too?  What an idiot.  I
can’t manage to feel the tiniest bit sorry for him.  I’m not even
clutching at the hope that he’ll come back to me.  Because one thing has
just become even more abundantly clear than before.

I really do
not
want him back.