The Ivy Lessons (34 page)

‘Very admirable,’ says Dad, taking a swig of red wine.

By the end of the meal, I feel Dad has – if not thawed completely – grown a little warmer towards Marc.

‘Sophia – I have to leave,’ says Marc. ‘I have a meeting booked with my PR team.’

I feel my stomach tighten as I think what that meeting might be about.
‘Okay.’

‘Would you like me to take you back to college?’ Marc asks. ‘Or would you like more time with your family?’

‘I should head
back,’ I say. ‘I have a singing class
this afternoon, and I’d rather not miss it.’ I tur
n to Dad. ‘I’ll come back next
weekend, okay?’

I hurry upstairs to kiss a sleeping Samuel, and when I come back downstairs, Marc and my dad are shaking hands again.

‘
Perhaps you can come again some
time,’ Dad is saying. ‘And we’ll have a proper drink. None of this wine nonsense.’

‘I’d be delighted to,’ says Marc.

We head outside, into the chilly autumn afternoon. There are orange and brown leaves all around.

Marc sees the photographer before I do. I only see a bright white flash, and feel Marc pull me to him, throwing his coat around my face.

He bundles me into the car, and I watch through the tinted window as Marc sprints down the c
ountry lane after a man in a denim jacket. Marc is
fast, but the photographer has a head start, and I imagine terror must be putting a spring in his step. I wouldn’t want an angry Marc
Blackwell
on my tail.

I hear the roar of a motorbike, and see Marc turn and bolt back towards the car. He’s barely out of breath as he leaps in the back.

‘A
re you okay?’
he asks me.

‘I’m fine.’

‘I don’t want to chase him in the car
.
It’s too dangerous.
’ He thumps a window with his fist. ‘Scumbags. To come to your family home. They must have followed me here.
I thought we were careful, but ...
I’m so sorry.’

‘It’s okay. It was bound to happen sooner or later.’

‘They’ve got nothing,’ says Marc. ‘They don’t know anything about why I was vi
siting. But
it forces our arm a little. It’s started. They’re not going to back off. Once they have an idea for a sto
ry, they won’t give up
.’ He turns to me. ‘I’ll call you after my PR meeting, and we’ll figu
re out what’s going to happen
.
One thing’s for certain. Things can’t carry on as they are. We have to decide whether to jump or not. And soon.
’

‘Right.’ I swallow. I feel scared. Uncertain.

‘Sophia, are you sure you really want to do this?’ Marc asks. ‘Your life will change forever. An
d you won’t be able to go
back. There’s still time to change your mind.’

I nod. ‘I do feel ... scare
d. Like I’m about to leap
off a cliff
, and I don’t know if I’m attached to a rope or not
. I don’t know how things are going to be. I don’t know if this is the right decision. But not to jump ... that doesn’t feel right either.’

Marc takes my hand. ‘I’ll take care of you,’ he says. ‘I have things in place that can protect you. I’ll make it as easy as can be, but there will still be problems. Issues. If you’re ready for that, then we can do this.’

‘I don’t know yet
,’ I say, looking out of the car window.
‘
I just don’t know.’

Chapter
7
3

In singing class, I can’t concentrate, and Denise has to call me by name a few times to make me pay attention.

‘You’re half asleep today, Ms
Rose
,’ she says, as the class filters out. ‘Anything you want to talk about?’

I sigh. ‘Yes,’ I admit. ‘So many things on my mind.’

‘Then let’s have a tea. I’ve made my own herbal brew
today
. Fancy a cup?’ She flicks the kettle on.

‘Yes please,’ I say, and she throws a handful of what looks like
dried fruit, berries and
flowers into two mugs. She pours boiling water in, and hands me mine. It’s bright pink and smells delicious – like strawberries and herbs.

‘Hibiscus flower,’ she says. ‘Good for problem solving. Now. What can I help you with today? You look like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders.’

‘I have,’ I say. ‘I’ve got the biggest decision to make.’

‘Go on.’

‘Marc and I ... we’ve got closer. More serious. And I thought I wanted to have a proper relationship. A public relationship. Like normal people
have. I knew it could never be
truly normal
, but I do
n’t want to sneak around. For everything to be hidden.’

‘Sounds perfectly reasonable,’ says Denise.

‘Marc never wanted things to be hidden, either,’ I say. ‘But he was worried about my reputation. How I’d be perceived if things got out.’

‘That’s just like Marc,’ says Denise, with a smile. ‘And I bet he doesn’t give two hoots about
his
reputation, does he?’

‘No, he doesn’t,’ I say. ‘He’s happy for us to go public. He’s talking to his PR team this afternoon about how best to do it. How to limit the damage, and not have me painted in a way
that might damage my career in future. But now it’s coming to it, I’m not sure if I’m making the right decision. Marc has warned me over and over again what might happen if our relationship gets out. And ... perhaps I’m not as ready to face all that as I thought I was.’

Denise sighs. ‘It’s a difficult situation. I feel for you. I don’t know what I’d do if I were in your shoes. What does your heart tell you?’

I take a sip of pink tea, and it tastes as delicious as it smells. ‘It tells me I want to be with Marc, no matter how that comes about. It tells me that if we’re together, we can cope with anything. And it tells me if I walk away from Marc, I ... I don’t know if I could live.’

‘You could live,’ says Denise, putting her warm, white hands over mine. ‘I assure you of that. Many young
women have walked away from who
they think is the love of th
eir life, and then find
another
love of their life a few months later.’

‘Do you think Marc and I ... do you think we stand a chance?’ I say.

Denise looks at me for a moment. Then she nods slowly. ‘A chance, yes.
U
nder the arrogance and aloofness, Marc is a good person. And I’ve never seen him fall like this for anyone before. He’s loyal. If he takes this chance with you, he’ll never let you go unless you want him to. He’ll stand by you through thick and thin.’

‘I think I know that,’ I say. ‘Sort of. I feel safe with him. Protected. I don’t feel he’d let me down. But it’s whether I can cope with things. That’s the question.’

‘And I think only you have the answer to that question,’ says Denise.

‘There’s something else, too,’ I say. ‘A photographer. He took our picture just now. Leaving my dad’s house.’

‘Right.’ Denise
takes a long sip of tea. ‘That
could be a tricky one. I’d imagine the tabloids will be falling over themselves, trying to prove a teacher student affair. It wasn’t an intimate picture, was it?’

‘No,’ I say. ‘Just the two of us leaving the house.’

‘They’ll be trying to make something of that, though,’ says Denise. ‘If you carry on seeing each other in secret, they’ll be more photos before you know it.’

We talk for an hour, but I’m no closer to coming up with an answer. I’m walking through the
college grounds, about to call
Jen
, when my phone rings
. It’s
Marc.

‘Hi,’ I say, kicking a pile of orange leaves. ‘How are you?’

‘It’s not good news Sophia.’ Trust Marc to get straight to the point. ‘The photo of us is already being auctioned to
the
newspapers. It’ll hit the stands tomorrow – probably in more than one tabloid.

‘
My PR team are struggling to see how they’re going to li
mit the damage
. They can see the tabloids having a field day, and following you for months, maybe even year
s to come. Your reputation might
be tainted
if we stay together
. If you won acting roles, it would be assumed that I’d pulled strings. I don’t know if I can let you go
through that
. Not for me.’

‘It’s not just for you,’ I whisper. ‘It’s for me too. But ... I hear what you’re saying. I know things will be hard. I need time to think, okay?’

‘Okay.’ I hear Marc breathing. ‘I wish I could be with you. I wish I could touch you. I know it’s impossible right now.’

I feel tears coming. ‘I wish I could be with you too.’

‘I can’t come into the college,’ says Marc. ‘There are photographers all around the gates. You’re safe inside – we have excellent security – but don’t leave until I tell you to.’

‘Okay.’

Chapter
7
4

I eat dinner in the meal hall that night with Tom and Tanya, and tell them about the latest twist in my situation.

‘We know,’ Tanya says. ‘We both got contacted on Facebook this afternoon by reporters asking us to sell stories.’

‘Oh no.’ I put my head in my hands.

‘I take it that means you don’t want your apple crumble,’ says Tom.

‘Take it,’ I say.

‘Isn’t that
a good thing
, though
?’ says Tom, spooning up my pudding. ‘I mean, don’t you want your relationship to be out in the open? And now it sort of forces the issue, don’t you think?’

‘Yes,’ I agree. ‘It does. It forces it one way or the other. Have a public relationship and be followed by reporte
rs for my entire time at college
. Maybe have my reputation ruined. Or walk away from Marc forever.’

‘Tough call,’ says Tanya. She looks over at Cecile and Ryan, suddenly. ‘What are you two staring at?’

They both smirk, and look back at their desserts.

‘I’m guessing reporters got in touch with them too,’ I say. ‘Oh great.’

‘It’ll all come out in the wash, love,’ says Tom. ‘Tomorrow
’
s chip wrappings, isn’t that what they say?’

‘We don’t wrap chips in newspaper anymore,’ says Tanya. ‘It’s unhygienic.’

‘Yes, yes, but you know what I mean,’ says Tom. ‘Are you really going to walk away from someone you love, because you’re scared about what the public are going to say about you? This is your life, for Christ
’s sake
. You’re the only one living it, so who cares what people say?’

‘It’s not just that, though,’ says Tanya. ‘If she’s going to be an actress, her public profile is very important. Reputations are everything in this business. If people see her in a certain light, it might be difficult for her to get work.’

‘That works the other way, too
,’ says Tom. ‘
Notorious
actors get more work
than
unknown ones
. Anyway,
I think it’ll all blow over. And S
ophia’s such an amazing actress
that when people see her perform they’re not going to care about anything they’ve read.’

‘That’s if anyone will give her a part,’ Tanya points out.

Chapter
7
5

It turns ve
ry cold that evening, and I switch
on all the radiators in my room, and light a fire in the grate, burning logs and twigs I’ve found in the woods. It makes the room feel cosy, and I get into bed and watch
the flames dancing in the darkness
.

My head hurts. There’s so much to think about, and the truth is, neither I nor anyone else know the answers. No one knows exactly how things will turn out, no matter what choice I make. There’s good and bad with either decision.

The worst of
it right now is that I can’t see Marc. And that hurts. Being without him is painful.

I watch the fire for a long time.

Around midnight,
I hear a tap on the
French
window
s
that makes me jump.
I get up and go to the balcony. On the concrete, I see a white stone clatter to a stop.
There’s another tap, and this ti
me I see a stone hit the French
window.

I go to the balcony and open the glass doors. A rush of cold air comes in, and I
shiver in my pyjamas
. The college is dark and quiet, and smells like earth and trees.

Down on the ground, I see a tall figure looking up at my window. His white face is alight in the moonlight, and his lips are red and bruised looking.