The Lady Who Lived Again (10 page)

Her eyes flew to his. “Did that help them?”

He wasn’t prepared for the question, and it took him aback. He thought of Kathy and the night she was pulled from the river.

“No.”

Maddie didn’t seem surprised, and her complacency stung.

“While craftwork helped fill the hours of confinement as I recovered, it did nothing to help me forget. I came to realize that, although I might wish to erase the past, denying the pain of what happened was not the solution.”

“It’s more harmful to dwell on the trauma,” he countered.

“Perhaps. But having lived through the experience, I can assure you that ignoring it is harmful as well. At first I tried to obliterate the memory. I tried to push out all thoughts of it. I tried desperately.”

He nodded, hating the distress in her eyes. “You were distraught.”

“I was angry.” Her sharp tone softened. “I was hurt and afraid. Confused. The emotions raged inside me like some rabid beast. Though I tried to lock it away, a thing so furious can’t be caged.”

“But over time—”

“No.” She shook her head. “It finds a way to torment, to manifest, if not in the light of your waking hours, then in the darkness of your nightmares. It will free itself somehow. And the more you try to ignore it, the more powerful it becomes. Until you face it down.”

He listened intently, more fascinated by this young woman’s words than any he’d read in the textbooks or heard in the lectures at medical school.

“How?”

“By not pretending this terrible thing never occurred. By accepting that it happened.” She lifted her chin. “I forced myself to not only recall the accident, but to memorize it.”

“Memorize it?”

She nodded. “Every horrific detail of it.”

He stared.

“Then I wrote it all down. Everything. I described the fear, the terrified faces of my friends as we clung to each other, the piercing screams.” Her voice dipped so low he barely heard her. “The crush of their bodies slamming into mine.”

He swallowed hard. “What possessed you to torture yourself that way?”

“I had to. Only by ingesting it, could I purge it. Does that make any sense?”

His thoughts whirled in his head. He’d based his treatment of Kathy on exactly the opposite. But Kathy was so fragile. So broken. So unlike Maddie, who harbored a strength beneath her delicate appearance. An instinct to fight back.

“That must have been very difficult, Maddie.”

“I thought it might kill me.” She forced a small smile. “Not that I cared at the time. For months I could barely function. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. The only thing I did was cry. And carve those boxes.”

With his thumbs, he caressed the smooth surface of the box in his hands. He imagined a good amount of her tears had varnished the wood, and the treasure was made more precious in the knowledge of all that went into it.

“Once I’d written down every last detail I could remember, I forced myself to read what I’d written. Over and over. Every day I read, until the accident was no longer this monstrous, fearful thing I couldn’t control, but an event in my life that I’d survived. It became a part of me—not I a part of it. Eventually the nightmares began to subside.”

Suppressing a request to read her journal, he absorbed her words like a sponge. His thoughts grew heavy with the weight of all she had learned and all she’d done to heal. The woman was brilliant. Courageous. Beautiful.

“So you conquered the beast.”

“Tamed it,” she corrected. “I still struggle with occasional nightmares, and I still can’t bring myself to board a wagon. But I’m moving on with my life.” She motioned with her eyes toward the window. “Now if only they would allow it.”

She smiled then, and he’d never admired anyone more. He stood, drawn to her by a force he no longer wished to fight.

“To hell with them.” He stepped closer. Her eyes told him that she knew what was coming. She leaned back against the sink, waiting for him, inviting him with a look, and a brief lick of her lips. “To hell with it all,” he murmured as he took her in his arms.

Capturing her lips, he opened his mouth to the eager thrust of her tongue. She wrapped her arms around his neck. The fierce response drove him wild. He plunged deeper into the sweet depths of her mouth, tasting, probing. The sounds of their moans melded in the pleasure and slow slick of their tongues.

He gripped her hips tightly as she pressed her body to his. The brush of her breasts teased his chest, the light pressure against his ribs building with the rhythm of the kiss. Dragging his mouth across her cheek, he kissed the satiny skin of her neck. Her head tilted to the side as he trailed his lips down her throat and then up again. Burying his face in her hair, he inhaled the floral scent of her, the faint smell of lilacs and summer and freshly fallen rain.

She clutched his shoulders. Soft sounds of pleasure spilled from her lips as she pressed light kisses to his jaw.

“Oh, Jace,” she murmured against his neck. The arousal in her voice was too much. He cupped her luscious bottom, pulling her to his hardness.

She gasped into his ear, her hot breath firing a shot of desire straight down to his shaft. Her hands ran down his back, his sides, exploring with the perfect touch of palm and fingertips. Like liquid heat, sensations drizzled down his spine. He marveled at the passion in that touch, those small hands.

The same hands that had crafted the wooden box…

He froze amid a gust of sobering thoughts. What the devil was he doing? He drew back, setting her away. Her half-closed eyes flashed open, and her lips parted in surprise. Her breathless passion stilled his heart. He could barely speak. Forcing the words from his dry throat, he said, “We must stop this before we are carried away.”

“But I want to be carried away.” She reached for him, but he took a step back.

“I can’t do this,” he said.

“Of course you can.” She reached toward him again.

He shook his head. “Madeline…”

She grimaced, looking stricken. “Don’t you want me?” The tremble of uncertainty in her voice stunned him. Did she truly not comprehend the extent of his lust? Her sudden self-consciousness made it harder to resist showing her exactly how much he wanted her. How much he wanted to show her the pleasure she craved. Deserved. How he wanted to toss her onto the table and show her it all.

He inhaled a long breath. “Whether or not I want you doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me.” She stared up at him with a look that clenched his heart. Disappointment swam in her eyes. She seemed so fragile, so vulnerable. She’d been cast aside by her former fiancé, by the whole damn town. To reject her now…

But he had to be sensible.

She’d been through too much, and she’d come too far. He couldn’t risk hurting her. She had trusted him by sharing the details of her painful recovery, and for this, he was grateful. Her remarkable progress would teach him a lot. The knowledge she offered was enough; he could not take advantage of her by taking more. He would not use her that way.

“You’ve set a plan to regain your reputation. If you hope to achieve that goal, we must maintain decorum, especially when we’re alone.”

She frowned, rolling her eyes.

“You do wish to continue with the charade, don’t you?”

“Of course,” she snapped. “But we’re engaged. It would—”

“We are not engaged.”

“I know that. I’m simply pointing out that as far as everyone else is concerned, we are. Why not enjoy it while we can?”

He steeled himself against her offer, tempting as it was. “Let’s not risk doing anything either of us might regret.”

She lifted her chin. “I will not shatter like broken glass, if that is your fear.”

But he was not so certain of that, and he refused to take her word for it. Maddie was a strong woman, but she was a woman, nonetheless. Physical intimacy provided fertile ground for flourishing emotions, and women tended to form quick attachments. Maddie was angry now, but she would be grateful for his good judgment later on.

“We shall stick to the plan.”

She straightened, planting her hands on her hips. “Must you always be so sensible, Jace Merrick?” Her question was laced with disdain. Her defiant stance resembled the one she’d taken the first time he’d seen her when she’d ordered him off her property. “Have you never once been tempted to toss caution to the wind?”

“Never.” He ground out the lie and bit back the terrible, frustrating truth.
Not until I met you.

Jace’s rejection hurt more than Maddie could have imagined. As she walked to his office the following morning, she replayed the humiliating scene in her head. She’d all but begged him to take her, right there in his kitchen, offering herself to him as casually as she’d served up the gravy.
Would you like a bit of me with your pot roast?

Her face flushed with the memory of his polite refusal and the awkwardly silent supper that had followed. Despite her burning embarrassment, she tightened her shawl against the damp chill of the morning. Sunlight winked through the treetops along the deserted trail, but it would be hours before everything dried following yesterday’s storm. Although she’d made this trip to town by herself hundreds of times before, she’d never felt as alone as she walked the soggy path.

This latest spoilt tangle with Jace had forced Maddie to face facts. The doctor would not be seduced, and she must abandon her hope of a brief affair. Her disappointment was palpable, but she would try to look to the bright side. Thanks to Jace, she would attend Amelia’s wedding on the arm of a handsome man. She’d been greedy to wish for more. Resigned to the circumstances, she lifted her chin and stepped up to the porch. The door was ajar, so she pushed it open, then stepped inside. She stopped, recognizing a voice from inside the parlor.

Pastor Hogle.

Her stomach lurched. What on earth did he want? Dreadful thoughts raced through her head. She hadn’t come this close to the charlatan since she’d attended church three years ago, where he delivered a vile sermon crafted to ensure she’d never return.

She trembled at the memory of sitting alone on the long pew. Not a soul had rejoiced at her recovery. As Pastor Hogle preached venom and lies, she had realized how thoroughly he despised her. And in the resounding silence of the congregation, she’d heard what they’d all wanted to say.

That she should have died, too.

Swallowing hard, she forced her feet to move. She inched down the hall past the umbrella stand and hat rack to listen. The floorboards creaked beneath her weight, and she cringed, knowing her presence had been detected. She had no other choice but to show herself. Mustering her strength, she rounded the corner, then stepped into the room.

“Good morning,” she said stiffly.

A frown of disgust crossed Pastor Hogle’s face before he pulled his eyes from the sight of her. His frosty dismissal made her feel sick. She wanted to run.

He resumed the conversation as if she didn’t exist. “As I was saying, Doctor Merrick, my nephew has informed me of the disturbing news that you intend to marry this woman.”

Maddie gasped as her eyes flew to Jace.

He stood calmly, but a vein bulged at this throat. His balled fists remained at his sides, emotions tightly locked inside the steady hands of a seasoned physician.

“And why would news of our engagement disturb you?”

“Why don’t you ask her?”

“I’m asking you.”

Jace towered a full ten inches over the stout man. Undaunted by the disadvantage, Pastor Hogle gave a stiff tug to the lapels of his pastoral coat and took a step forward. What he lacked in height, he possessed in self-importance. He drummed his fingers on the hat in his pudgy hands.

“Manners prohibit me from maligning her in your presence.”

“And yet you have no trouble doing so from your pulpit.”

Jace had obviously heard of the incident. Her face burned as she realized that he’d known all along of her public disgrace. His defense of her only shamed her more; standing up for her would hurt him as well. No one did anything in Misty Lake unless Pastor Hogle sanctioned it. Her broken engagement to Daniel was proof. The pastor was the most powerful man in this town, and crossing him would have consequences for Jace.

Pastor Hogle’s lips tightened.

“This town needs a doctor. And if you wish to have a successful practice, you need this town.” Hogle spoke with the mesmerizing vitality that had kept his congregants in his thrall for as long as she could remember. “Your association with her will only hinder that success. Misty Lake has accepted you as its physician, despite your young age and unsettled status. Had I any indication you’d attach yourself to this…woman…I’d have insisted that your request to practice here be denied.”

“Whom I marry is none of anyone’s concern. My competence as a doctor does not hinge on that choice.”

“Does it hinge on your parentage?”

Jace’s face went taut, save the twitch in his jaw.

“You’d be wise not to speak of my father.”

Maddie was baffled by the conversation’s sudden turn, but from Jace’s enraged reaction, she hoped the Pastor heeded the warning.

“And what of the Cleary boy?” Pastor Hogle asked.

Maddie’s heart pounded.

“What of him?” Jace asked, obviously confused by the second rapid-fire change in the pastor’s focus.

“I’ve spoken in length with the Clearys about what occurred here.”

“The boy was treated and is doing well. The details of his case are confidential. Doctor Reed is nine miles away, sir. If you have misgivings regarding my medical abilities, feel free to take your business to him.”

Pastor Hogle blinked. No one spoke to him as Jace did now. Maddie’s heart raced faster as the tension between the two men increased.

“You won’t be losing my business alone, Doctor. All of my parishioners—”

“We’re done here,” Jace said.

“Don’t be a fool, Doctor Merrick. Appearances can be deceiving, and she’s not as she appears.” His chest puffed with a swell of righteous indignation. “You’re new in town, but it’s my duty as a man of God to warn you that this woman is an abomination.”