The Liberation of Alice Love (26 page)

“It’s funny how things work out,” she murmured, almost to herself. Her feet were beginning to ache, but Alice liked the casual intimacy they had out there in the dark, so she led him to where several cobbled streets met at a junction, marked by a pillar of sundials. It was a well-lit spot, with several restaurants in sight just down the nearby streets, but for a moment, they were completely alone. She settled on the low, stone steps and flexed her toes in front of her.

Nathan chuckled. “Comfortable?”

“Enough.” Alice tilted her head up to him with a smile. “Care to join me?”

He sat down beside her, and then, as if it were a familiar gesture, and not the first concrete sign of anything more, he reached to take her hand. Alice caught her breath, carefully folding her fingers in his. It was hard to believe that this was the first real gesture they’d shared; everything else had been merely talk.

“There’s actually something I’ve been meaning to ask…” Nathan began, after they’d been sitting in comfortable silence for a moment. “This thing, with Ella.” He gave her a cautious look. “Why is it you want to find her so bad? And don’t tell me it’s about the money,” he added. “Because we both know that’s not true.”

Alice began to trace an absent pattern on his palm. She wanted to be honest, but something held her back from admitting the full extent of her compulsion. Would he even understand? “I don’t know,” she began slowly. “I just—it feels like I’m supposed to follow her, like she would want me to.”

“But she can’t have.” Nathan looked at her with obvious concern. “She ripped you off and fled the country. The last thing she’d want is anyone coming after her.”

Alice felt the urge to defend Ella but carefully swallowed it back. “I just can’t help it. Don’t you ever feel this way about your cases, as if…As if you’re playing some kind of game, and it’s you and them in this grand battle of wits?”

“Yes, but it’s a job for me. I don’t know the people I’m chasing, and I don’t for one minute think I ever will.” He paused, as if deciding whether or not to say something. “I don’t want to sound like I’m telling you what to do, because we both know how that turns out.” He gave her a wry smile. “I just think, you’re too attached to this woman. Or to your idea of her,” he corrected. “I mean, that’s all you’ve got, isn’t it? She lied about everything else.”

Alice said nothing. She knew it might sound absurd to anyone else, but she really did know Ella now—more than she ever had when they were supposedly friends. The scraps of her life she’d left on the paper trail added up to something more than a blank debit outline: they were moments in her life, dozens of tiny choices.

“I just worry what’s going to happen in the end of all this.” Nathan looked at her, affection clear in his eyes. “When you don’t find what you’re looking for.”

Alice had a different concern: what happened when she did?

But as they sat, Nathan’s body warm beside her, Alice realized what he was offering—and how much she might lose if he found out the true extent of her investigations. He followed the rules, he’d made that clear, and here she was accumulating a whole library of little white lies in pursuit of her truth.

“Maybe you’re right,” she replied carefully. “Maybe I should just let it all go. Stop looking for her, the money—everything.”

“It wouldn’t be like she’d won,” Nathan agreed. “But you’d be saving yourself all this trouble.” He put his arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer. Alice let herself lean into him, soothed by the steady rise and fall of his chest as a group of people clattered past, their heels tapping on the cobblestones. She felt guilty for what was about to come next, but the opportunity was too convenient not to take.

When the people were out of sight, she slipped her fingers through his free hand, closing it around her palm. “So, should we stop?”

“Looking for Ella, you mean?”

“And the money.” Alice held her breath. It would be such a simple way out; no threat of anyone else tracking it back to Safe Haven, no messy questions tainting their good intentions or Ella’s good deed. It could all just be forgotten to everyone—except her.

Nathan drew back slightly to look at her. “You’d be OK with that?”

“I think so,” Alice lied.

“Then I reckon it’s for the best.” Nathan sounded relieved. “It can’t have been easy for you, having this constant reminder that she betrayed your trust.”

“Mmm-hmm,” Alice murmured. He was wrong: the constant reminder was a good thing—urging her on to delve deeper, risk more. But she didn’t want the chance of the police to find Ella before she did. No, Alice wanted to look Ella in the eye herself and have her know she was the one who found her. Not such a dupe anymore.

“We should get back,” she said brightly, pulling her sandals on again. “Before I get so tired you have to carry me to the car.”

“I could manage a piggyback.” Nathan grinned. He got up and offered his hands: pulling Alice to her feet, and then further, close against him.

“Thank you, for everything.” She stopped for a second. “You’ve been…really great, helping me out with this.”

“Hey, it’s been my pleasure.” He gave her a lopsided grin, clearly flirtatious again. “It certainly made my life more interesting for the while.”

“I think your life was interesting enough,” Alice managed to tease, beginning to walk. “Jaunts to the Caymans, Switzerland…”

Nathan laughed. “I wasn’t talking about the travel.”

Alice felt herself blush, just a little.

“But you’ll drop it now?” Nathan’s tone became more serious. “I know you wanted answers, but every case has a natural life span. This one is just…over.”

Alice nodded, so she wouldn’t have to lie again.

“So I guess this means you won’t need me to bail you out anymore…” He carefully slipped his arms around Alice’s waist.

“That was one time!” she relaxed against him, banishing the sense of guilt. “You’re not going to let me forget it, are you?”

“Nope.” Nathan’s eyes were playful, but they were still intent enough to make Alice’s breath catch. As he lowered his lips to hers, she smiled to herself.

Ella, for now, could wait.

Chapter Twenty-six

And that, it seemed, should have been the end of it: Nathan wrapped up his investigation, the bank refunded her savings, and Alice’s credit rating was restored to its former faultless glory. To anyone else, it appeared that Ella’s brief swath of havoc had been mended, and there was no need to spend any more time dwelling on it all.

But Alice couldn’t let go.

Over the next few weeks, she found herself busier than she could remember: working hard at the agency to establish her new clients and to keep on top of the pile of regular contract tasks, dashing across the city for drinks or dates with Nathan. But through it all, Ella remained a constant presence, lingering in the back of Alice’s mind. Soon, her frustration grew. The dead end that had been Kate Jackson almost seemed to taunt her; she knew there was some vital lead she’d overlooked, a piece of data that might just reveal everything, but no matter how many hours she pored over her files, she just couldn’t find it.

“Earth to Alice!”

Somebody snapped their red polished fingertips mere inches from her face; Alice jolted back to reality to find Cassie staring at her expectantly.

“Oh, sorry!” She slipped down from her stool and greeted her with a hug. “Hi! How are you?”

“I’ll be better with some vodka inside of me.” Rolling her black-rimmed eyes, Cassie shrugged off her leather jacket, revealing a wisp of a white silk that was almost entirely transparent under the spotlights of the cramped, tiny club. “God, it was mayhem on set today. It’s like they’ve never seen Brad in the flesh before.” She paused a moment, letting her gaze drift over Alice’s figure-skimming black jersey dress, draped low to show more than a hint of cleavage. A knowing smile spread over her face. “So, come on, what’s his name?”

“Hmm?” Alice blinked.

“The man you’re fucking.” Cassie gave her a mischievous grin. “’Cause it’s obvious you’re getting
something
.”

Alice laughed. “I’m not! Well, yet,” she added, with a meaningful look. “And his name is Nathan.”

“Thank God!” Cassie exclaimed, summoning the bartender with a dramatic hair-toss. “I was beginning to think you’d taken vows. I was going to offer Vitolio’s services, for the good cause.”

“Cassie! I can’t believe you.” Alice laughed. “What are you, his pimp?”

Cassie relaxed against the bar. “There’s no need to act so scandalized, darling. We’re in an open relationship, all totally above board.”

“Really? That works for you?”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“But don’t you get jealous—when he’s out with other women?”

Cassie shook her head. “Oh, he doesn’t actually see anyone else. It’s just a technicality—so if I meet somebody…Well, I won’t have to choose.” She gave a nonchalant shrug, as if the prospect of fidelity was simply passé.

“How very foresighted of you,” Alice remarked drily.

Cassie grinned. “Be prepared—wasn’t that what they were always telling us in Brownies?”

She passed Alice her drink. “So, is that the big news? You said we were celebrating.”

“We are.” Alice beamed. “I booked my first job—for Kieran. It’s some twisted child molester in a big TV drama. They start shooting next week, and their original guy dropped out, because he didn’t want to be associated with such a horrific role. Isn’t that wonderful?”

“Congratulations!” Cassie toasted her. “God, I wish I’d seen Vivienne’s face, she must have hated it.”

“She did look rather…put out,” Alice agreed, remembering the tight-lipped congratulations. “But she can’t do anything, not as long as she’s getting a cut of the commission.”

“Of course,” Cassie agreed. “If there’s one thing that woman loves, it’s money. Just watch out she doesn’t go taking credit for everything.”

“Oh, no,” Alice vowed, enjoying the slow burn of alcohol as it slid down her throat. “I’m not going to sit quietly up in my attic anymore. This is only the beginning.”

***

One drink turned into three, and soon Alice was flushed with excitement. She was usually bored at clubs like this, finding them too loud and hectic, but tonight, the brash style suited her mood. She even danced, alone and unself-conscious in the midst of the hipster throng while Cassie held court with a group of sharp-haired women dripping dark eyeliner and expensive ripped jeans, Alice’s weeks of dance class giving her the confidence and rhythm she’d always lacked before.

Pausing for breath, she made her way back to the bar for water. Almost immediately, a man swooped in to make his approach. His introduction was lost under the thud of music, but Alice didn’t mind; it wasn’t as if she would need it.

But instead of politely turning away, something made her stop, a wicked thought taking shape. With a tattoo twisting up from under the vintage T-shirt and at least two days of sleepless stubble on his face, he certainly wasn’t Alice’s usual type; a different woman, however, might just have a thing for bad boys.

“I’m Juliet,” she told him, feeling a now-familiar thrill as the untruth left her lips. Alice smiled at him invitingly. She didn’t feel quite as careless as in Rome but that same impulse had returned: to be bold, to be somebody different, even just for a little while. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” she said, her voice dropping a little.

“Juliet, huh…” Taking her outstretched hand, the man turned it over and bent his head to kiss her palm. “With a name like that, I don’t think this is going to end well.”

“Probably not,” Alice pretended to muse, already assembling the cocktail of personal history that would make up this other woman. “But as long as we don’t go trying to fake our own deaths, we’ll be fine. You can go off and write heartbroken poetry, and I’ll put you in a novel one day.”

“You’re a writer?” His lips curved; more at the prospect of being immortalized in prose than with admiration for her feigned profession, Alice was sure.

“Hmm? Oh, yes.” She gave a self-deprecating shrug. “Erotica, mainly. It’s a growing market, and I really like to push the boundaries…” Alice trailed off, watching as his eyes widened. This was almost too easy. “So what brings you here tonight?”

“Just some drinks with friends.” He moved closer, ostensibly in order to speak louder in her ear, but mainly, Alice noted with amusement, to glance down the front of her dress. She could hardly blame him. The pink lace balconette bra that, months ago, had been her first sure fact in Ella’s tangled trail, peeped out from beneath the slashed neckline in a flash of color.

“So, these books of yours…” he murmured, leaning even closer. “How much research do you do?”

Alice laughed. “Enough. I need them to be authentic, after all. It’s the…little details that make something arousing, don’t you think?” She raised an eyebrow, teasing. He grinned back.

“Fuck yeah.”

Alice didn’t ask him about himself, she wasn’t going to share more than this drink and a few lies with him. Still, she relished the bright flicker as she spun Juliet’s self-deprecating story, the direct glances and careful shifts in body language that left her breathless, and this stranger hanging from her every word. This was what her clients must feel like as they recited lines from somebody else’s script: the curious self-awareness that came from inhabiting another persona, yet still watching, as if from outside herself.

“So I wrote a few short pieces for the
Erotic Review
, starting out, and—oh, there’s my friend.” Alice looked past him to where Cassie was lounging in the shadows, her pale skin lit up by a flash of light. “I should go.”

The man followed her gaze, raking over Cassie’s revealing outfit. “My boys are just in the back, we could all hang out,” he offered eagerly.

Alice gave him a polite smile, already done. “No, thanks. She just went through a wretched breakup,” she lied, as if confiding. “She’s not really in the party mood.”

He looked back, in time to see Cassie throw her head back and laugh, posing for the snaps of a roving party photographer. “You sure? Because we were going to head to a private party at—”

“I’d rather not.” She neatly sidestepped him. “I’m engaged, you see. But thanks for the drink.” Alice raised her glass to him, and then just walked away, slipping into the thick crowd as Juliet, and all her erotic adventures, simply evaporated, leaving only adrenaline kicking in her veins from the stories she’d spun.

“Come on.” Making a breathless detour back to the table, Alice tried to coax Cassie onto the narrow dance floor. “This song is incredible.”

Cassie looked up, half hidden in the shadows. “Just a sec, Aly. I’m in the middle of something.” There was a guilty edge to her expression, and as she leaned forward for her drink, the reason became clear: sprawling beside her in too-tight jeans and another ridiculous cravat, one arm draped around her bare shoulders.

“Dakota.” Alice greeted him coolly, her elation suddenly fading. “I didn’t know you were in town.”

“Yeah, just scoping for some shoots.” He was playing with an unlit cigarette, tapping it nervously between thumb and index finger as if he could feel the force of her displeasure. Or, more likely, he was wired. “How’ve you been?”

“Oh, just peachy,” Alice replied. She reached for Cassie’s bony wrist. “We’ll be right back.”

Cassie’s protest was lost under the music as Alice dragged her determinedly toward the front exit.

“What the hell are you playing at?”

Outside, it was dark and muggy, the dirty backstreet empty save the clusters of casual smokers who looked up at the sound of Alice’s fierce demand.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Cassie looked away. “Will you let go of me?”

“So you can go back inside, to him?” Alice released her, suddenly not so much angry as worn out. Over and over again, she’d watched Cassie do this, as if the outcome would be any different. Her optimism would almost be admirable, if it weren’t so tragic. “God, Cassie, are you really going to do this again?” She couldn’t help the pleading note that crept into her voice. “Seriously?”

“He’s sorry,” Cassie insisted, folding her arms defiantly. “He—he just does this stuff because he’s scared, because we mean so much to each other…” The words were confident, but her eyes began to shine with tears. “He can’t help it, sabotaging everything, but Alice, I know he can get it together.” Cassie looked up, carefully swiping under the lashes to preserve the sanctity of her eyeliner.

Alice exhaled. This was usually her cue to soften, comforting Cassie and encouraging her to move on with her life, to put those painful “almosts” behind her. But this time, Alice couldn’t find it in her, and looking at Cassie—with that powerless expression she always wore whenever Dakota came sauntering back around—Alice knew suddenly what she had to do.

“He’s a selfish, cheating piece of shit,” she said, shortly. Cassie blinked with surprise, but Alice just stared evenly at her, some long-frayed cord in her snapping cleanly apart. “If he loved you, he wouldn’t hurt you. If he loved you, he wouldn’t keep you dangling like this. It’s your fault, Cassie!” She was in full flow now, gathering all the harsh truths she’d bitten back for the sake of their friendship. “Not the old stuff, in the beginning—you trusted him, and he let you down—fine. But everything since then: the past five fucking years of misery, that’s all your doing. You could be happy, with Vitolio, or someone else, but you don’t want it, do you? All that shit you were saying about an open relationship, it’s all just so you can go running back to him!”

“But—”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Alice cut her off, still cold. “You keep telling yourself these stories, all his excuses, but at the end of the day, he’s not with you because he chooses not to be! We all have a fucking choice, and you’re choosing to be miserable and wretched.” She took a breath, steeling herself. “So, I’m done.”

“What do you mean?” Cassie’s lip trembled, eyes wide with confusion.

“I’m done—with you, with all of this. Go back to him, get your heart broken again, whatever you want.” Alice shrugged, sharp and final. “But I don’t want to hear a word. Cry to somebody else.” Cassie opened her mouth in protest, but she didn’t pause. “I mean it. Don’t call me, don’t even see me while you’re still doing this. I can’t take it anymore.”

In her whole life, Alice had never fought with a friend or walked away from somebody in tears, but as she turned the corner, she didn’t feel even a pang of regret for her decision. With every step away from Cassie’s forlorn figure, she half expected her resolve to slip, pulled down by guilt and sympathy, but none came. She had truly reached her limit.

***

It was almost midnight, but Alice found herself still restless, walking back toward the main street that was overflowing with late-night revelers. She could catch the last Tube home, if she hurried, but the prospect of a cup of tea and bed seemed weak when she still had so much energy vibrating in her system. Pulling out her phone, she quickly dialed. “Hi—Nathan?”

“Hey, you.” He sounded relaxed, but then concern crept into his tone. “What’s going on? Are you OK?”

She laughed at his panic. “Oh, God, you’re going to think I’m in trouble every time I call, aren’t you?”

“Only when it’s this late.” Nathan chuckled. “So you’re all right? No need for bail and a lawyer?”

“None at all,” Alice reassured him. She paused by the curb, preemptively raising her arm to hail a cab. “I could go for takeout though. Say, at yours…?”