The Lonely Dominant (11 page)

Can I truly take it this far? Am I strong enough?

I tried to convince myself we both wanted more from this relationship. I'd be doing her a disservice if I continued to go easy on her. She'd never become truly submissive if she didn't learn her place in this playroom.

"Tell me why you're in this position."

"Because I disobeyed a direct order, sir."

"How many times did you defy me tonight? And, speak up!"

"Four times, sir," she said, louder than before. "Once when you first entered the room, I was disrespectful and didn't call you sir, but even before that I spoke out of turn, and then twice when I had the privilege of being bound to your cross."

She knew exactly what she had done wrong, so that proved she knew what she was doing here.
So, why does she lose focus?

"Once, Clara," I said as I paced the room, "I may have been able to overlook, but four times during one scene?"

I walked over to where she was and moved behind her, causing her already rigid body to stiffen even more.

"It makes me think you don't want to be here."

"I do—" She stopped when she realized she was speaking without being asked.

"Clara, I have to punish you."

She didn't speak, and I could see her body shaking against the bench.

"I don't want to," I said a little softer. "But how will I ever teach you to totally submit to my will if I allow such disobedience?"

I'd never taken a strap to any of my subs before, and I hadn't had one-tenth the feelings for any of them that I had for Clara.

"You know why you're being punished," I said. "I'll give you five lashes, unless you have something you'd like to say."

She didn't say anything, so I took that to mean she wasn't going to safe word. I had rather hoped she would.

I took a few deep breaths before drawing my arm back, but then I noticed she was shaking uncontrollably now and trying unsuccessfully to suppress a sob.

Why is she allowing me to do this?

I brought the whip down in her direction but dropped it before it could make contact with her ass. She jumped as it hit the floor.

"Red." I said.

She turned and looked over her shoulder, glancing up at me in what appeared to be shock. She wasn't the only one surprised by my actions.

I couldn't look at her right now, so I walked out of the room and to the adjoining bathroom. I braced my hands against the counter and took a few deep breaths as I stared at my reflection in the mirror.

What kind of animal am I?

She was clearly off her game tonight, but instead of stopping the scene, I chose to punish her. I should have found out what the problem was before I even started. I grabbed the short white silk robe that hung on the door hook and brought it out to her.

She was still kneeling over the bench, shaking and crying. It made me feel horrible to see a beautiful girl, my beautiful girl, so upset. I walked over to her, then kneeled beside her. I gently rubbed her back as I handed her the robe.

"We need to discuss what happened," I said. "I can give you some time if you want it."

She shook her head as she slipped on the robe.

"I disappointed you." She wiped the tears from her eyes, but they continued to fall.

"No." I wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks. "What happened in here wasn't a disappointment, but I am upset that you didn't trust me enough to tell me you didn't want to play in here."

"No." She shook her head again as more tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

"It's not you or this room. It has nothing to do with us."

She tried to take a few calming breaths, but they came out in short sobs.

As relieved as I was to hear her say that, something was clearly upsetting her. I sat on the floor and pulled her into my lap, letting her cry for a few minutes.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"My mother called me this week." She blurted it out.

Her mother?

As far as I knew, she hadn't spoken to her mother since the bitch cut Clara off financially.

"What did she want?" I said, trying to contain my anger.

"Her husband ran off. He took all the money my grandmother left her."

Karma's a bitch.

"And, this upsets you?" I sounded cold, but after what this woman did to Clara, I had no remorse for the selfish harridan. She put her daughter out on the street.

"Well, it's not so much that he left her penniless," she said as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

"Then what is it?" I wanted to understand what the problem was.

"She's going to lose my grandmother's house," she said. "I grew up in that house, and it's the only link I have left to my grandmother. It's going into foreclosure."

"I see. This house is important to you?"

She nodded. "That house was the last place I saw my grandmother. I didn't have a very good life growing up. My father left when I was just a few months old, my parents weren't even married, and my mother was young. She jumped from job to job and boyfriend to boyfriend."

I saw the pain in her eyes. I could only imagine what she'd had to endure as a child. I felt this overwhelming sadness wash over me when I realized just how hard her life had been. She had never discussed any of these things with me before now.

"We didn't have a whole lot, but I did have my grandmother," she said. "She was always there for me. When I got the partial scholarship to Princeton, she remortgaged her house and helped pay for my expenses. When she died, she had intended her life insurance policy to go to me, but that didn't happen, and I know she had other policies that would have paid off the house."

She cried for a couple more minutes before regaining her composure. "You know the rest."

"This has been bothering you for a few days," I said. "You've been upset all week.

Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's not your problem."

"Now, that disappoints me more than any slip-ups you could make in this room."

I saw confusion sweep over her face. "Why wouldn't you think you could share your problems with me?"

"You're a busy man," she said. "You've already done so much for me. I know how hectic your work schedule is. You're under a tremendous amount of stress. I didn't want to burden you with this, especially since there isn't anything you can do about it."

She was extremely observant. Work had been very crazy lately. I'd been under so much stress, but I tried not to bring it home. Apparently, I wasn't doing such a good job with that, if she had picked up on it. But, she should've known she was a priority to me.

I should've made sure she knew.

I took her face between my hands and said, "You would never be a burden to me."

"I'm here to serve you and relieve your stress and I know all this," she waved her hand and gestured at the playroom, "our weekend time helps you."

"We are more than just this," I said. "If you have problems, you're supposed to come to me. If we work out these issues before we enter this room then it doesn't affect our weekend time."

"See, I did disappoint you." She looked down, but I didn't correct her submissive gesture because we were still in the playroom, and it was Friday night.

"You didn't disappoint me," I said. "I just wish you could have come to me and told me what had happened. I want you to feel comfortable enough to share those kinds of things with me."

"I do, too," she said, "but I'm just not used to having someone like you in my life."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing." She shook her head. "I went about this all wrong. I was clearly distracted when I came in here. I never fully got into sub mode. I was wrong."

"Let's just forget about it." The night had turned into a huge disaster and I had to figure out how we were going to recover from it. "You're excused for the evening."

"No, please, sir."

"Clara, I used the safe word. The scene is over, and I expect you to abide by my wishes."

She stood up and I thought she was going to leave, but instead she slipped off the robe, moved to the bench then got back into place.

"What are you doing?"

"Waiting for my Dom to punish me."

"I can't punish you now," I said. "Not after you've explained the circumstances to me."

"I should have explained what was going on before I entered your playroom, sir." She took a deep breath. "I disobeyed you and I deserve to be punished. I disrespected you and your plans for our evening."

I ran my fingers through my hair. Part of me knew she was right. We agreed that disobedience would be punished. I was to act swiftly and directly. If I wanted to be the Dom she needed, I'd have to do this.

If I ever had any doubts about her wanting to be in this arrangement with me, they all disappeared in that defining moment.

I stood, picked up the whip, then moved to stand behind her. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes, sir." She spoke with such certainty. There was no doubt in my mind that she was the stronger one in this relationship.

"Very well," I said. "Five lashes for disobeying me during a scene and you will count them out."

She gripped the wood in front of her and lowered her head. I had to be careful not to hit her hard enough to leave a permanent mark. That was the last thing I wanted, to scar my beautiful girl.

I sucked in a breath, pulled back my arm, then brought the whip down onto her backside. I heard the resounding slap as it echoed through the room.

"One."

Four more! Can I do it?

Punishing her was by far the hardest thing I ever had to do. By the third strike, I could hear her voice beginning to crack. I didn't think I could go through with two more, but I had to. I couldn't appear weak in the eyes of my sub.

I drew back my hand again and let the whip move across her now reddened cheeks. They were raw and welting up.

"Four."

I paused for a moment and tried to justify what I was doing. She had asked me to punish her. I was willing to end the evening, but she didn't want me to. She'd moved back onto the bench and asked me to punish her. This was a consensual relationship, I kept telling myself.

I watched as she trembled by my feet. I pulled back my hand one last time, but this time the contact wasn't nearly as hard as the other four times. I just didn't have it in me to hurt her anymore. She jumped when the whip connected with her skin, but she still managed to follow my directions.

"Five." Her voice was low and shaky.

I placed the whip down by the side of her face and extended my hand for her. I was afraid she wouldn't take it, and who could blame her?

"Clara," I said. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, sir." She took my hand and stood up, still looking down at the floor. She stumbled before finding her footing.

"Please look at me."

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes, but she managed to maintain her composure. Her face was red and her nose was running. I did that to her.

I reached up and touched her cheek, but she flinched.

Does she think I would strike her face?

I knew this wasn't just a physical punishment. There were so many emotional ramifications that went with it as well, and not just for her. I needed to provide her with the proper aftercare, so she could see her well-being and safety were still my priorities.

I slowly pressed my lips to hers and gave her a chaste kiss before helping her back into her robe.

"Let me take care of you now." I scooped her up and carried her up to my bathroom. I gently put her down and turned the water on in the shower, but I continued to stare at her the entire time.

She didn't talk, but then again, I really didn't expect her to. I slipped the robe from her body and then pulled my own jeans off, stepping out of them and opening the shower doors. I took her hand and led her in, pulling her under the warm spray with me.

I didn't talk as I poured body wash into my hands and lathered her skin. She was so tiny and fragile on the outside, but inside, she was a strong and confident woman, and I'd do everything in my power to make her see who she really was.

I turned her around and rinsed her back and neck, and then slowly ran my fingertips over her backside. She had red marks, and her fair skin would probably bruise, but they would disappear in about a week. And, we could move forward from here.

I turned her around to face me, placing soft kisses along her cheeks and lips.

"I'm so proud of you," I said. "You were truly submissive tonight."

She didn't speak, just looked up at me with those haunting green eyes, and for the first time this evening, her spark was back, and I saw a hint of pride in her face.

I turned the shower off, quickly stepped out, then wrapped a towel around my waist before carefully drying her off. I reached in the medicine cabinet and grabbed a bottle of soothing balm I usually used on her wrists and ankles after I'd tied her up.

I led her into the bedroom and loosened her towel, letting it fall to the floor. I let my eyes wander down her flawless body.

"Lie on your stomach for me." I pointed to the bed.

She did as I asked. I scooped some of the ointment onto my fingers. Even now, she was so trusting of me. I sat down on the bed next to her and began rubbing where I'd hit her. I noticed she was relaxing under my touch; that brought a huge sense of relief to me. If we could get through tonight, then we could get through anything.

After I finished tending to her, I threw on a pair of sweat pants and told her to get dressed while I got her some Motrin and a bottle of water. By the time I came back, she was wearing a pair of flannel pants and one of my T-shirts. She looked extremely sexy.

"Sir, you didn't leave anything out for me," she said. "I hope this is acceptable."

"It's perfect." I handed her the water and the pills. "Take this for the pain."

I pulled back the comforter and climbed into our bed and opened my arms for her to join me. She quickly obeyed and settled onto my chest. I loved feeling her body against mine. We were a perfect fit. I had a harder time travelling, because I was becoming so accustomed to having her next to me all night. I hated being away from her.