The Perfect Mate (6 page)

"Did that help?"

"No," I admitted looking down again. She was restless and I'd been trying to ignore her.

"And how does she feel right now?" He asked.

I closed my eyes and thought about my wolf. She was always there just under the surface waiting to be freed. Her face came into focus; her red fur glistening in the light of our soul. When I looked in her eyes, the same emerald green as mine, I saw she was happy yet not quite sated. She looked like she was waiting for more. Shit, I thought, pulling away from her. I opened my eyes and found myself staring into Paul's knowing gaze. I turned my head away without answering.

"And the dreams? Didn't you wonder about the dreams?"

I snapped my head up and narrowed my eyes. "How did you know about those?" I demanded.

He smiled gently, but it didn't quite meet his amber gaze. "Susan, didn't anyone ever tell you what happens when we find our mates?"

"Yes," I said sharply. "My mother told me I would just know. That there would be no denying it."

He nodded. "That's right and all the signs have been there for you to see. The attraction between us, our restless wolves, and the dreams, all lead us to our mate." When I started to shake my head he continued. "Those dreams were real, Susan. I was there too." He reached out and ran his hands through my hair tugging lightly on the ends. "That's why we never got to finish in the dreams. That's how it works until we're fully mated.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Paul was my mate. I couldn't deny it anymore. My life was over as I knew it. My freedom was gone. From now on I would only be known as Paul's mate and the mother of his children. I felt wetness on my cheek and was surprised to find that I was crying.

"Susan," Paul whispered like he was in pain. I look up at him through blurry eyes. He looked confused and hurt. "Sweetheart, I don't understand why you're crying. As wolves we look for our mate our whole lives. Only the blessed find them. Why aren't you happy? I'm not that bad a guy," He said smirking a little, but it died quickly. "I promise to do anything and everything to make you happy," He declared seriously.

I looked away from his pleading eyes. I knew what he meant. We were lucky in some ways to find each other early in life. Sometimes a werewolf didn't find their mate until they were older or not at all. But he just didn't understand. He said he would do anything and everything to make me happy, but I would never be completely happy as his mate, not with my freedom gone.

"I'm not ready," I whispered to myself. I looked at him and said louder. "I'm not ready to be a mate."

"You mean my mate," He growled. I shook my head to deny what I knew he was thinking, but he cut me off. "You don't want me. I should have seen this coming with the way you were avoiding me. What, am I too much of a redneck, southern boy for you? Maybe you were holding out for someone with a little more class?"

"What? No! That is not what I said. I don't care that you're from the south and what do you mean someone with more class? Look at me? Do I look or act like I have class?" Paul started to speak and I waved his response away with my hand. "Never mind, don't answer that. What I'm trying to say, is I'm not cut out to be anyone's mate."

"That doesn't make any sense. Of course you're cut out to be a mate. It's as natural as breathing." He scooted closer to me, wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me against him. Even though I didn't want to be his mate, my body still responded to him. I laid my head on his shoulder and sighed. I just didn't know what to say to make him understand.

"I've waited so long for you, Susan. I thought I'd never find you. These last four months have been hell knowing you were near me, but not being able to do anything about it. I wanted you to have space, but if I had known that you hadn't even considered that I was your mate, I would have stepped up sooner," He said, hugging me closer.

I lifted my head surprised. "How long have you been waiting for a mate? How old are you?" I asked.

He smiled gently, his eyes still filled with wariness. "I'm fifty-five years old Susan."

I looked over him appreciatively. I knew werewolves aged slowly, but Paul looked damn good at fifty-five. "You don't look a day over thirty-five," I said.

He smiled brighter. "And you look too young to be a mate, but I know better. How old are you?"

"I'm thirty and I am too young to be a mate. There so much I want to do," I said wistfully.

Paul's smiled dimmed. "Sweetheart you can do whatever you want. Being my mate doesn't mean you have to give up the things you want to do." I heard what he said, but I didn't believe him. I watch my mom be the perfect mate and that just wasn't in me. I loved her and thought she was the best mom ever. I knew my limits and I could never be as calm and controlled.

I pulled myself out of his arms and got off the bed. I went to the closet pulling a robe out slipping it on before turning around. I looked at Paul still sitting in the same spot gloriously naked. He was gorgeous and a great lover and now I knew he could also be sweet and vulnerable. But I couldn't be what he wanted me to be. I would never measure up to the ideal mate and I was surprised to find that the idea depressed me. I wished I could be what he needed. "I'm sorry. I'm just not ready to be your mate," I said.

Paul's gaze darkened. I could tell he was angry and I stepped back in response. I cursed myself for showing weakness and took a step forward raising my chin in defiance. He growled, but I held my stance.

"You're playing with fire little girl," He warned.

I shrugged. "I think it's time for you to leave. I've told you how I feel and I expect you to respect that. I'm not going to mate with you at least not any time soon."

Paul slid off the bed and glided toward me. Glided was the only word for it, he walked so smoothly. I watched as he came closer, his muscles stretching and bunching with each move of his limbs. I licked my lips as my gaze moved over his body ending at his cock. He was thick and hard again and I had to grip my hands together to keep myself from reaching out to him.

He stopped in front of me only an arm's length away. I raised my eyes to his face. He wore a knowing smirk. I stood up straighter and glared at him. The smile on his lips faded.

"I do respect you, Susan. But you are my mate and I'm not going to just give you up. We will have a mating ceremony, whether you like it or not. We don't get to decide who's destined to be our mate. I will treat you with respect and I will do my best to make you happy, but you have to choose to be happy, Susan. I can't make you. If you want to have a miserable union that's up to you, but we will be together. I'm yours, for life and you are mine."

I watched him in shock as he pulled his pants on. He kissed me hard and left without another word. I jumped when the door slammed behind him. I stood staring at the bed where we had just been. I thought being with him would be uncomplicated. I was fool for thinking that. As if confirming my thoughts my wolf grew restless again. I now knew what she wanted, but could I give it to her? Could I put away who I was and become someone completely different? I'd have to give up traveling and hanging out with friends. No more condom pranks. And the hardest of all was controlling my temper. Could I keep that side of me, that was always there, buried far enough, I wondered? I wasn't sure, but I was starting to think I had to try.

I couldn't deny my feelings for Paul even if my wolf would let me. I hated seeing the pain I caused in his eyes and I felt just as sad as my wolf when he left. I stiffened my spine and wiped away the tears that tracked down my cheeks. "Yes," I said out loud. "I can do this." I would be the mate I was supposed to be. Paul had waited a long time to find his mate and it really was unfair that he was stuck with me. I promised myself that I would make Paul happy if was the last thing I did.

Chapter 6

I went to Paul's room later that night. I told him I was sorry and was honored to be his mate. He watched me closely looking for any insincerity, but I was being completely honest with him and he could tell. He pulled me into a hug and held me for a moment. When he let go and tried ushering me into his room, I told him I wanted to wait until after the ceremony before we got intimate again. He was very nice about it and agreed to respect my wishes, but when he kissed me goodnight, it took all my willpower not drag him to bed.

Since then we've gone out to dinner and to the movies many times. It was nice to get out of the house and I was really enjoying getting to know Paul. He was kind and respectful and very smart. I learned about his family who he was very close to. His parents and his sister lived in town, so I was able to meet them. Mr. and Mrs. Hagan were great people reminding me of my parents. His sister, Hannah, was a really nice woman and I knew we'd get along just fine.

We even started taking runs together. The first time I saw him change, I was in awe. His wolf was as magnificent as his human form. He was the largest wolf I'd ever seen. His brown fur looked soft and silky matching exactly to his hair color and his amber eyes glowed in the dark. That was one of the neatest things about our wolf forms. Our fur and eyes stayed the same color as our human forms. It made for strange looking wolves, so we had to be extra careful where we ran. We were too extraordinary for humans not to notice how different we were from natural wolves.

We ran through the woods nipping at each other's tails. We chased rabbits and deer and even playing hide-and-go-seek. It was the only time I truly felt myself. There was no pressure as a wolf. I always felt closer to Paul after a run and was starting to have deep feelings for him. I hoped I could be everything he needed.

The mating ceremony was scheduled for the first weekend in April. It was going to be a very elegant affair. Nathaniel hired a planner to help me with everything. Her name was Irma and she was from a pack in Florida. She had a lot of ideas and I agreed with most. I didn't really care about how fancy or beautiful the ceremony was. All I needed was Paul and everything else could just be thrown out. It would save a whole hell of a lot of money, but I was trying to make Paul happy. He seemed please to see me planning the ceremony, so I kept meeting with Irma every time she asked.

The planning had taken up most of my time in the last two months, which was fine with me. I needed something to keep me busy. The ceremony was only a week away making me a bit nervous. I was finding out just how hard it was to be the perfect mate. I'd been tested a lot lately, but I was doing pretty well I thought. I had expected Paul to be against me hanging out with Becky, but I was pleasantly surprised when he suggested she help me with the plans. I was excited that she could help me, but I still kept my distance. As I suspected, keeping my temper in check was the hardest. I stayed calm fairly regularly, but it was a close call some days.

One night Paul invited me out to dinner. He said it would be fancy so I dressed in a black suit I had for work. I didn't have any nice dresses due to me running from Gray all the time. I put on a white silk shirt under the jacket. It was simple yet sophisticated. I wore my only pair of black pumps; they were kind of scuffed, but would do. I pulled my hair up into a low bun and added pearl combs. After applying my makeup, I put on my pearl jewelry my mom left to me in her will.

I went to meet Paul down stairs and when I saw him all dressed up in a gray suit and tie I smiled brightly. He looked over me and smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. I suddenly felt self-conscious which was new for me. I usually didn't care what people thought of me, but Paul's opinion was important. I had to actually push back tears when I saw his face.

I looked down at my suit. Yeah, it was simple, but I still thought it was nice. It hugged my curves and showed a little cleavage. "What is it? Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

"No, nothing's wrong," He said a little too quickly. "You look beautiful." He smiled brightly and kissed my cheek, but I saw his eyes. I disappointed him somehow. I knew it. I just didn't know how.

"I'll go change. I'm not sure what else I have, but I'll find something," I said and turned to go upstairs.

Paul took my hand stopping my progress. "No, Susan. No need to change when you look amazing already."

"Are you sure? You seemed disappointed when I came down," I asked a bit confused.

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm sorry, sweetheart, I'm not disappointed with you, I promise."

"Okay, well if you're sure, let's get going," I said but I was feeling out of sorts. I wasn't usually so needy for approval.

We arrive at the restaurant; the drive there had been quiet and I hoped we'd talk more while we ate. I looked around the restaurant. I knew why Paul looked at me funny. This place was very extravagant. I was the only woman there with pants and the dresses they wore were very expensive. I sighed and followed the waiter to our table. When we were seated and our wine was poured, I asked Paul how his day was.

"Good," He said sitting down his glass. "We're continuing with a city sweep looking for any signs of Gray, but nothing so far. I told you we found where they were staying a couple of months ago." At my nod he continued. "The trail's gone cold. We can't find them."

I groaned in disappointment. Just as I was about to asked if he thought they were gone for good, a hand with glossy red fingernails slid over Paul's shoulder. I looked up at the owner. She was a busty blonde in a tight red dress, showing more leg than even I would dare.

"Hey, Paul, haven't seen you around lately. You doing alright?" She asked. Her voice was low and sultry and grated on my nerves. I wanted to growl when she caressed her hand down his arm, but I reminded myself, that was not how to behave in public. I smiled brightly.

Paul gave me a quizzical look and turned toward the blonde. "Hi, Daphne, how are you?"

Daphne smiled sweetly at Paul, keeping her hand on his arm. I felt like punching her, but I kept my smile in place. "Oh I've been doing okay darlin', but I sure have been missing you. What have you been up to sugar?" Oh...my...God, I was going to gut her if she didn't shut up soon.