The Power of Forgetting (58 page)

Janey was
shaking me; 'Come on! Snap out of it! We must stop now!' so I
focused and in a blinding snowstorm we felt ourselves to be on
solid ground. We were near some trees. Janey was shuddering with
the effort. So I thought the thought more strongly and the impetus
of the movement was lost. We were rolling to a stop in time.

'Not stopping
Jared! Just ease off now.... let the normal timeline take us.'

It was if the
engine was switched off; the time flux was breaking and beginning
to dissipate. We flowed forward still a little more. And in a cool
spring night we came to rest on dry grass, surrounded by trees. And
the force was spent, so when normal time flowed around us we were
caught in its torrent. It was strong like a tide. And like a river
that had been flowing from the beginning. How well might Adam tell
me that we were all time travellers, for now I remembered
something. And it was time to speak the word. So I whispered in her
ear "Roseate" then "Menthe". I wondered what I had done for she
convulsed in my arms. A moment later she was still. Had it been too
soon?

'Aquavita,' she
said, then after a pause, 'heliotrope...'

'Something
shifted within, and I saw it again, but more clearly.... Adam
sitting with me and Davey and Sam and saying "we are all travellers
my friend. And this time is the best that we can find. Time is not
your master....and not his (pointing at Davey); nor his (at Sam);
nor yours or mine (and he tapped himself lightly on the chest as he
spoke). And in my mind’s eye I saw his face, smiling but with
serious eyes. And he had blue eyes. Yet....they were hazel, I was
sure they had been. What happened to his eyes? Davey is turning to
me and speaking. But like in dream no sound came out. I was sitting
with a glass in my hand; I could feel the glass....

I was back in
the glade between trees, in cool misty predawn greyness. Janey was
slumped against me, seemingly in a dead faint. I felt her breath on
my cheek. So I eased her down onto her side. I sniffed and caught
the scent of something resinous. This smell stimulated a cascade of
images. But most of all: the place where we had been. It was indeed
a concert hall; with large backroom and labyrinthine corridors. And
there was a cupboard and beeswax polish, and that old smell of
years piled one on the other. Rimmington was not there.... but
August Charles was, but it seemed in the nature of an observer. He
looked strained and winced when I cried out and struggled against
the padded comfort of the chair with its adjustable closures to
secure wrists and ankles. I didn't like it. But I had agreed, I had
been warned. The stick. And the carrot? Knowledge of other worlds,
other realities. In my vanity I had been taken in by this; the
appeal was true and sincere; but the price? Well; that was your
soul and your identity, and the power of the forgetting was the
only thing that stopped you from turning them in for the ultimate
deception. Liars; Thieves! I reclaim it back.... You do not have
me!

It is dawn. The
mist is glowing with the gold of the disk that rises out of the
grassy horizon. I crawl to the edge of this little sheltered place.
I see grass lands and distant trees. There seems no habitation as
far as can be seen on that brief view. I crawl back. How long were
we out there? I thought it was one night. I go to Janey and touch
her cheek. Cold. But she moves with that touch, and breathes in
suddenly. She opened her eyes. I watch her for many minutes as she
blinks and tries to be brave; then forced herself to a sitting
position.

'The shelter.'
she says. Then her eyes close. Her head nods onto her chest. It's
like she drunk and exhausted. I am sitting there too. I don't want
to move. But I know I must. The dawn light warms me enough. So I
slip off my pack. Then I slid over to Janey and unclip hers. I can
see that she is in no state to help me. So I just concentrate on
what I am doing. Somewhere it goes deeper in.... But she does not.
Just a surprise? No. They cannot let me know. I shake my head. I
need to be clear. So I drink from her cup. How it this? I am
confused. That much is clear. I grasp one thing. It is morning. She
has me by my promise to stay. The other finds it a struggle. The
other man; the one who said she was a vault of my undiscovered
gardens. I don't know what is happening for him, so I let it
ride.

I shake my head
and stare hard at the patch of ground in front of me. God help me!
I need to find a focus! I think of slapping myself hard. But I'm
too resistant to pain to make that idea a good one this is a
different kind of thing. I know enough to realise that this is
"Time Sickness" as they call it. The first signs are rapid
unconnected thoughts amplified by exhaustion; then later the
physical effects kick in really strongly. I didn't know how much
time I had before that; but some simple logical part of me was
thinking rapidly; working out how to do what was necessary before I
crashed. So I got out the larger of the two shelters, and counting
out loud each stage of construction managed to get it up in ten
minutes. I felt a sudden swirl of nausea. Too slow.... It should
take no more than four minutes; best not to dwell on this. I went
to Janey. She felt cold. I pulled her up into a sitting position,
and her eyes flickered open. She saw the tent, 'Great Job.' she
said, 'Be there in a minute.' And then she crawled round a nearby
tree. I realised the need myself and found a similar place opposite
the other side of the tent in some deep bushes. I came out again
seeing that Janey was still doing what needs to be done. Her ice
suit was flung to one side, so I picked it up. I took the packs
inside the tent. I came back for Janey. She was laid on the grass
back on this side of the tree. I turned her over, hooked my arms
under hers, and pulled her into the tent. I realised how cold she
was so I unrolled the sleeping bags. Then thought for a minute and
zipped the two together. I took off my jacket and outer wear; then
pulled Janey gently from hers trying not to bend her arms the wrong
way. She was like a floppy doll that sometimes resisted. She was
shivering. But I was uncomfortably warm. I zipped the tent shut. It
was well pitched. No strain. I could feel my mind trying to wander
again so I pinched the inside of my thigh. It hurt a lot less than
it should have....or rather I hadn't really pinched it at all. So I
slapped myself on the side of the face! That did it. For a few
minutes I had clarity. I tucked Janey inside the cocoon of the
sleeping bag, and then climbed in. I eased the zipper shut and lay
down. Janey turned instinctively towards my warmth. She made a
strange noise in her throat. So I felt with my fingertips over her
face and neck. She seemed fine in that respect; maybe she had her
hair in her mouth; she used to chew the ends long ago. She lay
against me moulding into my warmth. She felt like a slender icicle.
But it cooled me down. And slowly our temperature equalised. I
began to get that floating feeling, as on the edge of sleep. Janey
moaned again; so I stroked her hair with my other hand and it
seemed to calm her down. Her breathing became regular and she
glowed with that pleasant warmth.

'Jared?' she
said, 'I'm with you.... We arrived. We are safe. I went
forward....' it was then I realised she was talking in her sleep.
She pressed her mouth into my neck; a kiss, soft....lingering. Then
she slept.

I was laid
awake then for what seemed like the longest time drifting in and
out of dreams that I did not remember. Janey slept soundly and
long. And I hoped....oh! How I hoped that she would be spared the
onset of sickness. Every ten minutes or so I felt the rolling haul
of nausea; I am sea sick but on land. The inner ear is telling the
brain there is an imbalance somewhere, and is responding
accordingly. I was still the same.... The same Jared! I almost
laughed! I could travel on this fantastic journey and the one
constant in the universe was that I was absolutely guaranteed to
throw up at some point. No getting out of it for Jay Vincey! We are
one and the same.... Jared Arden! Who are you kidding? It has
always been so.... I feel queasy again and it spreads and fills my
whole mind so that I cannot think of anything else. It is coming
now every few minutes, more insistent, stronger, and harder to
ignore. I'm going to get out of the tent. I must. It recedes again.
I think this about twenty times more. Until I realise that I need
to relieve myself and get up.

I slip out into
full sunlight warming, sweet and still the air is suffused with the
smell of grasses and resinous bark, and something else like the
rushing of water. Perhaps it is nearby?

But I go round
to my shelter and I take my relief, I find it hard to be clear.
Where are we? When are we?

But then I am
overwhelmed. I cannot move but am shaking and sick. It continues
until I'm retching and nothing is coming out. I suddenly remember
the kit meds that we all carry. Anti-sickness tablets. Not
controlled drugs. Right now I'll try anything to stop how I feel.
It's time to take our leave of science. Oh God! My dear Janey! I go
back to her; find my pack and water bottle. I find the press
through pack of tablets. I take three, maximum dose, and check the
time on my watch as I do so. I know it might not match local time
but it's all I've got. Elapse time from the last time we were with
our friends. I cry a little uselessly. But feel better because
there is no one here to see.

I crawl back to
my girl and hold her again. She still sleeps, and I wonder if I
should wake her. The tablets are working. I feel better. But time
passes and I am day dreaming then waking, then waking again.

A time later;
she's not there. I panic and go outside. She comes out from behind
a tree. And then pulls herself to the edge of the forest glade. She
is shedding her skins of those tunics and girls undergarments. I go
to her. She is burning up. I pick up her clothes. She is only
wearing knickers. She crawls back to the tent obediently. Inside I
zip it shut again. We are in the shade of a tree and it isn't too
warm inside with the vents open. She lies down. I'm wondering how
to get a vest top back on a half passed out woman. But I don't feel
so good so I lay down. She immediately snuggles against my bare
chest. There is nothing except how sick we both are. I wonder if
she will be persuaded to put her clothes back on then give up; as
she wraps herself round me. I sleep then.

I wake thirsty
and stiff. My mind feels clearer. Janey is warm against me, naked
and beautiful. Blue shadows under her eyes. I wrap my arms around
her protectively. I'm still queasy but my mind feels clear. But so
tired; so tired.

I wake as the
sun is westering. I find the water bottle and drink. But suddenly
panic. Where is Janey?

She is outside
lying face down in the grass sweating. The night is sultry and the
sun sets. And I don't know how to get her to safety so I sit by
her.

'Hiya! Hiya!!'
a cry rings out across the night. And the rumble of a hooved animal
is heard. Suddenly puffing and blowing is a magnificent horse
nosing and sniffing in our direction someone slips off his
back.

'We have found
it! There are two of them! Go tell my father!'

My eyes roll
shut and I sway in space. Strong hands catch me before I
topple.

'Be thee
traveller or no, I shall help thee.'

I cannot speak,
but roll my eyes open. There are at least five horses. Their riders
quickly dismount.

'The Lady! Look
to her! Take her gently!'

I can do
nothing as they lift the ghost of my beloved girl. She has gone
beyond my protection. I am ill, helpless, and pathetic. The man
lifts me easily in his arms. Mercifully I pass out as the hooves
drum a beat on the springing turf.

There was a
light above my head. I saw whiteness, and a patch of brighter
space. Sunlight? No, blue….pale. a spring sky of a warm day. The
air is cool in this room. But it is actually about twenty two
degrees. I saw a thermometer a few minutes ago. I think I did. I am
in a bed. The head rest is slightly raised. I feel empty. I cannot
remember the feeling of a meal inside my stomach. But I’m not
thirsty. Someone held a straw to my lips a little while ago. I
drank and drank. And was satisfied.

The room is
white. The blankets and sheets all white. Everything in the room is
pristine and cool. The exact shade of white that is the purest, yet
the most organic. Slightly creamy, but not cream. I spend a few
minutes shutting one eye, then the other, trying to work out
exactly what shade of white it is. I decide that it’s like pure
cotton. Not bleached but natural… and then left in the sun; washed
and washed again.

I wonder what
the time is. I glance at my wrist and am surprised to find my watch
is there. But I am in a short sleeved tunic. It is cotton, and soft
and light. The bed is soft and lightly covered with layers of
cotton sheets. I blink a few times. I don’t feel sick any more. I
turn my wrist; two-thirty. I let it roll away, feeling a faint
flutter of worry. Why that time? I shut my eyes, and try to let it
drift away. I realise I’m holding my breath and let it out in a
long sigh; the first sound in this quiet room. I remember two words
from the transparent card; Janey’s key words, matched perfectly to
her subconscious. The world is not enough. I shake my head from
side to side. Where is she? I groan and sigh again. I feel empty
and weak. I want to see her. I have no doubt that the horse people
are taking care of us. But I must see her… I start to sit up, with
some difficulty, finding my right arm feeling bruised. I can’t move
to that side to I try to move to the left instead. But it is too
much effort. I lay back down.