The Prince, the Cook and the Cunning King (5 page)
“Yes, Cook will need the toilet very soon–and for a long time,” I said. “That’s my revenge for him kicking me.”
Cook rubbed his gut and tried to smile.
“A feast fit for a king!” he cried. “I will lead the way,” he told the serving men. “King Henry can tell me to my face how great I am!” He turned on us. “You stay here and start clearing up or I’ll whip you raw!”
But when he left we followed the procession to the great hall.
Lambert and I looked through a crack in the door. Uncle Henry sat at the top table with his guests from France. Their rich robes of crimson and gold, peacock blue and leaf green, were as fine as the ones I’d left at home.
And now I had Lambert’s secret I could set off for Wales very soon. But first there was the business of Cook to finish.
“My Lords!” Cook cried.
Silence fell on the great hall. Suddenly the smile slid from his face like jelly off a plate. He clutched his gut and let out the loudest and most disgusting sound I have ever heard.
Pffffththththththth-ttttttttt...
“Sorry, Your Grace!” he groaned and repeated the sound.
Pffffththththththth-ttttttttt...
“Oh, I need the jakes!” he cried and rushed to the door at the side of the hall.
“Not there!” Uncle Henry called.
Too late. Cook tore open the toilet door.
The Queen, who was in the jakes at the time, screamed, “Help, guards! Help!”
The guards drew their swords and rushed to grab Cook. He barged past them and ran for the main door where we were hiding.
“Don’t arrest me yet!” he wailed as he rushed past us, smelling like a drain and his guts gurgling like one, too.
“I need the jakes!”
Cook was fat but ran like a greyhound. The guards ran faster. They caught him when he reached the door to the jakes in the west tower.
“Please! Please! Please ...
Pffffththththt-ttttttttt
...
just let me go to the …
Pffffthth-ththth-
tttttttt
… jakes.”
The guards grabbed him and dragged him towards the dungeon.
“Oh, no-o-o-o-o!” Cook sobbed. “Now look what you’ve made me do-o-o-o-o!”
It was the last I saw of him. Of course, I wasn’t around for much longer. Cook would be sacked when he was finally released. I stayed long enough to see how happy Lambert and the servants were with their new cook. Long enough to say goodbye to Lambert Simnel–‘traitor’.
“Now that Cook’s gone I’m really happy, Ellie,” he said.
“As happy as a prince?” I asked.
“Happier,” he laughed.
I never told him I was a Tudor–his deadliest enemy.
That evening I went to my hayloft and packed my bundle of clothes.
All I wanted was a warm bath, my own bed and my Welsh home. But before I left I had to tell Uncle Henry the truth about Lambert Simnel.
Chapter Nine
The Terrible Truth
The guards came for me as midnight chimed.
“Well, Eleanor? Have you learned the truth?” my uncle asked me as he sat before the fire. The monkey turned its head as if waiting for my answer.
“I have,” I said.
“Is the boy Lambert Simnel or is he Prince Edward?” he asked.
“Is your executioner’s axe sharp?” I asked.
Uncle licked his thin lips. “It is.”
I smiled. “A pity. He won’t be needing it. Lambert Simnel is … Lambert Simnel. The man he calls father is an Oxford organ-maker.”
Well? I was telling the truth, wasn’t I?
“He’s a harmless boy,” I said.
“Thank you, Eleanor. The boy can live. The world can see we Tudors are firm, but fair,” he said.
I thought of Cook in the dungeon. “Yes, Uncle Henry. The world can see it doesn’t pay to tangle with a Tudor.”
The Prince, the Cook and the Cunning
King
is a story based on real people and events in Tudor times.
Edward, Earl of Warwick, had more right to be king of England than Henry Tudor. So Henry Tudor locked him in the Tower of London, then had himself crowned Henry VII.
Henry’s enemies found eleven-year-old Lambert Simnel in Oxford and thought he looked a lot like the imprisoned prince. They taught him to act like Prince Edward, then they took him to Ireland where they raised an army. They planned to invade England, beat Henry in battle and put Lambert on the throne–though of course, they would really run the country for him.
But, when they met Henry’s army at the Battle of Stoke Field, they were beaten. Lambert was taken prisoner and Henry sent him to work in his castle kitchens.
The real Prince Edward stayed in the Tower of London. Twelve years later, there was a plot to free Prince Edward from the Tower. King Henry did not want to take any chances. He had the real Edward executed.
Lambert Simnel became a loyal servant and was released from kitchen work. He took a job looking after the King’s falcons and was still doing that when Henry VII’s son, Henry VIII, came to the throne.
There is just a chance that Edward and Lambert were switched as babies. (Many people in England believed that at the time.) If Lambert knew that then, as in the story, he kept quiet. Sensible. After all … it doesn’t pay to tangle with a Tudor!
