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Authors: Colette L. Saucier

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BOOK: The Proud and the Prejudiced
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Peter released a
puff of irony and shook his head then spoke through clenched teeth. “I stayed
in the shot, didn’t I?”

“That’s not the
point. The camera was focused on Sienna. Are you this difficult with all your
directors?”

“If you mean do I
give them my opinion based on my study of the character, yes!”

“No wonder you were
fired from
COD
.”

“I wasn’t fired – I
quit. Listen, this is never going to work. I can’t do this scene with this kid.
He can’t act worth a shit, he’s just reciting the lines, and he smells like
onions!”

Jeff lifted his
hand to his mouth, blew on his palm, smelled it and shrugged.

“It’s a simple
scene. You start on your marker, you walk to that marker, you stand on the
marker. Sometimes you talk; sometimes you listen. I would read Sienna’s lines
for you, but I need to watch the monitors. So can’t you put your acting ability
to work with Jeff?”

Peter looked away
from Peacock, and his gaze landed on Alice.
Oh, shit
. She leaped from
her chair to run to her office and make her escape.

“Miss
McGillicutty.”

Double shit
. Her shoulders fell as she turned toward the set, her
eyes downcast.

“Can’t she stand in
for Sienna?” he asked Mr. Peacock. “She must know the script – she wrote it.”

“She prefers to
watch in case she wants to make adjustments to the dialog.”

“I would think she
would be able to do that even better if she’s acting it out.”

“Alice,” called out
Mr. Peacock. “Would you mind standing in so we can get out of here sometime
tonight?”

She dragged herself
to the set passing Jeff, who offered her the script, but she waved it away. She
narrowed her eyes at Peacock giving him her best evil-eye, which he ignored,
then took her mark.

“OK, we’re going to
take if from the top. You know where to start. I’ll call out the rest of the
blocking.” Once back in his chair, he said, “Action.”

 

Sienna (nervously, eyes averted) – It..it’s been a
long time, Tristan. Since you went away.

 

Tristan – I know.
Too
long.

 

Sienna (meets his penetrating gaze) – I began to be
afraid you would never come back again. Then everyone said you were lost at
sea, but I hoped. I hoped it wasn’t true

 

Tristan – They were right, Sienna. It’s true, I have
been lost, lost in my own head. I had to find myself before I could come back
to you. But now I’m here.

 

Sienna (turns around, nervously fidgeting) – A lot’s
happened in Valley View Bay since you went away. You know Lucas is married now.
Do you remember Damien? He was in an accident and –

 

Tristan – A lot has happened to me as well. I want to
show you that I have changed –

 

Sienna (walks away; Tristan follows) – Yes I hardly
recognized you.

 

Tristan – No, I want to show you that I have changed
on the
inside
. Being at sea, traveling the world, it’s a humbling
experience…

 

Sienna (stops on her mark)

 


Tristan
,” Peacock’s voice bellowed from the shadows, “you keep
walking until you’re about a foot behind Sienna.

 

Sienna (stands on her mark, Tristan walks toward her)
– No one has to run off and join the Merchant Marines to change, Tristan.
People themselves alter so much, there’s something new to be observed in them
forever.

 

Tristan – Have you changed, Sienna?

 

Sienna – Of course. I’m not that naïve girl you
abandoned anymore.

 

Tristan – I wasn’t leaving you.

 

Sienna – I was just collateral damage.

 

Tristan (places his hand on her upper arm) – I never
meant to hurt you. What I did was selfish and without a thought to anyone’s
feelings, how my actions affected others. I was ruled by my temper and
resentment toward my father. I couldn’t forget his vices or his offenses
against me.

 

Sienna – But even when he died, you didn’t come back.

 

Tristan (turns Sienna to face him eye to eye, grasps
both her arms, pulls her closer to him; emotionally) I never claimed to be
perfect. I have my faults, but I want the chance to redeem myself in your eyes.
I want to prove that I have become worthy of your love.

(He lifts his hand to her face and strokes her cheek
with his thumb.)

 

Sienna – (
gasps!
This is not in the script!
)

 

Tristan – (peers into her eyes) Can you give me that
chance?

 

Sienna (
trembles under his touch
) – Hu-How do I
know you won’t leave again?

 

Tristan – (lowers his hand to hold her neck, where he
can no doubt feel her pulse racing, and rubs his thumb along her lower lip) I
won’t make promises I can’t keep. But you can’t have such an attachment to this
place. You couldn’t have wanted to stay in Valley View Bay forever.

 

Sienna – (
closes her eyes, melting from his
ministrations, her breathing accelerated; raspy
) I…I don’t know what you
mean.

 

Tristan – (places his hands on either side of her
head, raising her face, waiting for her to look up at him) If I leave, I’ll
want you with me.

 

Sienna (
wonders if he’s been sucking on a
butterscotch, reminds her of butterscotch schnapps sweet in her mouth, sending
a river of warmth through her and pooling below her belly; realizes he is
leaning in as if…as if to kiss her! - widens her eyes; yells
) – CUT!

 

 

Peter did not step
away or release her, so Alice repeated, “CUT! CUT! CUT! CUT!” and pulled away
from him, although he still held her with his gaze.

“You’re quite the
actress, Alice,” he said, dropping his voice so only she could hear.

Her heart racing
and breathing ragged, heat flooding through her, burning her face, she stormed
off the set and straight to Peacock. “Why the hell didn’t you call cut? Why
didn’t you call out stage direction?”

“I thought what you
improvised was perfect.”

“This was not in
the script!” When Peter’s footsteps stopped behind her, she spun around on him.
“Mr. Walsingham, it is obvious you cannot take direction, but you have to stay
on script.”

“I didn’t change
any lines.”

“You know what I
mean. A stroke on the cheek after your last line – that’s it! Tristan is not
supposed to kiss Sienna for two more episodes.”

“But he didn’t kiss
her.”

“Well, that was too
damn close. I don’t want to see that on camera.”

“My apologies, Miss
McGillicutty,” he called after her as she rushed to the safe haven of her
office. “I promise, Tristan won’t do it again.”

She closed her door
and leaned against it, craving butterscotch schnapps.

 

CHAPTER 4

The Edge of Darkness
Chapter 10

 

I didn’t cry for Molly when he was killed in a
car accident; I cried for his family. I hadn’t seen Anthony since his high
school graduation. Then he had gone off to Harvard. His father lived just long
enough to see him pass the bar exam.

Tony, as he preferred to be called now, moved
in with us right after Annette and I graduated from high school. He had been
taken on at a law firm in the area and needed a place to stay while he figured
out where he wanted to live. He was tall – six two – with light brown curly
hair and big blue eyes. I was scared to death of him. I barely spoke to him
until two weeks after Molly’s funeral, and then just to say hi. I didn’t feel
like his sister, and I’m sure he did not feel like my brother. Even he and
Annette didn’t act like brother and sister – nothing like Tad and I.

Annette left a month after the funeral for
Radcliffe to get settled in before the semester started, and I was relieved.
She and I had tried to keep our distance throughout high school, but we never
could get along after Mother legally adopted me.

I hadn’t decided what I wanted to do now. My
grades were good, and I considered college, but I still thought I wanted to try
it as an actress.

I wanted to be closer to Tony, especially since
his father had just died and his own sister, or our sister, had gone. I was
just so frightened of him. Something about him scared yet intrigued me. When he
occasionally joined Mother and me for dinner, I never could think of anything
to say.

Molly’s death had left Mother terribly distraught.
I suppose, in spite of her male houseguests, she never stopped loving him. The
next thing I knew, her friends had packed her up for New York, and she had a
ticket on the QE2. Once she had gone, I rarely saw Tony at all, which was fine
with me. He worked and stayed at his end of the hall while I hung out with my
friends and stayed in my room.

Ben from high school called me one day. I
hadn’t seen him since he had graduated two years before, but I still remembered
he was a good kisser. He was home from college and looked me up. Ben picked me
up at two, and we went to a movie. I enjoyed having his arm around me again as
we watched the film. Then we went to his parents’ house for dinner as we had so
many times before, and it was as if we hadn’t been apart for two years.

I sat close to him in the car on the way back
home as the radio played softly. He had his arm around me, and we kissed at
each stop sign. Then he detoured off to park by a lake and turned off the
engine, leaving the radio on. Ben turned to me and wrapped me in his arms. We
started kissing and lay down. After a while, the steering wheel got in the way,
so we moved to the backseat.

It felt so good having him on top of me,
kissing me. He kissed my neck as his hand traveled up and down my leg. His lips
ran over my breasts through my blouse. I felt strange all over. He lifted me to
kiss me harder and used his hand to hold my mouth in place. He kissed my neck
and then my breasts and smothered himself between them.

He kissed me hard again and then just held me.
“I love the way you feel,” he whispered. I started unbuttoning my blouse. “What
are you doing?” he asked.

“I don’t know.”

Ben kissed my breasts and pushed his nose into
my bra. “Am I crushing you?” he asked between embraces.

“No,” I whispered, out of breath.

“Would you like to crush me?” He pressed his
lips against mine. “Do you want to get on top? I want to see if I can hold you
just as tight,” he kissed me, “feel you just as much,” he kissed me, “and kiss
you just as hard.”

We rolled over. “Oh, I can feel you much better
this way.” He moved his hand up and down my leg, going higher each time and
hiking up my skirt.

“I like it better the other way,” I said.

When we switched again, he became more
aggressive. Then I realized our position and jerked my legs together. “It was
just beginning to get fun,” he said and resumed kissing me.

The radio announced it was ten-thirty. “I
better get you home,” he whispered and pulled me up but didn’t stop kissing me.
Then I buttoned my blouse, we got in the front seat, and he drove me home.

Back at the house, I knocked on Tony’s door.
“Yeah!” he yelled through the door.

I stuck my head in his room. “I’m home, and I’m
going to bed.”

He was reading in bed. “All right. Good night.”

“Good night.” I closed the door, and Ben and I
slinked to my bedroom.

We were stretched out on my bed and had gotten
about as far as we had in the car, with my blouse unbuttoned and him on top of
me, but this time I didn’t pull my legs together.

My locked door burst open and splintered, and
Tony flew in like a raving maniac. “You get your ass the fuck out of here!”

Ben jumped off of me and the bed, and I sat up
with my shirt opened. I stared at Tony as Ben disappeared. Then Tony and I
shared a moment of eye contact before he walked out, closing the door behind
him.

 

“You aren’t going out again until Mother comes
back.”

“But that’s not fair! She might not be back for
weeks!”

“I don’t give a fuck what’s fair! After last
night, you’re lucky I don’t send her a telegram right now.”

“I don’t know why it matters to you anyway. I’m
eighteen. Why do you even care?” He didn’t say anything. “Are you going to tell
her?”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do.” He stormed
out of the room.

I hated him. He was trying to ruin my life. Why
did he hate me so much?

A few nights later, I was in my room talking to
Ben on the phone when I heard a car drive up, and I looked out my window. Tony
was walking toward the house with a well-built blond.

“He is such a hypocrite,” I complained to Ben.
“Sure – ‘Do as I say, not as I do.’ I hate him!”

After we hung up, I was reading when the
doorbell rang. I thought it was kind of late for someone to drop by
unannounced, but I knew I better answer it since Tony was “entertaining.” I
pulled on my robe and went to the door.

When I opened it, two Marines were standing
there. They said something, but I didn’t hear. First I was numb and silent,
staring at them, and then I was screaming. In a flash, Tony was there. I was
still screaming – I couldn’t stop – and he grabbed me and hugged me against his
bare chest. I was shaking violently with tears streaming down my face. He and
the Marines spoke a few minutes, then he closed the door, and I clung to him
and cried as he kissed the top of my head.

All of the screaming had made me weak, and he
had to support me as we walked toward the stairs. Then I just collapsed in his
arms, and he picked me up and carried me up to my room and laid me on the bed.
He sat next to me and caressed my hands and face with an empathetic look on his
face and so much sadness in his eyes. He tried to brush away my tears, but they
were coming too fast and too strong. He kissed my hand. “I’ll be right back.”

His girlfriend had gotten out of bed and was
standing in the hall. “You better go home. I’ll call you a cab,” he told her.
“My brother’s body was just found in Vietnam, and I need to take care of my
sister.”

After that, I barely noticed their whispers in
the hallway. When Tony came back, he kissed me on the forehead. “Try to go to
sleep,” he said, looking into my eyes.

I felt like a little girl again, taken captive
by sudden trauma and seeking refuge in a warm heart. He was good to me. He was
being a brother, I thought. I licked my lips, and they tasted salty from Tony’s
perspiration. Even in the midst of my sorrow, I knew it was the sweat from his
lovemaking, which my screams had interrupted.

When I awoke the next morning, I rolled over
and found Tony sitting in the chair next to the window staring at me. “Good
morning,” he said softly. The sunlight was shining through between the curtains
and lit his face, and he smiled with the sweetness of a cherub. “Did you sleep
well?”

“I don’t know. I was sleeping,” I said, then
thought how stupid it sounded. Suddenly I remembered, and I burst into tears.

Tony came and sat on the bed next to me and
cradled me in his arms. “Shhhh, baby. It’s all right.” But we both knew it
wasn’t.

His hands supported my head as I sobbed on his
shoulder. He rocked me in his arms and tried to quiet me, then he leaned back
just enough to wipe away my tears. He kissed my forehead and placed kisses on
my cheeks. I don’t think either of us realized what was happening until it had
already happened, but Tony gently placed a kiss on my lips. He looked into my
eyes and then kissed me again.

The kisses were not passionate but so very
tender and sweet. He laid me back on my pillow and stared deeply into my eyes
as he brushed his fingers over my hair. Then we started kissing again, and I
realized I was no longer crying and my sobs were somewhat stifled. I lifted my
hands up to his shoulders and held him while we kissed, more loving than
sensual.

Then Tony sat up and caressed my cheek. “Are
you ready to get up now?” I nodded, and he helped me out of bed. “Go wash your
face and come down, and we’ll have breakfast.”

As he walked out of my room, an overwhelming
amount of guilt came over me. The news of Tad’s death had only come the night
before, and here I was kissing Tony. Was I trying to replace him in my heart?

Tony stood from the table as I walked into the
kitchen. “Lexie, I want to apologize for…for what happened upstairs. I took
advantage of your grief and tried to relieve my own through you.”

I slumped in a chair beside him. “I’m sorry.
Here you have just lost your father, and I’m putting another burden on you.”

“It’s a burden I willingly accept.” We sat
quietly for a while, lost in our own thoughts and misery. “Lexie, let’s start
over. Let’s put our sorrow behind us and just focus on the future.”

“But that’s so hard to do. It’s virtually
impossible for me. Tad was my brother. I can’t just ignore this loss I feel.”

“You can if you try.”

“You don’t understand.”

“But I do. I do perfectly. I know how close you
and Tad were after your parents were killed, but my father and I were a team. I
worshipped him. I’ve had a few weeks to come to this realization, but even
though we will never have them in our lives again, we will never lose the
memories.”

“I know he was missing in action, but I never
let myself believe it. His death was so sudden.”

“And my father’s murder wasn’t?”

“Murder? I thought he died in a car accident.”

“Didn’t Mother tell you?”

“No.”

“My father was trying to get a bill passed that
would increase the oversight on some union activity to keep organized crime out
of it. He died on his way to the vote. They’ve kept it out of the press while
they investigate, but his car had been tampered with. His brake line had been
frayed.”

“I…I don’t know what to say. I had no idea. I’m
so sorry. I wish there were something I could do.”

After a moment of solemn silence, he looked at
me and said, “There is. Join me. Join me in my efforts against this grief. It
will only control our lives if we allow it to.”

I looked at him and realized how much pain he had
in his eyes. “I will try. That’s as much as I can promise.”

 

*****

 

After her debut as an understudy, avoiding Peter
on the set had proven easier than Alice anticipated. In fact, Alice would have
had a difficult time getting to Peter through the throng of admirers. In
addition to Mrs. Jellyby and the string of gophers, make-up girls, and catering
staff seeing to his every need, Winnie Johnson spent as much time on the set of
All My Tomorrows
as she did her own show in the neighboring soundstage.
The only time Alice had any contact with him at all occurred when he sought her
out in her office, which he had been doing with increasing frequency, to
provide his input on her script based on his “character study” of Tristan.

“I wonder if the summer hiatus means Winnie will
spend more time here or less. When does she film
COD
?” Alice asked
Eileen as they stood smirking at Peter surrounded by his harem. He smiled his
thanks to a girl handing him a cup of tea, and she turned red and practically
melted at his feet as Winnie looked on with arms folded across her chest and
disgust on her face.

“It’s different on a weekly series. Peter said he
was impressed by how hard everyone works here and the fast pace.”

“Oh, don’t tell me he’s hooked you, too.”

“No, of course not,” Eileen said, “but he’s not as
bad as you think.”

“I know he is a serial womanizer who thinks he is
too good for all this. And you didn’t see how he made a fool of me when I stood
in for Giselle. Constantly coming into my office to discuss ‘Tristan’s
motivation,’ as if he gives a damn. This is like summer stock to him. Do you think
he takes any of this seriously?”

“Maybe not at first, but I think he does now. He
was so upset with Peacock the other day when he wouldn’t let him have a retake
because Peter knew he could ‘do it better.’”

Their laughter drew Peter’s attention, and when
their eyes met, Alice feared she had become as red as the young girl. She
turned away.

“I have to admit he has wanted to discuss
Tristan’s character with me a lot for someone who thinks the role is beneath
him.”

“He does seem to be in your office a lot.”

“Yes, but usually only to find fault – in the
plot, in the dialog, with me in general. Of course, he might just be seeking
refuge in my office. Even
he
might want to get away from his groupies on
occasion. But he is still a misogynist. And he destroyed his marriage to
‘America’s Sweetheart’ to be with Skinny Winnie.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“Then why didn’t they deny it when the paparazzi
found them holed up at his mountain retreat?”

BOOK: The Proud and the Prejudiced
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