The Proud and the Prejudiced (5 page)

“I thought you didn’t read the tabloids!”

“I don’t, but they’re kind of hard to avoid when
the headlines are screaming at you in the checkout line.”

“Well, they may have had an affair then,” Eileen
said, “but I don’t think there is any affection between them now – at least not
on his part. He seems almost as annoyed by her coming here as you do. And he
was willing to go through a lot to get away from her.”

“Oh, yes, the horror of daytime television.” They
laughed again, and again he turned his attention from an animated Mrs. Jellyby
to them. “I think he knows we’re laughing at him,” Alice said as he held her
gaze. Then she focused past him to where Giselle sat in close conversation with
Jack Hartz, who had turned out to be Peter’s agent.

“Look at those two.”

Eileen followed her line of sight. “Talk about
star-struck. Jack follows her around like a lovesick puppy.”

“He’s lucky she hasn’t fallen head over heels for
Peter like all the other females here.”

“Yeah, that’s one co-star Peter’s unlikely to get
into bed.”

“And she’s the only one having love scenes with
him. A shame if he has this reputation as such a ladies’ man and it turns out
he’s a terrible kisser.”

This time when they laughed, Peter got out of his
chair and had come to stand in front of them before Alice even realized he was
walking toward them.

“I don’t know what’s going on over here, but it is
clearly more entertaining than anything being said over there.”

“Don’t tell me you’re bored with your groupies,”
Alice said with a grin. “Perhaps we could have a new batch flown in.”

He kept his eyes on her and tapped his finger on
his chin as if seriously considering it. “Mmm…I don’t think that will be
necessary.”

Alice wanted to think of a witty reply but still
hadn’t come up with anything when Giselle walked up to them with Jack just
behind.

“Alice, Jack is having a get-together Saturday
afternoon,” Giselle said. “We wanted to see if you and Eileen could come.”

“I can’t,” Eileen said. “I’m going to my mother’s
for the weekend.”

“How ‘bout you?” Jack asked Alice.

“I-uh-a party?”

“Just a few friends over, hang out by the pool,
fire up the pizza oven.”

“I’ll be there,” Peter added.

Alice returned her attention from Jack to Peter.
“Do you mean to deter me, Mr. Walsingham?”

“I certainly hope not, Miss McGillicutty.”

She smiled but took a step back and prayed she
wasn’t blushing.
Does he have to look at me – with
his
eyes?
“I’ll
have to let you know. I need to figure out where to send Tristan in July.”

Alice walked back to her office with Giselle quick
on her heels. “Alice, please come on Saturday. I don’t want to go by myself.”

“Kind of last minute. Did you ask Jack to invite
me?”

“No, of course not. He only just decided to do it
a few minutes ago while we were talking about his house.”

“How did Peter know about it?”

“He didn’t. He couldn’t have.”

“Then why did he say he would be there?”

Giselle shrugged. “He probably assumed Jack would
invite him.”

“He does assume a great deal.”

“Alice, please come. I really like him. He says
he’s going to invite some of his clients, and they are all A-listers. I’d be
the only one from soaps.”

“You shouldn’t let that bother you. Not only are
you more beautiful than anyone on screen today, your co-star is Peter the
Great.”

“You know what I mean. I need a friend there.”

CHAPTER 5

After another amazing day of museums and
picnics, we came home one evening to a dark, quiet house. It had been raining,
and we were both sopping wet and giggly from singing in it. Even though it was
still summer, I was chilly from being wet, so Tony lit the gas fireplace while
I got us some towels.

“I don’t know how I would have made it through
the last ten days without you,” I told him as we sat in front of the fireplace
to dry off. “I hope your firm doesn’t mind you abandoning them.”

“No, they understand, although they might not
recognize me when I go back.”

I knew what he meant. “When I first saw you
after all these years, I was scared to death of you. It was as if there was an
icy aura, a coldness surrounding you. But now it’s gone. Now you’re warm.” He
looked warm, too, sitting next to me in the glow of the fire.

He rubbed my cheek with his thumb as he stared
into my eyes. “That coldness was grief, and you have given me the strength to
overcome it.”

“How could I when I have been grieving, too?”

“Because I had to come through for you. It wasn’t
enough to come through for myself. You gave me a reason to be strong and not
allow it to overwhelm me, or it would have conquered you.”

“You don’t think this grief would have passed
on its own?”

“Maybe, but after how long? It would be
horrible to waste any length of time in tears, even a moment, because life is
so precious, and we never know when it could be taken away.”

I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I
think you’re wonderful.”

Tony caressed my cheek. “I think you’re
beautiful.”

Our lips came together tenderly at first, like
that morning in my bedroom, but then more passionately. As the kisses continued
to deepen, he brought me slowly down onto the rug. Then we smiled and he lay
beside me, and we turned facing each other. We kissed until I was dizzy and
felt like I was in a dream.

He rubbed under my chin and down my neck, and
his hand traveled down to the opening of my blouse. “I want you, Lexie. You
have no idea. I want you so bad, it’s driving me crazy.”

I didn’t know what I wanted. I knew I was
falling in love with him. We had spent every waking hour together since we
heard of Tad’s death, and the better I knew him, the more I cared for him.
Still, it was all moving so fast. I understood what he meant about every moment
being precious and how quickly it can be taken away, but I had never been in
love before – never made love before.

I took his hand and brought it to my lips,
kissing it and nuzzling it, trying to tell him what I could not bring myself to
say - that we needed to slow down because I wasn’t ready. I hoped he would
understand without me speaking the words, which I was afraid he would take as
rejection. I guess he didn’t get the message. He took his hand from mine and
brushed it over my hair, then he started kissing me again.

I wasn’t kissing him back, and he noticed. He
wrapped me in his arms and rolled on his back so I was on top of him. He held
the back of my head and pressed our lips tightly together. I tried to resist,
but as if my lips had a will of their own, I started kissing him back.

His hands followed my frame from my shoulders
down my back and to my thighs. He rolled me over onto my back and kissed me
deeper. He ran his hands over my body until they met at the snap of my jeans.
Once he had unzipped them and put his hand inside, I wanted him, too. As he
touched me, I couldn’t believe the waves of sensation he poured over me. He
yanked at my wet jeans to pull them down, and I wiggled to help him. He kissed
up and down my neck and nibbled my ear as he unbuttoned my damp blouse, then he
kissed the tops of my breasts above my bra.

As he fondled me and kissed my mouth again,
words, poetic phrases raced through my mind. I felt the passion flaming through
me like the fire beside us. He unzipped his jeans and pushed my legs open, and
then I felt him against me. I wanted him; I wanted him so bad.

Just as we were about to join, a car drove up,
its headlights flashing a stream of light across us through the window.
“Dammit!” he said. “Who the hell could that be?” He wrestled with zipping up
his pants and then helped me redress, then we stood up and started for the
door.

Before we made it that far, the door opened.

“Mother!” Tony did not hide his shock or his
annoyance.

“I’m back, my darlings!” She walked in with a
chauffeur behind her with the luggage. “I tried to get here as quickly as I
could as soon as I received your telegram. I wish you would have sent it when
you first found out.” She paid the chauffeur and dismissed him.

“Why didn’t you call?” Tony asked. “We could
have picked you up from the airport.”

“I did. No one answered. Where were you two?”

We looked at each other. “At dinner,” he said.

“So you two have been getting along then? Have
you become better acquainted?”

“Uh, you might say that.”

“I’m so glad to hear it. I would hug you both,
but you look like something the cat drug in. I’m exhausted from that
transatlantic flight. Unless there is something we need to discuss tonight or
talk about the arrangements, I think I’ll retire.” Neither Tony nor I spoke.
“All right, then. Good night, children.”

“Good night,” we sang after her as she climbed
the stairs.

I turned to him. “Good night, Tony. Thank you,
for everything.”

His face looked crushed. “Lexie, you’re going
to sleep?”

“Yes. I think I better. I’ll see you in the
morning.”

He kissed me again and sent chills down my spine.
He took me in his arms and held me tight. “Sweet dreams. Dream of me.”

*****

Having capitulated to the pool party scheme, Alice
settled into the lounge chair under an umbrella with a strawberry margarita and
her paperback, ready to read and relax. Giselle and Jack were at the far end of
the pool smiling at each other; Peter, of course, had Skinny Winnie attached to
him with no intention of letting him wander away; and none of the other guests
acknowledged her existence. Perfect.

*****

The next morning, Tony and I decided it would be
better if we were not open about our relationship until after Tad’s funeral. I
guess we were afraid of how Mother would react, and we didn’t want to add more
to this stressful time. But more often than not, our feelings would shine
through. Although neither of us had said it, I knew we were in love. We would
steal a kiss or a touch here and there and kiss whenever we had a moment alone.

Soon after the funeral, Mother was back to being
her old self again. Her hair was freshly blond, and she began having visitors
again. It seemed her grieving for Molly, and for Tad, had passed.

One morning I was awoken by Tony’s soft kisses
on my face. I opened my eyes and saw him sitting beside me without a shirt on.
He crawled under the covers close to me. His body was warm, and I wrapped my
arms around him as he kissed my neck and ran his hand over my nightgown. He
reached the hem, and his hand traveled up my thigh. Once he touched me, I knew
I was ready.

“Lexie, I –” Mother said as she came in the
door but broke off and gaped at us. Tony and I sat up immediately. “What is
going on here?” Tony and I looked at each other. “Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh,
no!” She ran crying out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

“Jesus shit,” he said. “Again, her timing is
impeccable.”

“What are we going to do?”

He stood up from the bed. “Well, at least now
she knows. No matter what she says or how she feels, she isn’t going to come
between us. I don’t understand why she is so upset. At least this way, she
wouldn’t have to hassle with in-laws.”

It took a few seconds for the term “in-laws” to
register. “What?”

He sat back on the bed and took my hands in
each of his. “That’s why I came in here this morning. I thought it might be
easier for Mother to hear that we’re engaged and not just screwing. I know it’s
quick, but I know I love you and I want to be with you. So will you marry me?”

I hugged him, hard. “Oh God, Tony. I want to be
with you, too. But you’re right. It is quick. Can we…can we talk about it a
little more? I mean, I’m only eighteen. Mother thinks we’re having sex now
anyway. Can we talk about it later?”

We came apart. “Sure. I understand.” He tapped
a kiss on my lips. “I’m going to go talk to Mother.”

As I dressed, I could think of nothing but his
proposal. I hadn’t even decided what I wanted to do with my life. Becoming an
actress was probably a pipe dream, but I thought I’d like to try. I just didn’t
want to lose Tony in the process. Perhaps we could have a long engagement.

I could hear them screaming at one another from
the top of the stairs. As I got closer to the kitchen, I was able to make out
the words they were yelling.

“Did you have intercourse with her?”

“Mother!”

“Did you have intercourse with her?”

“That is none of your Goddamn business!”

“I would say if my children are having sex, it
is very much my business!”

I walked into the kitchen, and they both turned
to me. “Lexie,” said Mother, “leave us alone. Anthony and I need to discuss
this.”

“No!” Tony said. “She has every right to be
here. It’s her life!”

“Well, I’m her mother!”

“And I’m her lover!”

“So it is true.”

I could feel my face turning red.

“Lexie, please leave Tony and me for a while. I
just need to talk to him about some things alone.” She dug into her purse on
the table and pulled out a wallet and her car keys. “Here. Take this and go
shopping, or go to a movie. Just give us a couple of hours to clear the air.”

With the keys was a hundred dollar bill. “I
don’t need this much.”

“Take it. Go get some new clothes. Besides, I
didn’t bring you back anything from my trip.”

Tony took another hundred out of his wallet and
stuffed it in my hand. “Here. Buy yourself a whole new wardrobe.”

“But –” I started to argue, but he placed a
finger on my lips.

“Shhh…We both want you to take the money, and
neither of us will take ‘no’ for an answer.”

“Uh, thank you.”

“Goodbye, Lexie,” Mother said.

Then, to my mother’s vocal disgust, he pulled
me close and kissed me ardently. “Bye, Lexie,” he whispered in my ear. “I’ll
see you in a little while, and we can finish what we started.”

I knew I was blushing, so I left quickly.

I was hungry, so I stopped at a diner for
breakfast and then went shopping, but being alone with my thoughts just made me
anxious. I went to a movie, but my mind kept wandering back to the house
wondering what was going on. Finally, I could take it no longer.

When I got home, the house was dark and seemed
empty, deserted. At first, I thought, “Oh, my God. They’ve killed each other.”

I called out that I was back, but no one
answered. “Tony!” No reply. I went upstairs and knocked on his door, but he
didn’t say anything, so I opened the door. His room was a wreck, and all his
clothes were gone.

I started running around the house, crying and
calling his name. I found Mother in the party room.

“Where is he?”

“Gone.” She had been drinking, and her face was
a mask.

“Gone? What do you mean gone?”

“He’s packed up and moved out.”

“Where did he go?”

“He didn’t say. Here.” She handed me an
envelope with my name on it in Tony’s writing, and I ripped it open.

Lexie,

I
love you. More than you’ll ever know. More than I even knew until this moment
when I have to let you go. That’s why I have to leave. I know I could not stand
being near you and not be able to touch or kiss you. I don’t even know who I am
any more, but I know that I love you. You gave me my life back.

With
all my heart,

Tony

I stared knives at Mother that were probably as
piercing as my voice. “What did you do? What did you say to him? Why did you make
him leave?”

“My darling Lexie.” She extended her hand to
me, but I wouldn’t take it. “Please sit down.” When I sat beside her, I could
tell she had been crying. “Tony is your brother.”

“So what if legally he’s my brother?”

“No, he is your brother.”

“Not by blood.”

“Yes. By blood. I had an affair with your
father. Your mother and Molly didn’t find out about it until years later.
That’s why she would never speak to me again, and why Molly divorced me. When I
was with your father, that’s when I became pregnant with Tony. You and Tony
have the same father.”

As she had spoken, I started to cry, and now I
was near hysterics. “What have you done? What have you done!”

“I had to tell him. It broke my heart to tell
him, he loved Molly so much. Now to learn he wasn’t his father. But I had no
choice. It’s incest.”

“Mother, it wasn’t incest!”

“Haven’t you heard what I’ve been saying?
Please calm down and listen to me. You are half-siblings, and that is incest.”

“But I was adopted!”

“I know, but your real father is Tony’s real
father.”

“No! My real parents adopted me! The Haywards
adopted me!” I fell onto my knees on the carpet and held my head in my hands as
I sobbed.”

Once she finally made sense of what I had told
her, once she knew the truth, she said, “Oh God, what have I done?” She leaned
over and rubbed my back. “I’m so sorry, Lexie. I’ll go find him. I’ll bring him
back.”

*****

And then, the laugh: Winnie’s whinny broke the
trance evoked by the melodrama on the page as two shadows fell across Alice.

“What are you reading, Alice?” When Winnie said
her name, it always sounded like an insult.