The Slaying of the Shrew (7 page)

As they approached the house, it took on even more grandeur up close than it had possessed from a distance, seen from the road. The carved stonework between the vast array of mullioned windows was now clearly visible and the sheer size of the place impressed itself upon them even more.

"Odd's blood, 'tis less a house than a small castle," Shakespeare said. "It seems to lack only the moat and battlements and crenellations. 'Twould not surprise me to find a ghost or two stalking the halls at midnight. How would you say this place compares to Sir William's estate, Tuck?"

"Oh, quite favorably, indeed," replied Smythe, very much impressed. "Only this has the aspect of a much newer construction. And I do believe 'tis somewhat larger than Green Oaks, unless I miss my guess."

"Your eyes serve you well," Burbage said. "From what my father tells me, Middleton Manor was completed only four years ago, by the same architect who had built Green Oaks for Sir William Worley, save that Sir William's house had been extensively refurbished, while Middleton Manor was newly built in its entirety. My father said the architect had been specifically instructed to surpass what had been done at Green Oaks, with no heed whatever to the cost. And from what I see before me, judging only by the exterior of the house, it would seem that little heed was paid, indeed, if any."

"Middleton must have spent a goodly fortune on this place," said Smythe. "I would swear there are more chimneys rising from this roof alone than could be found in my entire village. I will wager that each room has its own fireplace. And just look at all that glass! There are even bay windows in each turret! The morning light within must be quite blinding."

As they proceeded around the side of the house, the river came into view below them, where the bank fell away sharply from the terraced slope. The sight that greeted them as they made the turn and saw the river made them all pull up short and stare.

Below them, a small flotilla of boats was approaching from the east in what looked like a carefully arranged formation. Most of the boats were being rowed by rivermen, but some of the larger ones were under sail and there were two barges being towed in the midst of the motley looking fleet. Both barges had been modified so that they had the aspect of craft that would convey Egyptian royalty, or at least someone's idea of what such a vessel might have looked like. A large afterdeck had been erected on each barge, each with a dais and elaborate canopies of purple cloth fringed with gold, and benches had been placed along each deckrail for "slave rowers," though it seemed that the oars were only for show. They appeared much too short to be very functional, scarcely brushing the surface of the water. And after a moment's observation, it became evident that they were not functional at all, but nailed in place, for none of them moved at all. In one of the lead boats, a man was standing and shouting commands through a large horn as the boats bobbed in the choppy current, trying to maintain position relative to one another.

"What in God's name are they doing?" Smythe asked, perplexed.

"We, of all people, should be able to tell that," Shakespeare replied. "They are rehearsing."

"Oh, of course," said Burbage. "They are preparing for the wedding progress. The theme, remember? Queen Cleopatra comes to visit the Emperor Julius Caesar."

John Fleming shook his head as he rode up beside them to watch the nautical maneuvering. "Methinks Cleopatra could use a better steersman," he observed, dryly. "Her barge seems to be in the process of ramming her own escorts."

Several of the boats had indeed suffered collision with the barge as Fleming spoke. The barge had drifted into them, and a number of the others steered quickly out of line to avoid the mess. One of the smaller boats was foundering and the man with the horn seemed to be having fits. He was holding the horn with one hand, shouting into it at the top of his lungs, and waving directions frantically with his free hand.

"I, for one, find that rehearsal with a company of unruly players on a stage poses challenges enough, without having to concern myself with the disposition of a small fleet," said Burbage, with a chuckle.

"What concerns me more," said Shakespeare, with a trace of anxiety in his voice, "is how our play shall compare with this elaborate nautical spectacle, to say naught of the distractions of the fair. I fear that we may have no easy task before us, my friends."

As he spoke, the queen's barge kept on drifting, sliding sideways in the current and bumping into two other small boats that were not quick enough to get out of the way, no matter how desperately their boatmen rowed. The man in charge of directing the flotilla began leaping up and down in a frenzy, shouting himself hoarse into his horn.

"He is going to upset that boat if he does not watch out," said Speed.

The little boat was rocking violently and the boatman started shouting at his frantic passenger, who spun around angrily to shout back at the boatman and, in the process, lost his balance and plunged headlong into the river.

'Man overboard!"
Will Kemp cried in his ringing stage voice, from his seat beside Speed in the wagon.

They all burst out laughing heartily, but Smythe's laughter died abruptly in his throat when he saw the stricken expression on his roommate's face. Shakespeare alone was not laughing. He was watching it all with a look of chagrin and, for a moment, Smythe could not account for it. He gazed at the poet with puzzled concern, and then a moment later, comprehension dawned.

Had he not known Will Shakespeare as he did, Smythe would not have understood, but all at once he realized that his friend was viewing the disaster down below—and especially their laughter at it—as a harbinger of things to come. Shakespeare had no confidence in the play that he had written. He had not wanted it performed. Indeed, he had kept insisting that it was not finished, but his concerns had been dismissed as nothing more than the natural hesitancy of a poet before the first performance of his work. If there were any problems, the Queen's Men were confident that they could be fixed during rehearsal. After all, they had seen Shakespeare rewrite plays already in their repertoire at a lightning pace, often making extensive changes overnight, or even inbetween performances, and those changes were always for the better. It occurred to Smythe that Burbage and the others all took this ability for granted. The only one who apparently did not was Shakespeare.

It had become evident now that the barge was drifting due to the parting of one of its tow ropes. As they watched it skewing sideways, Smythe understood that Shakespeare was envisioning a similar disaster on the stage and seeing himself in the role of the unfortunate fellow with the horn. The man was being assisted back into the boat as they watched. Somehow, he had managed to retain a grip on his horn, but now, in a fury, he tossed it violently overboard.

"I would not concern myself overmuch with competition from that sort of spectacle, if I were you," Burbage said to Shakespeare, leaning over in his saddle slightly and reaching across to clap him on the shoulder. "If they manage to pull it off without sinking themselves like Drake sank the Armada, why then at best, it shall be merely a parade of boats and two silly looking barges, one bearing a bride dressed like an Egyptian queen and the other conveying the wedding party. By the time they reach the river gate down there and disembark, all watching will have wearied of the sight. And if they repeat this sorry show, why, they shall merely amuse the audience and prime them for our own merrymaking. Odd's blood, if the Queen's Men cannot easily surpass a little water pageant, then we should all start looking for something else to do."

They were met by the steward of the estate, a gaunt, balding and smugly self-important man who introduced himself as Humphrey. Like many of the wealthy middle class, in imitation of the aristocracy, Godfrey Middleton divided his time between residence at his country estate and a home that he maintained in the city. Even though it was less than a day's ride to London, with his business concerns keeping him in the city much of the time, it was necessary for Middleton to have a capable steward in charge of his country house. It was a large responsibility, and Humphrey's manner indicated he was quite aware of that and thought everyone else should be, as well. He was neither rude in his greeting of them nor was he dismissive, but he nevertheless gave the impression that he was a very busy man with many more important things to do, which was doubtless true, thought Smythe, at least under the current circumstances, considering all the preparations that he had to oversee for the wedding and the fair.

Without wasting any time, Humphrey rattled off their instructions. They were to proceed directly to the stables, where their horses and equipment would be put up by the grooms, and then immediately set about their preparations for the staging of their play, which was to take place on the morrow, in the late afternoon, following the wedding. It meant that they would not have much time, if any, to rehearse. If they were quick in setting up, then there might be an opportunity to get in one quick rehearsal in the evening. In the morning, they would all be busy greeting the wedding party as they arrived.

"Costumes shall be provided for you," Humphrey stated curtly, with a slightly preoccupied look, as if ticking off a mental list. "You shall be receiving them this evening while you are setting up your stage and can then divide them amongst yourselves, accordingly."

"What sort of costumes?" Burbage asked, with a slight frown. "I was not aware that we would be donning any costumes other than our own. Surely, there cannot be any time for fittings?"

"Fittings shall not be necessary," Humphrey replied. "The costumes are merely simple white robes that drape over the body. You shall be Roman senators, welcoming our distinguished guests as they arrive and helping them disembark, then escorting them up to the house, where my staff shall take over their charge."

"Ah, of course," said Kemp. "As everyone knows, the august members of the Roman Senate always took the part of porters at the docks whenever important guests arrived to visit Caesar."

Humphrey arched a disdainful eyebrow at Kemp's sarcasm and then more than matched it with his own. "If you prefer, we could make you a Nubian slave, strip you to your waist, darken your skin with coal dust, and have you walk behind the guests, carrying an ostrich feather fan."

"Methinks I would just as soon serve in the Senate," Kemp replied, with a sour grimace, as the others chuckled.

"The schedule of events does not leave us much time to rehearse," said Burbage.

The steward's expressive eyebrow elevated once again. "Well? You are the Queen's Men, are you not, the self-proclaimed masters of tragedy and comedy? I was informed you were the best players in the land."

"Aye, we are proud, indeed, to have that reputation," Burbage replied, puffing himself up. "Nevertheless—"

"Well then," Humphrey interrupted, "Master Middleton has paid for the best, and so he expects the best, and nothing less. Tis in your own interest, therefore, to live up to your stellar reputation. Look to it."

"That had almost the aspect of a threat," Shakespeare said to Smythe as they left Humphrey and proceeded toward the stables. "Do you suppose they might set the dogs on us if our performance is found wanting?"

"I doubt that Master Middleton would waste his sports upon the likes of us," said Smythe, with a straight face. "I think it more likely he would dispatch a phalanx of footmen armed with cudgels to urge us on our way."

"Well you may jest," said Shakespeare, "but these moneyed sorts would do just that sort of thing and not think twice of it. I do not trust that Humphrey fellow. He has a lean and hungry look. I much prefer a well-fed man. Corpulence has a tendency to make one indolent and indolent men are much less likely to be moved to violent action."

"Like our late King Henry, you mean?" said Burbage. "Now there was a sweet, pacific soul for you. Anne Boleyn found him rather corporal in his corpulence, as I recall."

"Aye, imagine what his humor might have been if he were thin," said Smythe, grinning.

" ‘Twould have been much worse, I have no doubt of it," Shakespeare replied. "Had he been a leaner and more spirited man, like Richard Lionheart, then instead of merely breaking with the Church of Rome, he might have launched his own crusade against it."

"Now you know, there might be a good idea for a play in that," said Smythe.

"God's wounds!" said Burbage. "We do not have enough trouble with the Master of the Revels? Do us all a kindness, Will. Should you by any chance decide to pen a play about an English king, then try to choose one whose immediate descendants do not at present sit upon the throne, else we might all end up with our heads on London Bridge."

"Sound counsel, Dick," Shakespeare said. "I shall endeavor to keep it in mind."

"And you, Smythe," Burbage added, "leave the playwriting to Shakespeare and stick to what you do best."

"Aye, whatever that may be," said Kemp, getting down from his seat up in the wagon as they reached the stables and dismounted. "Lifting heavy objects, was it not?"

"Indeed, I do believe that you have struck upon it, Kemp," said Smythe, turning towards him. "And since there is nothing heavier than your own weighty opinion of yourself, I think I shall indulge in a bit of practice at my skill." With that, he seized Kemp and hoisted him high into the air, holding him at arm's length overhead.

Startled, Kemp yelped, then started blustering. "Put me
down,
you great misbegotten oaf!"

"As you wish," replied Smythe, and tossed him straight into the manure bin.

Kemp landed in the odiferous mixture of soggy straw and horse droppings to the accompaniment of uproarious laughter from his fellow players. He arose like a specter from the swamp, bits of soiled straw and dung clinging to his hair and clothing. Outrage and embarrassment mingled with anger and disgust, overwhelming him to the point of speechlessness.

"I have had my fill, Kemp, of your snide barbs and venomous aspersions," Smythe said. "That you are more talented than I is something I shall not dispute. The least talented member of this company is a better player by far than I, much as it saddens me to say so. I am quite aware of my shortcomings. Be that as it may, I carry my weight and I work as hard as you do, if not harder, and I challenge any member of this company to say that I do not. I am not, by nature, hot-tempered, but neither will I suffer myself to be abused. The next time you provoke me, I shall put you through a window, and the landing may not be as soft. Find another target for your caustic wit, for I have had enough of it."