The Way We Were (12 page)

“What do you know to
be true, Jared?”

That she was mad about the email.

“No, you don’t know that she’s mad. She’s upset.”

Jesus, he was playing semantics with himself. Well, it was important to be precise.

She’d forgotten her fears and anxieties last night and responded to him like a loving wife, a sexy woman, the one she had been. If only Opal hadn’t had the problem with her drain.

“That’s good
news.”

But this morning, when he’d come downstairs and saw the doubt on her face, he’d gotten angry.

He hadn’t gotten angry last time. He’d taken the punishment she’d doled out without objection or defense of his actions. He asked her why she had given up on him so easily, but in truth, he’d given up on her, on them, too. He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. Jared always knew he’d
been the one in the wrong in this whole situation, but he’d not realized how in many ways he’d taken such a detrimental path. Fuck, what was he going to do now?

“Thanks for seeing me today, Brie.”

The woman smiled over at Ana. “I’d do anything for your sister and, by extension, you.” She picked up the coffee cup at the restaurant where they’d met at four o’clock. “Besides,
I told you I was working in a house not far from here.”

“Still, I appreciate it.”

Reaching over, Brie squeezed Ana’s hand. “Your family has had so much tragedy, Ana. We’ve all suffered for CJ.”

“Thanks for the sympathy.”

Brie waited.

Finally, Ana began. “I know what happened to you. You had a traumatic incident to deal with, too.”

“Did something like that happen to you?”

“No. Hell, I’ll just say it out right. I’ve had some personal problems. My husband and I divorced a year after the guys died. He wanted me to get some counseling then, and I couldn’t. I still don’t seem to be able to make the call.”

“CJ gave you the name and number of the woman I saw, right? It was a while ago.”

“Yes, and I can’t tell you how many times I tried to phone her. I need
advice on how to get myself to take that step. How did you?”

Brie shook her head, probably remembering a difficult time. “My problems affected my marriage, my kids, my ability to do my job. I got counseling because I wanted my life back the way it was, and no one was going to engineer that but me. I found the strength to do it.”

“I’m not sure if I’m as strong as you.”

An unladylike
snort from Brie. “Is this the woman who took care of a baby right by her mother’s side, when she was a child herself? Who orchestrated dinners and bedtimes for the older kids? Who also delayed going to college to take care of her younger sisters during a scary marrow transplant? CJ says she was never half as strong and self-sacrificing as you were.”

“Caterina jumps in front of bullets to save
people, Brie.”

“I think you’ve taken as many emotional hits as she has physical ones. Summon that woman, Ana, the one CJ believes in. Make what I know will be a good choice for you.”

“I want to, Brie. I really do.”

She gave Ana an encouraging smile. “I could call Carolyn Adams right now. I promise you, it’s the right move.”

Ana longed to be the woman Brie knew her to be through
CJ. Then, hell! “All right, call her and we’ll get an appointment as soon as she can fit me in.”

Jared looked out the window. It was dark early in March and he sat somberly in the family room waiting for Ana to return from work. He’d texted her around noon, after his run.

I’m sorry I was angry this morning. We need to talk more tonight, so when Sofia stopped by around
dinnertime and asked if she could take Opal overnight, I agreed. They’re going to celebrate her all-clear from the doctor. Please come home as early as you can.

She’d texted back
, I have an appointment at four. I’ll be home afterwards. I’m sorry, too.
But at five, she’d sent another.
One more thing to do. You’ll be happy about all this.

Well, that was something. He decided to wait for
her in their bedroom again. Though he wanted to talk this out, he’d be patient, even having no idea where she was now.

The house in the Bronx was small. It had taken Ana about an hour to drive here because after she’d left Brie, she’d had to go back to the college to get the address. Illegally, of course, but as the saying went, desperate times called for desperate measures.

She made her way from the curb to the sidewalk and up to the porch. Wanting to turn tail and run into the safety of old pain, she forced herself to ring the bell.

After two more tries, the outside light went on and the door opened. A slender woman with short dark hair said, “Hello. Can I—oh!”

“Hello, Valerie. I’m Ana Creswell.”

At least, she had the grace to look embarrassed. “I
know who you are.”

“And obviously, I know who you are, too. Can I come in or do you want to have this conversation in the doorway?”

“Something tells me I don’t want to have it at all.”

“That’s not an option.” Ana hoped her voice didn’t waver.

“Come inside, then.”

Ana stepped into the small foyer, off which was a living room. She could see a tiny dining room adjacent to it,
both with two little windows.

The other woman asked, “Would you like to give me your coat and sit down?”

Taking off her scarf, Ana shook her head, letting her hair cascade around her. “I won’t be here that long. I have something to tell you, and I wanted to say it to your face.”

“All right. It’s nothing I don’t deserve, I suppose.”

“You had an affair with my husband. I’m not solely
blaming you, though my feminist instincts make me wonder how a woman could do that to another woman, especially since everyone knew what our family was going through.”

Valerie paled.

“I’m here to tell you I read your latest email to Jared. It’s true. We haven’t gotten back together. Yet. But we’re going to. Even if you come back to our college.”

Valerie’s shoulders stiffened. “It’s
my college, too.”

“That’s correct, and I have no right to ask you not to enter our graduate program, which I helped design, by the way. Go ahead. Get another degree at Mount Mary. But you can’t have Jared. He doesn’t love you. He loves me. And this time, I’m going to keep him.”

With that, Ana turned and strode out of the house. Her hands were trembling, and her heart galloped in her chest.
Making her way to the curb, she got in her car and took deep breaths. After several seconds, one emotion clawed its way from what was swirling inside her to the surface.

Pride.

He was slow to come around. Someone shook him. Muffled sounds. Then, “Jared, it’s me, Ana.” Opening his eyes, he saw his wife bending over him. “Hello, love.”

Her hair was loose around her.
She’d had it up for work today. His gaze dropped. She wore a satiny, deep pink robe, not the clothes she’d put on this morning. “Ana?”

“Shh,” she said pressing her fingers to his mouth. “No talk. Make me feel again, Jared.” Tugging him up, she pulled his T-shirt over his head. “Slip out of your shorts.”

“Are you…”

“Shh.”

So he did as she asked.

Soon, he was naked on the bed.
Already, his erection pumped hard in his groin. He knew there were a thousand things to say at this point—was she sure? was it really time?—but he let her take the lead.

She did. She stood and unbelted the robe. The shiny material fell to her feet, revealing the silky skin she’d bared. She let him study her. Her body was different, he noticed. More rounded than when he’d last seen it, when
she’d been so thin it had concerned him. Her breasts seemed fuller. She was all woman, and he longed so much to please her, to cement them together with good sex. The yearning was so strong he couldn’t speak, even if she’d let him.

She put one knee on the bed, then another, and stretched out by his side. He watched her as she ran her fingers across his chest, stopped briefly at his nipples,
rubbing her palm there. A moan escaped his lips. She went lower. But before she reached his groin, she leaned over and kissed him. The kiss was hard and wet and sloppy. His hand cradled her neck to hold her there. Her fingers went lower, lower, lower, and she closed her fist over him.

Afraid he might go off, he gripped her wrist. She drew back and must have seen the reason in his eyes, because
she moved away from his hardness and brought his hand to her breast. She watched as he cupped first one, then the next. Massaged. Then he sat up so he could suckle her. She used to love this and he loved doing it to her.

Apparently, she still did. She moaned, then moved restlessly on the mattress, her head falling back. Ah, good. He went on instinct, not on calculation as he lay her back and
leaned his body over her. He took his time relearning the softness of her curves, the give of her skin. She shivered when he touched her. Light. Hard. Easy. Fast. When his hand moved between her thighs, she splayed them as if it was a natural, automatic reaction. Parting the folds of the skin at her core, he felt the wetness, and he wanted to weep with thanksgiving. He pressed there with his palm
and she jerked up a bit. Slower, he circled her once, twice.

Then she grasped his arm. “Wait.”

Oh, God, no, please.

She tugged him down and scissored her legs. Said simply, “Like this.”

He didn’t hesitate. Mirroring her position, he eased into her. The sensation was so intense he sucked in a breath. He felt her tightness, her readiness, the automatic clench of her muscles around
him.

He began to move, praying to a God he’d lost faith in, that he’d last, that she’d orgasm and his universe would be righted. In out, in out, and then he felt her spasms. He went faster and vowed to remain conscious of what he was doing so she could go first.

She did. Her body tightened, more and more and then more, and he began to thrust. Just when he knew he was about to explode,
she cried out his name as she reached the pleasure that they’d been so cruelly robbed of.

And he joined her.

Ana clung to him. She buried her nose in his chest as he cocooned her in a full-body embrace. She said a prayer in gratefulness for what had happened tonight. And regretted the years they’d missed together. He kissed her head.

She burrowed deeper. It took a
few moments before she noticed something. His body was shaking. She drew just inches away from him and opened her eyes. Tears coursed down his cheeks. Hurt rumbled in his chest. She pulled him to her. Met her cheek with his. As if she’d given him permission, he collapsed on her and began to sob out all the pain and anger of the past few years.

She didn’t know how much later she felt covers
being pulled up. Her head was eased onto a pillow. He lay back. And then the world went away.

They awoke together. Dawn hadn’t come yet, but something tugged them to consciousness. She looked up at him.

“Ana, sweetheart,” he said. “Last night…”

“We made blissful love.”

His chuckle was male, his beard already scratchy. “I remember. You came to me. Why?”

“Because
I took to heart what you said. And I decided I should have fought for you, for us, when we split. I couldn’t see it then.”

“Why today?”

“I had an interesting afternoon.” She told him about Sofia.

“Of course, she’d understand. All of them would.”

“I realize that now. Again, I was so mired in grief and guilt, my mind was muddled.”

She explained about her meeting with Brie O’Neil.
“She called the counselor, and I made an appointment for you and me to see her. We need to heal.”

“I feel pretty damned healed now. But I agree. We should see someone professionally.”

She bit her lip.

“What is it?”

“I also did something you probably won’t like.”

“Nothing would matter after this, sweetheart.”

“I went to see Valerie Ashford.”

His brows skyrocketed. “I
never expected that.”

“After I read her note to you, I decided somebody had to set her straight.”

“I would have done that in an email last night, but I was so tired, I fell asleep early.”

“No need now. She’s not going to take you away from me again, love.”

He leaned over and captured her gaze. “She never did, Ana. Not in the way that counts.”

“Not in any way, Jared.”

A
smile spread across his face. “So, is that what brought last night on? Hope?”

“Yes. I want to get back together. While we get counseling. While we mend the tears in our relationship.”

Moisture welled in his eyes again. “I can’t…” His words trailed off.

“You still want to, don’t you?”

“More than anything.”

“Then, let’s try.”

His hand did a lazy tour of her torso. “Getting
back together?”

“Uh-huh.” She took his palm and brought it below her waist. “This, too.”

“Not afraid anymore? Of us together?”

“No, because even if last night was a fluke, which I don’t think it was, we’re staying together.” She cradled his jaw. “
Kocham ciebie
, Jared.”

“
Kocham ciebie
, sweetheart.”

Five minutes later, after his hand did its thing, he grinned again. “Ana?”

“What?” she said somewhat impatiently.

“It wasn’t a fluke.”

She laughed followed by a moan. “N-no, I guess it wasn’t.”

Letter #10

Dearest Annie,

Thank you for marrying me today. I’m the happiest man in the world. I know you were concerned that it was a shotgun wedding—at our age!—and about what we’re going to tell Opal, but you’re only a few weeks along,
and no one ever has to know.
That’s
a secret we should keep. You looked lovely in that lacy dress with those peekaboo holes in the back. It distracted me from reciting the vows we worked on together: to always be honest with each other, to get help when we need it, to never forget those excruciating years we were apart. I’m glad your family could be there, too. Even though Lizzie was cold, the
others were as warm as they used to be. And your mother doted on me. I so love your family. I love you more than anything (except Opal) in the world and I’m never, ever going to let you down again
.