Tiger Tracks (Alaskan Tigers Book 9) (8 page)

“I don’t want you to do it out of some misplaced duty.” She was tempted to pull back from him to prove her point but it wasn’t just the beast that had been stifled before, it was also the woman within and in that moment she wanted to be free. She wanted to feel his caresses and embraces, even if it was just because of the mating bond, and not out of love.

“You’re not a duty. You’re my mate.”

“Then I guess there’s only one thing left to do.”

“If we’re going to Connecticut, I guess there is.” He let out a deep sigh.

His gaze left hers and went skyward, but something about it let her know that he wasn’t seeing the stars overhead that lit the night sky. Somehow, the decision to accept this mating had added distance between them again. Only, this time, she wasn’t sure what caused it. “Styx…”

“Come on.” He rose from the bench and started toward the edge of the trees. “We can’t do this at the cabin unless you want to kick out Theodore, but I know of a place.”

With little choice but to follow him if she wanted to move past this current bump, she rose from the bench and followed after him. “I don’t think I understand you. One minute I think we moved past this wall that you use to shut everyone out, and the next you’ve done it again. What was that sigh for? There was a look in your eyes that screamed you’d rather be miles away than do what we’re about to do.”

“Conflicting emotions.” He didn’t even bother to turn around when he answered her, he just kept his pace as they made their way between the trees.

“I know that feeling, but aren’t we supposed to be in this together?” She stopped dead in her tracks. “Damn it, Styx, this is hard for me too, and I’m getting a little tired of the mood swings coming from you. One minute you seem content with this mating and the next you’re pushing me away. It’s throwing me off balance and I don’t know if I’m coming or going.”

“I have a feeling it’s only going to get worse as the night progresses.” He stopped but didn’t turn back to look at her.

“You’re not unworthy.”

“What?” He spun around to look at her and even in the darkness she could see his body tighten.

“Theodore said you believe you’re unworthy of mating because of your past.” She crossed the space between them and came to stand just before him. “You’re not.”

“That bear talks too much.”

“He’s enlightening.” She smirked. “I’m being truthful. You’re not unworthy of this.”

“I’ve stolen the last breaths of more people than I care to count. I’ve left widowed mates in my wake and for what? The excuse that I thought I was delivering justice only goes so far, especially when you consider how most of the kills were based on lies. My former Alpha deceived me and many others, but I didn’t realize the lies until it was too late.”

“You know the number.”

“What?”

“Don’t stand there and tell me that you don’t know the number of people you killed because you do.” She reached out and placed her hand over his bicep. “Every single time you’ve killed, it’s stayed with you.”

“How do you know this?” His voice was rough but he didn’t pull away from her.

“This bond between us is overwhelming, and most of it I can’t make sense of yet because it’s so jumbled, but this I know with undying certainty. You have conflicting emotions because you haven’t accepted your past.” There was a sadness in his eyes that let her know that she was speaking the truth. “But there’s a part within you that wants this mating, and it’s not just the tiger urging you on. Focus on that.”

“Catnip, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into it.”

“I’m not going to be appalled by what the connection shows me. You’re more than the man of your past, and I’ll remember that. But have you considered the fact you might not be pleased with me, or what you see during the bonding?”

“There’s nothing that I could see that would change this.” He uncrossed his arms from his chest, and placed his hands on her hips.

“I’m not the strong woman you need by your side, but I’ll try.”

“You don’t see yourself in the same way I see you. It took courage to run, to keep Frank’s men off your trail, and to stay alive while you were waiting for us. That’s strength.” He stared down at her for a moment before he added, “You have no idea what you’re getting into—”

She interrupted him by shaking her head. “Not that again.”

“I’m not talking about mating with me. I mean by supporting Tabitha and coming back to Alaska with me. It’s dangerous, and we have many more battles before us.”

“With you on the frontlines.”

“It’s my duty, but more than that I do it because I know what the world will be like when Tabitha has completely claimed her place and everyone follows her.”

“How much opposition is there?” Talking about him being on the frontlines of their future sent a chill of fear through her. How much danger would her mate be in?

He glanced around the woods, and even as he did so, she let her beast come a little closer to the surface to get a better idea of their surroundings. Was there something that sparked his interest in the darkness? She couldn’t smell anything other than the woods and fireplaces.

“Not here.” He turned and kept his arm around her. “There’s a small guard cabin not far from here. It’s vacant since Jinx bought additional land a few years ago and expanded the perimeter. We’ll have privacy there.”

She leaned close to him. Anyone who was watching would have thought they were just two lovebirds, but she did it to keep her question from being overheard. “Is there someone watching?”

“There’s no one nearby, and even if there was, this clan is our ally. There’s just no use standing out here in the cold any longer.”

She let him lead her toward the cabin, while she scanned the darkness. There was no doubt her mind that he was always on alert, and if there was any danger in the area he would have already reacted to it. Nevertheless, something had changed. It was subtle, but it was there. Were there more enemies to Tabitha’s regime than he wanted to admit?

There was a thin layer of dust over every surface, making it clear the cabin had not been used in a while, but at least they were sheltered from the cold wind. The inside was bare except for an old table without any chairs and a bed. Even though they had been in bed together before, it had been innocent. Now, the bed against the back wall seemed to scream their intentions. Mira sat down on the edge of the bed, rubbing her hand against the thin plaid comforter.

“There’s opposition just as there would be with any change.” He stood near the window and watched her. “As time goes on, they’ll see what is happening is for the best. Otherwise, we’ll have to deal with them.”

“Deal with them, as in kill them?”

“There are other alternatives to killing them. We’ll try to reason with them first. In the end it will be their decision. We can’t leave someone in power who is opposed to us, otherwise all the good that Tabitha and Ty are doing will be for nothing. Does that bother you to know I might kill again?”

She met his gaze and shook her head. “No. Maybe it should, but it doesn’t. I know the reasoning for it, and if you can take an Alpha like Frank out of his position of power, then I don’t care how you do it, just that it’s done. The clans who have Alphas like him need to be free. Hopefully, it won’t cost them the same price I paid.”

He cleared his throat. “I know you want to go to Connecticut, but I think we need to call your brother in the morning and see where things stand before we fly out.”

“Why? So you have more time to adjust to this mating?”

“This mating has nothing to do with it. I want to make sure it’s safe enough for you to return. Frank has ruled for years, breaking the will of every clan member until there was no fight left within them. There are bound to be supporters within the clan, and if David hasn’t gained control of them it will be dangerous for you. They’ll see you as the final task Frank wanted complete and will seek to eliminate you. I’m not going to take the risk just so you can see your brother.” He crossed the small space to kneel before her. “I know you want to go, but I won’t risk you. He might need time to gain control over the clan before you can visit.”

“Are you just doing this so that we don’t have to complete our mating tonight?”

“No. I’m still planning on doing that. It will put us on solid ground, and we’ll know where we stand with each other. Otherwise, we’re going to continue to have this war of emotions raging within us. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of it.”

She was beyond tired of it. She felt as though every time she got her bearings, something slammed against her, knocking her off-balance again. The mating might help, but she also suspected it would give her yet another wave of uncertainties. They were being forced together, but it wasn’t out of love. It was very much the same as arranged marriages. Only she wasn’t sure the two of them could ever have the relationships she’d witnessed with other mates. Would they ever fall in love with each other? Or would it always be the connection of their beasts that kept them together?

* * *

When Styx referred to the ups and downs as a war of raging emotions, he wasn’t underestimating it. That’s what it felt like. Every time he thought he had things under control, his thoughts would carry him away again, back into the past, bringing a new wave of doubts before him. If she was to be his, then she’d have to accept what he came from, and the only way to do that was for her to see it for herself.

“Are you ready?”

“As ready as I’m going to be.” She started to tug up her sweater, but he placed his hand over hers, stopping her.

“You’re nervous. Just take a deep breath and let it out. Let your tigress lead the way and stop thinking like a human. If we’re heading to Connecticut soon, we don’t have time to get to know each other better and take our time to come to this point. We’ve got to take the leap of faith, and know that it will be better on the other side.”

She did as he asked, and after a few deep breaths her body began to relax. He wrapped his hand around her wrist and pulled her up until she was standing before him, the fronts of their bodies touching. “We’re going to take it slow, and if you want to stop just say so. This is somewhat an unusual mating, what with the rush, so we need to trust in our destinies and our tigers.”

“What lies in my future couldn’t be worse than where I’ve come from.”

He hoped that was true but a vindictive Alpha might have been more doable than what she will see in his past once the mating bond has formed. With a vindictive Alpha there were ways around that and ways to stay out of his path of torture. On the other hand with a mate she was stuck with him. Even if she was appalled by what she saw within him, her beast wouldn’t give up what was between them.

“Don’t look at me like you’re expecting me to run screaming from the room.” She placed her hand on his arm, just above the elbow. “We both have things from our past that we’re not proud of, but we’ll get through it. It’s not like we have a choice.”

“Just because the mating bond would be in place, it doesn’t mean it would be a happy mating. You could despise me and not be able to stand the sight of me. That would be worse…” He stopped himself before he could finish. It might be worse than anything he’d encountered in his past, but he wasn’t willing to show how much he wanted someone to accept him. Not even to his mate.

“Let’s get this over with.”

He didn’t like the sound of that, as if she had already decided this wasn’t going to work, but he was willing to risk the mating bond in order to get her back to her brother and clan. “If you want to go home, maybe the distance will keep the pain from the denied mating away.”

“Second thoughts? You know the distance won’t help, and the first twinges of pain from this mating can already be felt. The longer we put this off, the worse it will be.” She raised an eyebrow at him in question. “Or is the assassin afraid of what he might find hidden behind the shell of his mate?”

“No.” His tone was harsher than he intended because of the way she taunted him with the word
assassin
. It was his former life, something he wasn’t proud of, and he didn’t want to be reminded of it.

“We’re both exhausted, so we need to do this.”

He stopped hesitating and threw caution to the wind.
Mate or suffer the consequences.
Slowly, he slid his hand up her arm and watched as the heat from the simple touch brought the change in her eyes. Her tigress edged closer to the surface, lighting the orangey glow within her eyes, and turning the smoky blue into a fiery orange.

He cupped the back of her head, tangling his fingers into the long strands of her hair, and leaned in for a kiss. His lips gently brushed against the softness of hers. The sweet spiciness met him, urging him forward. He kissed her again, this time with more passion, and she met his desire with that of her own. His tongue slipped between her lips before teasing along the sharpness of her teeth.

With each kiss, their desire grew. A soft moan escaped her and she pressed herself closer to him, sliding her hand up his body. All hesitation disappeared as their tigers led the way to their destinies.

He pulled back, ending the kiss, and leaving them both breathless for a moment. Their gazes locked and no longer did the fear shine in her eyes, which were now full of desire and need. “Styx…don’t stop.”

“Have no fear, Catnip.” He took hold of the edge of her sweater and pulled it over her head. Curves in all the right places sparked another wave of desire within him and he ran his hands along her hips until he reached just below her bra. “Take this off and lie back.”

Arching her back, her breasts pressed against his chest, as she reached behind her and unhooked the bra. “I’m not sure it’s fair I’m this naked while you’re still fully dressed.”

“Shh, I’m trying to put you at ease.” When she didn’t lie back he stepped toward her, forcing her back onto the bed.

“I’m not nervous any longer. I want the essences of our beasts to mingle together and bond. I want you, Styx.”

“That is the mating desire talking.” He climbed onto the bed beside her, teasing his hand up the side of her chest.

“No, it’s me. I was terrified before. Some of that is because of what I’ve been brainwashed with, but the rest of that is because everything is so upside down in my life. I’m alone. Even if David has gained control over the clan, it will never be my home again. Too many risks there, since my so-called betrayal was what got many of my former clan family killed. I’d never be safe there.”

“That’s why you’re returning to Alaska with me.”

“What am I supposed to do there? I’ve no skills.”

“Catnip, you continue to underestimate yourself, but I’m going to prove to you that you’re so much more. You’ll come home with me and be a part of what you were willing to risk everything for. The future will be amazing and you’re going to play a role in bringing it around.” His fingers teased over her nipple, gently rolling it between his forefinger and thumb. “Now, enough talk, I’ve got something better to do with my mouth.”

He pressed himself along the length of her body, and his tongue teased around her areola before sliding over the nipple. He dragged his teeth over the area, sending a wave of chills through her and making her arch her back toward him, thrusting more of her breast to his mouth. His fingers teased her other nipple until it stood to attention.

“You’re beautiful.” He slid his hand down her stomach, his finger circling around her bellybutton before moving to the top button of her jeans. “Are you still okay with this?” He paused, not moving toward the zipper as he waited for her answer.

“Yes.” Her voice was breathy with need.

With that, he slid the zipper down and tugged her jeans over her hips. She kicked off her shoes, making it easier for him to slide them off the rest of the way. She was naked before him, and his beast surged forward.

He crushed his mouth to hers and slid his hand between her legs. His fingers slipped between her folds, quickly finding her center. The simple touch pulled a moan from deep within her. He slid a finger within her while his thumb made contact with her clit, gently rubbing over it. She pushed against his hand, and with one final kiss he pulled back so he could watch as her body responded to his touch.

The beauty of mating wasn’t just that they’d have someone to spend their lives with, it was the way they were supposed to be completely matched. The way her body responded to him, the moans of pleasure, and the glaze to her eyes, were all undeniable signs that they were meant to be together. With every wiggle and push against him, he sped his pace, letting his finger slide in and out of her while continuing to caress her clit with his thumb. With every moan, he grew in confidence when it came to her. They’d find a way to work through all the other drama because this was what mating was all about.

The way she moaned his name had him wanting to remove his hand and shove another part of him deep within her core. Still, he held off. He scooted lower on the bed, spread her legs, and lowered his head. The instant his tongue traced along the tip of her clit, she gasped. Enjoying the way her body reacted, he licked over the sensitive bud, sucking it gently. She tried to wiggle away, but he held tight to her hips, keeping her just where he wanted her. Over and over he licked, until her body was taut and ready for her release.

Another moan had fierce desire rising within him, and he wanted to take her right then. This slow pace would work better without the mating desire burning within them. He needed her now.

“Styx.” She took hold of his shirt and tugged it up his chest. Her nails grazing along his back as she did so. “I want you naked.”

He let her slide his shirt over his head before he rose off the bed and stripped off the rest of his clothes. His shaft was already hard as he stepped out of his jeans and boxers and moved to the bed.

“Come here.” She rose up and scooted to the edge of the bed. “Now I want to taste you.” She leaned forward, kissing the tip of him before letting him slip between her lips. Taking him into her mouth, her hand worked at the base and he tangled his hand in the strands of her hair, holding her close. Her mouth worked up and down the length of him, milking him.

He moaned her name before placing a hand on her shoulder. “Not like this. I want to be inside you, and with the mating bond so close, I won’t last long.”

She let him slip from her mouth and he climbed back onto the bed next to her. He kissed her neck, nibbling down her jawline to her shoulder. He wrapped his mouth around her nipple, flicking his tongue over the bud, drawing it to full hardness. He teased over to the other one, tweaking it until it stood at attention. A moan of ecstasy echoed through the cabin when his tongue flicked over one hardened tip.

“Styx.” Her voice cracked with desire.

He let her nipple slip from between his lips as he gazed up at her. “Yes, Catnip?” His eyes gleamed and his lips curved up into the cocky smile she had come to know was all him. He grabbed her hips and pulled her so she was straddling him.

“Don’t make me beg for what I need.” Soft purrs mixed within her words. “You told me to embrace my tigress, but she’s impatient.”

He caressed his way up from her hips, sending moans of ecstasy from her lips. Heat soared through his blood, like a fire burning just below the skin, impatient and demanding. As she straddled him, he leaned up to kiss a path down her neck, his thumb playing over her nipple. Sensations collided and threatened to overwhelm her when he teased her nipples. She wiggled her hips, his shaft rubbing against her folds. “Please, I want you.”