Tough Love (Hidden Secrets) (2 page)

Chapter One

Jackson

A few months ago…

Today
was one of the hardest days of my life.  Every day I struggled to make it through and not show my pain.  How could one forget something like this?  How could this day pass every year and everyone goes about as though nothing has happened?  My life was destroyed and has been left in shambles since this day four years ago. My heart will never beat again.  My body will never long again.  I won’t put myself through anything like that again.  No, this day was the reminder for me on how much can be lost.  I won’t be on the losing end ever again.

Watching
out for my family is all I will do from now on.  I will do everything I can to make sure they never know this pain, this emptiness.  Colleen is the only one that knows the truth.  She is the only one that has ever asked me why I was sad.  That girl can see everything.  She is going to be an amazing mom.  I knew that telling her my secret it will be left with her.  She won’t even tell my brother.  Something told me that day that she needed to know. I was right because when my brother’s world was falling apart right in front of me, the reminder of my destruction is what caused Colleen to see the light.  I’ve never seen my brother so happy. 

There
was a time when I thought that I would be happy like that.  When I thought I would be looking forward to a future, but not anymore. Now, all I see is a blur of actions and constant pain that hangs in my chest.  When I sleep at night everything keeps playing over and over in my head as if I was back in that day four years ago.  The echoing of screams and tears still haunt me to this day.  One moment in my life changed me forever.  One moment in time changed the course of my existence.

No.
Love was not in the cards for me.  Love wasn’t even on the table. Not now, not ever.

“Hey
you,” Colleen walked over wrapping her arms around me.

“Hey.”
I greeted her sadly.

“Oh
God, it was today, wasn’t it?”

I
nodded my head and she hugged me tighter.  If it were anyone else, I think I would have pushed them away, but Colleen was different. She knew the pain of loss. It was almost as if it bonded us together. Hugging her back, I whispered that I was okay.

She
pulled back from the hug and I laid my hand on her belly.  I wanted to know if there as a niece or a nephew in there, but their lips were sealed. It was like they were torturing us.  The first baby in the family and all that.

“It
bothers you, doesn’t it?”

“You
know you should really be a cop or something.  You see too damn much. My niece or nephew isn’t going to get away with shit. Oh, sorry, Uncle Jack didn’t mean to use a bad word,” I said to her belly.

Colleen
laughed and playfully smacked me. The baby kicked my hand and my happy smile turned sad. Some days, erasing memories would be a blessed gift, but then there are others… She was right though it does bother me, a lot.

It
hurt more than I could even put into words and the anger boiled in me that all of this was kept from me and that I would never have it again. There are some days (like today) when I say ‘why me’ and hate the world around me. I can keep a fake smile and upbeat attitude for a while, but even my mind revolts every now and again.

My
family ran around. Three of my siblings are all coupled off and happy. Honestly, I was shocked to see Kayla settled down. To say that I took longer warming up to Jason was an understatement. Him and I battled back and forth a bit in the beginning. In the end, he is perfect for Kayla plain and simple. Colleen, of course I loved her right away for Carson. She keeps him in line. Nothing like seeing my hot headed brother, who thinks he’s top dog, get brought to his knees by a girl. Though something tells me there’s more to the meeting than the story they gave us. Then there was Mary. I’m not so sure about her right now, but she seems happy. Only time will tell, I guess. She couldn’t be here today because of recovering from an attack by her idiot manager. She begged us all to continue on with the party as planned that she’d hate all of us if we didn’t.

They
were all so happy. Huh, happy… I haven’t known what that would be like to find myself in until my siblings started finding their happily ever afters. Just the thought made my gut turn and my chest tighten. I needed to get out of here before I completely lose it in front of my family.

“I’m
going to head out. There are some things I need to do.”

“I
understand hun.  Thank you for coming out for a little bit.  If you need me, you can call me any time day or night.  You know that right?”

I
kissed her cheek. “I know and you can do the same if you need anything.”

As
I walked away from the baby shower/engagement party, my mind was elsewhere. It has been four years and the pain was still there like it had just happened. Some days I wish my balls were more in place so I could man up and stop being such a fucking baby, but dammit losing what I’ve lost… well you’d be a baby too.

Getting
into my car and starting it, I sat there a second to get myself under control before taking off into the wall to wall traffic I’m sure to hit. It was bad enough that a week ago, my memories cost me five tickets, all in the total of about four hundred twenty dollars. Hitting the button to turn the radio on, I immediately wanted to shut it off but I just couldn’t. George Strait’s
Desperately
was playing. Though I believe the song was about something completely different than what I feel, it resonated with me.

Punching
the steering wheel, I took off.
Bring on another fucking ticket!
I don’t think I looked at my speedometer once the whole drive to my office and I may have ran a stop sign or light or two.  Seriously, I needed to get my shit together before I lose everything I have now… including my family.

Walking
into my office, Rachael greeted me warmly. Rachael has worked for me for a while and on occasion she’s filled in for ‘dates’ as needed for functions and what not. We’ve never had sex, I can’t bring myself to mix business with pleasure. Sometimes she’d get touchy, but I always made sure I never gave her any mixed signals. Even our ‘dates’ were planned out so she knew nothing more was happening.

“Morning
Jackson,” she coos.

“Ms.
Clark,” I warned her.

She
rolls her eyes. “Good Morning, Dr. Williams.”

I
smile at her. Sometimes she can be such a princess, not in a good way, and I didn’t like it. Which was another reason I never took things any further. If nothing else had happened and she didn’t work for me, I still wouldn’t date her because of that.

“Your
messages are in your office and Ms. Mitchell called again. She really needs to talk to you about-”

“Yeah,
I’m aware of the case. I’ll try and get to her later today,” I say over my shoulder walking to my office, shutting the door.

No
more than being able to touch my butt to the chair behind my desk and there’s a knock at my door. Groaning, I barked for Rachael to enter. I knew it was her, didn’t even need to ask. Sauntering over to my desk, she sits on the edge. I lean back in my chair and look at her.

“What
Rachael? I have a lot to do so spit out what you need to so I can get back to work.”

She
reached out and ran her hand down my arm. “You came in so fast that I didn’t get a chance to ask how your weekend was.”

Removing
her hand from my arm, I pushed out of my chair and walked to my door holding it open. “Baby will be here any day. My family is doing great. Spent some time with my sister. There summed it up for you. Now leave. I have a lot of work today.”

My
phone rings. Pulling it from my pocket, I smile at the caller ID before answering it.

“Hey
Gorgeous! I missed you today.”

Hearing
a huff, I look up to find Rachael glaring at me as she stormed out of my office.

“You
just saw me yesterday.”

“I
know I did, but still doesn’t mean I don’t miss you.”

“Love
you Jacky!” Mary sighs. “Can you get them to let me go? Tobey keeps hovering over me and the nurses freak any time I moan. Please.”

I
laugh. “How am I supposed to do that?”

“I
don’t know. You’re a doctor, tell them to release me.”

“I’m
a plastic surgeon
and
not your attending physician. Tobey only fusses over you because he cares. He feels guilty that you were alone. Hell, we all do.”

“I’m
not a damn child!” She roars.

I
start laughing. It was moments like this that had me forgetting my inner turmoil. Though I do feel a little bad that I’m laughing at her misery. It helps.

“So
aside from you wanting out of the hospital, how are you doing?”

Mary
sighs into the phone. “I’m fine, Jacks. I promise.”

We
talk for a few minutes more before she’s ready to hang up. I’m saying ‘I love you’ as Rachael walks back into my office. She huffs again throwing a folder on my desk and leaving.

“What
the fuck?” I say out loud.

“What?
What’s going on?” Mary gets a bit of an excited tone in her voice.

“
Rachael. She just threw a folder at me. She’s been huffing about since you called.”

She
starts laughing, then groans in pain. I can hear Tobey fussing in the background. She snaps at him, then turns her attention back to me.

“I
told you it wasn’t just friends on both ends Jacky. She’s jealous and no doubt pissed.” She laugh/groans again. “No doubt pissed at how you answered the phone.” She’s laughing more.

“Sure
hope you’re enjoying the laugh at my expense,” I grumble.

“Not
so fun, is it?”

We
hang up and I stare down at my messages. Half of them have to be from Ms. Mitchell. Honestly, I hadn’t really paid attention to the reason she was so persistent to get my attention. I suppose it was time to return her call.

The
phone rings three times before there’s an answer.

“I
told you no! Let Atreyu help you.” A sigh. “Hello?”

Clearing
my throat, “Ms. Mitchell, this is Dr. Jackson Williams. You’ve asked me to return your call.”

“It’s
about damn time. I’ve only been calling since last week.” She snaps.

“I’m
sorry. I’ve been busy and had a family emergency.”

“I’m
sure. Well are you going to help or not?” She replied curtly.

“Considering
I don’t fully understand what I’m helping with, why don’t we schedule for you to come in and we’ll do a consult. I’ll assess everything and go from there.” I try to remain friendly.

We
work through dates for availability. Our schedules didn’t match for five months. Of course, this caused an uproar causing me to get an ear full. I had earlier, but she was the one that couldn’t take it.

Hanging
up the phone, I put in her appointment with a warning to practice my deep breathing. I had a feeling this appointment was going to test me more than I’d like to have done. Shaking my head, I get back to work.

Chapter Two

Shannon

Present
Day…

Pulling
at my hair, I sat back from my desk and rubbed my eyes. How have I gone through so much? This was always the hardest part of the month, trying to balance everything. Sometimes I wish I could afford an accountant. That would make life so much easier. Well, at least for this much of it.

A
loud scream came from the other room. Sighing, I pinched the bridge of my nose as I got up. I needed a vacation. Hell, at this point I’d take just one day to sleep. I’m lucky if Sebastian sleeps two hours a night now. The doctors tell me that’s all in part of his autism. I love him dearly and I wouldn’t change my brother for anything, but I wish I could send him to a family member’s house and get a little bit of sleep.  His twin brother, Atreyu wasn’t bad and for the most part seemed to try and help me with Sebastian, but to no avail.

My
brothers were something else. They were crazy smart and entertained me to no end. I guess you’d say they are identical twins, but to me they don’t look it. Sebastian’s hair has a reddish hue, whereas Atreyu’s was more blonde. They both have hazel eyes and are about the same height. Where Sebastian is lanky, Atreyu is bulkier. Sebastian would make a perfect basketball player and Atreyu a football player. So personally I don’t call them identical twins. They are more fraternal to me.

Coming
into the boys’ room, I find Sebastian with his hands over his ears screaming. The sound was piercing my ears and making my headache worse.

Taking
his hands from his ears, “Sebastian, honey, you can’t keep screaming like that. My head will explode for sure. What’s wrong?”

“Roo
was saying that the
Titanic
isn’t a real ship. It is!” He says, glaring at Atreyu.

“Must
you antagonize your brother? You know how he feels about the Titanic.”

“Well,
I’m trying to play
Minecraft
and he won’t leave me alone,” Atreyu says, shrugging.

“Did
it help you to focus on the game when he’s screaming at the top of his lungs like some kind of banshee?” Atreyu shakes his head. “Then it was hardly worth it. You guys need to get this room cleaned up and get dressed anyway. We have an appointment to get to. Please hurry because I’m not exactly sure where this one is.”

They
nod and get busy in the room. My feet felt heavy. It seems the last year have just been a blur of sleepless nights and one hurdle after another. I found myself quickly apologizing to my parents in the rare moments I had a bit of peace. No wonder they needed a vacation and I was selfish. Shaking my head, this was an ongoing thing for me. The guilt hasn’t ebbed one bit.

Within
the hour, we were heading to the appointment. This guy was an asshole on the phone. Albeit a polite asshole, but an asshole all the same. It was a good distance from my house, but everyone said he’s the best. I seriously hoped he was. We need something good. Just one thing. Not asking much. Please let him do this.

The
whole ride there Sebastian and Atreyu argued back and forth. I refereed as much as I could. By the time we pulled into the parking lot, my head was fit to burst. As I looked in the rearview mirror, I caught sight of my reflection. My long blonde hair was tied into a messy bun. You can see the bags under my eyes as if they were a flashlight in the dead of night.

Oh
God! I look horrible!

What
did it matter?  I wasn’t here to meet or impress anyone. I was here for an appointment that truly mattered. Turning my attention back to the boys.

“Atreyu,
please behave yourself and don’t mess with your brother anymore. Sebastian, look at me honey. Can you try to stay calm while we are in here?”

They
nod their heads, we exit the car, then head inside. I was greeted by a Spiky brown haired beauty queen. She looks at me with disgust as I sign in. I had just sat down in a chair when Sebastian started making his sound effects. Quietly I tried to get Sebastian to stop. But getting him to understand that we were in a doctor’s office and not on the playground or at home was hard. He just didn’t see things that way.

“Ma’am!
This is a doctor’s office not some petting zoo. Will you get your child under control!” Beauty Queen behind the counter hisses at me.

Walking
over to Sebastian, I kneel down in front of him and make him look at me. “Sebastian, sweetie, look at me. You see that lady behind the counter. She’s asked us to be quiet. How long do you think you can do that for?”

He
purses his lips together, deep in thought. “What time will make you smile?”

Sebastian
was the most lovable kid you could ask for. Both he and Atreyu are so smart for their four years. They’ve been talking since they were just over one. Many people look at me strange for the way I talk to them, but they understand.

“I
smile,” I say confused.

“Not
so much. Your smile left with mom and dad,” he says sadly.

My
heart sinks. I had tried my best to make sure that my depression was left for when they weren’t around. Apparently, I didn’t do that enough for Sebastian to have noticed. Then again, Sebastian saw things that kids his age don’t normally see.

“You
want a smile, do you?” I give him my evil grin. “Guess who came here today?”

“Who?”
They both say excited.

“Well,
it seems the Ticky Mon snuck along in my purse.”

They
both squeal and take off. I started using the Ticky Mon shortly after mom and dad passed. Sebastian really latched on to it. Basically, it’s just the tickle monster with a funny ‘tick’ when it traps its target.

Turning,
I start to chase them around the waiting area. The woman behind the desk was glaring at me. Whenever I got close to one of them, I’d start hitting my shoulder to my ear and growl a bit. Their laughter was worth the fool I was making of myself. Atreyu bolts to my left running right into the legs of a sex God.

Oh
My God!

I
was waiting for this guy to get angry, but instead he picks up Atreyu and turns his back to me. “Shh, she can’t see you. You’re safe here.” The sexiest man I’ve ever laid eyes on speaks to Atreyu who laughs.

Suddenly
Sebastian screams loudly. Realizing why he’s screaming, I run over to him and scoop him up in my arms.

“Shh,
buddy, he’s okay. Come here, look.” I walk over to a laughing Atreyu. “See, he’s okay. No one’s hurting him.”

“Hey
bud, is this your brother?”

Sebastian
nods. “He’s the better me.”

My
heart broke. “Bass, why would you think that?”

“The
lady at the group says so.”

I
held him tightly, as tears pricked the back of my eyes. He gets it from everywhere. “I’m so sorry buddy. I’m so sorry.”

The
man clears his throat. “I have a room of toys for kids if you want to let them play in there while we talk.”

I
nod my head. Mr. Sexy leads us to a room that is bigger than their playroom and bedroom put together. The amount of things in there, I’ll be fighting like hell to get them out of there when it’s time to leave.

“You
guys can play in here while I go talk to your mom, okay?”

“She’s
not really our mom.” Sebastian says matter of factly.

“She’s
not,” Mr. Sexy looks at me.

“No
our mom and dad died. She’s our sister.” Atreyu clarifies as if it was obvious.

Then
they run off playing. Today was wreaking havoc on my nerves. It was coming up on the year anniversary of their death and I’m dreading it. Though the boys have asked to go out to the cabin in the woods that we always went to during the Spring, Summer, and Fall. Actually, looking at how things are, I might take them up on that offer.

Mr.
Sexy led us into the room next door that had a window so I could watch them. Having that window made being apart from them a little better. The room had a table and chairs across from the window that overlooked the play room. There cupboards, a sink and a small dorm fridge. It almost looked like a college dorm room. Not that I ever got to go to college, but more how I imagined a dorm room looking.

“How
old are they?” He asked.

“Four,”
I answered automatically as I watched the boys running around with smiles on their faces.

“They
are adorable,” he said distractedly as he too watched them play through the glass.

I
nod my head, knowing that he wasn’t looking at me, but I couldn’t find my voice just yet. Clearing his throat, he walks over to the table and sits down. Breaking myself away from the window, I join him.

“What
is it you need exactly?” He asks, watching me carefully.

I
gave him a confused look. “You didn’t see it?”

“I’m
not sure what you’re talking about.”

“Come
here.” I got up and walked out of the room and into the playroom with the boys. “Sebastian, can you come here a minute?”

“Aww,
I was playing,” he whined.

“Just
a minute and you can go back to playing, I promise.”

Sebastian
came running over and I knelt down next to him on the floor. Without looking up at the doctor or letting Sebastian, I showed him the reason we are here today. Sebastian hates when people focus on it, I can’t say that I blame him. Considering it’s been the point of ridicule since he was young.

Without
another word, we stood and I walked back to the door. We had just walked out of it when Atreyu came up dancing in his spot holding himself.

“Sissy
Shan Shan, I got to go real bad,” he pleaded through pursed lips.

“Down
the hall and first door on the left,” the doctor instructed.

A
few minutes later, Atreyu was running back into the room and I was entering the other room. Just as I walked in, I heard their conversation.

“I
mean seriously. Who would tote that thing around?” Beauty Queen says disgusted.

“I
don’t know what you’re talking about, Ms. Clark.”

“Oh,
right! Like you didn’t see that huge thing on what I’m assuming is its face to its shoulder. She should never have had that thing, but then again look at the mother.”

“That
thing
you are referring to is my four year old brother. He’s an amazing boy. I’m sorry he doesn’t meet your level of acceptance, but I happen to think that little boy in there will change the world of someone or someones one day.” I hiss. Angry at the tears, I could feel building in my eyes. “I think this appointment is over.”

Just
as I made it out of the door, someone grabbed my arm. “Please, ma’am. I want to help, but I need more information. Please, stay so we can figure this out and help him. Ignore her. My opinion here is what matters, not the receptionist’s.”

Looking
into his bright blue eyes, I can see pain there. The first thought that came to my mind was a kindred spirit. I just nodded my head. We head back into the room, where the woman still stood. He completely ignored her, walking over to a cupboard, then pulled out a box of tissues. I figured he’d just hand them to me so I can compose myself. Instead, he pulled a tissue out and kneeled in front of me, dabbing my tears away.

“My
name is Jackson. It’s nice to meet you, Shannon.”

I
just stared at him like an idiot.

“Are
you really going to help?” I ask quietly after the woman left in a huff.

“I’m
going to try, but you have got to fill me in on what’s going on.” He said, moving over to the other chair where a notebook and a pen set.

“It
started to show when he was two. My mom and dad had gone everywhere trying  figure out what it is, but no one can tell us anything. I carried on trying to find out what it was and what can be done about it, when I was suggested to come talk to you.” I paused and walked to the window. “He is an outcast because of it. Sebastian knows it, but he carries on with a big heart. No matter how mean people are to him, he’d still do anything to make them smile.” Turning around, I looked at him. “He doesn’t deserve comments like your receptionist gave. Sebastian didn’t ask for that and it certainly doesn’t define who he is. This is his chance to get out from under that.”

“What
else is wrong with him?” Jackson asked flatly.

“Excuse
me?” I was shocked.

“Well,
I noticed out in the waiting room…” he started.