Tough Love (Hidden Secrets) (6 page)

As
I climb into bed after my shower, my thoughts were only of what could have been but weren’t and of what could be but can’t. Jake wasn’t far off with his assessment. I think I do like Shannon, but I will never act on it. She will never be more to me than just a friend. I’ve learned my lesson. Never again.

Chapter Six

Shannon

Flopping
down on the couch, I was completely exhausted. It was nearly midnight. The boys had a busy and exciting day. They seemed so excited, which was new for them. Frowning, most days they hated everything. Normally I’d fight them tooth and nail just to get them to clean their room, but not today. Jack changed that for us, for me. Tonight they went right to bed. I was able to get all the housework done and sit here by midnight. Normally it was well after three in the morning before any of that was done. Enjoying some peace and quiet was new for me.

Sighing,
I’m going to get some sleep tonight. Just as I got up my phone rang. Tears sprung to my eyes as I saw the number show up on my screen.
Why tonight!
I wanted to throw my cell phone across the room and let it shatter into a million pieces.

“How
you doing Sam?”

“Who
is this?” I ask terrified.

“It’s
your mother, baby. You don’t recognize your own mother’s voice.”

“No,
it’s not. Leave me alone!”

I
hung up the phone and ran to the bathroom. It was the same thing every night. Same call. Same voice. Same conversation. Why can’t they leave me alone! I just want to be left alone. It’s hard enough facing my brothers day in and day out knowing it was my fault my mom and dad were not there to raise them, but to have this sick person playing a prank on me. It ended with me puking my guts out in the toilet.

“Sam,
look at them. Look at these beautiful little boys. Aren’t they just so precious?”

“Yes,
ma'am. They are so adorable. They look so much alike.”

“They
are going to grow up to be amazing men.” My father said proudly.

“If
they’re anything like their father, they’ll be more than amazing,” I beamed up at my father.

He
hugged me tightly. “You are definitely my daddy’s girl. And I couldn’t ask for a better one,” he kisses my forehead.

“So
what are you going to name them?” I ask excitedly.

My
parents look at each other and smile. “We were thinking since you were so much help during the pregnancy and with your father, that we’d let you pick the names. Within reason, of course.”

Staring
at them both in shock, “Really?”

“Yes.
You were so great with mom and when I’d freak out. Please help pick their names.”

Looking
down at my brothers, I ran my hand softly over their heads and a finger down each of their cheeks. They looked so tiny, but I knew a warrior was deep within them. You could hear it in their screams and see it in their eyes when they were open. Then an idea occurs to me.

“How
about Sebastian and Atreyu?”

They
looked at each other and smiled. “From the Neverending Story?”

“Yes.
It was the first movie you bought me and my favorite. We’d watch it all the time together. They may be small now, but I think they are going to change the world one day.”

“They
are perfect,” my mom stared at them for a moment and her and dad reached for one twin and said in unison, “Sebastian.”

“I’m
going to be the best big sister. I promise, I’ll help you with them.” I whispered as I kissed their heads.

“Of
that I have no doubt sugar. You have always been such a great daughter.” My father said then shooed me to go home and get some sleep.

Crying
now, I pulled myself up off the floor and out to my bedroom. Curling up in a tight ball on the bed, I cried harder. They had so much faith in me. They valued me so much and in the end, I hated them for what I promised to do. I hated them. How great of a daughter was I? All they wanted was some time alone to be just husband and wife and I had to complain about that. Mom was right, I really am selfish.

Sleep never came for me. Instead, I’m dragging around the house to get breakfast for the boys. Everything was making me cry. The boys were tiptoeing around me and it made me so upset. I was just beyond exhausted.

“Hey
guys,” I called later that evening. “Why don’t you guys play some X-box for a little bit? Is your room cleaned?”

“Yes!
We kept it clean.” Sebastian said as he ran into the playroom to play the X-box.

My
phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Ms. Mitchell?”

“Yes.
Can I ask who’s calling?”

“This
is Mark Lotus from the-”

“Yes,
I know who you are. I’ve already talked to Daniel. He was giving me some extra time to get the money.”

“Yes,
ma’am. The time is coming up due and we want to know what advances you have made to rectify the problem.”

“I
have been working on things since we talked.”

“So
improvements have been made?”

“Well…
”

“Ms.
Mitchell, I’m aware of your history and I’m truly sorry for that. But if you can’t get your house up to code or at least show that you are trying, you’ll have to vacate the premises.”

“Yeah,
I know,” I replied sadly.

“I’m
sorry.”

“Yeah,
everyone’s sorry.”

I
hung up the phone and dropped my head to my hands and cried. I’m running low. Honestly, I’m about to break. There’s no way I can do this anymore. Not the way I’ve been running. The sound of my doorbell broke me from my misery. Wiping my hand over my face, I got up and answered the door.

“Jack?
Wh-what are you doing here,” I say frantically wiping my face.

Jack
cupped my face in his hands, “What’s wrong?”

Yanking
my head away from his touch, “Nothing. What are you doing here?” I say walking back into the living room.

When
I sat on the couch, I was surprised to find Jack sitting on the coffee table in front of me. “Are you okay? We’re friends, you can tell me.”

Looking
at the concern in his eyes, about broke me. Then he reaches up with one hand and tenderly touches my face and it completely broke me. The dam burst and he pulled me into his arms.

“I’m
so tired. Everything is going wrong. They won’t quit calling. I’m going to lose everything,” I sobbed.

“I’m
going to take the boys for some ice cream and go to the park. I promised them for helping me yesterday. You are going to go lay down and get some rest. We’ll address the rest when you get some sleep.”

Now
that the tears have started, I can’t break them off. He held me close to him, didn’t even seem rushed for me to stop. His hand rubbing up and down my back sent a tingling sensation through my body, causing me to cuddle deeper into his embrace. Jack didn’t seem to mind, tightening his hold on me. Slowly I felt myself relax, then I fell asleep.

Chapter Seven

Jackson

When
she opened the door and I saw her, something snapped inside me and I worried something happened to the boys or her. When she broke down right in front of me, I didn’t hesitate to pull her into my arms.  However, what took me by surprise was the overwhelming urge I had to kiss her. To lift her head from my chest and taste each delectable inch of her mouth with my tongue and my lips. To pull that lip of hers between my teeth and suck on it before claiming her mouth once more.

Damn
it! What was this woman doing to me!

Shannon’s
tears slowly stopped and I felt her small shudders left as a reminder of how far she has pushed herself for the boys, for her parents. She tried way too hard to prove herself to everyone, even to her parents who were no longer here. If she would just give herself a moment to see her how everyone sees her, how I see her, then she’d see that she doesn’t have to try so hard.

Just
as I was about to shift her to the couch, Atreyu ran into the living room. Quickly I put my finger to my lips, shushing him.

“Your
sister fell asleep. Where’s her room?”

Atreyu
tiptoed through the house until he brought me to a room at the end of the hall. When we walked in, it was almost the size of a closet. There was a double bed in the corner of the room, a dresser and a night stand. Honestly, that was almost pushing the limits of the room.

“Go
wait for me in your playroom. I’ll be there in a minute, but keep quiet, okay?” I whispered.

Atreyu
nodded and ran off. Walking into the room, I felt like if I took a deep breath I’d hit either side of the room. Shaking my head, I carried her to her bed. Carefully, I pulled back the covers, laid her in the center of her bed, then covered her up. Leaning down, I pressed a tender kiss to her forehead then her nose.

“Get
some sleep beautiful. We’ll figure it all out.” I whispered as I ran a finger down her cheek.

Leaving
the room, I looked back at her sleeping peacefully on her bed before closing the door and heading to the playroom. The boys were talking and bouncing on the couch. I had to laugh at their conversation.

“I
think we might have a brother.” Atreyu says excitedly.

“Why?
Who?” Sebastian asks, bouncing.

“Jack.
I think he really likes Sissy Shan Shan. He hugged her.”

“Ooohhhhh,
yeah,” Sebastian beamed.

Damn,
they were reading into this too far. Instead of getting into a long talk about hugging someone doesn’t mean what they think it means, I decided to change subjects all together. Walking into the room clapping my hands, I smiled big.

“Whose
ready for the park?”

“ME!”
They squeal.

“Okay,
I need some paper to leave your sister a note just in case she forgets that I’m taking you out. We don’t want her panicking when she wakes up, right?”

Sebastian
takes my hand and yanks me out of the room into another room that is a decent size. I found myself wondering why she doesn’t use this room as a bedroom. As Sebastian pulls me over to a desk, I notice there is another door to this room.

“Here’s
the paper. All the way up top is pens. Sissy says we aren’t old enough for them yet.”

“She’s
just looking out for you big man. What’s that door over there?” My curiosity getting the best of me.

His
face drops and I instantly regret asking. “It’s mom and dad’s room. We aren’t allowed in there. Sissy went in there once and I didn’t like what happened to her. She keeps it locked now. I went in there once to lay in their bed to be with them. Sissy Shan Shan got mad at me. After that she locked it.”

Kneeling
down next to him, “Hey, she’s still hurting. So you going in there, hurts her too. She wasn’t mad at you, just hurting.”

“She
cries a lot at night. Last night was really bad. I didn’t mean to spy, but I had a bad dream. Someone called her and she started crying after. I followed her to make sure she was okay, but I couldn’t go in there because she was puking,” he shudders. “It almost made me puke.”

I
laughed softly. “I’m the same way buddy. Couldn’t handle it when I was your age. Now, I don’t seem to notice it as much.”

“Is
she going to be okay?” He asks softly.

“I
hope so. Look at me, I promise I will do what I can to help her and you guys okay?”

He
leaves the room and I write out a note for her real quick. I left it sitting on the living room table and the boys and I head out to my car.

“Cool!
We get to ride in that?” Sebastian says amazed.

“Yeah,
is that okay? I even went and bought seats for you guys. I’ll keep them in my car, so we can do things together more.”

Getting
two over excited four year olds into their seats was a lot harder than I thought.

“Buddy,
you’ve got to stop kicking your legs. No, Roo. Get in your seat. I’ll be over there in just a second. No, don’t touch that.”

After
several minutes of fighting before finally having to stand up and take a breath.

“Okay.
If you two can’t sit in your seats and let me get you buckled in then we won’t go. I can’t take you anywhere without you being buckled in.”

That
got their attention and soon I had them both buckled and we were off.  The drive to the park was a little longer than it needed to be, but the boys were really enjoying being in a convertible. Seeing their little arms going up it the air, hearing their giggles, filled me with so much joy that I found myself laughing.

When
we pulled up to the park, the boys started bouncing in the backseat. I had to laugh again. Turning around, I got ready to tell them the rules.

“We
stay where you can see us, don’t talk to strangers, don’t hit or hurt anyone, talk to you every so often so you know we are okay, and stick with each other because we’re stronger as two.” They say in unison.

“Uh,
wow, yeah. That pretty much covers it. Aside from, do you want ice cream now or later?”

“Now!
Now! Now!” They bounce excitedly.

Laughing,
“Okay, now it is.”

They
take my hand the minute they are both out of my car. I smiled down at them.

“Sissy
tells us we have to be very careful because we are all she has left that makes her happy. We try to be very good when we go out.”

“Well,
I think she’s done an excellent job with you guys. She loves you guys a lot.”

We
stop only a few feet from the ice cream cart, when Atreyu pulls my hand. Kneeling down, I ask him what’s wrong.

“We
can’t walk all the way up there.”

“Why
not?”

He
tips his head to Sebastian, who I can see was starting to panic. Quickly, I cupped his face in my hands. In a cool, calm voice, I spoke.

“Captain,
look at me. Look in my eyes.” When his eyes finally met mine. “It can get scary when you go around new people, but when you aren’t alone it isn’t as scary. How about if I carry you? If we can’t get up to the truck, we can’t get ice cream.”

“C-carry
me.”

It
was all he said. So, I lifted him in my arms. Atreyu took my other hand and we walked over to the truck. As we stood in line, I could feel the eyes on us. More on Sebastian than anything, but I could feel them. It was no wonder the poor kid was scared of new people when all of them gawked at him the way they were right now.

We
got up to the front and I read the list of ice creams off to them. They picked their flavors and we walked over to a bench away from everyone. Once I set Sebastian down, I looked him in the eye and told him how proud of him I was. His smile was huge and he breathed out a sigh of relief it seemed.

Looking
out over the park, I hadn’t thought about his fear of people when I decided to stop here. This was the busiest park in town. I hoped that I could be enough for him that he wouldn’t notice all the people around.

“Jack?”

“Yeah buddy?”

“Do
you like us?”

Turning
shocked, “Of course I do Roo. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

“Not
cause of sissy?”

“Of
course not. My brother Jake feels the same way. You guys are awesome kids. We like being around you. Now don’t get me wrong, I like your sister. I think of her as a friend just like I think of you two.”

Yeah
friend my ass. Considering just last night she starred in one hell of a fantasy. That had me waking up with one hell of a hard on. It has been four years since I have ever thought of anyone that way. It wasn’t about to continue either. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway.

Needing
a subject change, I stood up and looked at both of them. “You guys ready to play at the park?”

“YEAH!”
They squeal.

We
head over to the park. When we arrived, I was grateful to find it empty. We ran up and down slides, swung on the swings, played pirates, I even helped them climb across the monkey bars. They were having a blast. Honestly, even I was. I haven’t played in a park since I was a kid, but even then I don’t remember having this much fun. Sebastian was so detailed on our pirate game, it floored me. Atreyu was so animated that I was laughing so hard so often that I found it hard to catch my breath.

“Okay
guys. I think we need to head back to the house. One last game though. You want to play?”

“Yeah,
yeah, yeah!”

“Okay,
we are going to race back to the car. We’re going to pretend we are being chased by other pirates. They want to take our treasure. We have to get to the car before they catch us in order to keep our treasure.  Ready?”

When
they nodded, I yelled go. They ran just in front of me. Their laughter filling the air as we ran toward the parking lot. My car was in sight when Sebastian turned his head to look at me, causing him to trip and fall. Rushing over to him, I scooped him up in my arms, carried him over and set him on the hood of my car.

“Are
you okay buddy? Let me see.”

He
was crying pretty hard. Sebastian’s knee was scraped up pretty good and so was one of his hands.

“It
hurts, Jack.” He cries.

“I
know buddy. We’ll get you back to the house and I’ll get it all cleaned up. Remember, I’m a doctor.”

He
nods his head. Buckling them both into their seats, we were on our way. No scenic route this time. Sebastian continued to cry in the backseat. I knew it was merely scraped, but just him being in pain broke me. Once we pulled into the drive, Sebastian had stopped crying.

“Okay,
buddy, let’s get you inside and have a look shall we?”

Carrying
him inside, Atreyu was right next to me. Just looking in his face you could see he was worried for his brother. Remembering the drawer that Sebastian had pulled the dish rag from yesterday, I reached down and grabbed another one. Wetting it, I dabbed it across his knee and hand.

“I
think you are just fine. You just scraped it up is all.”

“Have
you done that before?” Atreyu asked.

“Sure
have. I had so many scrapes that I stopped noticing when I did it.”

“Wow,”
they say awed.

“Okay,”
I set Sebastian on the floor. “Who wants to play a game?”

“I
do. I do. I do.”

“Okay,
go get the game set up. I’m going to check on your sister and will be right in there.”

They
ran off, arguing about what game we were going to play. Shaking my head, laughing, I head down the hall to Shannon’s room. Flinching slightly at the creak on her door as I opened, I peeked in through the crack and I saw her still fast asleep. Unable to resist it, I walked into her room. Standing next to her bed, I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she was. As if I hadn’t noticed before, but I was letting myself commit it to memory this time.

Her
hair was slung over in front of her face, one arm stretched out to the other side of the bed, the other bent under her head.  She takes a deep breath, then sighs. A small smile slowly spreads across my face. Reaching out, I brushed her hair out of the way. Gently, I ran my finger down the side of her face.

Squatting
down next to her and kissing her lightly on her forehead, I whispered. “If only things were different. I think I could fall in love with you.”