Tough Love (Hidden Secrets) (7 page)

I
really wanted to kiss her lips, but it was pushing it with how I’ve acted toward her so far. I need to get out of this room and my mind off her. My decision  made four years ago was still in play. No matter how much everything was telling me different about Shannon, I wouldn’t go through that again. Never again.

One
last longing look at the beautiful woman sleeping in her bed. My heart pounded against my chest. Forcing myself to look away from her, I walked out of the room, closing the door and headed into the playroom with the boys.

“What
game are we playing?” I asked when I walked into the playroom.

Chapter Eight

Shannon

Running down to the lake, I kept checking behind me to see if he was following. Laughing hard, when I saw him stumble out of the house looking around to find me. When his head turns in my direction, I knew there was a smirk on his face. Whipping around, I run faster. I had just reached the beach by the lake when arms came around my waist and spun me around in a circle.

The
lake was always beautiful this time of year, but never as beautiful as it is right now with him, holding me like this. Feeling the warmth that came from his embrace, his laughter, his love. This was the happiness I sought for so long before him. Finally, I have my own happiness.

Laughing
as he spun me around, kicking my feet out. Finally, he sets me on the ground, but doesn’t let me go. Pressing kisses to my hair, he whispers in my ear.

“Do
you think you can run away from me?”

“I’d
never run away from you.” I breathe.

“Good,
because it’d kill me if you ran.”

He
buries his face in my neck, slowly running kisses along my shoulder and up my neck. Sighing, I lean back into his embrace. Then suddenly his arms, let me go. My surroundings change. The lake front cabin was no longer in view. I was standing in the fog. I could hear the wind whipping around me.

“If
only things were different. I could fall in love with you.” A voice says sadly.

Turning
in circles, I try to locate where the voice was coming from. The fog grew thicker and heavier. I couldn’t see anything but the grayish haze in front of my face. My breathing sped up as panic started to take hold. Where were the boys?

“Hello?
Is anyone out there?”

The
voice repeats. “If only things were different. I could fall in love with you.”

The
air changes and the hair on my arms stands on end. A loud crack of thunder fills the empty space, causing me to jump. Rain starts to fall, lightning flashes across the sky. Looking up, the sky lit up again with another flash of lightning only this time a face appeared in the sky. It was Jack. His face was sad, he almost looked pained. His eyes shift in my direction.

“If
only things were different. I could fall in love with you,” he said again. His voice sounded so sad, it brought tears to my eyes.

“Jack!
Jack. What’s wrong?”

I
move toward the image in the sky. Lightning flashes brighter, my tears mix with the rain hitting my face. It hurt to see a look so broken on Jackson’s face. His smile brightens a room and the boys love him.

The
boys, where are the boys?

The
voice repeats again. He looks so sad, so depressed. What is wrong with him?

“Jackson!
I can’t help you if you aren’t here.” I scream to be heard over the storm.

Suddenly
everything stops. The rain, lightning, the voice and his image all disappear. Everything is black. I can hear noises, sounds way off in the distance. Was it animals? Fear of the unknown kicked in hardcore. My heart was racing as I desperately sought some light to break up the darkness.

Taking
a few steps, I ran into something. Reaching out, feeling around, but there was nothing there. I took another step and still ran into something. Reaching through the darkness to feel what I’m hitting and came up empty. What the hell was going on?

Snap!

I spun around to see what the sound was. Something hits me on the side of the head and I fall to my knees. Cradling my head in my hand, I looked around to figure out what it was. There was nothing there. Nothing but pure darkness.

“Who…
Who’s out there?”

A
whistling filled my ears. It floated through the air and hit me in the face with almost a physical blow. I knew that whistle. It wasn’t the wind. This tune was a sound I heard all the time while I was growing up.

“Take
me out to the ball game,” I began singing with the whistle before it stopped abruptly.

My
heart hung heavy with sadness. It was the song my dad always whistled when he was getting ready to watch a game on the television. We always sat down watching some kind of game. He said it was my reminder that we had a game date.

“Why
did you have to leave me?” I cried into the dark.

“Because
you killed us,” said a voice in the dark.

A
scream filled the darkness. When the sound finally hits my eardrums, I realized the terrified scream was coming from me.

“You
killed us. It’s all your fault.” Yelled the voices over my scream.

I
screamed louder when I felt something touch me. Looking around me there was nothing there. My heart was breaking, my body shaking, I just wanted to get out of here.

“Please,”
I sobbed. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t breathe anymore.”

“You
killed us! You took us away!” They screamed.

A
flash of lightening filled the darkness and an image of my parents, cut up and bleeding, filled the darkness. Another scream tore from my throat. Shaking my head, I closed my eyes tighter, trying so hard to shut out the image that was now burned into my head. Something touched my arm again. Another scream ripped from my throat, leaving my throat scratchy in its wake.

“Shannon!”
Jack screamed as I jerked awake.

Looking
at the concerned look on Jack’s face broke me. I started crying. “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean for them to die. I just wanted a life too.” I sobbed.

Jack
pulled me into his chest, holding me tightly against him. “It’s okay. Calm down. It was just a dream. Calm down.”

His
voice was calm and quiet, but I could feel his heart racing against my cheek. My hands fisted in his shirt as I continued to cry. The effects of the dream still holding me, not wanting to let me go. Slowly, I began to calm down.

“I’m
sorry Jack. It’s just been stressful and I’m not sleeping much,” I shook my head as I stood from the floor. Looking at him questioningly, “How’d I get on the floor?” Then I caught sight of his shirt.

Looking
at my hand, I saw blood on it. “Shit, I’m sorry. I ruined your shirt.”

He
looked down at his shirt then back at me. “Damn it!” he hissed. “I’ll be right back, I have a bag in my car.”

Just
like that, Jackson ran from the room. Walking out of the room and into the kitchen, I turned on the light as I searched for a glass. When I turned around, I saw Jackson running past.

“Jackson,
I’m in the kitchen.” When he hurried into the kitchen, I began to apologize. “I’m sorry for ruining your shirt Jackson. I’ll find a way to buy you a new one. Hell, who am I kidding, I can’t afford that. Maybe I could work it off at your office?”

“I
don’t give a damn about the shirt, Shannon.” He growled cupping my face. “You are hurt. That’s what I’m upset about.”

I
squealed when he lifted me up and placed me on the counter edge. Pulling a chair over, he set his bag on the seat and began searching through it. Pulling out some kind of wipe looking thing, he turns my head slightly checking the cut. As he wiped the cut, I sucked a breath in through my teeth at the sting of something touching it.

“You
need stitches. I’ll numb the area first so you won’t feel me do it, if you want.”

“Yes,
please.”

Several
minutes later, he’s finishing up the stitches. “All done.” He looks at me.

Our
close proximity to each other was evident and there was a strong pull. His eyes bounce between my lips and my eyes. My eyes did the same. For the first time in a year, I wanted to be close to someone. Slowly we start leaning in, our lips brush against each other.

“Sissy
Shan! Sissy Shan!” Came a scream from the boys’ room.

“Damn,
another night terror.”

Jumping
off the sink, I ran for the boys’ room. It was then it dawned on me that the boys were asleep. Shaking my head, another moment. Hurrying into the room and over to Sebastian’s bed.

“Shhh,
buddy, I’m right here.”

“Sissy
Shan!” He screamed again, his eyes still closed.

Reaching
out a hand, I tenderly touched his face and he jerked awake. Terror filled eyes found mine. Tears filled his little eyes and coursed down his tiny cheek.

“It’s
okay buddy. I’m right here.”

He
grabbed hold of me and cried. In all the times he’s woken like this, he’s never shared what it is that he’s dreaming about. Honestly, I’m afraid to ask. If his dreams were anything like mine have been lately, then I just don’t want to know. I’m not sure I could handle it right now.

Before
long he was back to sleep and I made my way out to Jackson sitting in the living room. His hands were shaking and his face looked pale. Without hesitation, I hurried to kneel in front of him.

“What’s
wrong?” I ask, placing my hands over his.

“There
are reasons I’ve kept myself away from others. Reasons I can’t explain right now. Damn it! You… I just can’t get you off my mind.” He looks up at me. “Can we
just
be friends?”

It
hurt more than I wanted to admit, having him ask to be just friends. But I could see it was hurting him. Something was really tearing him up. It was clear in his eyes. Reaching up, I cupped his face in my hands.

“Of
course,” and to disguise my pain, “though it hurts because I thought we were already friends.” I smirk.

He
smirks back. Leaning in, I press a tender kiss to his cheek and breath deep committing his smell and the feel of his skin beneath my lips to memory. Pulling back, our eyes meet and the sadness in them damn near broke my heart. His eyes held me captive. I couldn’t move and I couldn’t breathe. The pull between us was like two magnets seeking their opposite. No matter how we worked to keep our distance it was beyond our control. Moving closer toward each other, unable to stop it. Just before our lips meet, Jackson runs his nose against mine. Taking shuddering breaths, he closed his eyes for a moment. I was unable to do anything but stare at the look on his face.

“I
can’t do it, but I can’t back away either,” he breathed, sounding almost pained.

Opening
his eyes, he meets mine as he continues to run his nose along mine. It took my breath away. This simple act seemed so intimate to me. Then my breath left my lungs completely when he spoke.

“Stop
me, Shannon,” he whispers. “Stop me because I can’t and I need to.”

His
lips brushed mine again. The same electric shock shot through my body at such a simple and barely there touch. But his words registered in my head and I pulled back. The relief that crossed his eyes and face felt like a knife to my heart. Why it bothered me so much, I didn’t know, but it hurt like hell that he was relieved he didn’t have to kiss me.

“Shannon…”

Just as he was going to say something, Sebastian started screaming again. “Don’t worry about it. We’re friends, right?” Trying hard to keep the hurt from my voice, but I could feel the tears start to burn the backs of my eyes. “Thank you so much for today. I’ll see you tomorrow at four.”

Leaving
Jackson in the living room, I went to comfort Sebastian again. Sebastian was screaming and arching his back off the bed when I got into the room. Cupping his face gently in my hands, I whispered.

“Buddy,
it’s Sissy. Open your eyes. Come on. Look at me buddy.” The sadness overcame me and tears trickled down my face. “Please buddy, wake up. Look at me.”

After
a few more minutes, his eyes flew open and he shot up in the bed. “Sissy!” He screams.

Wrapping
my arms around him, I rocked him back and forth. “It’s okay. You’ll be okay. We’ll all be okay. Someday.” The tears kept falling. “I’ll make sure of it.”

Once
Sebastian fell asleep again, I made my way hesitantly out to the living room. Honestly, I’m afraid to face Jackson again tonight. It hurt to be unwanted. More the reason I didn’t want to want someone anyway. Thankfully, when I walked into the living room, he wasn’t there. I’ll do my best to be his friend and keep it just at that. By now, I was used to being on my own.