Twice in a Lifetime (Love Found) (34 page)

His hand stilled. He looked at her, then down at his chest. “What? I have something on my shirt?”

She took another deep breath. There, calmer. She shook her head again. “Um, no. We were just talking about the game.”

Trey lit up in a beaming grin. “Yeah, it was great! Thanks again, Jake. For the jersey, too.”

“No problem. Can’t have everyone representing except you and Jax.” Jake leaned forward and fist-bumped Trey, then sat with his forearms braced on his knees. “So what are you guys up to tonight?”

“Pizza, then a movie.” Trey rolled his eyes. “I hope it’s not some chick flick.” His smile turned uneasy, matching the uncertainty in his eyes. “I’m a little nervous, can you tell? It’s my first blind date.”

“Don’t sweat it. Just have a good time.”

His grin was a little shaky. “Good time. Got it.” A car honked at the curb and Trey sprang to his feet with a feeble wave. “I’m out.”

As the front door slammed, Jake sank into the cushion beside her. “Even though his timing stinks, I’ve really missed him.” He chuckled and dropped his arm across her shoulders, the thick nubby sweater rubbing against her skin under his fingers. “Has he mentioned coming home more often?”

“No, and I won’t ask.” This was his time. To grow up, to explore. She laid a tentative hand against Jake’s chest, let it wander. “This is our time now.”

“Our time, I like that.” He stopped her hand, pulled it to his lips and brushed them across her knuckles. “But if it bothers you to not see him, we should talk to him about it.”

She pulled her hand free, looped it across the hard width of his waist, then tilted her head to the side when he lowered his lips to her collarbone. “No. He knows he’s welcome, he’ll be home when he can.”

He lifted his head and pulled her to his chest. “I doubt you could ever make him feel unwelcome.”

She sat quietly for a moment, distracted by the beating of his heart under her ear. “I should put something together for dinner.” She moved as if to stand, but Jake’s words stopped her.

“Pizza sounds good. Why don’t we order in instead?”

Jake woke to an infomercial touting the wonders of food dehydrators. The pizza box lay open on the table before him, two leftover slices lying shriveled inside. Was Trey home yet?
Hey Tate, you got plans Saturday.
He shook off the memory.

Allie slept soundly against his chest. When he stood and lifted her into his arms she snuffled through her parted lips and retreated into her dreams. Tucked into bed with a crocheted afghan covering her and her hair spilling over her pillow, he envied her sense of peace.

He released a sigh as he watched her sleep. He understood her need to shield him from a life he may regret. It was bullshit, but he got it. She loved him, though, and that was a good start.

Patience, bucko. She would come around. She had to.

Hopeful, he retraced his steps to the living room, then snatched up the pizza box to drop into the garbage container on his way to his truck.

Halloween was behind her, Thanksgiving hovered in the near future. Allie stretched, reaching high from her perch on the stepstool. She grabbed the cardboard cutouts from the wall and stepped down carefully, Jack-o’-lanterns and candy corn gripped firmly in her hand. She stacked them on the nearest desk as Maddie walked past her open door.

A moment later she reappeared, as always full of energy. “Don’t you love it when Halloween is over? I swear that holiday was invented for the sole purpose of classroom disruption! It’s all the kids can think about for weeks—costumes, parties, candy. Costumes. Their concentration flies right out the window.”

Allie laughed softly at her friend. Maddie idly flipped through the discarded decorations as Allie collected a handful of fall leaves and moved back to the stepstool. “I freely admit that holiday is hell on lessons. And Christmas is even worse. But Thanksgiving, that’s always my favorite. Other than a few leaves, and maybe a couple of pilgrim stories, Thanksgiving is a breeze.” She had to look down to see Maddie from her vantage point on the stool. “I remember one year Trey’s homeroom tried to do a Thanksgiving feast.” She shook her head as she remembered. “It was a fiasco. That poor teacher. She was new and so full of ideals.”

“And tell me you’re not.”

She dimpled down at her friend. “What can I say? Hel-lo, I love my job.” Done hanging leaves in a random order, Allie climbed down again and reached for the pilgrims. She lifted the stool and carried it to the opposite side of the room. “So what do the Andrews’ have planned for Thanksgiving?”

Maddie moved to the door and hung a cardboard turkey. “We’re going to Prescott, to Michael’s family. It should be fun, no snow yet, though. How about you, is dinner at your mom’s?”

Allie glanced around the room in a quick double-check and nodded, climbed down and stowed the stool in the closet. “It always is, but I haven’t talked to her about it yet. My brother Ryan and his family are usually there, but now that his wife is gone I don’t know what his plans are. And I need to see if Jake already has plans. I’d love for him to go with us. My family’s only met him a couple of times, and that was years ago.” Allie picked up the Halloween decorations from the desk and put them away in the cabinet. She checked the time. The morning bell would ring in five short minutes.

“Of course he’ll go. His parents are both gone and he has no siblings, what else would he do?” Maddie helped Allie distribute worksheets to each desk, readying the room for the invasion of youngsters.

Allie shrugged. “I don’t know. In the past he’s always gone to some friend’s house. We never could get him to go to Scottsdale with us.”

“Yes, but now he wants to marry you.” Maddie laid a paper on the final desktop and met her gaze. “You’re nuts, by the way. I can’t believe you haven’t changed your mind yet. He’s a great guy, and he loves you more than the legal limit. If he’s good with the way things are, why can’t you be?”

“I must admit, it’s hard to remember why I keep saying no.” Allie shook her head in consternation. “He asks me every time I see him, but I don’t want him tied down to something he’ll want out of someday.”

“Allie, I’ve been listening to your excuses for weeks and I’ve got to tell you, I think you’re batshit crazy. He wants to be tied down; for chrissake give him what he wants and tie him down.”

Allie headed toward the door to line her kids up for school. “Thanks, Maddie, we’ll see how things go.”

“I only want you to be truly happy.” Maddie leaned in, hugged.

Allie smiled, squeezed back. “I’m happy.”

Jason, the boy whose parents were divorcing, slipped up as she stepped onto the playground. “I learned a new joke, Mrs. Tate. Wanna hear?”

Allie squatted to his height and gave him a bright smile. The boy rarely spoke anymore. One knock-knock joke just might make his day. “Sure, why not?”

Tuesday after Thanksgiving Allie sat in Jake’s kitchen, trying to enjoy a quiet dinner. With a few exceptions, things had been going smoothly for weeks now. Jake spent the holiday with her family, piling his plate high and joining in conversation. But ever since that night he’d seemed to be on edge. And he was terribly quiet tonight. Was he rethinking their relationship? She studied him as he spooned take-out kung pao over his rice, then traded her for the curry. He hadn’t spoken in so long the sound of his voice made her jump.

“I heard from Trey today. He wanted to know if he could work for me while he’s home for Christmas.”

Allie took a bite of curry; hopefully the spicy dish wouldn’t upset her stomach. She’d been off—achy and nauseated all day. It was a lousy time to come down with something. “Really? Is there enough work that you can keep him busy?”

Trey spent the past two summers working for T-Squared and had picked up a number of skills. “Sure, I can throw him on a crew while he’s home. He told me he’s interested in learning more about the business.” He took another bite, then added, “They have a pretty good management program up there.”

“It must run in the family.”

When silence thickened the air she lifted her eyes to him. “What?”

“What about us, Allie? Our family, you and me? How much longer do I have to wait?” He choked out the words even as his voice escalated, a side of him she’d rarely ever seen. “When will you be done with this… this…
dammit
!” His voice exploded as his fist pounded the table, bouncing dinner plates and upsetting his water glass. “I’m tired of living apart. I want us to be a family.”

He sprang from his seat, towering over her, then stalked to the kitchen for a towel. He spun at the sink, his neck corded with strain, ebony eyes piercing her. “I want more, dammit. I want you to marry me.”

She lifted her hands, palms raised upward. “I’m here, Jake, but that’s all I can give you. “I don’t know what more I can say.”

His voice bellowed as his palms slammed the table. “You can say you’ll marry me!”

Enough!
Her chair clattered to the floor as she surged to her feet. She slapped her palms to the table, face to face with him. “But I can’t have babies!” She yelled in his face, “I refuse—
refuse
—to take that away from you!”

She found his finger shoved in her face. “You’re full of it, you know that? Why Allie? Why is this enough for you?” His palm slashed between them, emphasizing his question. “Why do you think us having or not having babies is important to me?” His voice was suddenly quiet, defeated. “I’ve loved you, wanted you, for… ever. Do you think I’d throw all that away so there’s another little Taylor running around?”

So it had come to this. Her voice caught in her throat. “I don’t know. You just… don’t understand.”

Jake sank back into his seat, eyes on his unfinished dinner. “What will it take to convince you?” The pain in his voice had tears clogging her throat. “The idea of my own child is a thing of the past. My life is yours now; I can’t imagine it without you. Not for ten minutes or ten days, certainly not forever. Can you really live without me?”

Oh God, could she? She needed him, probably more than he claimed to need her. But this was no time to make a life-changing, potentially disastrous decision, angry and about to lose what little dinner she ate. “I need to leave now, Jake; there’s too much to think about.” Eyes brimming, she strode into the living room, grabbing her purse along the way.

He ran after her and caught her arm at the couch. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“No. Please. Give me time. I’ll call you.” She tugged her arm free, swiped at the streaming tears and continued to the door.

“I love you, Allie.”

The gruffness in his voice stopped her hand from turning the doorknob. She stilled, unable to move, but unable to stay. Didn’t he know this was killing her too? “I know you do. I love you too. I’m just not sure if it’s enough.”

He reached for her again, turned her to him and ran the backs of his fingers down her cheek. If only she had the will to pull away. His lips whispered against hers before he opened the door for her, opening a wound in her soul that she alone was responsible for.

The pain in his eyes was nearly her undoing. The hurt in his voice echoed as she pulled out of his driveway and drove to the corner stop sign. Her teary glance in the rear view mirror provided nothing but a blurry kaleidoscope of light. Was Jake watching her drive away from him? If she turned around right now would he welcome her back? Wrap her in his arms and love her?

There was no doubt he would.

But for how long?

A car pulled up behind her. She needed to make a decision. Should she change her mind and turn back? Could she risk her heart, her future? Could she trust that Jake was willing to give up babies of his own? Was she strong enough to let him? The car behind her honked. She took her foot off the brake and continued straight.