Unforgettable (25 page)

“Patrick, what are we going to do? We can’t go on ignoring these feelings any longer,” she said. Her fingers were entwined in his soft ebony hair as he kissed her and nibbled her neck and bare shoulders.

“I can’t pretend that I don’t want you, but…”

Before she could finish her sentence, Patrick covered her mouth with his. The passionate fire between them grew with increasing urgency. Just hearing her say she wanted him nearly pushed him over the edge. He held her firmly against his broad chest with one arm while the other roamed up her ribcage to her shoulder. When he finally broke the kiss, his arms trembled with need.

“Dear God, Breezy! If we don’t stop this now, I swear I’m going to take you this very night! I want you so badly, but I need you to be sure this is what you want, too!” he groaned between ragged breaths.

He was struggling to retain some shred of control before it slipped completely away because, if he kept touching her and kissing her, she would end up in bed with him. He wanted her so very much but it had to be her decision. He wanted her to love him, to make love with him, not just have sex with him. And, until she was ready, he was going to have to have enough control over his own emotions for the both of them.

“Patrick, I don’t want you to stop. I’ve never wanted anything more. But we have to…” she sighed. “I have to tell you something that may very well change your mind.”

Taking a deep breath, he pulled her upright to face him. He waited patiently and watched her curiously, wondering what she could possibly think was so horrible that it would make him not want her.

Finally, she lifted her gaze to meet his. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again. Then she dropped her gaze to her lap. She was unable to find the right words or the right place to begin. Her shoulders slumped as if in defeat. This was the hardest thing she’d ever had to say.

Patrick was beginning to worry. If it was so difficult for her to say, it must be something she was terribly afraid of. He lifted her chin with one finger so that he could look into her eyes.

“Whatever it is…whatever the problem or fear, you can trust me and depend on me. Whatever is troubling you, we can make it right. We can get through it as long as we’re together,” he said.

He never once took his eyes from hers so that she would know his words were honest and true. The softness and sincerity in his voice and in his eyes made her believe him. That, combined with the love she felt for him, gave her the courage to say what she had to say.

“Patrick, I do want you. Every time you look at me, I want to run to you. Every kiss, every touch makes me tremble.” She held out her trembling hands to prove her point.

He took both her hands in his own, kissed them and held onto them.

“I want you to stay here with me tonight. All night. I want to go upstairs right now and make love to you until noon and then start all over again. I want to fall asleep in your arms and wake up to find you lying beside me.”

“But?” he asked gently, sensing the word’s presence before she actually said it.

“But…I haven’t…I’ve never…” she stumbled over words that she didn’t know how to say without sounding ridiculous.

Patrick just watched her, wondering what it was she was trying to tell him. Obviously, there was still some fear she felt she had to face.

“Damn!” she cursed in a whisper. “Damn it!”

He tried to keep from smiling, knowing her well enough by now to know that the only time she cursed was when she was frustrated with herself. That usually meant whatever was bothering her was fixable, given time. With a deep sigh of relief, he waited. He also knew that, even though she took these things very seriously, as soon as she got frustrated enough, she would spit it out and say what was on her mind. Then they could start working on a remedy to the problem.

“Damn it all! I’m 28 years old and I’ve never slept with anyone!” she said angrily. She was still stumbling over the one word she found difficult to say. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she jumped off the sofa and crossed the room, putting some distance between them. She turned her back to him and hugged herself so that she wouldn’t have to see whatever reaction it was she expected from him.

Patrick supposed her reactions were a last ditch effort to protect herself from pain, embarrassment, heartache and whatever else it was she expected from a man…from him. Being 28 and a virgin was a rarity these days, but it was nothing to be upset about, or ashamed of. In fact, it was just the opposite. She should be proud of it. If that was all that stood between them, if that was the mountain she felt she had to climb, then she was sadly mistaken if she thought that would scare him off. He loved her and he would wait forever until she was ready, if that was what it took.

He silently crossed the room to stand behind her. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her close and kissed the top of her bare shoulder.

“So, what’s so bad about that? I think it’s wonderful,” he whispered into her hair.

She spun around in his arms to face him, placing her hands on his broad chest.

“You mean it doesn’t matter to you? It doesn’t matter that I don’t …
know
…things? I don’t have the experience to…push your buttons? You’d still want me?” she asked, stunned.

Patrick would have laughed at the incredulous look on her face if she hadn’t spoken so seriously. There were times when she was so childlike, so innocent and easily shocked by the slightest confession or statement of fact. Then, there were times when she was
all woman
and he wondered how he’d survived the past months without having done more than kiss her. Instead of laughing at her sweetness and innocence, he answered each of her questions with all of his love for her in his voice and in his words.

“No, angel. It doesn’t bother me. Why should it? And no, it doesn’t matter that you don’t ‘know’ things because, first of all, I know you do and second, I get the extreme pleasure, and I do mean extreme pleasure, of showing you, so very, very slowly, how wonderful it can be. And as for ‘pushing my buttons?’ Lady, you have pushed them so thoroughly they are permanently stuck in the on position! And yes, yes, yes, I still want you! Good Lord in Heaven, how I want you. When I’m a hundred years old I will still want you.”

“But, do you understand what I’m saying, Patrick? I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed in me. I don’t want you to be sorry later because I’m not…experienced…at all,” she said shyly.

“You’re afraid you won’t be able to get me…aroused? Well, let me tell you now that you’re too late…waaaay too late. You can do that with a single look. You think you won’t make me happy in bed? Well, sorry, babe. I already know you can and will. Things like that come naturally, angel. It’s different for everyone. We learn it together, on our own. We make our own rhythm, our own music. It all comes naturally, like knowing you can’t breathe and swim underwater at the same time.”

Breezy blushed a crimson deep enough to match her gown, but still managed to find some humor in her own embarrassment.

“Yeah, well. I can’t swim either,” she snickered, peering up at him through her lashes.

Patrick laughed out loud to see she was over that fear, at least for now.

“Well, then. I’ll just teach you to swim too, okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed, laughing. “I just didn’t want you to feel intimidated by my lack of experience. I didn’t want to mislead you or have you regretting it later.”

“I think you’re wonderful for waiting. It makes me feel special and honored to think you’ve waited this long and now…just hearing you say you want this with
me
, means more to me than you’ll ever know.”

He didn’t know how to explain how this made him feel. She wasn’t worried about her own inadequacies or the discomfort she would go through. She’d been worried about not pleasing him, about not satisfying
his
wants and needs. That in itself was a rare gift.

She was willing to share this with him, to give herself to him when she’d waited so long. This was something she could only give a man once and she was telling him he was the one. The one man she cared enough about to let go of her fears and give in to her desires. How could he ever make her understand how powerful that made him feel?

“I just want you to be sure this is what you want, Breezy. I want you to understand there’s no pressure here. If you’re not ready for this, or if you want more time, just say the word. We can sit and talk some more or, if you prefer, I can go home. Whatever you want, whatever you need, it’s your decision. I’ll wait forever if I have to. I just want you to be sure that you are ready for this heart, mind, body and soul. No doubts, no regrets. I’ll wait. I’ll be here when you’re ready.

“No, Patrick! I’m ready. I want you more than you realize,” she said.

“But?” he asked once again sensing the word before it was spoken.

“But, I think you should know why I am doing this now, with you. You see, the reason I’ve never been with anyone is because I didn’t want one night stands or short term lovers. I believe it’s a step you should only take with someone you love, someone you can see a future with. That’s why I’ve waited all these years. I’ve never been in love with anyone before,” she said softly.

She was staring at his tie as she spoke and her fingers toyed with it absently. “Until now,” she added. “I’ve fallen in love with you, Sean Patrick Day.”

Patrick’s heart soared. It could have been the Fourth of July for all the fireworks going off in his head and the constant drumroll of his heart. She’d finally let go of all of her fears and let herself care. She loved him!

She’d made the first move. Well, actually she’d made the first two moves, but it wasn’t sex he’d wanted from her, even though just looking at her made him crazy with wanting her. Love was what he’d wanted from her and love was what she’d just given him. He wanted to pick her up and swing her around and proclaim to the world they were in love. He was about to tell her how long he’d waited to hear her say those words to him and how much he loved her in return but ,before he could open his mouth, she placed a finger over his lips to keep him from speaking.

“Shhhh. Don’t say a word. I’m not asking for anything in return, just tonight. No commitment, no promises, no softly spoken words that can be revoked later, just know that I love you. I have fallen in love with you and tonight is ours, yours and mine alone. After that, we’ll take it one step at a time,” she said softly.

She kissed him with all the love she had in her heart. All the passion and desire she had for him was poured into that kiss, effectively keeping him from making any promises he could break later, and keeping him from breaking her heart at the same time.

Well, damn it! If she wouldn’t let him tell her how much he loved and adored her, then he’d just have to take her upstairs and show her. He’d tell her too, even if it meant making damn sure he kept her too preoccupied to argue with him.

And that’s exactly what he did.

Still dressed in their pre-Civil War costumes, looking uncannily like Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara, Patrick swept her up into his arms and carried her swiftly up the stairs.

Chapter 14 “Love Will Show You the Way”

Kicking the door open to her bedroom, Patrick carried Breezy over to the bed and placed her down gently, leaving enough room for him to lie on his side facing her. He held her hands gently with one hand, throwing one leg over both of hers.

“Now it’s my turn, lady. I’ve been in love with you for weeks now,” he said softly.

Breezy opened her mouth to interrupt him but he kissed her breathless to prevent argument.

“Just let me finish, angel,” he said.

His eyes held sincerity and honesty in their depths, so she stopped trying to cut him off and just listened.

“I was going to tell you the day after I realized it myself, but I was afraid I’d completely scare you off. I had just convinced you to meet me somewhere between lovers and friends and I thought that, if I confessed to having fallen in love with you so quickly after that, you’d think I was just using you, or just saying it to get you in bed.”

Breezy heard the sadness in his voice for what she had been through with Frank.

As he spoke, she pulled her hands from his and slowly began undoing his tie. Next, she helped him out of his overcoat and vest.

“I love everything about you,” he said, slowly removing her necklace and hair combs. He fanned her hair out on the pillow, loving the silky, soft curls that tried to wrap around his fingers possessively. He stared down at her and was left breathless by how beautiful she was to him.

“I love your talent, your compassion, your sense of humor and your beauty. Those gentle blue eyes that turn a deeper shade when I kiss you, like they are now, then sparkle with delight when you’re up to some kind of mischief. I love your soft skin, your silky hair and your gentle smile.” He touched each object of his affection as he mentioned them.

Patrick rolled over onto his back, taking Breezy with him and locking her safely in the cradle of his arms and legs.

“You’ll never know how desperately my arms have longed to hold you all this time, or how much I wanted to just simply sit and look at you and memorize everything about you. You’ll never know how my heart has ached with wanting you, how much I’ve longed to tell you that I love you and hear those words returned. But, losing you was far too great a risk for me to take. So, I’ve waited each day in hopes of earning your trust and winning your love,” he said softly.

He kissed her tenderly to show her the truth of his words before he began slowly untying the bow of her sash and unfastening each of the tiny buttons down the back of her gown.

“I’ve spent what seems like my whole life suspended in a black hole of despair. I was drowning in a world of darkness and I never realized it. Not until you came along to rescue me…an angel of light and mercy. You brought me safely into a world of warmth, light and beauty. You took a cold, heartless lion of a man and changed him into a human being capable of loving and caring. Nothing and no one in this world could ever tear me away from your arms.”