Unspeakable (28 page)

Brody and I talked about everything when we met each night. There was no topic off limits. There was nothing I didn’t want to tell him, even though there was one thing I wouldn’t. Something no one knew the truth about, except Ralph and Jaden. The two people who had no trouble using it as a way to torment and force my mom and I to bend to their will.

“Favorite color?”

“White,” I answered.

“White isn’t a color,” Brody said. “Why white?”

“Yes, it is a color, and because it’s clean, pure. What’s yours?”

“Red. Favorite food?”

“Your aunt’s milkshakes.”

Brody laughed. “Same here. They rock.”

“Yes, they do,” I agreed. “Where’s your dad?”

“Around.” Brody rolled to his side and picked up a lock of my hair, twisting it around his finger. “They got a divorce. That was an excuse for him to take off and disappear.”

I turned my head to face him. “I’m sorry.”

“It is what it is, I guess.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” I licked my lips. “You and your mom seem to do okay.”

“Yeah, my mom’s great. What about you? Do you all get along?”

“Ralph and my mom are really… well, they just are, I guess. I’m not sure if it’s love or a match made in Heaven or whatever.” I rolled toward him and lay my head on his out stretched arm. “But they have someone. So they aren’t alone, you know?”

“I suppose. I’ve heard of couples getting together just for companionship. I guess it depends on the people.” Brody shrugged a shoulder. He picked a pebble off our blanket and tossed it. It was swallowed up in the inky blackness surrounding us.

“Okay, here’s a question. How did you get your
love ’em and leave ’em
reputation?” I smiled and lifted a brow.

“I dated a cheerleader at Stanton, and we had a bad break up. I dated another girl right after her. It was a rebound thing. It didn’t last long. The cheerleader started a rumor that we slept together, and then I dumped her right after. The rebound girl jumped in, said the same thing, and there you go—instant reputation.”

“Did you?” I bit my bottom lip, waiting for his answer.

“Did I what? Sleep with her?” He let out a long breath and looked at the stars before his gaze found mine again. “Yes. But it wasn’t like she made it out to be. I didn’t dump her as soon as we slept together. We dated for nearly a year.”

“And the rebound girl?”

“Do you really want to know all the girls I’ve slept with?” I shrugged a shoulder and picked at the blanket. “I’ve slept with a few, not that many. I can count them on one hand. And, no, I didn’t sleep with the rebound girl.”

What is wrong with me? I’m jealous. I shouldn’t be surprised. If I didn’t want to know, I should’ve kept my mouth shut. But I’m crazy jealous of those bitches.

“So, what about you, Willow? Have you slept with Jaden? You’ve been together since, what, sophomore year?” Brody tugged a piece of my hair.

I licked my lips and brushed a piece of grass off Brody’s shoulder. “No, I haven’t slept with him.”

“You’re kidding. We’re talking about Jaden, right? He’s waited all this time?” Brody slipped the lock of unruly hair behind my ear. His fingers trailed down my jaw, leaving goose bumps in their wake. He cupped my jaw in his hand and guided my face to his, massaging the back of my head with the tips of his fingers.

“No, I didn’t say he hasn’t slept with anyone. I said
I
haven’t slept with him, or anyone else,” I said quietly.

“Oh. I just figured… I mean, Jaden. I assumed…”

“Yeah, I know. Bimbo.” I gave him a small smile. He didn’t smile back.

“Sorry,” he murmured. His thumb grazed over my bottom lip.

“Hey, I was just teasing.” I gave him a playful shove on the shoulder. “You’ve apologized for that. I just like teasing you.”

“If there was something I wish I could take back, it’d be that comment.”

I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal, Brody. I’m over it. I think it’s funny now.”

“Can I ask you something?” His eyebrows pulled down over his eyes.

“I thought that’s what we were doing. You just asked if I’d slept with Jaden. And I just admitted I’m still holding my V-card. I think you can ask me about anything,” I said with a wink.

“Why haven’t you?”

“What? Slept with him?” Brody nodded. I placed my hand on his arm and moved it up until it covered his hand. Turning his hand over, he threaded our fingers together and kissed the inside of my wrist.

I let out a small breath. “It doesn’t feel right with Jaden. It never has. I guess I’ve always known he wasn’t the one, even when we first started dating and things were different.” I paused and gazed at the stars. “I won’t do it just to do it. I’m waiting until it means something.”

We were at the park in my subdivision. I was on the swing, and Brody was pushing me.

“You don’t need to push me, you know. I’ve known how to swing since I was six.”

“I know.”

“Then come up here and sit next to me so we can talk,” I called over my shoulder.

“And give up the chance to put my hands all over your ass? No way.”

I laughed and jumped off the swing. “You’re such a perv.”

“Yeah, and you love it,” he said with a grin.

Oh, that grin is going to be the death of me
.

He walked to me, took my hand, and led me to the merry-go-round. We lay on our backs, and Brody used his feet to slowly turn it as we looked at the sky.

“Can’t see the stars here like at your aunt’s place.”

“No,” he agreed.

“Everyone thinks you’re gay, you know,” I blurted.

He rose up on his elbows and looked at me, clearly amused. “Really? I’ve dated a few girls since I’ve been at Cassidy. Why would they think that?”

I stretched my arms over my head and grabbed the center pole. “You’ve only went out with three girls, and you just went out once with each. You didn’t even kiss them. At least, that’s the gossip.”

“I didn’t happen to be in the kissing mood.”

“Do you have a… I mean, is there someone special at your old school?”

“No.”

“So there’s no one?” I turned to face him. “That’s hard to believe.”

He lay back down and rubbed his hand over the top of his head. “I didn’t say there wasn’t anyone. She just hasn’t noticed yet.”

I snorted a laugh. “I don’t know if you are aware of this, but every girl notices you, Brody. Some guys, too.”

“Not this girl. At least, not the way I want her to.”

“Then she must be blind and incredibly stupid not to be interested in you.”

He shrugged. “She’s not stupid, just… preoccupied.”

“Maybe you should try dating someone else.”

“Have anyone in mind?” he murmured, reaching over and playing with a lock of my hair. I shivered when the tips of his fingers skimmed over my skin.

Yeah, me, please. Oh, how I wish it could be me.

“I don’t know. Jenna would be first in line, I think.” Jealousy stabbed me just uttering the words. I loved her like a sister, but I didn’t want him to go out with Jenna. I didn’t want him to go out with anyone, even though I knew it was an unfair expectation.

“Nah, I’m going to wait on this girl for a while. She’s worth the time, and I’m not ready to give up yet.”

I felt a pang of something. A stab of something in my gut. The green-eyed monster named
Jealousy
bombarded me. It stabbed organs and beat others hard enough that I wanted to curl into a ball right there on the merry-go-round. Whoever the girl was, I was jealous of her. I didn’t even know her, and I already hated her. She had Brody’s affection. Lucky bitch.

It was Thursday. We’d been meeting every night at midnight for three weeks. We were sitting in the Jeep on Brody’s aunt’s property, talking. It was raining and we watched the raindrops hit the windshield. Every so often, lightning lit the sky, giving me glimpses of him in the darkness.

“What are you going to do after graduation?” Brody asked me.

“Just a minute. There’s something I need to do.” I climbed over the center console and into the backseat.

“What are you doing?” he asked with a chuckle.

“Come back here,” I said.

He climbed into the back and fell onto the seat. I immediately scooted close to him until the sides of our bodies touched. He sat for a second, looking at me, his arm raised over me like he didn’t know what to do with it. I waited, holding my breath. He lowered his arm around me, pulling me closer to him, and I let out the breath I was holding. My body vibrated every time Brody touched me. I’d never felt that before.

“After graduation, I’m getting as far away from Middleton as I can. I’ve always wanted to go somewhere warm. I hate the winters in Michigan. I applied to UCLA.”

“Did you get in?”

“Yeah.”

He pulled back and looked at me. “That’s awesome, Willow! Congratulations.” He paused, and the skin between his eyebrows creased. “You don’t seem excited.”

“I’m not sure how I’ll pay for it,” I admitted.

“Your parents have money. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

I shook my head. “Ralph won’t give me anything for college. I’m not his daughter.”

“Oh. Didn’t your dad leave you anything before he died?”

“Um, he left me something. I have no idea what. My mom and Ralph control the estate, and they won’t tell me. So I’m not counting on that.” I shrugged. “But there’s always financial aid and scholarships. I might be able to swing it, especially if I find a job.”

“Why California?”

“It’s about as far from Michigan as I can get. Jaden is going to State on a football scholarship. He thinks that’s where I’m going since I’ve already been accepted. I haven’t told him that there’s no way I’ll be going there.”

Brody’s hand skimmed up and down my arm. “Ah. I guess he isn’t going to take the news well.”

“My plan has always been just to get to graduation and then get the hell out. I figured if I could just last with Jaden until then, I could get away from him when I left for college. It wasn’t that big a deal to date him until graduation. There wasn’t anyone else I was interested in, so that wasn’t an issue. But now…”

“But now what?” Brody murmured.

“Now, it’s an issue,” I answered, my voice soft.

“Why?” Brody shifted in the seat and pulled me around to face him. “I need to hear you say it.” He cupped my face, his thumb rubbing across my cheek.

“Because now, there’s someone else.” I watched his eyes darkened.

He leaned his face to mine. His lips were so close. They barely touched mine. I could feel them move when he spoke. “Then leave him. I want you, Willow.”

“I don’t… He’s gonna—”

He pulled back and dropped his hands. “Look…” He blew out a breath and rubbed his hand over face. “This… thing with you, it’s all new to me. I’m crazy about you. You’re in me. My day doesn’t start until I see you, and I want the last thing I hear at night to be the sound of your voice. I’ve never had anyone affect me like you. A million girls can come and go, but you’ll always be the one I look for, dream about, love. Only you. You’re my very heart.

“If you were dating some great guy, I’d be okay with being just your friend. I might not like it, I’d be jealous as hell, but as long as you were happy, I’d be okay with it. Problem is, you’re not dating a great guy. He’s a loser. A possessive, domineering, condescending jerk who takes you for granted—”