Until I Love Again (3 page)

“Amen,”
Mamm
added.

There was heat rising up Susanna's neck again. Odd, how this subject never came up at the Macalister home. Such plain talk had little place among the sounds of beautiful piano music and regular family chitchat.

“See, she's all red-faced,” James teased. “We have a wedding coming up this fall if I don't miss my guess.”

“Mind your own business,” Susanna retorted, as all four boys chuckled at her embarrassment.

Daett
's grin faded and he appeared ready to continue his lecture, but instead he said, “Let's have dessert, please.”

Mamm
bounced up before Susanna could move, and brought over cherry pies and a pitcher of milk.
Mamm
stopped with a flourish. “Something a little special for Susanna's birthday today. It's not much, but we all know how Susanna likes cherry pie.”

“So do I,” Tobias said as he eyed the lightly browned pies. “But we could use some ice cream on top.”

James cut himself a large piece and glanced at his brother. “You
do have fancy tastes tonight, but this is
goot
enough for me. Nothing matches
Mamm
's cherry pies, even without ice cream.”

“Thank you, James,”
Mamm
said, smiling. “But remember not to praise your mother's pies once you're married.”

Daett
appeared amused. “You can say that again.”

“Now, I wasn't talking about you.”
Mamm
reached over to pat his arm. “Boys, your
daett
has been more than kind when it comes to comparisons with his mother.”

“That's because you're so
goot
at cooking,”
Daett
said. “Cherry pies especially.”

Mamm
beamed with happiness. “See, that's how it's done, boys. Look and learn from your
daett
.”

“I'm looking,” Henry said. “I just haven't seen the young girl that's right for me.”

Laughter spread around the table, and Susanna joined in. “She'll come in due time,” Susanna comforted Henry. “You're still pretty young, you know.”

“
Yah
, but old enough to look around,” Henry shot back. “And I do have cause to worry. Look at how Sarah Beth swoons every time James comes around. I can't even get a smile from a girl with James right there to grab all the attention. And he's younger than me!”

Daett
spoke up. “That's enough, boys. We accept what the Lord gives, Henry. Keep your hopes up, son, and the right girl will be along. That's the way it works when we walk in the will of the Lord.”

“You're such a dear, Ralph,”
Mamm
cooed. “You have such sound advice to give all of our children.”

Susanna smiled as James and Henry hid behind their spoonfuls of cherry pie. She appreciated
Mamm
and
Daett
's affection for each other, even if it embarrassed her brothers. She wanted to be like them when she married.

An image of Ernest Helmuth's bearded face appeared in Susanna's
mind, and she lowered her head. Ernest wasn't exactly what she envisioned as husband material.

Thankfully
Daett
soon called for the closing prayer of thanks, and Susanna followed the boys into the living room where
Daett
had his Bible open. She found a seat on the couch, and he began to read.

“ ‘The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.' ”
Daett
's deep voice filled the living room.

Why had
Daett
chosen this familiar Scripture tonight? Susanna wondered. Did he seek comfort for himself, or was this to encourage her to face the truth no matter where the road led?

“ ‘I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.' ”
Daett
concluded the psalm and closed the Bible. He looked around the room and took them all in one by one until even James squirmed on his chair. Finally
Daett
spoke. “
Mamm
and I would like to have time alone with our daughter this evening, so Tobias and Noah, would you boys please go upstairs to your rooms? James and Henry can start the work in the kitchen.”

After the boys all left silently, casting a mournful glance at Susanna,
Daett
started right in by asking, “Do you have something you'd like to tell us, Susanna?”

Mamm
had obviously not been let in on what was going on, as she looked at
Daett
and asked, “What do you mean, Ralph? What's this all about?”

“I think we should let Susanna tell us,”
Daett
said. “It would be best that way.”

Susanna took a deep breath. “Do you mean the happy birthday sign?”

“
Yah,
of course.”
Daett
leaned forward.

“A happy birthday sign?”
Mamm
interrupted.

Daett
held his hand up and
Mamm
fell silent.

“It's…” Susanna began. “It's some friends that I know. They didn't tell me they would do this, or I would have objected…”

“In the middle of town where anyone can see it.”
Daett
's voice was more statement than question. “Those must be some friends.”

“She's…”
Mamm
tried again.

Daett
turned to her. “Susanna's name is on a well-lit sign at the seed and feed store in DeKalb. The sign says, in big letters: Happy Birthday, Susanna Miller. The whole community will know by morning, and we will have much explaining to do. I'd at least like some answers before Deacon Herman calls.”

“Susanna!”
Mamm
exclaimed. “How did this happen?”

Susanna swallowed but found no words.

Daett
's voice cut through her fogged brain. “You can begin anytime.”

“I…” Susanna began. “I didn't know this would happen, I really didn't, but Joey must have told his cousin Marisa about my birthday, and her parents own the seed and feed store.”

“You know this Joey well enough that he would put up your name without asking you?”
Daett
had leaned forward again.

Susanna looked at the floor. “I suppose so,” she allowed.

“We had best stop beating around the bush, Susanna.”
Daett
's voice was stern. “Did you meet this Joey at the parties in Heuvelton?”

Susanna nodded, but this wouldn't satisfy, so she added, “I met him there, but then I also went to his house.”

“Each weekend after the parties?”
Mamm
asked in horror.

“I don't go to the parties anymore.” Susanna lifted her head to meet their gazes. “There. Now you know. Joey's my friend—and that's all.”

Moments later
Daett
reached over to touch the cover on the Bible, but he said nothing.
Mamm
was likewise silent.

“And they taught me to play the piano,” Susanna blurted out.

Daett
's face paled. She had expected this result, but the sight still shocked her.
Daett
and
Mamm
had no idea what beautiful piano music sounded like, and she wasn't about to explain. She had already said too much.

“Do you love this man?”
Daett
finally asked.

Mamm
gasped at the question, obviously fearing the answer.

“He's my friend,” Susanna answered. “That's all.”

“Is this why you've been hesitating about the baptismal classes this spring?”
Daett
asked.

“
Yah
, I guess,” Susanna acknowledged.

“You surely know the depth of my shock and sorrow,”
Daett
said. “This is not what
rumspringa
is for. I told you this when the Troyer sisters jumped the fence a year ago. You are not to form attachments with
Englisha
people. This will trouble you when it's time to come back. I trusted you, Susanna, enough to give you the freedom I thought you needed. Perhaps I was wrong.”

“I didn't intend things to turn out this way,” Susanna said. “It just happened. I wish you could understand.”

Daett
's hands trembled. “We had best speak no more about this matter tonight. I'll talk with Deacon Herman if he inquires about this, and ask for patience as we pray for the Lord to help us through this difficult time. But you must seek the Lord's will on your feelings for this boy, Susanna. None of our people marry outside the faith. Surely you know this.”

“I do,” Susanna told him. “And I'm sorry. But, as I said, Joey's just a friend.”

“Friend or not, he's
Englisha
and he's a young man. That can only mean trouble eventually.”

Susanna hung her head as
Mamm
remained silent.

Daett
began again. “We will consider this matter settled for now. From now on, you will drive into town with Henry on Saturday nights.”
Daett
tried to smile. “I should have insisted on this for some time, but we thought to make an exception in your case.”

Now what did that mean? Likely
Daett
had been his usual considerate and decent self—and was disappointed to find out that Susanna's
rumspringa
had gone off course. The time had come for rules and restrictions, and she had no one to blame but herself. She ought to promise she would return Ernest Helmuth's attentions at the next Sunday services, but her stomach turned at the thought. Instead, Joey's face floated in her mind, and the tears stung. What a mess she had gotten herself into. Susanna rose to her feet and beat a hasty retreat up the stairs.

Chapter Three

A
s Susanna fidgeted with the pins on her dress, the late Saturday evening sunlight streamed through the bedroom window and spilled on the hardwood floor at her feet. She studied the beam and moved her bare foot into the light. Should she obey
Daett
's orders tonight? She drew her foot back and sighed. James had already left, and Henry was waiting in his buggy. She really didn't have much choice, but perhaps later in the evening she could slip away or find some other way to meet Joey. Maybe Henry could be talked into cooperating. They could drive past Joey's house on their way to Heuvelton, and then she could run inside for a moment and explain to him why she couldn't see him. And if no one was home, she could at least leave a note on the door.

But of course Henry wouldn't stop so she could see Joey. Henry was solid as a rock and would not let her out of his sight all evening. That was why
Daett
had assigned her to Henry's care, but she just
had
to see Joey tonight. She had to explain her absence.

“Susanna!”
Mamm
's voice called up the stairs. “Henry's waiting.”

Susanna plunged in the last pin and stifled a shriek when the end pricked her finger. How clumsy she had become. Only ten-year-old
girls stuck their fingers when they dressed themselves. This only added to the shame she had felt all week as
Mamm
hovered over her.

“Did Joey stop by your work today?”
Mamm
asked each evening after Susanna came home from the DeKalb Building Supply.

In a way, she was glad Joey hadn't stopped by.
Mamm
's anxiety would only have increased. But the downside was that she missed Joey. At least
Mamm
and
Daett
didn't know that. She had half-expected
Daett
to demand that she quit her job this week, but he hadn't.

“Susanna!”
Mamm
called again. “You can't keep Henry waiting.”

“Coming,” Susanna called out, grabbing her shoes. She dashed out the bedroom door barefoot taking the stairs two at a time.

“Do be careful!”
Mamm
chided at the bottom of the stairwell.