Until I Love Again (6 page)

What a great honor had been bestowed upon him. Ralph and Linda had doubtless spent many a sleepless night in prayer for their daughter. How else had Susanna matured into the beautiful girl that she was? Maybe what
Mamm
said about Ralph not having done everything right was true, but he had made up for his mistakes by raising Susanna correctly. Susanna's
rumspringa
time would be over soon, at which point he would speak with Ralph. That might even happen the next time he saw the man. There was no reason not to. Susanna would make any man a decent
frau
, if that man could overlook her past.

Look at the
goot
character the woman had. Susanna knew how to cook and keep house as well as the other women in the community. Maybe someday he would tell her about the deep pit the Lord had rescued her from, but on the other hand, some things were best left in the Lord's hands. He would use wisdom in the matter. The urgent thing was to proceed with his plans.

“Ernest!” The call from his sister brought Ernest out of his reverie. “What are you daydreaming about now? I've had breakfast ready for twenty minutes.”

“I'm sorry,” Ernest muttered, hurrying toward the house. “I was just thinking of the fine Sunday morning the Lord has given us.”

Katherine eyed him with skepticism. “Well, breakfast is cold by now,” she said, retreating with a frown on her face.

Ernest hung his coat near the living room stove and followed Katherine into the kitchen. Both Lizzie and Martha were sitting in their normal places with smiles on their faces.

“
Goot
morning,
Daett
,” four-year-old Lizzie called out.

Ernest paused to kiss the top of Lizzie's head. A small white
kapp
would soon cover her lively curls for the church services, but Katherine hadn't gotten to the task. Three-year-old Martha peered up at him, and he leaned down to kiss her chubby cheek. Martha glowed, but said nothing. The girl needed a
mamm
, Ernest reminded himself. Katherine was doing a
goot
job, but there was nothing like a girl's own
mamm
.

“You're dawdling again,” Katherine said. “Sit.” She pointed to his chair.

“
Yah
, I know,” Ernest grumbled. “You don't have to be so bossy.”

“You need bossing,” Katherine said. “
Mamm
told me so this past week. She said to make life miserable for you, and then perhaps you'd hurry and do the right thing and…” Katherine looked away. “But I suppose it's not decent to speak of such things, even with my own brother.”

Ernest chuckled. “It's decent if plainspokenness is called for. And you'll be thinking of such things yourself before long. I saw Joe Schrock give you smiles last Sunday after the service. You didn't seem to object. Are you speaking with each other at the young people's gatherings?”

“That's none of your business,” Katherine snapped. She sat down on the kitchen chair and glared at Ernest. “Stop teasing me and pray, please. I'm hungry.”

Ernest stifled his laugh to bow his head in silent prayer. At home, his
daett
led out in a spoken prayer, but he had never developed the practice with Naomi. Perhaps he would once he wed Susanna. That would be a worthy moment to move on with his spiritual development. For now, he declared only the “Amen” with gusto.

Katherine passed him the plate of eggs and scolded, “You're mighty cheerful this morning after all that daydreaming.”

Ernest only smiled as he helped Lizzie and Martha with their food.

“You are taking
Mamm
's advice to heart, aren't you?” Katherine continued.

Ernest shrugged. “It depends which advice you are referring to. If it's about marrying again, then
yah
, I'm taking it to heart. I know you're doing a great job here, but I also know I shouldn't be keeping you much longer. I'm hoping I can soon ask a woman home on a formal date. In fact, I have already spoken with her
daett
—sort of.”

“
Goot
!” Katherine said. “So is it Laura or Hannah? You know that's who
Mamm
thinks you should consider. And she's right. You could be married to either of them this spring yet.”

Ernest paused with his fork lifted. “I know that's what
Mamm
thinks, but what makes you believe I'd ask either of those women home for a Sunday evening date?”

Katherine waved her hand about. “Well, all three of you have children and you've all been married before. It only makes sense. So is it one of them? You can tell me. I won't say anything until you say it's okay.”

Ernest didn't answer as the image of Susanna's face appeared in front of him. Her beauty took his breath away and he stopped chewing for a moment.

Katherine waved her hand in front of his face. “You're spacing out again, Ernest. So which one is it?”

Ernest didn't answer. He could imagine Susanna sitting right where Katherine was sitting now. She looked so at home and at peace. Susanna was the woman for him.

“So which one is it?” Katherine leaned forward. “It's got to be Hannah or Laura. I know Laura's a little on the heavy side, but
Hannah goes the other way and could use a few pounds. I, of course, understand that. Hannah has suffered a lot since her David passed last year. She would be my pick. The pounds would come back if you wed her and brought happiness into her life.”

Ernest kept his face passive. Let Katherine think she was correct. That was better than guessing games. The girl didn't need to know of his interest in Susanna Miller, and
Mamm
obviously hadn't told her. The matter could remain secret until he took Susanna home from the hymn singing, which would be soon, he hoped.

“Ernest!” Katherine's voice rose again. “I give up on you. But just for the record, I'm sure I'm right. You wouldn't fall for Laura. She's not your type.”

“What is my type?” Ernest asked.

Katherine's face lit up. “The man speaks. I think Hannah's your type.”

Ernest grinned and remained silent. He was through with this conversation, but he couldn't shut Katherine up without offense. The girl would have to speak her fill.

“I know I'm right,” Katherine continued. “Hannah would make a decent sister-in-law. She's a little on the moody side, but I can't blame her. You'll cheer her up, and with the extra work around the house, Hannah would regain her health fully. And your two little girls…” Katherine glanced at Lizzie and Martha. “They are the sweetest things. You'd be
goot
for each other, and Hannah's son Isaac would fit right in with this family. I'd say the Lord has opened the door wide, Ernest, if only you have the sense to walk through it.”

Ernest laughed. “Okay, enough of that. On my part I feel sorry for the extra work we've been for you since Naomi passed. But you have done well. In fact, you've gone way above anything I could have expected.”

“Thank you,” Katherine said. “That's nice of you to say, but you're
changing the subject. I still think you should ask Hannah home soon—perhaps this evening.”

“
Yah
, I know you favor Hannah,” Ernest said. “But I'm not of a mind to ask Hannah home from the hymn singing—not this evening or perhaps ever.”

Katherine gave him a sharp look. “Well, just remember what
Mamm
said. You must do more than think about things.”

Lizzie looked up at him to chirp, “What must you do,
Daett
?”

Ernest smiled down at her. “You're too young for this conversation, Lizzie. Just eat your eggs before they get cold.”

Katherine gave him a glare. “Lizzie's eggs got cold a long time ago while their
Daett
dawdled at the barn door.”

“You'll never capture young Joe's heart with that scowl,” Ernest teased.

Katherine made a face at him. “Maybe that's already happened, brother of mine. Sorry to disappoint you.”

Ernest shrugged and dished out the oatmeal for both girls. He didn't much care for young Joe, but Katherine wasn't about to ask for his opinion or listen to any feelings he might express. He stirred the milk into the oatmeal as his mind drifted back to Susanna Miller. He'd see her today, and his heart would beat faster. She'd sit in her usual place among the unmarried girls. Behind Susanna would be Laura and Hannah, seated in the married women's section as widows did, but neither woman stirred his emotions like Susanna.

Katherine's voice cut through his thoughts. “You have that same look on your face that Susanna Miller did last night down by the river in Heuvelton. That girl's in love with that
Englisha
boy, Joey Macalister. She's headed for lots of trouble, if you ask me. Falling in love with
Englisha
people while on your
rumspringa
is about the worst thing that can happen.”

Ernest stared at his sister. “What did you say?”

“If you'd listen instead of daydreaming,” Katherine told him, “you would have heard the first time. I said that Susanna Miller is playing with fire. Hopefully she'll come to her senses. We can't have more of our young people jumping the fence like the Troyer sisters did last year, or we'll soon not be allowed out of the house on Saturday nights.”

“
Yah
,” Ernest agreed, even as his mind raced. Susanna was in love? At least Katherine seemed to think so, and with an
Englisha
man? Katherine must be wrong, just as she was wrong about him and Hannah.

“Can we give thanks now?” Katherine said. “I have to clean the kitchen and change both girls before it's time to leave for the service.”

Ernest nodded and bowed his head for a silent prayer. All he could see, though, was Susanna's face.

Chapter Six

J
oey slowed for the turn onto Maple Ridge Road. Ahead of him lay the Millers' place. His foot hesitated a moment on the accelerator before he pressed down again. Susanna had said he could stop by whenever he wished, so he would. Something smelled of trouble—and with the Amish being so strict, the trouble could be just about anything. He knew this trip was risky. If he wished to win Susanna's affection, a little discretion might be in order. There was no sense in offending her family or the Amish community.

On the other hand, was there any hope that he could capture Susanna's heart and earn the community's approval of their relationship? None, if he knew the Amish. The way the Amish young folks had acted in Heuvelton the other night had convinced him of that. He had forgotten that people still existed who didn't marry outside of their faith. His only access to Susanna was because of her traditional
rumspringa
time, when their young people sampled the outside ways to decide if they really wanted to stay Amish.

One thing was certain. His plans did not fit the Amish way of life. And yet his interest in Susanna now went beyond friendship even though Susanna seemed oblivious to the fact. She always referred
to him as a friend. Why, he wasn't sure, because if he had to guess, he felt certain Susanna shared his feelings. At any rate, it was time he at least faced the truth. He loved Susanna and he wanted to pursue a deeper relationship with her. The Amish community would have to deal with that. If she left the community, she wouldn't be the first one to do so. He had heard from Susanna herself that sometimes young folks in the community “jumped the fence,” as she had called it.

Joey slowed for the Millers' driveway and eased his Toyota up to the barn. Two buggies were parked nearby with their shafts turned toward the road. Apparently someone planned to use them later in the day, but on a Sunday afternoon, surely everyone would be home.

Joey stepped out of the car, the gravel crunching under his feet. He hesitated for a moment. Did he dare approach the front door? That was what a normal suitor did when he called on his girl, but this was no normal situation. The contrast between his vehicle and the two black buggies could not be starker. As if in answer to his question, the front door opened and a tall, bearded Amish man walked out. The man, likely Susanna's father, pulled down the brim of his hat and headed toward Joey with a purposeful step. Joey waited. Apparently a confrontation lay ahead. But where was Susanna? She must have seen him drive in. From the look on the man's face, he had certainly surmised who he was. Should he leave? Avoid trouble? But how would he explain his retreat to Susanna later? He couldn't expect her to bear all the burden of their obviously unwelcomed relationship.