We Found Love (19 page)

“S
O
YOU
’
RE
feeling good? Think you’re ready?” Dr. Stubbs scrutinized Hunter’s every word, so he thought carefully about how to answer the question.

“I think saying I’m ready would be too strong. If that makes sense?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… I think I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. I’m
ready
to see my brother. I’m ready to put flowers on my mama’s grave. I’m ready to get back to work and my apartment. Am I ready to fall on my face again? No. But I’ll never know whether I will or not if I don’t get back to my life.”

That earned a pleased nod from the doctor. Hunter’s gaze flicked to Phylicia’s beaming face, a nudge of her chin encouraging him to continue. “Sir, I’ve gotten to a good place. Not the best place. I know I’ve still got shit—stuff—” He shot another glance at Phylicia and mumbled a “Sorry, ma’am,” before continuing. “I’m nervous. But hey, I’m stronger.”

The doctor studied Hunter for another moment before writing something in his notes. Then he closed his leather notebook, setting it and the pen down in his lap. “Okay, so your social worker has gotten you the list of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings in your area?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You’ll continue on your outpatient A&D treatment for four more months, as per your probation.”

“Yes, sir. My brother and my social worker got together about where I need to be and when.”

“You still have a job with your brother, correct?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You’re going to take your medications.”

Hunter nodded. He wasn’t a huge fan of some of the fog the meds made him feel, but he had to admit his thoughts in general were clearer. It was weird. Not a fix, but they helped.

“Good. The important part is, we’ve found the right medications for
your depression
. We’re getting your brain back in working order. There will be so much stress getting out into the real world, that’s most important.”

“I know, I just….”

Dr. Stubbs held up a hand to halt Hunter’s babbling. “Are wary of medicating. I understand. Many people fear being on pills their entire lives. Right now, work on you. You may eventually wean off the pills. We don’t know what the future holds. Continue concentrating on yourself, your recovery, and get back into the swing of your life.”

Back into the swing of his life? It sounded so simple. He’d grown to feel safe, hidden away from the world in these bomb-shelter-like walls. “I’ll sure try.”

Dr. Stubbs nodded. He did that a lot. “Okay, Hunter. I’m going to fill out your discharge papers. They’ll be ready tomorrow morning. Day sixty-two means you’ve completed your court-ordered treatment. But I hope it was more than that for you, son.”

“Discharge papers?” He was getting out? Could it be real?

“Yes. Your social worker will contact your brother to let him know. Are you sure you won’t try with your sister?”

Hunter scowled. “We never had nothin’ for each other before. I don’t see why it’d change after this.”

“Understood. Well, Phylicia will take you back now.” Dr. Stubbs rose from his chair, extending a hand. Hunter eyed it before taking it. “I wish you luck, Hunter. I really do.”

“Thanks, Doc.”

Phylicia opened the door, and he followed her down the hall. She put her key into the lock that led back to the wing, then stilled and turned to him. “Good luck, Hunter.”

He couldn’t help but return her warm smile. He was stricken by the sincerity of this stranger who wished him well. “Thank you, ma’am.”

She patted his arm. “Those manners. Your mama raised her a good boy.”

Hunter snorted.

“You hush that now. I got a son your age, honey. He lost his way for a while there too. We all got a journey, some harder than others. You just do what you got to do and be happy, okay?”

Hunter’s eyes tingled, emotions a little wacky. “Yes, ma’am. Thank you for that.” He turned his head away so she couldn’t see his eyes getting all weepy.

She giggled. “Stubborn men. You’d think in here you’d have learned we
want
you to cry, by now.”

Hunter snorted again. She unlocked the door and held it open for him. “I don’t wanna see you back in here, boy.” She pointed a finger at him, face serious. Yeah, she was definitely a mama. He gave a thumbs-up and walked down the hall, coming face-to-face with Riley.

Riley. Fuck. That’s why this sucked.

“Hey,” Riley said quietly. “You’re going home?”

Hunter grunted his yes. God, but it hurt. They’d been much more careful with one another since he’d lost it on Riley. He felt bad some days. He’d called Riley selfish when he himself had been selfish, dumping that shit on Riley just because he was upset.

Riley had started trying, though…. A little. There was a fire in his brown eyes that hadn’t been as bright before that day. He didn’t exactly participate, but he would answer a question if asked directly in groups. The orderlies had even backed off, because the two of them had been on their best behavior. They hadn’t ventured back to the forbidden wing more than once since that night. The darkness was still too suffocating in there. It took what few moments of joy they could steal together away.

They could sit at a table alone now, though. They’d curl up next to Riley’s window—Riley had moved Hunter’s chair back over for him—and read or talk about inconsequential things. Hunter was going to miss it. He was going to miss Riley.

Hunter was just barely able to swallow around the lump that had formed in his throat. “Tomorrow,” he said. “I’m discharged in the morning.”

Riley smiled sadly but as sincerely as Phylicia had earlier. “That’s great, Hunter.”

Fuck. Hunter wondered if he’d ever get a chance to hear his name roll off that tongue again. He’d give anything for it to be outside these walls.
Lifer.

“Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

“Morgan, Connors, we’ll be around with dinner in fifteen if y’all wanna head on in the common room,” one of the newer orderlies said as he pushed the empty cart down the hall to collect dinner.

“Thanks,” they said in unison before turning to each other, laughing quietly. Strange how somber Hunter felt when he should be absolutely elated. He missed his stupid job and his grumpy older brother and his dirty apartment—which his grumpy older brother had complained about paying for the last two months.

“Wanna?” Riley asked.

“Yes.”
Yes, I wanna. I want to kiss you, hug you, take you with me, move you in with me. I want to take care of you. I want you to be okay.

“Hunter, don’t.” Riley’s tone was pleading, facial muscles twitching slightly as they struggled to maintain his smile.

Hunter cleared his throat, once, twice, and pointed toward the common room’s entrance. He followed behind Riley as they made their way in. Neither of them spoke throughout the meal. They sat quietly in their chairs by the window for the last few hours of the evening, knees touching discreetly as they pretended to read, side by side, lost in their own thoughts.

The mournful look Riley shot him as bedtime was called, the aching in his own chest, was like a sucker punch. He had to give himself shit. Hadn’t he warned himself about getting involved with someone in this place? Much less a fucking lifer.
Idiot.
But he couldn’t regret one fucking minute with Riley. No, it’d been too good, even when it hurt.

He gave Riley a meaningful glance. “I’ll see you for breakfast, okay?”

Riley did the brushing by, the precious and profound brushing of their knuckles. Their silent acknowledgment that the other cared, the other was there, even if they couldn’t be together. Their private symbol of two people, the two of them, giving a shit about each other even if no one else wanted them.

Then Riley was gone. To sleep or whatever he did in there at night alone. And Hunter dreaded every second that ticked on that damnable clock, winding down their last night together.

I
T
DIDN
’
T
matter how hard Riley tried, he couldn’t keep his ass in that bed, not with Hunter right down the hall, spending his last night here in that room alone. It wasn’t fair. Their story wasn’t supposed to end like this.

He paced back and forth, back and forth, rubbing his scarred wrist with so much energy it burned, but the burn wasn’t bad. It reminded him of what he did and why he was here, what the point of behaving his shit was. He’d been on his best freaking behavior since the night Hunter had spilled that sad story on him. The one time they’d snuck off, he was damn careful to get back in time, get some sleep, and act like he cared the next day. It wasn’t an act. Now he actually did care.

He stole a quick peek through the door window, and the hall was as dark as it usually was. Riley knew Wally was on duty tonight. He’d seen Big Boy waddle by the food carts and grab a chocolate milk at dinner. No one else had noticed, or maybe they didn’t care. Either way, the lowest man on the totem wouldn’t catch Riley if he snuck down to Hunter’s room for a little while. There was no way he would let Hunter leave this place without one more good-bye.

The hinges creaked obscenely loudly no matter how carefully Riley opened the door. It could’ve been his imagination, but the noise seemed to echo against the cinder-block walls. He paused, took a breath, then kept going. As soon as he turned in the direction of Hunter’s room, he caught sight of a head full of silky blond hair, then the kind blue eyes and the smiling pink lips.

“Looks like we had the same idea,” Riley whispered.

“Yeah.” Hunter let out a soft, breathy laugh.

“I couldn’t let you just leave.”

“I know. I couldn’t either.” Hunter stepped closer, reaching for Riley’s hand. “We should get out of this hall before we get caught.”

“The forbidden wing?”

“Of course. Where else?”

The trip down to their room went faster than it ever had. They didn’t ease down the halls or stick to the shadows. It was much more brazen this time, more carefree, and for the first time, Riley felt like he was truly free. It didn’t matter that the ugliest walls on earth surrounded them. Right now, they had the world at their disposal.

Riley opened the door and tugged Hunter inside. He went to flip on the lights, but Hunter stopped him. “Wait,” Hunter said before padding across the room with his arms stretched out, feeling around in the dark. In a matter of seconds, there was a
click-click
, then a tiny lamp next to the dingy bed cut on. “I’m surprised the bulb still works.”

“Me too.” Riley laughed. He was glad it did, though. Light from the lamp cast a soft golden glow over the room, not the harsh white light of the overheads. “So, where do you want to go tonight?”

“Nowhere,” Hunter answered without hesitation.

Riley’s breath hitched. He was too afraid to breathe, not sure if he was in for another lecture or Hunter would go easy on him considering this was their last night together.

Then Hunter said, “I want to be
here
… with you.”

If Riley’s heart beat any wilder, it would’ve leaped right out of his chest. The thump, thump, thumping got stronger and faster. Heat rolled over Riley’s skin. He became acutely aware of his racing pulse and the fact he’d forgotten to breathe again.

“With you is perfect,” Riley finally said.

They stared at each other, as if both men were afraid to make the first move. They stood there like two inexperienced teenagers, scared of what might happen after the first touch.

Just like in the hallway, they met in the middle—arms outstretched and lips pursed for kissing. The contact happened abruptly, with the kind of fire that started great romances. Too bad this kiss wasn’t starting anything. It was closing a chapter on one story so they could both move on to the next. Hunter, in the great big world. Riley, fighting not to die alone in this place.

Riley opened his mouth, giving Hunter entrance. Their tongues connected. Riley moaned. It wasn’t so much a moan of pleasure, despite how great it was to be kissing Hunter again. The moan was a sound of sorrow, of the angst that came with saying good-bye.

Hands slipped under Riley’s shirt, and they stopped at his hips. The feel of skin on skin caused him to pull back, to relinquish that delicious mouth. He laid his head on Hunter’s shoulder. “I can’t believe tonight is—”

“Stop,” Hunter said, running his hands around to the small of Riley’s back. “Tonight is just another night, and we’re together.”

“I know, but—”

“No
but
. Stay with me, Ry. Just… stay right here.” He lifted Riley’s shirt slowly, letting the fabric brush over his skin so softly the fine hairs at the nape of Riley’s neck stood on end. When the shirt cleared Riley’s head, Hunter met him with the hungriest stare Riley had ever seen. “Promise you won’t hide in your head, Ry.”

Hunter turned his attention on his own clothes, undressing himself with the same slow, meticulous movement. Riley’s mouth dried. His cock jerked. His already racing pulse went into overdrive. “I promise,” he breathed.

“Good,” Hunter said, wicked grin tugging at those incredibly delicious lips. He hooked thumbs on the waistband of Riley’s hospital pants, catching the plain white hospital-issue boxers that felt more like sandpaper than underwear. He pulled the fabric down until it bunched at Riley’s ankles and left him standing naked in the cool breeze blowing down from above their heads. Hunter pressed their mouths together, kissed Riley thoroughly, then started his descent.

It began with a rough kiss at the throat and Hunter’s palm massaging Riley’s shaft. Then the kisses moved down over Riley’s collarbone, over his shoulder. Hunter took Riley’s hand and lifted it, gazing over Riley’s knuckles as he gave each one a delicate kiss of its own. The massaging became faster, more thorough, fingers reaching down to caress his sac, then back up to stroke his shaft. Hunter didn’t break his stare. Every inch he lowered, he drew Riley’s eyes down with him. Hunter was on his knees now, mouth open and aimed for Riley’s thickening hard-on.