Witch Is Why The Laughter Stopped (A Witch P.I. Mystery Book 14) (10 page)

Chapter 16

I’d arranged to meet with Douglas Beauford. It was his wife, Mabel, who had died in Holo while I was in there with Aunt Lucy. When I’d phoned ahead, he’d readily agreed to see me. Unlike Desmond Cloverleaf, Douglas Beauford wasn’t exactly the grieving widower. He greeted me with a huge smile.

“Douglas Beauford?” I wasn’t sure I had the right house.

“Yep. That’s me.” He was a wizard with the fakest of tans. “You wanted to talk to me about Mabel?”

“Yes, please.”

“Come in then. Watch the cats; they’re everywhere.” I glanced around, but didn’t see a single cat. “Mabel could never resist a cat. She’d take in any old stray, but they’ll soon be gone.”

“If you don’t mind me saying so, Mr Beauford, you don’t seem awfully upset about your wife’s passing.”

“Upset about Mabel? Nah. Me and Mabel were over years ago. We still shared the same house, but that’s about it. I have my life. She had hers.”

“I assume you heard how she died.”

“I did, and to tell you the truth, I thought it was a bit weird. You could say many things about Mabel, but you would never describe her as someone who laughed a lot. She’d barely cracked a smile in the last five years. She didn’t even laugh at my jokes, and everybody laughs at my jokes. Do you want to hear one?”

“No thanks, not right now. Had she been ill or complained of any health problems?”

“Nah. Not to me, anyway. We didn’t talk much. We said ‘morning,’ but that was about it. She still made all my meals though, but only because I gave her money every month.”

“What about the day before she died?”

“I didn’t see her. She went out with a friend, Elizabeth Tagg, the night before she died. They were always out together. Either to bingo or dancing. It might be worth you talking to Elizabeth.”

“Do you happen to have her contact details?”

“There’s an address book next to the phone.”

It was obvious that Douglas neither knew nor cared what had happened to his wife—all rather sad, I thought.

I made a note of Elizabeth Tagg’s phone number, and then left.

I could hear Aunt Lucy and Lester arguing before I even walked in the door. As soon as they heard me, they stopped. Lester was sitting at the kitchen table. Aunt Lucy was standing next to him; she was rather red in the face.

“Sorry if I interrupted,” I said. “I can leave, if you want me to?”

“It’s all right. Come in, Jill. I wanted to see you, anyway.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, come in. You’ll never guess what Lester is thinking of doing.”

“I’m right here, Lucy,” he said. “In case you hadn’t noticed.”

“He’s going to apply for a job as a Grim Reaper.”

Wow! I hadn’t seen that coming.

“I didn’t realise it was possible to apply to be a Grim Reaper. I assumed it was something you were born into.”

“That’s what I thought too,” Lester said. “But it seems there are two types of reaper. There are those who are born into it—they’re a bit of a strange breed—neither human nor sup.”

Strange was the right word. I remembered my date with Jim Keeper the Grim Reaper.

Lester continued. “The other reapers are those trained to do the job. It’s a twelve-month training course to qualify. It’s good pay, even while you’re training.”

“I’m not surprised that it’s good pay,” Aunt Lucy interrupted. “Nobody in their right mind would want to do that miserable job.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers, Lucy, I’ve told you. I’ve been applying for other jobs, but so far I haven’t even been able to get an interview anywhere else. At least these people are prepared to see me.”

“I bet they are. They’ll probably interview anybody who’s stupid enough to contact them.”

“I’m not standing for this, Lucy. There’s no talking to you when you’re in this mood.” Lester stood up and stormed out.

“I think you’re being a bit hard on him, Aunt Lucy. He’s only trying to get a job.”

“I know he is. But it’s the thought of being married to a Grim Reaper; it gives me the creeps. Every time he came home from work, I’d be wondering who he’d dispatched that day. Anyway, let’s forget about that. With a bit of luck, he won’t get the job.”

“Aunt Lucy! That’s a bit harsh!”

“Sorry. Don’t tell him I said that. Are you making any progress with Gloria?”

“Nothing so far. I’ve spoken to Desmond. He’s really cut up as you can imagine, but he couldn’t throw much light on it. He did say that Gloria didn’t laugh a lot.”

“He’s right. Some people will laugh out loud at anything, but Gloria would just smile, which makes this all the more strange.”

“I’ve also been to see the husband of the woman who died while we were in Holo.”

“How’s he holding up?”

“He’s fine; he doesn’t seem to care. They had a strange relationship. They shared the same house, but other than that, they lived totally separate lives, and barely saw one another. I’m going to talk to a friend of hers to see if she can tell me anything. By the way, where is Candlefield Social?”

“You surely don’t want to go there, do you?”

“Why? What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s a bit run down. There are much nicer places in Candlefield. I can give you the names of a few clubs you’d enjoy much more.”

“It’s not for a night out. It seems that Gloria was there the night before she died.”

“Gloria went to Candlefield Social? I am surprised. I wouldn’t have thought it was her kind of thing.”

“According to Desmond, they were there together. It’s a long shot, but I thought I might call in and take a look.”

“You know where the hospital is, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Candlefield Social is on the next street down from there. You walk past the hospital, and keep on going until you come to Tadpole Avenue.”

“Tadpole?”

“It backs onto Frog Close.”

“Okay, thanks. And, Aunt Lucy—take it easy on Lester.”

“I will. Don’t worry.”

I was just about to leave when the twins turned up. They were beaming.

“I’m glad we’ve caught you two together,” Amber said. “We’ve got big news.”

“Really big news.” Pearl nodded.

Whenever the twins had news, it was usually some kind of half-baked scheme. The fact that this was
big
news had me really worried.

“What kind of news?” Aunt Lucy looked as apprehensive as I felt.

“It’s about our housewarming parties,” Pearl said.

“Have you reached a compromise?” I asked.

“We have.” Amber sounded very pleased with herself. “We’ve decided we’re both going to have our housewarming party this Sunday.”

“Both of you? But don’t you remember I said you’ll be inviting the same people to both parties? They can’t be in two places at the same time.”

“We’ve come up with a brilliant plan,” Pearl said. “Haven’t we, Amber?”

Amber nodded. “We have. Would you like to hear it?”

Probably not. I’d heard so-called brilliant plans from the twins before.

“Go on,” Aunt Lucy said. “Spit it out. I know you’re dying to tell us.”

“We’ve decided we’ll both have a housewarming party starting at four-thirty on Sunday. We’re going to write down the names of all the people who we want to invite, and put them into a hat.”

Aunt Lucy and I exchanged a despairing glance.

Pearl continued. “We’ll draw out the names one at a time. The first name that comes out will go to Amber’s housewarming at four-thirty. The next name that comes out will go to mine at four-thirty. We’ll carry on doing that until we’ve taken all the names out of the hat.”

“Hang on. Let me see if I understand this,” I said. “Half the people are going to your housewarming, and the other half are going to Amber’s?”

“To start with, yes, but then comes the ingenious part.”

Please, spare me from the ingenious part.

“At seven-thirty, a bus will arrive and take all the people who have been at my housewarming to Amber’s, and then pick up all the people who have been at Amber’s, and bring them back to mine. That way, everybody will have been to both parties. Didn’t I tell you it was ingenious? What do you think?”

“I don’t have words.” I sighed.

“I do,” Aunt Lucy said. “It’s a stupid idea.”

“No it’s not, Mother.” Pearl sounded indignant. “It’s a brilliant idea. This way we both get to have our party on the same day.”

“Yes, but you’re asking people to go to one party, and then get on a bus to go to the other party.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Amber said.

“I can’t wait to hear you explain this to Grandma.”

Aunt Lucy and I both laughed. The twins were not amused.

***

Jack and I arrived home at more or less the same time. It was his turn to cook. Yay! But, before he could start, there was a knock at the door. If it was Mr Hosey, I was going to tell him where he could shove his train-stop. It turned out to be Kathy.

“Hi. I hope you don’t mind me calling around unannounced, but Pete’s taken Lizzie and Mikey to Tom Tom.”

“Lizzie too?”

“They’re entering a talent contest together. Mikey on drums, and Lizzie singing.”

Boy, oh boy.

“They want to get some practice together. It was Pete’s turn to take them, so I thought I’d pop over here and say hello to my favourite sister.”

“You’d better come in. Jack! It’s Kathy.”

“Hi, Kathy. This is a nice surprise. You didn’t need to make a special journey just to bring the snow globe back.”

“Sorry?” Kathy looked understandably puzzled.

“The snow globe. It would’ve done anytime.”

“What snow globe is that, Jack?”

“The one that Jill left for you to look at.”

They both stared at me.

“Err—Yeah. I left it with Peter. Didn’t he tell you?”

“He never mentioned anything to me about a snow globe. What about it?”

“Jack bought me a lovely snow globe. Didn’t you, Jack?”

“I did, yeah. Although I’ve almost forgotten what it looks like.”

I ignored his jibe. “I thought you might like one too.”

“I see.” She obviously didn’t, and who could blame her?

“I took it around to your house, but you weren’t in, so I left it with Peter for you to look at.”

“He must have forgotten.”

“That must be it. Anyway, let’s have a coffee.”

After we’d finished our drinks, Jack went upstairs to get changed. As soon as he was out of earshot, Kathy grabbed me. “What’s all this about a snow globe? I’ve seen Pete. He would have said something.”

“Shush! I dropped it and it smashed.”

“You clumsy—”

“Don’t let Jack hear you. I told him I took it to your place, so I’d have time to find an identical one. Just play along, will you?”

“I’m not lying to him, Jill.”

“You don’t have to lie. Just don’t tell him the truth.”

“When will you ever learn? Why don’t you come clean? You do the same thing every single time. You dig yourself into a deeper and deeper hole.”

“I know what I’m doing, Kathy.”

Just then, there was another knock at the door. Kathy followed me through to the hallway. I opened the door to find Megan Lovemore standing there.

“Hello, Megan,” I said.

“Hi, Jill. Actually, it isn’t you I came to see.”

“Are you after Jack?”

“No. I was hoping to speak to your sister. I saw her pull onto your driveway.”

Kathy stepped forward.

“Hi, again, Kathy.” Megan beamed.

“Hello,” Kathy said, stony-faced.

“I’ve got a bit of a problem, Kathy. I’ve got a mole.”

“So what?” Kathy pushed up her sleeve. “I have lots of them.”

“Not that kind of mole. The kind that digs up your back garden.”

“Oh, right,” Kathy said. “Of course.”

“I’m after some advice on how to deal with it. I wondered if you’d ask Peter to come over to see if he can sort me out.”

“Sort you out?”

“I’d pay him, obviously.”

Chapter 17

Mrs V was at her desk when I arrived at work the next morning.

“Morning, Mrs V.”

“Morning, Jill. I’m pleased to see you’ve got the cuckoo clock in your office repaired.”

“Oh yes, piece of cake. Nothing to it.”

“I told Armi that—”

Just then the phone on her desk rang. “Hello? Pardon? What did you say? I’m sorry? No, I certainly would not. No, I’m not interested. No. Goodbye.”

“What was that all about, Mrs V?”

“I don’t know. Some young man. He said he thought I was very pretty, and asked if I’d like to go out on a date with him. The cheek of some people. What’s got into youngsters these days?”

“Did he mention his name?”

“Yes, I think so, but I can’t remember what he said.”

“Was it Jethro, by any chance?”

“That was it. Cheeky young man!”

Oh dear. Jethro had obviously called to ask Jules out. I hadn’t thought to tell Peter that Jules was actually job sharing, and wasn’t in every day.

“What am I going to do?” Winky said, as soon as I walked through the door.

“Do about what?”

“It’s terrible! It’s just terrible.”

“I know that cuckoo clock can be annoying, but it’s only once an hour.”

“Not the clock. I don’t care about the stupid clock.”

“What’s wrong then?”

“It’s Bella.”

“What’s happened now? Don’t tell me Bonnie and Clive have changed their minds and taken her with them?”

“No. They’ve already left. Bella is with Mrs Shuman now.”

“Socks isn’t chasing her again, is he?”

“Stop going on about my brother. That was a one-off mistake. He won’t do that again.”

“You’re more trusting than I am. What’s the problem then?”

“You said I’d still be able to see her when she moved to her new apartment.”

“Can’t you?”

“No, her new apartment is on the side of the building. We can’t use semaphore because we’re not in line of sight of each other. I can’t even use the helicopter because I’m flying blind once it goes around the corner of the building. How on earth are we going to keep in touch?”

“Can’t she use her phone?”

“She doesn’t have access to one now. She used to use Bonnie’s, but she’s taken it with her. We need to come up with something, and quick.”

“We?”

“Yes, we.”

“I’m not sure why I’m involved?”

“Because you were the one who put her into an apartment where I can’t see her.”

“Hang on a minute. I thought you said I was the best thing since sliced bread when I found her a new home?”

“Are you going to help or not?”

“Okay, leave it with me. I’ll give it some thought.” It was time to take his mind off Bella. “I haven’t seen you working on the time machine for a while. How’s it going?”

“It’s hard to focus while I’m worrying about Bella, but it’s almost finished. I’m on the final trials now. It’ll soon be ready.”

“I look forward to that, and to collecting my winnings.”

***

Jessica Lambeth had made an appointment to see me at ten o’clock. By ten-thirty there was still no sign of her. How very strange! She’d been so keen for me to find out what was going on with her boyfriend. Why would she miss our meeting? I thought I’d better give her a call to make sure everything was okay. I rang the number that she’d given me, but there was no answer. I could have left it at that, but I had a nagging feeling that something was wrong. I had her address, so I decided to go around there—just in case.

Jessica’s apartment was not far from where I used to live before I moved in with Jack. I knocked on her door; there was no answer. I tried again, louder this time. It was Paul who eventually answered the door. He was staring straight at me, but his eyes were dead.

“Yes?” he sounded like a robot.

“I’m here to see Jessica.”

“Why do you want to see her?”

“She’s a friend of mine.”

“What’s your name?”

“Jill Gooder.”

“Wait there.” He pushed the door to, and went back inside. Moments later, he reappeared. “She says she’s fine, and that she doesn’t want to see you.”

That simply didn’t ring true. Jessica had been adamant there was something wrong with her boyfriend, and desperate for me to find out what. Now, suddenly she’d lost all interest, and wouldn’t even speak to me? Something wasn’t right. Maybe he was keeping her there against her will. Maybe she was hurt.

“I need to see her.” I stepped forward.

“You can’t.” He held the door, but he was no match for me after I’d cast the ‘power’ spell. I found Jessica sitting on the sofa in the lounge.

“Jessica?” I pushed the door shut so we’d be alone.

There was something very different about her. Something very wrong. She had the same dead look in her eyes that Paul had.

“Hello, Jill.” She too sounded like a robot.

“Jessica, you were meant to come to my office this morning?”

“I forgot, sorry.”

“Don’t you want to pursue the case?”

“No, everything’s okay now. I made a mistake. There’s no need for you to do any more. Thank you for your help.”

“But Jessica, I think you could be right about Paul.”

“Everything is fine. Please let me have your bill. Thank you. Goodbye.”

This was not the same woman who’d sat opposite me only a few days earlier. She looked as though she’d been drugged, and was completely out of it. Had Paul done this to her?

Something was going on, and I was determined to find out what it was.

***

I magicked myself to Candlefield, and then made my way to Tadpole Road. It was a narrow road with unremarkable houses on either side. Halfway along it, I came across Candlefield Social. The sign had obviously once read ‘Candlefield Social Club,’ but the word ‘club’ had dropped off, leaving only the imprint of where the letters had once been. Everyone now referred to it simply as Candlefield Social.

On one of the boards next to the entrance was a list of all upcoming acts. There were two comedians, a number of solo singers, a ventriloquist, and a magician.

A magician in Candlefield? Someone was having a laugh.

I tried the front door; it was open.

There was no one in the foyer, so I went through to what was obviously the main hall. The lights were dimmed. A single spotlight was trained on the man on stage. He was obviously practising his act, so I stopped and listened to a few of his jokes. He simply wasn’t funny. The jokes were, at best, cringeworthy.

He was still going through his routine as I made my way to the far side of the auditorium where there was a door marked ‘
Manager – Private.
’ When I knocked, someone shouted ‘
Come in.
’ Inside, was a man smoking a pipe. The smell coming from it wasn’t tobacco. What was it? Raspberry? Blueberry?

“It’s strawberry.” He must have noticed me sniffing the air. “Do you like it?”

I did. It was surprisingly pleasant. “It’s very unusual.”

“How can I help you?”

“Are you the manager?”

“Yes, I’m Terry Roth.” When he walked around the desk, I noticed he had a slight limp.

“My name is Jill Gooder. I’m a private investigator.”

“I’ve heard of you. You’re that level seven witch, aren’t you?”

“Not exactly. I was offered the chance to move to level seven.”

“That’s right. I remember now. What brings you here?”

“I wanted to talk to you about a woman who died recently. She’d been in this club the night before. You might have seen something in the paper about it. She was laughing uncontrollably, and then collapsed and died.”

“Oh yes, I do remember that. I seem to remember the headline in The Candle was: ‘
Died Laughing
.’ Very insensitive, I thought. So, how can I help you?”

“I wondered if you’d had reports of anyone being taken ill on the night she was here?”

“We haven’t had anyone take ill in the club for several weeks now. Certainly not while Kenny has been performing. He always has them in hysterics.”

“Is that the guy who’s out there now?”

“Yes. He likes to rehearse his full routine beforehand.”

“Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but I was just listening to him, and I didn’t think he was at all funny.”

“To tell you the truth, neither do I. His jokes are terrible, but every time he appears here, he has the audience in hysterics.”

“With that routine? How?”

“It’s a mystery to me too. We gave him a try out a few years ago, and he went down like a lead balloon, so I had to drop him. After that, he disappeared off the scene for a few years. Perhaps he was reworking his act; I don’t know. But whatever he did seems to have worked because since he re-emerged, he’s been going down a storm with audiences.”

***

There was no sign of Jack when I got home. That wasn’t particularly unusual; he could turn up at any hour. I got changed, and was wondering what to cook for dinner when there was a knock at the door. It was a tall man with striking red hair and a red beard.

“Jill, thank goodness you’re in.”

“Sorry, do I know you?”

“I was hoping you’d be in. I need to speak to you before they catch up with me.”

Just then my phone rang. I’d left it on the kitchen worktop. “Just a second.” I pushed the door closed.

It was Jack on the phone. “Jill, you’ll never guess what.”

“You’ve got to work late?”

“Got it in one. It’s probably going to be eleven o’clock at the earliest. You’d better get yourself some dinner; I’ll grab something on the job.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later.”

I hurried back to the door. I wanted to find out who the man was. I’d never seen him before, and yet he’d spoken to me as though we were long lost friends.

There was no one there, so I stepped outside and looked down the street, but there was no sign of him. Maybe he’d gone around the back of the house. I put on some shoes and went to check. There was no one there either. Could he have slipped into the house while I was talking to Jack? It was possible because I hadn’t locked the door. I hurried back inside.

“Hello? I’ve got a baseball bat, and I’m not afraid to use it.”

I checked downstairs. He was nowhere to be seen. I made my way slowly up the stairs. I tried our bedroom—nothing. Then the bathroom—nothing. And finally, the spare bedroom—I could barely get in it myself. He was nowhere to be seen.

Where had he gone, and who was he?