With Me In Seattle: Bundle Two (13 page)

“Yes, si—” I catch myself and stutter, “Okay.”

Caleb smiles at me softly. “You can say, ‘Yes, sir,’ you know. I hear it every day.”

“Not in this lifetime,” I mutter and chuckle. “No way.”

“Okay, number two, we have the alarm system on the house expanded.”

“I can’t afford—”

“I know people, Brynna. This won’t cost you a dime and should have been done weeks ago. I want censors on the windows and motion-censor lights outside.” He stops and stares at me, waiting for me to acknowledge him, and I do with a nod.

“Number three, I want you to go to the range with me more often, and I’m leaving my nine mil with you at all times.”

I begin shaking my head, but he leans in and rests his forehead against mine and rubs our noses together. “Please,” he whispers, his voice rough, and I know it’s taking everything in him to agree to letting us go home.

He wants us all to be safe. How can I find fault in that?

“Okay,” I acquiesce and kiss his chin. “Anything else?”

“Yes, neither you nor the girls are ever to be alone.
Ever.
”

“Can we go to the bathroom alone?” I ask sarcastically.

“You are such a smart-ass,” he responds, but his lips are pulled back into a half smile, and his eyes are happy.

“I can live with this,” I murmur and kiss his lips softly.

“Good.”

“I’m sleepy.” I yawn widely and then chuckle. “I think I’ll head to bed.”

“I’ll be along soon.” He kisses the tip of my nose before I move away from him toward the bedroom. “I have to call Matt and then I have a bit of reading to do.”

“Okay.” I grin and saunter into his bedroom, yawning once again.

***

“Holy fuck! Get down, get down! Retreat!”

Rat tat tat tat tat. Boom! Boom!

I jolt up in the bed and search frantically around, but Caleb isn’t in the bedroom.

“Take cover, goddamn it!”

I jump from the bed and run into the living room. The lights are still on, as is the television, tuned to a military show on the History channel. Caleb is lying across the couch, where he must have fallen asleep while watching the show, but he’s thrashing about, sweating, and his breath is coming in hard, harsh pants.

I rush to his side and sink to my knees beside him.

What do I do? Do I touch him?

The television continues behind me.
Boom! Rat tat tat tat tat!

I grab for the remote and snap the power off and then turn back to the terrorized man before me.

“Caleb,” I murmur and gently lay my hand on his bicep, and before I know it, he’s rolled us both onto the floor. He pins me with his huge body and wraps his hand around my throat, squeezing.

He’s having one helluva nightmare.

And so am I.

“I said retreat, goddamn it!” he shouts and glares down at me, his eyes glazed and blank, as though he’s not really there at all. It’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Holy fucking shit.

“Mommy! Mommy!” I hear the girls in the doorway, scared shitless and crying.

Dear God, don’t let him choke me to death in front of my girls.

“I’ve got you, motherfucker!” Caleb growls in my ear, and a cold sweat breaks out all over my body. Jesus, if I were an insurgent, I would just lie down and die at the sound of this voice.

He wouldn’t have to shoot me.

“Caleb,” I try again, but he squeezes even harder.

I wiggle my arms free and begin hitting him on the back and sides, over and over, trying to wake him, but he just pins me harder with his legs and snarls down at me. The bright color of his eagle tattoo catches my eye, and I watch his shoulder muscle flex as he tightens his grip on my throat.

“Stop hurting my mommy!” Josie cries just as the edges of my vision begin to darken and I see stars.

As Maddie lets out an ear-piercing scream, I knee the inside of his thigh, hard, and am suddenly freed and pushed away from him. I roll onto my stomach, gasping and wheezing.

I cover my throat with my hands and cough, pull myself up onto my knees and watch Caleb’s eyes clear, the blankness replaced with horror and disgust. He scrambles away from me, in a backward crab-crawl, until his back hits the wall.

The girls are huddled together in the doorway, clinging to each other with wide eyes, crying for me.

 “Fuck me,” Caleb whispers, and my head whips around to find his knees pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped around them, and his face in his hands. He’s shaking violently.

“Caleb,” I manage, my voice hoarse, but he cringes away from my touch and shakes his head adamantly
no.

I jump from the floor and run to my babies, pull them into my arms and carry them back into their bedroom, to the full-size bed they’ve been sharing.

“Why was Caleb hurting you?” Josie sniffles and buries her face against my chest as Maddie clings to me and buries her face in my neck.

“He didn’t mean to,” I reassure them, repeating it over and over again, while reassuring myself. I kiss their heads and breathe in their sweet baby shampoo smells, rocking them back and forth. “He was having a bad nightmare.”

“He sounded scared,” Maddie murmurs and sniffles.

“I think he’s still scared,” I whisper and kiss her forehead.

“Maybe we should hug him,” Josie whispers, but cowers deeper into me.

My brave, sweet girls.

“I think Caleb needs to be alone for a little while, but you can give him lots of hugs in the morning, okay?”

They both nod. “Will you lay with us for a while?” Josie asks.

“Of course,” I reply and tuck them in, then lie with them, smoothing their hair from their faces and murmuring to them. I brush the tears from their soft cheeks and kiss them both over and over again.

“I’m okay, babies.”

“Love you, Mama,” Josie whispers as she falls back into sleep.

“Love you, too, brave girl.”

Maddie is already snoring softly, both having fallen into an exhausted sleep, and I leave them and prepare myself to face Caleb.

Poor Caleb.

The lights are still on in the living room, and I find him there, sitting on the couch, knees spread and elbows propped on his knees, his face in his hands.

“Caleb,” I whisper, and his head jerks up as his bright blue eyes find mine.

“I’m so damn sorry.” His voice is full of the anguish written all over his face.

“It’s not your fault.” I move to him, sit down next to him, but he pulls away.

“I shouldn’t touch you.”

“Caleb…”

“I could have
killed you.”
His voice breaks as he braces his face in his hands again. “Oh my God!”

“You weren’t going to kill me, Caleb.”

“Yes, I was! If I hadn’t woken up, I could have choked you out, or broken your neck.” He lowers his gaze to my throat and winces at the sight of what I can only imagine is bruises beginning to take shape. “God, baby, I’m so sorry.”

“Caleb, this has never happened before. It’s been an emotional weekend.”

“It’s never happened before
with you
,” he corrects me. “I haven’t slept with a woman in more than four years, Bryn. I can’t risk it. My buddies have told me stories of the things I do in my sleep.” He swallows hard and shakes his head. “But, God, I love sleeping with you in my arms, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I actually
sleep
when we’re together.”

He shakes his head in wonder and wipes his eyes, and it breaks me that he’s crying.

“I hadn’t had nightmares since our first night together.” His voice is raw with emotion, and I don’t even feel my own tears running unchecked down my face. “But with you and the girls being in danger, and being on that fucking duck ride today, with all of those people, I guess it just caught up with me.”

“Explain to me about the crowds.” I sit back on the couch, facing him, and pull one leg up under me, careful not to touch him but close enough that he can feel that I’m here.

“Crowds are the worst.” He swallows hard again and scrubs his hand over his lips as he leans back on the couch, looking up. “We are taught to always look for a choke point.”

I cock my eyebrow at him. “English, please.”

“Exit. Always know where your exits are. Crowds in Iraq are very dangerous. Those extremist fuckers will blow a whole crowd up, without hesitation.”

My heart bleeds for him as he closes his eyes, and I don’t even want to contemplate the horrors he’s seeing behind his eyelids.

“I didn’t realize you’d been in Iraq,” I murmur.

“Not often, but enough.”

He balls his hands into fists, and I can’t stand it anymore. I reach over to soothe him, rubbing my hand up and down his arm, but he flinches away from me, so I climb into his lap, leaving him no choice but to wrap his arms around me.

“Listen to me, very carefully.” I pull my fingers down his face, never losing eye contact with him. “I’m okay, Caleb. You scared me. That’s all.”

“The girls—”

“Are worried about you, and I had to stop them from coming to find you to hug you afterward. The girls are fine, baby.” I continue to calm him, push my fingers through his hair and down his cheek. “We’re okay.”

“I should start sleeping on the couch again,” he murmurs and sighs as though he’s resigning himself to the horrible idea. He watches my face carefully, as though looking for any fear or animosity. “But I don’t want to.”

“I don’t want you to do that either.” I shake my head and kiss his cheek. “I love having your arms around me at night. I’ve never had that before.”

He clenches his eyes closed before gazing back at me. “Me neither. I would never hurt you, sweetheart.
Never.
”

“Caleb, you make me feel so safe. You didn’t have this nightmare while sleeping with me. You were on the couch,” I remind him and watch his eyes as he blinks several times before focusing on me again. “With a war show on the History channel.”

“I’ve never had a nightmare while sleeping with you,” he whispers.

I smile warmly and comb my fingers through his dark blond hair again. “I guess your couch-sleeping days are over, sailor.”

He tightens his arms around my middle and presses his face to my neck, clinging to me as I twine my arms around his shoulders and kiss his temple tenderly.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispers again, and I hold him close.

Tell him! Tell him you love him.
My heart is so full of love for this intense, protective, broken man, but I’m confused, too.

Am I in love with him, or do I just have a need to fix him?

“You’re safe with me, babe,” I respond and press my lips to his forehead. “Always.”

Chapter Eleven

~Caleb~

I wake before the sun, alert and ready to start the day, despite getting only a couple hours sleep. We need to get an early start so we can get the girls to school, Brynna to work, and I have to get to work myself.

We’ll be back at Bryn’s tonight.

I sigh and let my eyes travel over her face, down to her breast that’s pressed firmly to my rib cage through her thin nightshirt and farther down to her waist. I can’t seem to say no to her, even when it’s for her own good, and I’m afraid that that will be my greatest mistake.

She is my weakness, but she strengthens me, too. It’s the damnedest thing.

The reminder of last night’s nightmare rocks through me, and I clench my eyes closed and hug her tightly against me.

Jesus fucking Christ, I could have killed her.
What is wrong with me? Yeah, war fucking sucks, but you come home and you get on with your life.

You don’t jump like a pussy over every loud noise, and you for damn sure don’t try to choke-out the woman who means more to you than life itself.

I press my lips and nose to her hair and inhale deeply, letting her sweet scent of vanilla and lavender fill my head and soothe me.

All I have to do is smell her, and I’m calmer, yet I know I should pull away from her altogether. She and the girls need someone who’s not so fucked up. They deserve someone who doesn’t lose his shit in crowds and have nightmares that make him lose his shit.

But the thought of someone else holding Brynna like this, or watching her two girls grow into young women, makes me even more crazy.

I pull back and look down into sleepy brown eyes. She’s watching me lazily and has begun to rub her hand up and down my side. She pushes one of those long legs between my own.

“Mornin’,” she mumbles.

“Good mornin’, Legs.” I kiss her forehead and pull my pelvis back as she drags her hand down from my side to my dick, enjoying my morning wood.

“Stop,” I whisper and pull her hand up to my lips. “I can’t.”

“What do you mean?” she asks with a frown.

“Not yet.” I shake my head and lace my fingers with hers, holding her hand close to my chest. “I need to say something.”

“Okay,” she mutters and settles against me, not letting me go, which is a good sign.

I couldn’t bear it if she was afraid to be close to me.

“I just want to say something about last night,” I begin and frown as I try to gather my thoughts.

She just waits quietly, not moving, not tensing up. Just waiting for me.

“I’m so sorry that I hurt you and scared all of you.”

She opens her mouth to argue, but I lean in and press my lips softly to hers, shutting her up.

“You are the strongest person I’ve ever met, Brynna,” I whisper against her lips. “And I’ve met some damn strong people. You surprise me, and you humble me, and I’m grateful to be here with all of you.”

Before she can respond, I kiss her again, more deeply now, and feel my cock harden in anticipation of sliding inside her.

Except, it’s going to be disappointed to find that it’ll be going without this morning.

Right now, this moment, is all about her.

I gently push her onto her back and pull away so I can examine the light purple marks around her neck.

“I’m fine,” she murmurs, but I look up into her chocolate eyes with sadness and regret. “I’m. Fine.”

I lower my gaze again and tip her chin up with my finger, gaining access to press light, tender kisses to her bruised skin. She purrs low in her throat and kneads the muscles of my shoulders as I move down her chest, licking and kissing her lazily. Her nipples pebble beneath her thin tank, and I grip the hem and pull it up, exposing her perfect tits to my mouth. I suck and torment her, making her moan again.