Woman Thou Art Loosed! 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition (8 page)

BOOK: Woman Thou Art Loosed! 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition
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One of the things that makes many women particularly vulnerable to different types of abuse and manipulation is their maternal instinct. Wicked men frequently capitalize on this tendency in order to have their way with women. Mothers like to take care of little helpless babies. It seems that the more helpless a man acts, the more maternal you become. Women instinctively are nurturers, reaching out to needy people in order to nurture, love and provide inner strength. All too often, these healthy desires are taken advantage of by those who would fulfill their own lusts. The gift of discernment must operate in your life. There are many wonderful men. But I must warn you against Amnon. He is dangerous.

The number of cases of violence within relationships and marriages is growing at an alarming rate. The incidence of date rape is reaching epidemic proportions. The fastest growing form of murder today is within relationships. Husbands and wives and girlfriends and boyfriends are killing one another. Often women have taken to murder in order to escape the constant violence of an abusive husband. It is important that you do not allow loneliness to coerce you into Amnon’s bed.

Another form of abuse is more subtle. There are men who often coerce women into a sexual relationship by claiming that they love them. Deception is emotional rape! It is a terrible feeling to be used by someone. Looking for love in all the wrong places leads to a feeling of abuse. A deceiver may continually promise that he will leave his wife for his lover. This woman holds on to that hope, but it never seems to come true. He makes every kind of excuse possible for taking advantage of her, and she, because of her vulnerability, follows blindly along until the relationship has gone so far that she is trapped.

L
ooking for love in all the wrong places leads to a feeling of abuse.

Men who have sex with women without being committed to them are just as guilty of abuse as a rapist. A woman may have given her body to such a man, but she did so because of certain expectations. When someone uses another person for sex by misleading them, it is the same as physical rape. The abuse is more subtle, but it amounts to the same thing. Both the abuser and the victim are riding into a blazing inferno. Anything can happen when a victim has had enough.

Some women suffer from low self-esteem. They are victims and they don’t even know it. Perhaps every time something goes wrong, you think it’s your fault. It is not your fault if you are being abused in this way; it is your fault if you don’t allow God’s Word to arrest sin and weakness in your life. It is time to let go of every ungodly relationship. Do it now!

I
t is time to let go of every ungodly relationship.

When Tamar came into that ancient Israeli bedroom, her brother took advantage of her maternal instincts. He told her that he needed help. He sought her sympathy. Once she gave in to his requests for help, he violently raped her. Although the circumstances may be different, the same thing is happening today.

The kind of violent act that Amnon performed that night was more than an offense against a young lady. He offended God and society by committing incest. There are some who attend church who are incestuous. It still happens today, but God is saying that enough is enough!

Some have been abused, misused and victimized. Some played a part in their own demise. There are people who live in fear and pain because of the immoral relationships that took place in the home. If you know this kind of pain, the Lord wants to heal you. Those who have a desperate need for male attention have usually come from a situation where there has been an absence of positive male role models in the home. Perhaps you didn’t get enough nurturing as a girl. Therefore, it becomes easy to compromise and do anything to find male acceptance and love.

The Lord is calling the hurting to Him. He will fill that void in your life. He wants to be that heavenly Father who will mend your heart with a positive role model. Through the Spirit, He wants to hold and nurture you. Millions have longed for a positive hug and nurturing embrace from fathers without ever receiving what they longed for. There is a way to fill that emptiness inside. It is through a relationship with God.

Men, God is healing us so we can recognize that a woman who is not our wife is to be treated as our sister. Women must learn that they can have a platonic relationship with men. A brotherly and sisterly love does not include sexual intimacy. It does not include self-gratification.

There is a place in the heart of most women for an intimate and yet platonic relationship. Big brothers tend to protect their little sisters. They tend to watch for traps that may be placed in the sisters’ way. Abused women have confused ideas abut relationships, and may not understand a healthy platonic relationship with the opposite sex. This confusion comes from the past. One lady said that she could never trust a man who didn’t sleep with her. Actually, she had a long history of victimization that led to her poor view of relationships.

Society often places a woman’s worth on her sexual appeal. Nothing is further from the truth. Self-esteem cannot be earned by performance in bed. Society suggests that the only thing men want is sex. Although the male sex drive is very strong, all men are not like Amnon. Men, in general, are not the enemy. We cannot use Amnon as a basis to evaluate all men. Do not allow an Amnon experience to taint your future. Draw a line of demarcation and say to yourself, “That was then and this is now!”

S
elf-esteem cannot be earned by performance in bed.

The Song of Solomon shows a progression of the relationship between the author and his wife. First she was his sister, then she became his bride. He also wrote of protecting a little sister. There are many new converts in the Church who are to be treated as little sisters. Solomon says,
“inclose her with boards of cedar”
(Song. 8:9). The Church is God’s cedar chest!

God’s people are to nurture and protect one another. It makes no difference how tempestuous our past life has been. Even in the face of abuse, God still cares. Allow Him the privilege of doing what Absalom did for Tamar. He took her in. “
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty
” (Ps. 91:1). Tamar lay outside Amnon’s door—a fragmented, bruised rose petal. Her dreams were shattered. Her confidence was violated. Her virginity was desecrated. But Absalom took her into his domain. Did you know that God has intensive care? He will take you in His arms. That love of God is flowing into broken lives all over the country. Don’t believe for one moment that no one cares; God cares and the Church is learning to become a conduit of that concern. At last, we are in the school of love. Jesus said, “
By this shall all men know that ye are My disciples, if ye have love one to another
” (Jn. 13:35).

Love embraces the totality of the other person. It is impossible to completely and effectively love someone without being included in that other person’s history. Our history has made us who we are. The images, scars and victories that we live with have shaped us into the people we have become. We will never know who a person is until we understand where they have been.

The secret of being transformed from a vulnerable victim to a victorious, loving person is found in the ability to open your past to someone responsible enough to share your weaknesses and pains. “
Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ
” (Gal. 6:2). You don’t have to keep reliving it. You can release it.

There can be no better first step toward deliverance than to find a Christian counselor or pastor and come out of hiding. Of course, some care should be taken. No one is expected to air their personal life to everyone or even everywhere. However, if you seek God’s guidance and the help of confident leadership, you will find someone who can help you work through the pain and suffering of being a victim. The Church is a body. No one operates independent of another. We are all in this walk together, and therefore can build one another up and carry some of the load with which our sisters are burdened.

Tamar was victimized brutally, yet she survived. There is hope for victims. There is no need to feel weak when one has Jesus Christ. His power is enough to bring about the kinds of changes that will set you free. He is calling, through the work of the Holy Spirit, for you to be set free.

S
TUDY
Q
UESTIONS
~ 1 ~

How does David’s life show that children are most vulnerable to their father’s weaknesses? Can you think of other biblical examples?

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~ 2 ~

What is the difference between love and lust?

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~ 3 ~

What kind of healing does Jesus want to give?

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~ 4 ~

What is a tendency women have that makes them vulnerable to abuse? How can women safeguard themselves against falling into traps?

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~ 5 ~

True or False. It is not your fault if you are being abused by being made a victim, but it is your fault if you don’t allow God’s Word to arrest sin and weakness in your life.

~ 6 ~

What are some ways God provides for healing and filling a woman’s need for godly self-esteem and acceptance?

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~ 7 ~

God’s people are to ____________________________ and _____________________________________ one another.

~ 8 ~

What does the statement “Love embraces the totality of the other person” mean to you?

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~ 9 ~

What is the secret to being transformed from a victim to a victor? How can the Church be part of this process? Explain using Scripture.

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~ 10 ~

Consider this process in light of your personal experience. How has the Lord transformed you?

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F
URTHER
C
HALLENGE
:

List the characteristics of a person you could really open up to and who would help you go through the healing process. Are you yourself such a person? If you would like to be, in what areas do you need to mature? If you are a victim, do you know such a person you could go to? Be encouraged to open yourself up to the healing process.

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BOOK: Woman Thou Art Loosed! 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition
2.12Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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