02 The Moon And The Tide - Marina's Tales (33 page)

“That’s a competition board,” he said, “You
should try this one.” He gestured to a foam board.

“No thanks,” I said, taking the one I wanted
to the check stand. There was a tall dark haired guy sitting there
who exchanged a bemused look with the blonde.

“Do you need some wax?” he asked with a
condescending smile.

“I don’t know. How do you use it?” I asked.
Ethan always took care of that stuff for me.

They looked at each other and started
laughing, “It says right here,” he pointed at the label, speaking
slowly.

“Fine,” I said mechanically, “I’m going to
need a leash too.”

I was completely indifferent to their stupid
smirks and chuckles. I felt like crying, and struggled with all my
might to maintain my composure; I focused on pushing it all down– I
had to get myself to the water.

The white haired kid rang up my purchases as
the other one put my new wetsuit and accessories into a large bag.
He looked surprised as he told me the total. I reached in my purse
for the envelope with the money from the paintings I’d sold. When I
peeled off the bills from the stack I noticed that they shut up,
looking at the wad of cash with widened eyes. Typical, I thought. I
stuffed it back into my purse, took my board and bag and walked out
into the sweet spring breeze.

Megan met me at the car as I struggled to
heave the board into my Range Rover.

“A few things?” she asked. She looked
worried.

“I needed a new one,” I said, remembering how
I had hit the rocks at the point and taken a chunk out of my board.
“Can we just go now? I really want to go home.”

“OK,” she said, “Bill said to tell you that
he needs some more paintings… They’re like half gone...”

“I’ll bring them by later,” I said, getting
into the car. I needed to go surfing.

We pulled up at the house and I went inside
to change and grab a tote. I methodically put on a swimsuit, packed
my new wetsuit, took my board and headed to the sea without a word
to anyone.

“
Lorelei!
” I cried as soon as I
paddled out far enough, “
Lorelei!
” My voice was desperate,
pleading.

She rose from the depths, ebullient as
always, smiling like a ray of sunshine, “
Marina!
”

I didn’t want to talk, and at that moment I
didn’t care if she did murder Joe.

“
Please take me to some waves,
” I
asked, overcome with a sudden sadness. She nodded as if she
understood what I needed and grasped my board, towing me up the
coast farther than I had ever been with her. She took me to a
rugged lonely spot, pristine and untouched by any sign of humanity.
It looked dangerous, with huge surf breaking hard directly onto
jagged rocks.

Usually I was annoyed at how difficult it was
to speak with her, but now I was grateful for her silence. We
surfed some tricky waves without a word; she always materialized
just in time to pull me out of dangerous situations. The new board
maneuvered with precision, and I surfed like a demon, brutally
attacking the face of each wave. I gave myself over completely to
the ocean’s whisperings, blocking out all other thoughts. I started
to wobble and fall when I grew too tired to balance, and Lorelei
pulled me to an area of still water to rest.

There was a kelp bed populated with a raft of
sea otters, and I watched as Lorelei joyfully petted and tickled
them. She caressed and cooed to them like a woman with a baby,
giving each one an equal share of her attention. Their inquisitive
little faces lined the edges of my surfboard, but even their blithe
spirits and charming antics couldn’t cut through the cold pain that
seized my heart in its icy grip.

“
Can we surf some more?
” I asked.

When I couldn’t see straight from fatigue I
finally asked Lorelei to bring me home. As I struggled out of the
foaming surf I saw Ethan standing at the shore, illuminated by the
last rays of the sun. My bag was there where I had left it, tags
from the new wetsuit scattered on the sand where I had ripped them
off and tossed them in my haste to get into the water. I had a
strong urge to run away, to escape from this moment, to escape from
reality.

He approached me, agitated, “What happened?
Are you alright? Abby said you were in a helicopter crash!” His
worried eyes met my pained ones. I dropped my board on the sand and
bent to unlatch the leash. When I straightened up he embraced me as
I stood stiffly.

“Why didn’t you call me?” he asked.

I pulled back and looked him in the eyes.
Seeing him was all I had been dreaming of for the past week, but
now it was tainted. All I could think of was the way his eyes had
looked at her.

“I went to see you at the market,” I said
woodenly, “You weren’t there.” I met his eyes expectantly.

He looked nervous, paused, and finally said,
“I was out on the boat with my dad.”

My jaw dropped and my eyes shot open with
shock. I don’t know what I had expected him to say, but I never
expected him to lie.

I was incredulous, then sickened,
“
You’re
lying to
me?
”

“No... I... I...”

I looked at him coldly, “I went with Megan to
an interview today... at La Mer.”

He looked shocked. I gathered my things, and
turned away from him, struggling to find the zipper on my new
wetsuit.

“We’re just friends,” he said. I thought
about the way she had taken his hand.

I hardened my heart against him, “What was
that you said?” my voice was shaking as I repeated his own words,
“I just can’t handle dishonesty?”

“It wasn’t anything...” he sounded
helpless.

“Then why did you lie to me?” I asked, facing
out to the ocean.

“You don’t understand,” he said
pleadingly.

“I think I do,” I was trying not to cry.

“I just... I didn’t want...”

“Me to know?” I finished for him, turning to
look at him with blazing eyes.

He couldn’t answer, and looked at me with
something like fear.

“Marina...” he whispered.

“Get out of here. Leave me alone!” I cried,
pain and anger distorting my voice. I was wild from the sea, full
of the force of the surging water.

He just stood there.

I wanted to get away, and I looked back to
the sea, tempted to return. I could remember the peaceful oblivion
that I knew was waiting deep underwater. It would feel
so
good right now. I took a couple of steps towards it, giving in for
a second.

“MARINA!” he yelled, snapping me out of
it.

I gathered myself together, rubbing my eyes.
“Just go away,” I said, my voice shaking.

He backed off, looking scared. I turned
around to change out of my suit and when I looked back he was gone.
I took my board under my arm and numbly trudged home. When I got to
Abby’s little house I could see his truck sitting at the end of the
street. It started up and drove away as I put my board on the side
of the house.

I went in to hear someone clanking around in
the kitchen. The smells of Dutch’s cooking filled the house. I went
down the hall and nearly ran into Cruz coming out of his room. From
the concerned look on his face I knew Megan had told him what
happened.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” I said, avoiding his eyes. I went
straight to my room and crawled into bed. The last night I spent
there Ethan had been by my side. Why did he have to lie? Of all the
people in the world he was the one I trusted not to keep secrets
from me. I thought about all his talk of honesty, and the way he
made me feel when I kept things from him. I cried until my eyes
couldn’t make another tear. Then I grew angry.

He had judged me when he didn’t find me
honest enough, and now it was his turn. Poetic justice. How
dare
he lie to me! It felt better to be angry and I gave
myself over to it. My phone rang, making me jump. It was Ethan. I
hung up on him and turned it off. I sat up and pummeled my pillow
with my fists until I fell on it, exhausted.

I thought about my dad, all alone in a Greek
hospital with a shattered leg. I straightened up and took a deep
breath. I thought about Evie, and the unfinished business I had
with her. I suppose there were worse things in the world than my
breaking heart. I retrieved the phone and dialed.

It was early morning in Greece but he picked
up, sounding groggy, “Marina?”

I told him that I was home and everything was
fine. He sounded relieved. Some reporters had been trying to sneak
in and speak to him but Evie had arranged for security and they had
been driven off.

“Honestly!” he said, “I thought tabloid
reporters were bad in the states! These people are merciless. Are
there any problems there?”

“No Dad, it’s quiet around here. Evie seems
to have managed everything just fine.”

He told me that he was feeling better, and
would be up and walking around sooner than the doctors had
expected. “Hearing from you is the best medicine for me.”

“Get better,” I told him.

“I love you,” he said, “I’ll be home before
you know it.”

Home. I was starting to think of Aptos as
home but now I wasn’t so sure. There was a knock on the door and I
switched off the light and laid down, facing away from the door and
feigning sleep.

Abby ducked her head in the room, “Marina...
honey, will you come out and get something to eat?”

“No thanks Abby, I’m feeling kind of
jet-lagged. I just really need some sleep.”

I was ravenously hungry, but I also couldn’t
bear the thought of facing all of their sympathetic eyes. And
Dutch… what was I supposed to say to him? I didn’t want anyone’s
pity. I heard the door close and I curled around my pillow. I
tossed and turned, vacillating between anger and sorrow, wishing
for the blessed peace of unconsciousness.

Images of Ethan and the girl preyed on my
mind. I remembered what Megan had told me about how she had left
him– hurt him. And now she was back for him. Seeing them together
was like a knife to my heart. He had loved her before, and he
probably still did. He probably wanted her back. I was just a place
holder.

I thought about my plans to go to the clinic
and get birth control and felt like a fool. I loved Ethan more than
I ever dreamed it was possible to love anyone, and now I wondered
if he felt anywhere near that way about me. I thought we were ready
to get even more serious; I wondered what would have happened if we
had
made love. Would it have made any difference, or would I
be sitting here feeling humiliated as well as betrayed?

I was busy tormenting myself when someone
knocked softly on the door. It was Abby.

“It’s me again,” she whispered. She set
something down on the end table, “I brought you some dinner,” she
patted me on the back gently. “Things will seem better in the
morning.” She bent to kiss my cheek and slipped out.

I sat up and switched the light on. A plate
of delicious looking pasta had been left on the bedside table. I
couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten and my stomach growled in
protest. I was relieved to be left alone, and grateful to Abby for
being so thoughtful. I ate and settled down in bed, finally ready
to sleep out of sheer exhaustion.

It occurred to me that Abby knew a thing or
two about heartbreak.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Heartbreak

I woke up at the crack of dawn and it hit me
like a ton of bricks all over again. Abby was wrong, if anything it
was worse; thinking about Ethan brought a fresh new wave of pain
that stung like salt in a wound. Cruz left for school while I
stayed home alone. I had a tortuous week to endure before I’d be
forced to go back to that routine, and I wanted to cry just
thinking about it. I should be happily touring the islands with my
father, not lying in bed, miserable and depressed.

Evie used to say that depression was simply
anger without enthusiasm. I smiled despite myself; I don’t think
there was a situation in life that Evie didn’t have a saying
for.

Reminded of Evie, I checked my phone. There
was one missed call from her along with ten from Ethan. I dialed
her number, my stomach seizing up in knots.

“Marina?” her voice was tense.

“Yes.”

“Listen carefully,” she instructed me
seriously, “We need to talk.”

“I’ll say,” I said sarcastically.

“Sweetheart,” her tone was placating, “I need
to see you in person, we can’t discuss this... matter... over the
phone.”

“OK,” I said, “When?”

“Have you noticed anything unusual since
you’ve been back?” she asked.

I thought about Ethan with the girl again and
felt like throwing up.

“Marina?” her voice was panicky, “You must
avoid any strangers no matter how innocent they appear. And don’t
go out in public alone… Promise me.”

“Is this about the tabloids?” I asked,
“Nobody believes that stuff anyway.”

“This is more serious than gossip,” she
said.

“What is? The fact that everyone has been
lying to me?”

She sighed, “I have to leave the country to
attend a very important meeting. I want you to call Boris on my
personal line if you see
anything
.”

“What’s going on?” I asked, suspicious.

“It’s going to be okay,” she said.

I rubbed my temples, every time I heard that
things just got worse and worse.

“Aunt Evie,” I said, suddenly scared, “Hurry
back.”

“I’ll see you soon,” she said, hanging
up.

I flopped back onto the bed, even more
confused than I was yesterday. I looked around at all the paintings
crowding my little room and remembered that Bill wanted more. I
needed a reason to get out of bed and that would have to do. I got
up and dressed, taking paintings out to the Rover two at a time. As
I made several trips back and forth I noticed a black sedan with
tinted windows trolling up and down the street. I paid it no mind;
the house numbers were so hard to find in our funky little
neighborhood that people always got lost.