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ALIEN ROBBERY!

Weird things are afoot in Southern Cal. We’re hearing all sorts of crazy talk about what went down at The Gun & Knife Show in Ventura a few days ago, and it’s got X-Files written all over it.

Over fifty guns were stolen, along with enough ammo to blow up the White House. The police are claiming an inside job (a local biker crew with a reputation for gun-slinging and drug-trafficking was working security at the fair) but we think it’s all a cover-up for aliens in our midst.

And THE GOVERNMENT KNOWS ALL ABOUT

THEM!!!!!

There are hardly any eyewitnesses, despite the fact several thousand people were at the show when it occurred, but we managed to get an exclusive interview with someone who watched it all go down:

‘I was coming out of the bathroom and I saw them. There were four of them. Three guys and a girl. And they had a dog with them too. Probably wasn’t a dog at all. Was probably some kind of body-snatcher. The girl had red hair and I’d bet my grandma’s teeth she was an alien too. She had this look about her, you know? And she was wearing sunglasses, like you know, probably because she could melt your brain if she looked at you direct…’

We think supernatural powers must be the reason. How else could four people walk off with that much hardware without anyone noticing?

The local biker crew who were providing security at the event are claiming foul play, and the cops are investigating a rival gang from Oxnard, but it doesn’t sound like gangland robbery to us… more like Pleidian visitors from another galaxy.

Our witness also claims that a fight broke out later that night when the biker crew discovered their bikes had been covered in My Little Pony stickers.

Aliens with a sense of humour?

Let’s hope so. Because I’m not sure I want to know what they want all that firepower for.

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San Quentin Prison Breakout leaves investigators puzzled.

The following are excerpts from confidential files, stolen from the laptop of an employee of Stirling Enterprises, a private defense company commissioned by the United States Government to investigate the San Quentin Prison breakout.

From security footage we have established that four people led the raid on San Quentin Prison which facilitated the escape of the convicted felon Harvey James. James, 32, who had been sentenced to life without parole, was being held in the maximum security unit at the time.

… unclear how they bypassed security checks.

not a single guard interviewed could recall details of the raid…

‘and they just walked on in and took him from the cell. Just like that. The guard let them in but he didn’t seem to know what he was doing, like he’d been brainwashed or something. Harvey seemed to be expecting them. He got up and patted the guy on the back and they hugged, like they were old timers. Then they just walked out of here. I asked them if I could come too but next thing I know I’m lying on my bed dreamin’…’

‘I didn’t wee nothing, only caught a glimpse of her as they were leaving, but I can tell you one thing, she had red hair.

Get me a lawyer and maybe I’ll remember more about what she looked like.’

All four were armed and are considered highly dangerous.

FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED NEXT TO AMBER

AND RYDER IN HUNTING LILA.