1,001 Facts That Will Scare the S#*t Out of You: The Ultimate Bathroom Reader (12 page)

Richard Wiseman, Quirkology: How We Discover the Big Truths in Small Things (Basic Books, 2008).

60

FACT :
The TV viewing habits of millions of Americans fit
the criteria for substance abuse
, with numerous similar dependency symptoms, such as the inability to control viewing, using TV as a sedative, feeling lack of control while watching, angry feelings for watching too much television, and being upset when unable to watch.
“I can quit anytime I—oh, look,
Family Guy
’s on!”

“Television & Health: Television Statistics,” Compiled by TV-Free America,
www.csun.edu
.

61

FACT :
More fast-food employees were murdered on the job in 1998 than police officers. An average of four to five fast-food workers are
killed every month
, usually during robberies, as fast food is largely a cash business and most restaurants have large amounts on site at any given time.
Not surprising. I want to murder an employee almost every time I eat fast food. Not for the money, though . . . just on principle.

Eric Schlosser, Fast Food Nation: The Dark Side of the All-American Meal (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2001).

62

FACT :
Women with cosmetic breast implants are three times more likely than other women
to take their own lives
, and are also three times as likely to die from alcohol and drug use. Why? Researchers suspect that many of these women had pre-existing body image and self-esteem issues before getting the implants.
Nah, the researchers—obviously female—are just jealous of women with fabulous racks.

Maggie Fox, “Breast Implants Linked with Suicide in Study,” Reuters, Aug 8, 2007,
www.reuters.com
.

63

FACT :
English teen Natalie Cooper is unable to eat
anything but Tic-Tacs
, and throws up anything else she tries to ingest. Cooper must be fed a special formula through a tube to her stomach in order to survive.
She’d have great breath if it weren’t for all the puking.

“The teenage girl who can only eat Tic Tacs,” The Daily Mail, February 9, 2008,
www.dailymail.co.uk
.

64

FACT :
In 2008, drunken Jersey City, New Jersey councilman Steven Lipski was arrested in Washington, DC for
urinating from a night club balcony
onto concertgoers watching a Grateful Dead cover band.
They’re Deadheads—they should be used to smelling like pee. I hope Lipski hit the band while he was at it. The only thing worse than The Dead is a Dead cover band.

Rich Schapiro, “Jersey City Councilman Steven Lipski is No. 1 threat at Washington club,” NY Daily News, November 9, 2008,
www.nydailynews.com
.

65

FACT :
In an October 2008 presidential debate, “Joe the Plumber” was mentioned twenty-six times, while more serious campaign issues like the troubled U.S. economy and Iraq were only mentioned
sixteen times and six times
, respectively.
If only those other issues would disappear as quickly as Joe did.

Posted by Brian Montopoli, “Joe The Plumber’s Chat With Couric,” CBS News, October 16, 2008,
www.cbsnews.com
.

66

FACT :
Six-year-old Bennett Christiansen made headlines in 2008 when he was
approved for his first credit card
. Bank of America gave Christiansen a $600 credit limit even after he gave his actual birth date and listed his income truthfully as “$0” on the card application.
“What’s in your jammies?”

Leah Hope, “Six-Year-Old Approved for Credit Card,” ABC Local, Chicago, June 18, 2008,
http://abclocal.go.com
.

67

FACT :
When Shanta Dargbeh’s ex-boyfriend took someone else to the prom in 2008, the New Jersey teen
set fire to his home
, burning it to the ground.
Nice going, Carrie. Note to self: never cross a Jersey girl.

Associated Press, “Trenton Police Say Spurned Girl Set House on Fire,”
NJ.com
, May 24, 2008,
www.nj.com
.