1,001 Facts That Will Scare the S#*t Out of You: The Ultimate Bathroom Reader (38 page)

“Risk Factors,” Alzheimer’s Association,
www.alz.org
.

262

FACT :
Humans with failing kidneys can’t survive long without an organ transplant or dialysis, a process by which
a machine filters waste from the blood
. Nitrogen in the form of urea builds up quickly in the blood and becomes toxic.
Dialysis sounds fun. Another one for the bucket list.

Constanza Villalba, “Ten Lessons Medicine Can Learn from Bears,” Scientific American, January 6, 2009,
www.sciam.com
.

263

FACT :
According to a researcher at the Michigan Sinus Center, you can stay healthy and combat allergy symptoms by
rinsing the nose with salt water
.
I’ve heard that a colonic is also good for you, but I won’t be doing that, either.

“Twenty-five Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Your Body and Health,” MSN Health,
www.health.msn.com
.

264

FACT :
Sickle cell disease is one of the most common genetic illnesses in America. Researchers estimate that it plagues more than 70,000, and that
over 2 million carry the gene
that could pass this affliction on to their children.
And I used to bitch about getting my dad’s ugly feet.

“What You Don’t Know About Sickle Cell Disease,” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,
www.cdc.gov
.

265

FACT :
Jaundice is a common condition that occurs in about
60 percent of newborn babies
, but one that can indicate kernicterus, a devastating brain ailment.
Ever hear the Old West legend of Jaundiced Jake? Probably not—he was yella.

“Most Parents Unaware of Possible Brain Damage from Untreated Jaundice,” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,
www.cdc.gov
.

266

FACT :
Traumatic brain injury (TBI) is a serious health problem for people aged seventy-five and older, as they have the highest rates of TBIs and
tend to recover more slowly or die from their injuries
. TBI symptoms are subtle, and may not even appear until days or even weeks after the injury occurs.
The rate of TBI in America is still TBD. Consider it TBA until further notice.

“Help Seniors Live Better, Longer: Prevent Brain Injury,” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,
www.cdc.gov
.

267

FACT :
Blowing your nose when you have a cold might feel good, but it can actually worsen your condition.
Blowing generates enormous pressure and propels mucus into the sinuses
, spreading viruses or bacteria and potentially causing further infection.
What’s the alternative? Just letting the snot run down your face?

Anahad O’Connor, “The Claim: Never Blow Your Nose When You Have a Cold,” New York Times, February 9, 2009,
www.nytimes.com
.

268

FACT : Bacteria can grow and divide every twenty minutes
, turning one bacterial cell into 16 million in just eight hours.
Bacteria sound a lot like trivia facts.

Michael Stringer and C. Dennis, Chilled Foods: A Comprehensive Guide, 2nd ed. (Woodhead Publishing, 2000).

269

FACT :
Belly button lint is made up of
clothing fibers, dead skin, and more
. You should keep your navel clean and dry to prevent infection from
candida
, a type of fungus.
That’s why I call it navel jam. Lint doesn’t fully capture the variety and complexity of the recipe.

Perry Garfinkel, The Male Body: An Owner’s Manual: The Ultimate Head-to-Toe Guide to Staying Healthy and Fit for Life (Rodale, 1996).

270

FACT :
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a man’s inability to keep an erection long enough to perform sexual intercourse. As many as 80 percent of men seventy-five and older have erectile dysfunction,
but the problem can occur at any age
. Causes include lung, liver, heart, or kidney disease; endocrine system disorders such as diabetes; side effects of antidepressants and other medications; substance or alcohol abuse; and anxiety and depression.
They should call premature ejaculation “projectile dysfunction (PD),” just for the sake of consistency.