15 Targeted (51 page)

She loved the feeling of being in his arms, feeling safe and protected and wanted but she needed to get closer to him, to thrust against him until she could feel his big, hard body pressed against every inch of hers.
More…need more!
whispered an urgent little voice in her head.

But when she pushed closer, the leather of his black vest rubbed against her tender nipples painfully, sending flashes of agony from her pink peaks all the way down to her pussy. Emily gave a little cry and drew back, breaking the kiss abruptly.

“Are you all right?” Tragar’s voice was a soft growl of lust but the look in his eyes was concerned.

“Fine, I just…I rubbed against you the wrong way is all.” She nodded down at her exposed breasts. “Sorry.”

“I am the one who is sorry. I would never want to cause you any kind of pain, my
Khalla.”
He bent to kiss her hurt nipples gently, sending a shiver through her.

“So was that right?” she asked, trying to ignore the urgent need she felt to press her breasts to his mouth and beg him to kiss them again. “Am I, uh, healed?” Without waiting for his answer, she reached between her legs to cup her pussy. The stab of pain she felt at her own touch made her gasp and pull back her hand as though she’d been burned. “Ow!”

“Are you all right?” Tragar asked at once.

“No! I thought you said the Healing Kiss would help. But I still can’t touch myself and I still feel all swollen and tense.” Emily wanted to cry with frustration. “Why didn’t it work? Did we do it wrong?”

“It didn’t work because the Healing Kiss is not meant to be applied to your lips,” he murmured. “At least, not these lips.” He brushed her mouth gently with the pad of his thumb.

“What? What do you mean?” Emily looked at him uncertainly, her heart thumping.

“You know what I mean,” he said quietly. “I am acting as your chosen mate and that is how your body reacts to me. In order to take away your pain and help your honey flow, I must kiss you Emily—kiss your soft little pussy until you feel better.”

“I don’t…I can’t…” She felt a stab of panic at the thought of letting him kiss her there—letting him put his mouth between her legs.

“Master Xen’dex thought it might come to this, though I had hoped we would reach Rageron before you entered
Vlammen
.” Tragar looked troubled. “I fear it will only increase the growing dependency between us but it’s the only thing that will ease your pain and allow your honey to flow.”

“But…I don’t want you to do that. To kiss me there,” Emily burst out at last. “I
don’t.”

He frowned. “Are you worried I might hurt you? Or are you uncertain because you’ve never had your pussy kissed before, my
Khalla?”

“It’s not that I’m afraid it might hurt—you seem to know how to touch me even when I can’t touch myself. It’s just…” Emily closed her eyes, unable to look at him. “Well, it’s
not
the first time someone wanted to…to do that. I had a boyfriend in high school—a guy named Jason. I never really had any sexual feelings for him…”

“Because you had not reached your
Tenrah
yet,” Tragar rumbled.

“Right, I guess. But he
did
have sexual feelings for me. I mean, he was a teenaged boy, right? So of course he did. And I wanted to keep him happy so I let him…try a few things.”

Emily shuddered as she remembered the wrongness she’d felt when she allowed Jason to touch her. He’d been such a nice guy—so handsome and sweet, if a little bit clumsy—and she’d wanted so desperately to feel for him what he felt for her. But every time she let him grope her breasts or slip his hand under her skirt, the overwhelming waves of shame and repugnance would wash over her, so strongly sometimes that she could hardly sit still and let it happen. And then, that one night—the night he said he wanted to try something different…

“You let him taste you?” Tragar asked quietly.

Emily nodded. “I did. I didn’t
want
to but
he
wanted to try it so much and I was afraid he’d break up with me if I didn’t let him do it at least once.”

“And what happened?” he asked softly. “How did it feel?”

“
Awful
.” Emily couldn’t hold back the shiver that passed over her entire body. “So…so
wrong.
I mean, it wasn’t as bad as what Grayson did to me—Jason was never mean, he never held me down or forced me. But I remember just lying there, cringing and feeling so…so…”

“Violated?” he suggested softly.

“Yes.
Exactly.
” Emily nodded and found she was crying. She dashed the tears from her eyes angrily. “Violated…degraded…all that and worse. I felt like I was performing some sick, twisted act or one was being performed on me. And then I couldn’t stand it anymore and I pushed him away and he…”

She shook her head, not wanting to remember. It wasn’t as painful as her memory of Grayson but it was no picnic either.

“He what?” Tragar’s voice was a low, warning growl.

“He didn’t force me or anything—not like Grayson,” Emily said quickly. “But he said I was frigid—he said he could tell that any time I let him touch me I was just barely
enduring
it. He asked me what was wrong with me and I…I couldn’t answer him. Because I didn’t
know.”

“How could you know?” Tragar asked reasonably. “His touch felt wrong to you because he was not your kind—because he was not Kindred. A
Khalla
can only bear such an intimate touch from her chosen mate. Your body rejected that other male because he was not right for you.”

“I know that now.” Emily sniffed and blotted her eyes with the hem of the pale green petal shirt “And I know you only want to help me. It’s just…really hard to get over that memory. I think that experience is the reason it took so long for the, uh, the
other
to start making herself known. I didn’t have any sexual desire at all until I was in college and she started coming out. And of course, you know how
that
ended.”

“I understand your pain and reluctance.” Tragar stroked a strand of hair out of her face and cupped her cheek. “Every male who has ever touched you has taken from you…has hurt you.”

“Every one but you,” Emily whispered, daring to look up into his eyes.

“And I won’t hurt you now.” He held her gaze with his own. “I know you have bad memories associated with this act and I swear I wouldn’t ask it of you if it wasn’t necessary. But Emily, I have to ask you to trust me. Can you do that?”

“I…” She took a deep breath. “I guess I can try.”

“Good. All I ask is that you let me kiss you just once, very gently.” He stroked her cheek, speaking softly and earnestly in that deep, growling voice of his. “Just once and if it feels wrong and bad in any way you can tell me to stop and I will.”

Emily bit her lip, filled with uncertainty. On one hand, she really,
really
didn’t want him to do this. Her memories of this act were so bad and wrong and painful she could barely stand to acknowledge them, much less repeat the act that had caused them. On the other hand, Tragar had seemed to know, right from the start, what was good and right for her—for her body, anyway. He hadn’t steered her wrong yet and even when he’d gotten angry with her, he had never been rough or cruel. And now he was being so sweet and patient and gentle…maybe…maybe she could risk it.

“Just once?” she asked fearfully. “And if I don’t like it you’ll stop?”

“Just once—I swear it on my honor as a warrior.”

The steady, honest look in his deep gold eyes decided her.

“All right,” she whispered, nodding. “Just once. I’ll let you do it just once if you really think it will help.”

“It’s the only thing that can help, my
Khalla.”
Tragar stroked her cheek again. “You honor me with your trust and with the gift of your body. I swear I will never treat you with anything but gentleness and respect.”

“Thank you.” Emily was touched by his little speech. It was almost as though he was swearing a vow to her, one he intended to honor no matter what.

“All right.” He rose from the floor and started reaching for some pillows. “Let’s get you more comfortable.”

“What do you mean? What are you doing?” Emily looked at him uncertainly. He had pulled the large, square pillows from the top of the bed and was arranging them under her back and shoulders.

“Getting you into position. I want you to watch as I do this—as I kiss you.” Tragar propped a pillow under her behind too, elevating her so that when she leaned back she would be in a semi-reclining position. “I think it will ease your mind somewhat if you can see what is happening.”

“I…I’m not sure about that.” But she was already in position. And she had to admit it was probably better to see than to lie there in the dark with one arm thrown over her eyes fighting back tears and waiting for the awful sensation to be over.
No, don’t think about that,
she told herself quickly.
Put it out of your mind. Tragar isn’t Jason and this isn’t high school. You’re going to be fine. If it feels bad he’s going to stop—he promised he would.

“Are you comfortable?” Tragar had taken a pillow for himself and put it on the floor in front of the bed. He knelt on it now, looking at her seriously.

“I…I guess so.” Emily still wasn’t sure how to feel about this. Was it going to be as bad as last time? She hoped not but she couldn’t help feeling tense inside—the muscles in her stomach were jumping and her entire body felt clenched tight like a fist.

Please,
she thought.
Please don’t let it be too bad…

As she watched, Tragar lowered himself to kneel before her. Emily had shut her legs when he got her into position—well, she’d shut them as much as she could bear to, anyway. Her pussy was throbbing by now—swollen with need she didn’t want to acknowledge. But she knew if she didn’t get some relief soon she would be in serious pain. Her body was crying out for something—something only Tragar could give her. If she could bear to let him do what needed to be done.

“Gently, my
Khalla,”
he murmured, caressing the tops of her thighs with long, slow strokes of his warm hands. “Gently and slowly, I swear it. Please—open for me.”

“All right,” Emily whispered. Slowly she let her thighs drift apart again, exposing her swollen pussy. God, it was so embarrassing how hot and wet she was! Her clit was peaking out of her pink folds as if begging for attention. She wondered if the Healing Kiss the big Kindred was going to give her would really make her feel better? She
really
hoped so—as long as she could stand it.

“I’m just going to kiss the top of your mound first.” He stroked the top of her pussy, caressing the small patch of well trimmed blonde curls.

“Okay.” Emily shivered at the gentle touch and felt a tendril of pleasure curl through her. Maybe it would be all right…

He dipped his head and, his eyes never leaving her face, placed a soft kiss on the top of her mound, his lips just brushing the top of her slit. He let the kiss linger for a long moment before pulling back.

“All right?” He raised his eyebrows, clearly wanting to know how she felt.

Emily let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding.

“Yes,” she said tentatively. “All right
so far.”

“Good.” Tragar rubbed his cheek against her sensitive inner thigh. “Then I’m going to kiss you a little lower, my
Khalla.
I’m going to kiss your sweet little pussy, where you need to be kissed.”