150 Pounds (42 page)

So when she came into the dressing room backstage at
Oprah
and found Alexis struggling with a tan-colored Spanx bodysuit, she grabbed it out of her hands. They’d talked on the phone twice since meeting at Empire. “These are not a friend of the pregnant lady,” she told Alexis wryly.

A deep baritone resonated behind Alexis. “Thank you. I tried to do the same, but she wouldn’t let me. She seems determined to squash our baby into a pancake.”

“I keep telling her bumps are chic, baby,” said a slight Asian man with a short buzz of hair growing on his scalp. He had a wary look on his face, like he’d been beaten up recently, but a bright spark of mischief lay just beneath the surface.

“Hi. You guys must be Noah and Billy. I’m Shoshana, and this is my mom, Pam, and sister, Emily.”

Introductions were made all around.

Pam walked over to Alexis and put a plump arm around her shoulders. Emily looked at Shoshana and raised one eyebrow.

“Everything okay, dear?” Pam asked Alexis, who had tears in her eyes.

“I refuse to go out there looking like this. Everyone is going to compare me with how I looked the last time I was on the show, when I was skinny.”

Pam looked taken aback. “But you’re pregnant, love. The baby needs you to put on weight. You look wonderful.”

Noah took a sip of his coffee. “I agree. And besides, you were
too
skinny before,” he said gently. Then he impishly reached out and pinched her on the behind. “You know I love that booty.”

Shoshana was surprised when Alexis laughed. She was able to see why the two were such a perfect pair: Noah extinguished Alexis’s neuroses. It happened like that sometimes, she mused, as the soundman fitted her for a microphone, his cool hands on her lower back snaring a wire up through her shirt. This time she didn’t flinch; she was an old hand at this. It was someone different, this time.

A person wanders the planet lost, split in half. Then she finds the right person, and wham! She’s whole, the anxieties and twitches slow down and dissolve, and the brightness that had always shone within her somewhere is allowed to emerge. Shoshana felt she’d always been a bright spirit and didn’t think the man she’d someday end up with would be the one to bring it out of her. Whoever Shoshana would meet and fall in love with would be getting almost two persons: the 150-pound woman, and the Fattie who still lived inside of her. Both versions loved dirty jokes, pillows with weird statements on them, and chick flicks. The boy she chose someday would have to love both versions of her.

Emily was begrudgingly admiring Alexis’s high heels, which were quirky and had a taxicab pattern, the toes being yellow, the rest black-and-white-checkered. “They’re very punk,” she said, which made Shoshana and Pam exchange a look because that was Em’s highest compliment to pay someone.

“Five minutes until set,” a short woman with red hair and freckles who was wearing a headset said, spreading her fingers like a starfish to show how much time was left. Shoshana glanced at the monitor. The show had not begun yet, and she saw Oprah, which gave her a rush of excitement. Oprah was already sitting on the stage and going over notes with an assistant while simultaneously getting her makeup retouched.

“Okay, I’ll give up the Spanx,” Alexis said, sighing and, after some struggle, ripping the hosiery down the middle with her bare hands. Everyone cheered. Alexis plopped down on the brown leather couch and poured herself a sip of water into a tumbler glass. “The baby was protesting it, anyway.” She rubbed her stomach, which was a perfect beach ball.

“Yeah. If I can’t wear a fat suit to try and be who I used to be, you definitely can’t try and squish into Spanx,” Shoshana said, sitting down next to her.

As their friends and family mingled, snatches of their conversation reached Shoshana’s ears as she leaned close to Alexis. “Are you ready to do this?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

Alexis smiled. “I was born ready. Let’s show the world what we’re made of.”

“Two minutes,” the stagehand called.

Shoshana and Alexis stood, and Shoshana found herself watching Alexis maneuver in her heels down the same hallway with the large black-and-white photos of celebrity guests she’d eyed last time she was here.

“Knock them dead!” Noah shouted.

“Make sure you mention our clothing line!” Billy called out.

“We love you!” Pam and Emily called. Shoshana watched their figures get shadowy and small as she turned and walked down the hallway, butterflies in her stomach but a steely resolve in her heart.

“What clothing line?” Shoshana whispered to Alexis as they walked.

“Oh! I totally forgot to tell you. Billy and I designed these chill robes for cancer patients who are undergoing chemo. We have leopard-print and zebra and there’s even a cartoonist in the Village drawing prints for us. They’re going to be awesome!”

“Wow,” Shoshana said. “I never would have pictured you doing something like that when I first met you.”

Alexis sniggered. “Why, because I was a total selfish bitch?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Well, I bet you never thought you’d open up an apple orchard, either,” Alexis said, her eyes bright.

“You’re right about that.” They giggled, as they heard Oprah announcing their names to the audience.

The two women entered the stage holding hands, a show of unity that came naturally and spontaneously to them. They sat on the couch to thunderous applause.

“Hello, hello,” Oprah said, turning her warm gaze on them. She wore a brown wrap dress that matched her eyes, and large teardrop diamond earrings that shone under the lights. Shoshana admired her blue eye shadow and wondered if she herself could pull it off. There was no way to find out but try!

“We are so lucky to have two special guests back on today’s show, Alexis Allbright, founder of
Skinny Chick,
and Shoshana Weiner, who writes
Fat and Fabulous
.”

Another round of cheers. Shoshana could make out the faces of Noah, Billy, Emily, and her mother. They were sitting in the second row. She winked at Emily, who gave her the rock ’n’ roll devil horns. Shoshana ran her hands through her short, wavy bob.

“Now, before we begin talking to these fascinating guests, I’m going to show a brief clip.”

Alexis and Shoshana exchanged an oh-shit glance, as the screen behind them rose and the scene between Shoshana and Alexis from last year played out before their eyes. The light bounced in such a way that dark blues ran across Alexis’s face, giving her the appearance of having two black eyes.

What Shoshana couldn’t believe from the video was how
tense
she herself looked. Her hands balled into fists, a frown on her face as she countered Alexis’s accusations. A stranger. It was also strange to see herself fat again. Like looking at one’s baby pictures. How could she have morphed and shifted and become someone else in just a year?

Alexis was so upset by how aggressive and nasty she’d been that she kept her eyes on Shoshana’s face. She knew if she watched the video she would only feel worse, which would ruin the fun of making their joint announcement. She heard herself shouting statistics about obesity at Shoshana, and cringed. She literally slunk down in her seat when she heard her old self say,
“Her father died of a heart attack. Four years ago. He was only forty-nine. He was mowing the front yard of his quiet suburban home in New Jersey, and he simply dropped dead right there.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered to Shoshana.

“I know you are,” Shoshana whispered back. “I am, too.”

Some of the audience hadn’t seen this particular episode, and gasped at some of the segments, clapped at others. The clip seemed to go on forever, though it was probably only a minute at most. The girls suffered through it, trying not to wiggle around awkwardly on the sofa.

The lights went back up to full tilt. “I saw the two of you come in here holding hands,” Oprah said. She smiled her thousand-watt smile. “After everyone at home watched that video, I have to ask: Y’all worked things out, didn’t you?”

Scattered laughter.

“We did, indeed,” Shoshana said confidently. “And we’re here to tell the audience about it.”

“Wonderful. But first, I think the question on a lot of people’s minds is, tell us about the baby bump and the weight loss! Is it true you both weigh the same now, a hundred and fifty pounds?”

Thunderous applause.

Alexis blushed. “Well, yes. But also, a lot of things have changed for myself and Shoshana over this past year. My best friend was diagnosed with cancer but he’s now in remission, thank god. Hi, Billy!” She waved, and Billy stood, doing a little twirl as the cameras zoomed in on him.

The audience clapped for Billy.

“I met a man who … put things in perspective for me, to put it mildly,” Alexis said.

“Yes, and I’ve been to his restaurant, Off the River Ale House in New York,” Oprah said. “It is worth the calories, people.” She turned on the couch to Shoshana. “Now, Shoshana, you’ve lost a good deal of weight.”

Clapping thundered off the walls, the sound bouncing up, up, up to the ceiling like bright, shiny bubbles. The cameras panned the audience; the lights moved and changed direction on the floor of the stage to illuminate Shoshana’s face.

“Yes, that’s right,” Shoshana said.

“But aren’t you the face of
Fat and Fabulous
?” Oprah asked. “How do your readers feel about you no longer being, well … fat?”

“This brings us to the main point of today,” Alexis said, wanting to rescue Shoshana. “We are here to unveil a brand-new blog.”

Behind them on the screen, the words
WORTH THE WEIGHT
flashed in hot pink.

“Wow!” Oprah said, crossing her bright yellow leather heels at the ankle. “Tell us a little bit about this new venture.”

“The idea is to combine
Fat and Fabulous
and
Skinny Chick,
” Shoshana said. She felt nervous, but as she spoke she gained confidence. She could see her mother giving the thumbs-up from her seat, and seeing this took the wobble out of her voice. She was her father’s daughter. He had loved her so much she had a store of it inside her, giving her strength. It was a wide, silver river, and she could dip into it whenever she wanted.

“Now, I know a lot of readers will feel shocked by this, since Alexis and I had such opposing viewpoints. But lately we’ve come to realize we have more in common than we thought. We both want what’s best for women—to eat healthily, exercise at least twice a week, and have good self-esteem. We are bringing the doctors and nutritionists from both our blogs to
Worth the Weight,
as well as all our contributing writers. We will have a search-engine feature for news articles about nutrition and body image, and continue to fight the war against negativity for women’s body issues that the media perpetuates. We’ll also include posts that pertain to us personally, such as healthy eating during pregnancy, and ways to feel good about your weight, no matter what size you are.”

“I have to admit, I am shocked,” Oprah said. She turned to another camera for a close-up. “After watching that video of the two of you arguing, it’s wonderful that you were able to find common ground.”

She turned to someone working backstage.

“Now, I want to tell you all, I was horrified when I picked up my
New York Post
and saw the photograph printed of Alexis. Steve, can we bring up that picture?” It materialized like a wave of the Good Witch Glinda’s wand: the picture of Alexis coming out of Whole Foods, her hand protectively covering her stomach.

Alexis turned away. Shoshana smiled reassuringly at her.

“Alexis, you’re wearing a cute little black shapeless dress, so it might be kind of hard for the audience to see you, but do you want to tell us why you were covering your belly in this shot? I don’t think it’s because you gained weight, right?”

Alexis let out the breath she’d been holding. “I’m pregnant, actually,” she said proudly.

The audience cheered. Shoshana clapped so hard her hands hurt.

Oprah shook her head. “It’s really a shame that the media seems to only like to print negative stories sometimes. I know the paparazzi have caught me unawares before, and it ain’t pretty. They also seem to have totally missed that you gained weight because you were pregnant, which is necessary and healthy for the baby. Most women gain an average of thirty to fifty pounds during pregnancy.”

She looked down at her notes. “Now, Shoshana, you followed this up with a comment in the same paper. You said, ‘I think Alexis looks much healthier with the additional weight. It’s a sad day for feminism when we start criticizing other women’s bodies.’ Honey, I completely agree with you.”

So did the audience, from the sound of it.

“Now I’d like to invite questions. Don’t be shy!” Oprah smiled widely.

A tall woman with blond curly hair wearing a black pencil skirt and pink silk blouse stood. “Hi, Alexis; hi, Shoshana. I’ve been a reader of
Skinny Chick
for a while now. I lost eighty pounds two years ago, and your recipes and advice really helped me through the process.”

Alexis nodded. “First of all, congratulations. You look wonderful. And yes. I promise that kind of help and support will remain true with
Worth the Weight
.”

“My question is for Shoshana. Shoshana, as someone who was formerly heavy … how do you think you’ll be able to continue making girls feel positive and good about themselves at higher numbers than your own weight? Won’t it be hypocritical to tell them to be happy being fat?”

Alexis squeezed Shoshana’s hand.

“That’s a great question,” Shoshana began. “The fact is, women often go up and down in their weight throughout their lives.”

“I can attest to that,” Oprah said wryly, eliciting a big laugh from her loyal audience.

“As a woman who has weighed nearly three hundred pounds at one point in my life, to someone who now weighs a hundred and fifty, the truth of the matter is that my hopes and fears have not changed because I can fit into Juicy sweatpants. I still have insecurities. Alexis and I agree that both of our blogs were too extreme. Just blogging about being heavy or being skinny is boring. Most women are somewhere in between. I lost this weight through changing where I bought my food, and getting a ton of cardio setting up my apple orchard. I didn’t starve myself or diet, because dieting is not listening to your body. I feel confident I can continue to counsel and understand women. ‘Healthy at any size’ is still my motto. That’s why
Worth the Weight
is so important; Alexis and I are starting a blog for every woman, not just skinny or fat. Weight is a gray line, not so black and white. I think America is ready for a Web site that doesn’t care what number your scale reads back to you.”