18 Thoughts (My So-Called Afterlife Book 3) (30 page)

Nate squinted at her. “Come on, Dr. Judy. Your name was on my and Olga’s files.”

She waved a hand. “Someone obviously wants to confuse you. And it’s not God. He is not the author of confusion. The best thing you can do is let this go.”

“That’s your response? My best friend is missing and being possessed by a demon! I need some real answers!”

“Please, Olga. I wish there was more I could do, but that’s the only answer I can give.”

I took a breath, but I was beyond calm now. “Oh, okay then. I guess I’ll just skip out of your office and continue my parade of unicorns and rainbows because, ya know, let go and let God, right? Divine intervention means everything happens for a reason and everything will turn out for the better. No need to worry. I’ll just keep on YOLOing.”

Dr. Judy’s eyes snatched at mine with fury, with unspeakable truths. “This conversation is getting us nowhere. Perhaps we should reschedule for another time.”

For a moment, we all sat in silent helplessness. The drone of the wall clock measuring time seemed to make the seconds move slower.

“Time isn’t what we think, is it?” I asked her. “It’s confusing. So many clocks running at once, it’s hard to tell which one is the
real
time. But the pendulum always swings back, and we return to the place we were before.”

I knew my thoughts had taken another weird turn, but I had this feeling that what I said actually made sense to Dr. Judy.

She nodded. “You have no idea.”

I looked at Nate, then tucked my hair behind my ears. “That’s right. I don’t. And whose fault is that?”

Shaking her head vigorously, she said, “Like I said, this conversation was a mistake. You need to leave now, both of you.”

I stood, gathering my book bag before heading to the door. Just as Nate turned the knob, Dr. Judy spoke.

“Olga, if that thing inside Conner contacts you or Nate—”

“You’ll be the last person we call.” I cleared my throat, nodding for Nate to open the door.

And with those parting words, I closed the door behind me.

“To me, the thing that is worse than death is betrayal.
You see, I could conceive death,
but I could not conceive betrayal.”
—Malcolm X

he next night, I lay awake in bed and thought about Conner. I’d just returned home from a celebratory dinner with my parents. Earlier today, I received my letter from the University of Michigan. The acceptance didn’t come as a surprise, but the statement Dad showed me at dinner was. Turns out he started an investment for me the day they found out Mom was pregnant and I had $67,980 for college! All this time, I thought we were poor, but really, Dad was just the cheapest man on Earth.

I debated telling them I applied to Harvard, too. But I didn’t know if they’d exactly be happy I went behind their back. The University of Michigan had always been the goal we worked toward together, and my scholarship was contingent on going to an in-state school. Getting into Harvard was a long shot anyway, but one I felt compelled to take when sending out my college applications in the fall. For now, though, I’d keep my mouth shut. Too many things were up in the air, like Conner missing again.

I picked up the Daily Meditation Guide off my nightstand, wondering if the mysterious journal had any new words of wisdom to offer me tonight. But none of the verses, prayers, or profound thoughts grabbed hold of me. I felt lost. I knew God didn’t will trouble, but why wasn’t he sending more answers my way to help Conner?

Reaching over to return the journal to its place, I jumped. A girl sat on my floor, only I could see through her. She was pale, even for a ghost, and she wore a blue sundress, her long locks in a messy bun on the top of her head. If I didn’t recognize her from my vision, I would’ve trembled in fear. Instead, my face broke into a smile at the memory of her as I scrambled out of bed.

“Grace?” I crouched down next to her on the carpet. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to help you,” she said seriously. “I planted your old journal in your room a few months back in hopes it’d help you remember enough, but it hasn’t. But never mind that. We haven’t got much time.”

My whole body relaxed at once. Finally, I was going to get some answers. “I’m so glad you’re here. I keep having all these memory flashes and—”

“I know,” she said with a relish.

“You know? How?”

“Well, I’m dead. So were you, Nate, and Conner once. But none of you ever went to heaven. That’s where I am now. Did you know there’s a huge football arena in heaven? We have these passes we use to get in.”

“You watch football in heaven?”

“No, not football. We watch the ones we left behind. Our passes keep track of our hours. Each newbie gets three hundred sixty-five hours a year, one hour a day, but we can use the hours however we want. We have a tiny screen in front of our seat when we sit down. We type in who we want to see, slip on a special pair of glasses, and voila, we see the game of life being played on the field. Each person sees something different, our own friends and family members, but we’re all there to cheer them on, to pray for them.”

“I thought everyone would just be worshipping God in heaven.”

“Oh, that’s definitely the focus. I mean, it’s so glorious, you want to just fall down on your knees and sing all the time. But you don’t forget about everyone you’ve left behind, especially at the beginning of your afterlife. You still want to see them until they move on with you, but your viewing time decreases a little bit each year.”

“That makes sense.” Sort of. None of this really made sense.

“Yeah, and our passes expire after seventy-five years because really, most of the people we cared about will be gone by then.”

“So, you care about me? Were we friends when I was dead?”

“Not really, no. Nate was more my friend than you, but you’re the one whose best friend is being possessed by a demon. And it’s just so frustrating watching all of you not remember the predicament that landed you here in the first place and watching my mom keep everything from you. I’m just so sick of all the secrets, so I’m here to give them away.”

“Your mom is Dr. Judy.” My voice was hushed but certain.

Grace nodded.

“How exactly did you come here, though? The dead can just visit Earth whenever they fancy a visit?”

“They can if they’re half archangel.” Her face shone with the admission. “But I still don’t have much time.”

A second later, she launched herself into telling a hurried story about how in the past, Conner
did
die from the lightning strike, how I swallowed an entire bottle of pain pills after his funeral and it caused my accidental suicide, how Nate died in his car crash drag racing Bo, and I spent a year in Limbo with him after our deaths, how her mom had been our counselor in Limbo, too, how Dr. Judy learned about Grace’s suicide the day Nate and I told her we wanted to become spirit guides instead of moving on to Heaven, how we trained with angels named Riel and Ash as they mentored our work with Grace, but how I couldn’t concentrate on the assignment because suddenly, I knew I was dead and that meant I could possibly find Conner in the Underworld. My worry for him caused me to regress from the state of joy and peace I’d achieved with Nate during Limbo and sent me on a rogue mission of my own, where I conspired with a demon named Sam to visit Conner in Juvie in exchange for stealing a file from Spirit Guide Headquarters.

“I’m such a jerk,” I said, feeling feverish.

I’d let Grace tell the whole story without interruption, partly out of worry she’d disappear before having enough time to explain everything, partly because I tried desperately to recall it all. Hearing the truth didn’t make me remember, but it did make me feel sick to my stomach.

“I screwed everything up.”

Grace looked at me, her eyebrows drawn together in concern, her hands clasped together as if she prayed. “Partly, but your heart was in the right place, and that made all the difference. In the end, your actions bought you, Nate, and Conner another chance of life. But not without making some enemies first. That’s what I’m really here for, to warn you.”

“What do you mean?” Surely there couldn’t be anything worse coming than what she’d just described to me.

“Sam,” said Grace, looking vaguely toward the clock hanging on my wall. “He got kicked out of the Underworld for what he did, and the demon in charge there wasn’t too pleased about that.”

“Who I’m guessing was Satan?”

“Right. Sam’s memory was wiped clean, too, but Satan found a way to get those files to him, the same ones you and Nate discovered at the cabin yesterday. That made Sam curious enough to pay a visit to Grand Haven, and when he discovered Conner in a coma, he took advantage of the situation.”

“What? That’s why Conner woke up.”

“Yes, but now Sam remembers who he is. He’s been staying with a Satanic priest who called on greater demons to get some answers. He’ll be coming after you soon.”

“For what?” I asked slowly, my brain struggling to absorb yet another piece of shocking information. “Just to mess with me?”

“He wants revenge for getting kicked out of the Underworld.” She chewed her lip. “How he’ll get it, I can’t tell you.”

My eyes bulged as I clutched my arms. “But I thought you came here to
tell
me things.”

Her stance was unmoving, her hands still folded neatly in her lap. “Oh, I did. I can’t tell you because I don’t know. But I’m certain his revenge will revolve around you. He’s obsessed with you.”

“Should I be flattered?” I grinned bleakly.

“I wonder…” Grace spoke into the air rather than at me, her posture straightening. “But that can’t be his plan. It’d never work on Earth, would it?”

“What? What are you talking about?”

But in that moment, Grace held up a hand to silence me. “I have to be very careful what I say. There are demons here now, listening. I don’t want to give them any ideas with my theories. Plus, I’m causing a disturbance. Your guardian angel is having a fit over your shoulder. He thinks I’m compromising your soul by telling you all of this, but I think I’m giving you the chance to fight.”

My heart would surely burst, it pounded so fast. “There are demons in my room right now?”

“Yes. Okay, I’m going,” she whispered, looking over my shoulder. “Be careful, Olga! I won’t be able to come back. I’ve already used all my observation hours watching this unfold, so I won’t know what’s going on to help you anyway. My hours will renew at the end of May, and I’ll check on you as soon as I can, but hopefully this will all be over by then. Good luck.”

With a faint pop, she vanished from my room before I could even scold her for not saving some hours. I guess I should be thankful for what little information I got, though.

Too terrified of demons in my room, I decided to sleep on the couch. I knew the vile creatures could probably follow, but the sound of the TV softly playing the global evangelism channel comforted me. My rosary lay on our coffee table shaped like the state of Michigan, and I slipped the necklace on, then clutched our family Bible as I stayed wide awake into the early hours of morning, wondering what to do next.