18 Thoughts (My So-Called Afterlife Book 3) (46 page)

“It takes a long time to become the person we are meant to be.”
—Nate’s Thoughts

Olga

ummer stayed late this year. On the last Friday of August, the digital sign along Harbor Drive flashed a time of 7:40 a.m. and a temperature of seventy-seven degrees Fahrenheit. Few clouds streaked the perfect blue sky, a lofty mirror of the lake below. Rays from the sun reached into my soul and made me pause to enjoy the moment for the first time in weeks. The water had a way of lightening my mood, probably because it brought back so many fond childhood memories. I smiled and took a deep breath of the hot air, glad to have such beauty accompany me for my week home. Conner and I were heading out from the marina for our first sail together since his accident, and we’d invited the entire Jedi Order along. It helped to have a big enough boat to hold us all now. The manager for the Cantankerous Monkey Squad had rented a seventy-footer cruising sailboat for us this weekend.

While I’d been away at Harvard these past two months, Sean, Kyle, and Conner had been living out their dream as rock stars. Right after high school graduation, the guys hired a manager who organized a small tour for them. They played gigs all around Michigan, gaining momentum, recording in a studio. Cantankerous Monkey Squad, their debut self-titled album, quickly climbed the indie charts. It was so strange to hear them being played on the college station at Harvard, everyone’s summer soundtrack. Just this week, they signed with a major record label and would head straight to the studio to record their second album very soon. When their manager asked them how they wanted to celebrate, the boys decided they wanted to come home and get together with the Jedi Order one last time before their lives got out-of-control crazy.

I couldn’t be more proud of them, but I’d also had an unexpected summer. My college roommate was involved with a group called “To Write Love On Her Arms.” The nonprofit helps people struggling with depression. I thought having an organization like that on campus would be the perfect way to use what I’d gone through to help someone else, so I created an outreach program called Jeremiah’s Place my first week of school. Obviously, I thought healing and coffee went hand in hand, so I approached local businesses for donations and opened up a café in a room at the Harvard Student Union every Friday night where students could come and engage socially in a relaxed coffeehouse atmosphere. The Cantankerous Monkey Squad flew in to play at my grand opening, drawing a large gathering. Tables in the back held games like Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit, Scrabble, Chess, and Checkers for the quieter crowd. And there was an area of couches to the side of the room occupied by the campus ministry volunteers where people could get counseling and prayer. I named it Jeremiah’s Place after my favorite verse in the Bible, Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

The whole thing was a huge success, and local bands called
me
after our debut event to volunteer free concerts. Already I was working with Harvard campus ministries and their alumni, local businesses, and churches to raise money for a building where we could house a permanent café, counseling center, and a book shop, too.

Starting the chapter on campus inspired me to write an article based on my interactions with the people I met titled “Everybody Has a Story to Tell” that ended up published in the literary magazine,
The Harvard Advocate
.
The Huffington Post
republished the feature on their news blog, and the
Cambridge News
liked my piece so much they offered me a weekly online column under the same title. I even got to intern at the paper all summer, which meant I didn’t come back home except for this one week.

But the thing about the Jedi Order was, whenever we hung out, it felt like no time had passed between us, like nothing had changed. We lost ourselves to lingering, daydreaming, talking, playing, eating, laughing, and just
being
over the hours, forming a tight circle on the top deck of the boat.

“It’s so weird we’re all off to lead our separate lives in just three short days,” Nic said, stretching her arms behind her head.

She was starting school at Muskegon Community College to obtain her Associates degree in Business so she could take over the Bookman from her parents one day. Her and Sean had broken up a week after graduation. All the time spent with the band proved too hard for their relationship, but so far they’d remained completely friendly. Plus, she was already crazy for some new guy. He was in the Coast Guard, and they’d met at the annual Grand Haven Coast Guard Festival about a month ago.

“Half of our group already has,” Tammy said. “I mean, I counted on Olga to make me feel like a slacker, but not these three knuckleheads.”

Tammy had gotten a cheerleading scholarship to attend Grand Valley State in nearby Allendale. She planned to keep up her modeling to pay for other expenses, which didn’t include alcohol anymore. It had been three months since she had her last drink, and even better, her dad agreed to attend counseling with her.

“Aww, you can come be my groupie anytime,” Kyle told her, winking.

She stuck her tongue out at him and threw a pillow at his head in response.

“See, that’s what I’m talking about.” Sean laughed. “No matter how big we get, we’ll be able to count on ya’ll to keep us real.”

“And I think, no matter how successful everyone gets, we should promise to meet back in Grand Haven once a year,” Adam suggested.

He would be rooming with Nate at Central Michigan University. On a whim, they had decided to backpack around Europe the past eight weeks, staying at youth hostels. I was glad Nate didn’t sit around sulking after I left for Harvard. He had gotten a second chance at life, too, and he wasn’t wasting it. And he didn’t seem mad at me in the slightest for choosing the single life for now. He even brought back a souvenir from his trip, a ring he purchased at the Cambridge Shakespeare Festival where he saw
Hamlet
with Adam. The silver ring held an inscription: “To thine own self be true.” He gave the gift to me tonight, and I knew I’d wear it all the time, along with Conner’s Morticia Addams ring, reminders of how much love God had blessed me with.

“I’ll drink to that.” Nate lifted up his glass, and we all toasted with our White Sparkling Grape Juice. Much to my delight, everyone abstained from alcohol in support of Tammy’s lifestyle change.

Pulling in a deep, cleansing breath, I took turns fixing my eyes on the Jedi Order. No matter where I went, they’d always be with me… in the whisper of the leaves in the fall, in the bold taste of a fresh cup of coffee, in the feel of the sand beneath my feet, in the clean smell of the rain as it lulled me to sleep. They lived inside everything I did. They were the place where I came from, my home. Nothing on Earth could ever separate us… not distance, not time, not even death. With every passing hour, I thought there couldn’t be a more perfect ending to this day, for it’d been the ending to so many days of my life. I was heading into the sunset with my best friends by my side.

We watched as the sun descended behind the horizon, the spectrum of the sky changing to orange, pink, and red hues. Clouds appeared lit on fire with vibrant colors, mixing green, blue, and purple on the reflective water. Birds probably chirped overhead, boats probably whizzed by, but I heard none of it. In the fading daylight, I had my best friends to keep me company, and their presence warmed me better than the sun.

“You okay?” Conner whispered in my ear.

“Perfect.”

Being gone from everyone while I went to Harvard proved difficult, but it was also easier in a way, to distance myself from all the weirdness that had happened the past year. The memory of Sam possessing me and impregnating me with his demon spawn was almost too much to bear at times. Not to mention fiercely missing Nate, even though I thought we did the right thing by not getting back together right now. That’s why keeping busy was so helpful. I’d even started writing a novel. The young adult book was about a girl who ventured into various realms of the Underworld, looking for the best friend she had lost. Purely fantasy, of course, but I hoped to finish it and submit the manuscript to literary agents by the end of the year.

I’d told Nate about my story on the phone this past week. He’d called as soon as him and Adam returned from their trip. I felt a little nervous telling Nate about the novel, but of course he was one hundred percent supportive and said he wanted to be the first to read it. Tonight though, we shared no private conversations, maybe because we didn’t trust ourselves to be alone together. But we did share many looks, which all seemed to say,
We’re trusting what’s meant to be will be in the end.

Conner took my hand in his and pressed our palms together, spinning my Morticia Addams ring with his other hand. “I’m so, so sorry for everything, Olga.”

Sometimes it was as if
he
could read my mind, although that trick of Nate’s ended the day after graduation, the year anniversary of the day we met. “For the gazillionth time, stop apologizing. I forgave you a long time ago.”

“I know, but I just think, for some things, you can never say you’re sorry too much. This is one of them.”

“You were being possessed by a
demon
!”

He shrugged. “So I could just do whatever I wanted and blame it all on Sam? How very Crucible of me.”

His words didn’t hold pride anymore. The experience had irrevocably humbled him, and me. In some weird way, I was almost thankful for all that had happened. We were almost too spoiled, too naïve, before our senior year.

I smiled. “Nice literary reference, rock star. Look, some things change you, for better or worse, and you’re never the same again. But one thing that will never change is you’re my best friend, always have been, and—”

“Always will be, as long as you’ll let me.”

In that moment, my mind flashed to moments of our lives together—playing volleyball on the beach, riding bikes downtown, bonfires in his backyard, watching the fireworks show from the roof of his car during the Coast Guard Festival, going sailing and holding his body tight, terrified I’d never get to hold him again. There was way too much history between us to ever be truly apart. Even this summer, while we both became crazy busy, we’d sent each other texts on a daily basis.

I cupped my other hand around his. “Forever, and then some.”

A second later, the sun completely disappeared. I blinked, trying to decipher the hard line dividing water and sky and couldn’t find it. I thought of the lessons we’d learned during high school, academically and socially, and how much more we’d learn in the next four years, how time and space were nothing more than wisps of smoke, an illusion. An eternity had already passed between us. Even though we’d each follow our own destinies from this point forward, we were together with the type of intricate connection that’s infused into your soul. Our bond was everywhere: past, present, and future. Smiling, I stared up at the sky. And I could’ve sworn I saw the outline of a cloud shaped like an angel watching over us.