2 Heroes & Hooligans in Goose Pimple Junction (7 page)

As she tried to decide what to do, the silence stretched out, so Johnny said, “Doesn’t have to be dinner. Maybe lunch, or coffee, or ice cream —”

“That sounds real nice, Johnny,” she blurted, looking up at him. “I’d love to go to Dude’s with you.”

“Really?” Johnny’s voice came out a lot higher than intended. He cleared his throat, and in a tone too low he said, “Really?” Clearing his throat again, his normal voice came out of a mouth that held a shy smile. “If I’d known it was gonna be that easy, I’d have asked a long time before now.”

She laughed, still absentmindedly kicking at the dirt on the driveway.

“All you had to do was ask,” she said, smiling sweetly. Then her face clouded. “But Johnny, I need to tell you something.”

“I knew that was too easy.” He slapped the top of his car.

Butterbean ran out the front door and screeched to a stop next to her mother. “Hi, Chief Butterfield.”

“Hi yourself. How’s school?”

“Just fine.” She turned to her mother. “I finished my homework. Can I go over to Maddy Mack’s for a bit?”

Martha Maye looked at her watch. “Just a short bit. It’s almost time for a bath.”

“I took one of them yesterday.” Butterbean tried to maintain a serious face but her smile broke through.

Martha Maye swatted her daughter’s bottom. “Yeah, unfortunately, dirt found its way onto your body again.”

Butterbean headed for her friend’s house, saying over her shoulder, “Can I stay an hour?”

“Half an hour and not a minute more,” Martha Maye called. She turned to Johnny and shook her head.

“You’re doing something right with her, Mart.” Johnny leaned back against the side of his cruiser. “Now, you had something to tell me?”

She nodded. “I
do
want to have dinner with you, but I just want you to know that some things have changed since I saw you last.” She saw Johnny swallow hard. “My husband—soon to be ex-husband—is in town.”

“What for?” His eyebrows dipped to a V.

“Wellll, he says he wants me back.”

“What do you say?” Johnny asked softly.

“I say he’s delusional. Lenny says he’s changed, but I don’t know if that’s possible. Since the divorce isn’t final, and he
is
in town, maybe you and I should just start off slow, like with coffee or something. I don’t want people to talk. Mama always said a reputation is the best thing a girl has.”

He made an attempt to smile at Martha Maye. “Do you still love him?” The vulnerable look in Johnny’s eyes contrasted with his big, manly appearance.

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “No. I don’t think so.”

“Maybe I should let you figure that out before you break my heart,” Johnny said, as if it were already too late.

“Johnny, that’s the sweetest thing anybody’s ever said to me.” Martha Maye put her hand over her heart.

“Well, I’ve got more.” He smiled that shy smile, cocking his head to one side.

“And I’d love to hear them,” she said coyly, her eyes daring him to continue.

Teenie White came back over the air: “Officer Beanblossom, Rita Flares over on Hidden Ridge Road is reporting a possible peeping Tom. Says someone’s out there by her bedroom window. Since you’re in the area, will you check it out?”

Johnny shook his head and looked up at the heavens.

“What’s wrong, Johnny?”

“Wait for it.” He chuckled.

The next voice was Hank Beanblossom’s. “Uh, Teenie, that would be me. I’m out here looking for that raccoon. The Flareses and the Raineses are next-door neighbors. Remember?”

“I do now. I’ll tell her the strange man in her yard is just you.”

Johnny chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. Then he and Martha Maye both began to laugh, and the serious moment melted away.

Trying to understand some folks is like guessing at the direction of a rathole underground.

~Southern Proverb

L
enny sat seething in his car down the street from Martha Maye’s small Arts & Crafts bungalow, as he watched the police chief flirt with his wife. He didn’t like their body language. The way she giggled and tilted her head up at him. The way he looked at her. Lenny could hardly believe what he was seeing.

First: she left him. Second: she made him look like a fool. And now third: she was flirting with another man in broad daylight.

The police chief? That GI Joe? Seriously? That sure shoots step four—or is it step five? No matter, there goes my plan to get into the good graces of the law.
I ain’t playing nice with a man who’s making a fool out of me.

He started the car and drove to Humdinger’s, a bar on the outskirts of town. He was nursing a bourbon and Coke when a tall, very tan, bleached-blond thirty-something woman in a miniskirt and tube top climbed onto the stool next to him.

She leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Poof.” Then she straightened to order a whiskey sour and light a cigarette.

“‘Scuse me?” Lenny leered at the woman.

“Here I am. What are your other two wishes?”

He looked at her for a long moment, taking in her purple tube top, which was insufficient for keeping her bust confined, and her red miniskirt, which was indeed mini. His eyes followed her legs down to her spiky, red four-inch heels, then reversed direction, going all the way to the tip of her brown roots, which led to brittle, bottle-blond big hair, coiffed and sprayed into place. He finally settled back on her bloodshot eyes, heavily lined in black eyeliner with goopy clusters of mascara coating the lashes.

“Now, what’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” He flashed his lady-killer smile at her.

“Looking for love in all the wrong places, sugar.” The woman gulped her drink and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Say, Genie, why’nt you and me go outside and see if we can discuss my other two wishes.”

He hopped off his stool, and she led him by the hand to a blue minivan with a
DO NOT DISTURB
bumper sticker on its dented, slightly rusty back end.

“Genie, I think this could be the start of a beautiful something or other.” He quickly scanned the parking lot before pulling the van door closed.

Thirty minutes later, Lenny pulled into the parking lot of the Piggly Wiggly. He bought a bunch of carnations, a box of Russell Stover candy, and some breath spray, then drove back to Martha Maye’s house. He sprayed some breath freshener in his mouth, combed his hair straight back with his fingers, and headed for the front door, whistling “You Are My Sunshine.” Genie had put an extra spring in his step.

Martha Maye opened the door with a wary smile. He looked her up and down, taking in her fitted jeans and red blouse before handing her the flowers and box of chocolates. “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. Offer me a drink, baby.”

She held the door open for him, and he managed to brush up against her as he came in the house.

“Lenny, thank you for the chocolates and flowers. That was awful nice of you. I’ll pass on the candy right now, though.”

He stood looking from the box to Martha Maye.

“Oh. Would you like some?” She unwrapped the cellophane from the box and held it out to him.

“Don’t mind if I do.” He proceeded to pinch three of the chocolates until he found the flavor he wanted. He saw her watching him and felt flattered.

“I noticed you ate the vanilla cream—my favorite.” She put the lid back on the box and set it on the hall table before walking to the kitchen.

“Heck, it’s my favorite, too,” he said petulantly.

“Would you like a beer?” she asked over her shoulder.

“Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?”

Reaching the refrigerator, she turned briefly to roll her eyes at him, then reached inside, took the cap off a bottle of white ale, and handed it to him. “Don’t be crude. And here I thought maybe you’d changed.”

“Oohwee, you done got all fancy on me, girl. Rolling Rock White Ale? You must be sitting in high cotton. Y’ain’t got no Colt 45? You know that’s my favorite.”

“I wasn’t exactly expecting you to stop by when I went to the store a few days ago.” She led him to the den.

“‘Zactly who
were
you ‘spectin when you bought it?”

She sat in a chair opposite Lenny, who sat on the sofa, and ignored his question.

“Whatchew doing all the way over there, sugar plum?” he complained. He put his feet up on the coffee table and patted the seat beside him, looking at her with puppy dog eyes.

“Lenny, what do you want? And get your feet off my table.”

“You, baby, I just wanna be with you.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m done being a maid and a cook. I haven’t missed waiting on you hand and foot, and I haven’t missed your indifference, your condescension, or your temper. I’ve had a taste of freedom, and let me tell you, Leonard
Skynyrd
, it tastes mighty good.”

“Well, haven’t you become little Miss Spunky?” He laughed. “I like it. You’re sexy as Hell, Marty.” He scooted closer to her. “I know I done you wrong before, I know I was a jackass, but here I am on my knees.” He actually got on his knees and knelt before her, clasping her hands in his. “I’m literally begging your forgiveness and asking for another chance.”

She shook her hands loose. “Oh, Leonard, get up. You’re making a fool of yourself.”

“I’m a fool for you, baby,” he drawled, conjuring tears in his eyes.

“Tell me about your plans. How are you gonna make it up to me and Butterbean?”

He laid it on thick. “I plan to be the best car salesman Goose Pimple Junction has ever seen. I’ll sell car after car after car, and pretty soon I’ll own that place. Once I’ve made a little money, I’ll buy you a house for the three of us to live happily ever after in.” He paused and then added with a wink, “Maybe we can even make it the four of us.”

She stared at him. “Who are you and what have you done with the hooligan I left just three months ago?”

“Hey! Watch your mouth, baby. Let’s just say I’ve seen the error of my ways. I’ll even start going to church with y’all every Sunday, and afterward we can go to Applebee’s over in Washington County.” He looked at her for a moment and then said, “Just what is a malcontent, anyway?”

She ignored him. “You’d start going to church with us?”

“I said I would.” He made every promise he could think of and none he planned to keep. He could tell she was wavering and decided not to push his luck.

“I’ve given you a lot to think about. Even though I’d like nothing more than to put my hands all over that hot new bod of yours, I’m going to show you what a changed man I am. I’m going to leave before I lose control of myself.”

With that, he got up, kissed her on the cheek, and started to leave. At the door, he turned around. “I’ll show you, baby. Just give me a chance. Sure as the vine twines ‘round the stump, you are my darlin’ sugar lump.”

Walking to his car with a smirk on his face, he thought,
Check step five off the list. Or was it step six? I really need to find that list.

Martha Maye sat in the chair in which Lenny had left her and wiped the sloppy kiss from her cheek. She wanted to believe him, for Butterbean’s sake, but she wasn’t sure.

And then there was Johnny to consider. There had been something between them since the moment she flew into his arms after the kidnapping. Maybe it was just that he’d helped save her, and he’d been the first person to make her feel safe again. She could still picture him standing there in his state trooper uniform, looking large and in charge. She thought it was more than just hero worship, though. She felt happy when she was with him. She found herself thinking about him during the day. He was sweet, brave, and thoughtful. He made her feel special. They had intelligent conversations, he listened to her when she talked, and he didn’t make her feel dumb. Why couldn’t it be that way with Lenny?