2 Maid in the Shade (13 page)

F
or now, my plan was to tumble into bed after I let Mosey out, foraged for supper, and let him out once more.

T
hen I would most likely revel in every move Ben made today, feel guilty about everything I said to Jared, and set my alarm so I could start work early and get a new phone first thing in the morning. And revel once again in every move Ben made today.

W
ith every image I summoned up of him, my breath caught.

Facebook Post: “Forget the “Do Not Call List
.” It doesn’t work. When a telemarketer says he has a way to expand my business (What? kill the town’s folk?) I say: “Great, but first let’s talk about Jesus.” CLICK.

Chapter 7

T
he best laid plans, “go oft gan agley” as the poet once said. But the hastily made ones go agley a lot faster. When I opened the door to let Mosey out, Jared was sitting on the steps, his head in his hands. When the dog rushed past him he didn’t look up. I couldn’t see his face at all.

F
orgoing some modesty, an easy habit to acquire when you’ve been living in a home tucked out of view, I settled myself on the peeling porch swing and watched him with my arms folded carefully across my chest.

“I’m sorry,” I said finally. “I was angry for a couple of reasons; I never thought Lucy would betray me that way. I never had a friend like her who I felt I could confide in completely. I was also defensive about you checking up on me and your possessiveness when nothing has ever actually happened between us to make you feel jealous
, if that’s what it was.” I raised my hands helplessly. “I can’t help but think you are playing a game, trying to tag me and move on. You must admit you do have the reputation for it. I shouldn’t have thrown the phone at you though,” I mumbled.

His
head whipped around as his eyes pierced mine. “Why do you think of Lucy’s talk with me as a betrayal? You had already hinted at it all when we were at Walter’s months ago and found the pictures of children.”

“I certainly did not!”

He raised his head and looked at me. I have to give him credit; my half-dressed state didn’t register with him at that moment at all as he kept his eyes steadfastly on my face.

He
continued, “You did. Remember, when I said child molesting was a crime and you said in that cold voice you get sometimes that you certainly did know. I thought you were saying it happened to you.”

“Oh
,” I said, “Lucy didn’t actually mean that.”

“There’s more
?" He asked incredulously.

“Please Jared, leave it alone.”

“She said you had been assaulted, I said I guessed as much from a remark you made once.”

“Oh,” I said carefully, “
I don’t know why she felt compelled to share that.”

He rubbed his temples,
“I was frustrated; Lucy was trying to justify why you are, so... guarded. She was trying to explain why I get so many mixed messages. She was careful, like she was dancing on an oil slick. But we are talking about two different events?”

“Jared, it’s personal;
and you were worried about me but had time to gossip about my past?”

“We were trying to wait! You had your phone off most of the day. We knew we actually had no reason to be worried under normal circumstances and how mad you’d be if we went looking for you
. I said something to Lucy about you being the most complicated woman I ever met. We were concerned so we waited to make sure you were all right.”

“I appreciate that; I do. But I don’t know wh
y I’m here, doing this, it’s ridiculous. I should be applying to law school or go back to my old career, or just start tying up loose ends and figure it all out while I’m doing that.”

“Where would you go
?” He asked curiously, “When you don’t want anyone to know the things that help them understand you? When you just parcel out pieces of your life that made you who you are? Don’t you want to fall in love, trust someone?  You’re so mysterious,” he continued “You know it actually makes people take notice, want to know more about you, once they realize that you are kind of close-mouthed. It must be lonely to be so guarded.”

“Lonely? Am I so odd, so damaged, that I have to spill every detail of things I swore would not
define me in order to have relationships?” I stood up and gave a soft whistle and Mosey came bounding up the steps. So far, except for one little understandable rebellion a while back, Mosey’s routine was working out so well that I only needed the leash for long walks.

I
stroked him, fidgeting with his collar as I continued tersely, “Maybe that’s what attracts you, you want to solve me, maybe it isn’t just sex, or it’s the way for you to get sex when the prey is a little smarter than your average bear,” I smiled a little at the reminder of being “saved by the bear” that afternoon.

“
But trust and love? Its every girl’s dream right? If that’s what it costs to have someone fall for me? Dissecting my past to draw an image that becomes a blueprint for everything I do in the future? It’s too heavy a price. Besides, I never bought into that whole marriage thing before, I was never one of those girls who dreamed of rings or wedding dresses, so why date?”

J
ared’s face flushed. “Before? You buy into it a little bit now? And don’t take this the wrong way; I’m talking theoretically, but what about a sex life?”

“Jared, I have had two monogamous relationships in my life and no one-night stands
. The relationships were just fine, but no more than that, and it lead to ... complications. Extricating myself from the relationships made me feel like an awful person. If I want a child and the perfect man for me hasn’t made an appearance I’ll adopt. In other words, one-night stands aren’t really me, but if it was the right person, unmarried, safe and disinterested or distant enough so they couldn’t turn up later demanding seconds... well it’s starting to sound like it has its attractions.”

He
gave me a tentative smile; “Fine, you want to try the one-night stand thing? I have a secret martyr complex; I’ll volunteer for the initial trials. But I bet you a thousand dollars you’d be jonesing for more Jared within a day.”

“See,” I exclaimed, “another reason not to get involved with anyone
; men never listen—key word—distant. Plus, with the reference to money you seem to be implying I’m a call girl—very flattering.” I grinned to let him know I was joking.

I
picked up the phone and walked over and kissed the top of his head. “There’s your kiss, and I’ll just send you a check for the phone. It will be something to remember you by. Although with the phone company’s ploy of planned obsolescence, this memento will last about eight more months.”

“
I won’t cash it,” he said glumly. “You’re leaving soon?”

“No, obviously I have to make a lot of decisions and I’m not ready to do that. Plus, whenever I do leave, after I help Lucy find a replacement for the farm, I’m not going to be foolish about it this time. I’ll keep working until I figure it out
. I’m thinking months, I just don’t know how often we’ll see each other until then, obviously it isn’t a good idea.”

J
ust then the phone rang and without a thought I answered it, “Crisis Cleanup.”

J
ared was pretending not to listen as he sat back down on the steps. 

“Oh, Mr
. -- I’m sorry yes, Christopher, I was going to call you about that. I do have the hotel key pass, if you need it badly I can bring it up now. Oh, thank you, I’ll have it with me when I bring the linens. I really appreciate that sir, OK, sorry again, Christopher. And I hope you do consider me for the other cleanups. I’m glad you’re fine with the coveralls but it doesn’t put me out at all to wait and change clothes once I get in the room. I explained that’s what I normally do for clients when - OK, perhaps I’ll see you Tuesday. Bye.”

J
ared turned around and faced me, “I couldn’t help but overhear. So the hotel room pass? You were on a job? And you had to change so probably when you did that you just tore…oh man, I am such an asshole, Gretchen, please forgive me. Don’t leave, or plan to leave based on my tirade, I promise, no more possessiveness, no questions. Just…stay.”

G
uilt flitted over me over his new set of assumptions. I squeezed his shoulder and stumbled a little wearily over the welcome mat. I went back inside, not realizing I was waiting to exhale until I heard his truck start and drive away.

I
looked down at the phone. There was a text from Ben.

“I tried to call, no answer love, you’re home
?”

“Yes” I texted back. “Finally, thanks to you, exhausted, also thanks to you, be safe :)
.”

“I’ll write at least every other day or
call if I’m able” he replied “Next time you are the picnic and I will be ravenous.”

“T
hank God Jared didn’t get that message,” I thought, glad he had insisted on my taking the phone back. It wasn’t that I was trying to be dishonest, but some sharing is definitely overrated.

“Another text signal came in immediately and I smiled. Ben really would miss me, I thought happily.

I stared at the message for a moment in shock until I realized it wasn’t from Ben. It was a pix message. It was of me in the bed that morning, my tanned rump barely encased in the thong and my head covered with my pillow, tendrils of my blonde hair escaping my quick attempt at disguise.

T
he text read. “Thank God for Icloud, I can see you as often as I like. And I like!”

“Bah!” I thought, despite his protests to the contrary he was no gentleman. I decided not to reply, it would just encourage him.

I went to bed dreaming about Ben. I rolled over and smiled; something about him just made me feel I was home when I was with him and here I was, missing him before his flight left.

I
snuggled under the quilt with a smile on my face. Yes probably, definitely, if I ever settled down, Ben.

I
opened my eyes again and stared at the full moon hanging just out of reach of my window. The heavy branches blocked part of my view.

I
wondered if Jared was looking at the moon tonight from his front porch or more likely from the back of his truck with some home town honey. He was an insane choice, he would saddle me down in this one horse town and I could be cleaning up after more than just crime scenes. But somehow, I couldn’t dismiss him out of hand. Despite his shady Icloud move, he actually was more kind, and multidimensional than I had ever given him credit for. I realized I enjoyed making a caricature of him so I couldn’t take him seriously. I couldn’t afford to take him seriously. I had always suspected it would come down to Ben in the end.

T
here’s a theory that epiphanies happen most often when you are engaged in more superficial thoughts and suddenly I had one about Mae. What the heck, I decided, and texted Jared about it so he would wake up to it much earlier than I would if I were lucky enough to sleep in.

I
turned over and stared at the ceiling, wondering between Ben, Jared, and my rash pronouncement that I was leaving, what fresh hell I had just brought down on myself.

Facebook Post:
Jared:
"I don't understand your text. I like you much better when you are coherent: And I don't say that to many women."

Chapter 8

I
stepped outside the next morning and I was only a little surprised to see Lucy. I remembered the sleeping porches of Southern days gone by and decided this one should be called the moping porch. Of course, Lucy turns up unexpectedly a lot. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Lucy at my door if I had just conked her on the head and buried her. After all the stunts she’s pulled on me for her own entertainment, I can’t say the thought hadn’t crossed my mind. She gave me a searching look and I stared back stonily. I hadn’t seen her look this miserable when her mother died.

“Before you throw me off the porch can I say my piece?”

“I guess everyone deserves that,” I said, settling into the rocker beside hers, looking straight ahead and missing her already.

“Look, as odd as you might find my marriage…”

I
started to speak and she put up her hand. “Okay, as odd as most people find my marriage there are few things that have brought me joy since I settled back in Bridle Springs; Rod, the twins, my espresso machine and you.”

I frowned, “I follow the coffee maker?  Fair enough, you follow my coffee maker and my dog.”

S
he smiled, then got up and leaned against the railing where my feet were propped and continued. “The fact that you’ve been though so much without letting it own you or make you bitter is amazing. You’re like what no one ever describes anymore, my boon companion, I never expected to find a woman I could be more than just women with you know? 

I
t was presumptuous of me to hint to Jared you had been raped,” she continued, “It’s just that we heard the news that there may be more trouble downtown I got a little frantic. If anything else happened to you, I was just so afraid. I pushed Jared, hard, to call and try to get information, and finally I indicated why. I think he thought I was being dramatic and he was afraid of making you mad until that got his attention.”

“Well,” I said carefully, “you were more discreet than usual
. Thankfully he didn’t actually get it at all. He thought you were referring to my being molested as a child. He still has no idea about the…other.”

“What would lead him
all the way back to that?”

“Walter’s house, when we were going through
it Jared made a comment about pedophiles. I made one icy remark back, and he guessed.”

“
How mad are you at me? Am I welcome here?”

“Lucy, I love you too. You know that! Almost all of what you do makes me laugh, and you’ve been through your own trial by fire
. I owe you so much, and you are so, well YOU. It’s very freeing to watch the way you make this town fit you. The only thing we need to change is you've to stop trying to get me in a relationship. But I hope I can still talk to you about something and maybe you could just listen and not act on it? And if I share something ugly from my past it’s because I trust you. That isn’t easy for me. Anything from my personal history? It’s still mine to tell. If I can’t be certain of that, it isn’t quite the same relationship you described.”

I
continued, “Ben, Jared, my dad, they don’t know about the rape. Dallas and now Harlan knows and you know. Ben doesn’t know about either event—the childhood thing. And if I want to confide in someone else that’s my decision right?”

S
he nodded meekly.

“And one more thing.”

She stared at me intently waiting for the next condition.

“Stop acting like a freaking mouse
. That isn’t the person I became friends with and it doesn’t suit you.”

S
he nodded, grinning and sat back down on “her” rocker beside me.

“I’d love
to offer to do something more interesting with you but I have errands to do today. I need to buy some sort of gift soon so I can repay Jared for this phone, then I have Mae’s house to clean; just the kitchen. You want to come?”

“Of course,” she replied with that wide grin.

“Ah,” I laughed, “I just realized you’re my bitch now until you make all this up to me.”

T
he hell I am!”

“There’s my girl!” I said smiling.

We got my supplies together and threw the bag in Bessless. Herb called me again while I was on the way. I clicked answer and motioned to Lucy to put it on speaker phone so I wouldn’t have to hold it. Bessless isn’t blue-tooth equipped so I keep it on a mount and on high volume.

“Miss Gretchen
?”

“Hi, Herb, just so you know, I have you on speaker and Lucy Cornwall is with me.”

“Hey, Miss Lucy,” he said uncertainly, “I was wondering, and I will pay you extra, if you will get that latest version of my book for me when you’re cleaning?”

“
Sure I can put it on a memory stick so you can make changes if you like.”

“
I ain’t expecting no favors. You charge me for the extra time and those sticks and whatnot. And I don’t know if you disposed of the stew and what all's in the refrigerator but if you can make sure all of that is taken care of ...”

“Herb I don’t really clean houses, I clean up after a crisis. But sure, I’ll take care of dumping it a
nd cleaning it for an extra Fo—”

L
ucy was shaking her head vehemently, “for an extra fifty dollars?” I concluded weakly.

“That’s just fine Miss Gretchen; you just put it all on the bill and let me know when it’s finished so I can go in
. I’d like you to take it to the landfill if that’s alright. “You know Mae was prone to letting food set out so I think you oughta just throw it away, pots and all. It makes me sad to think of her cooking that meal, she never was much of a cook, but still…And you wear gloves and all right? You be careful ‘til they know for sure. I don’t know when I’ll be back over. It’s hard you know, Mae had her flaws, but she used to be my best friend. Your work sure will make it easier going back inside.”

I
clicked the phone shut and turned to Lucy “fifty bucks to clean a fridge out?” I asked at the same time she said: “You are such a dork, you carry memory sticks around?”

W
e laughed and Lucy continued “Who knew Herb could be such an old softie?”

“Yes,
” I said sardonically “most men push me aside for a chance to clean up the vomit.”

“
It sounds like inheriting makes him feel uneasy since it’s just a matter of paperwork that he got it at all. By charging more you’re just helping ease that burden. We’ll use your additional wealth to go to Pie in the Sky.”

“
If,” I said glumly, “I feel like eating at all after this.”

“What if I buy? It’s the least I can do after last night. Penance
?”

“Oh
, you have to be joking. I can think of something better than pie.”

“I suspect that, which is why I
’ll keep suggesting alternatives.”

“I can promise you this
. Once you’re done with whatever I think up as punishment, you won’t feel guilty at all.”

“Hmm, you aren’t mean spirited, but you can be devilishly creative.
But hey, it’s probably something I would do for you anyway.”

“
Right,” I said, “just keep that optimism going. Now let’s go run those errands, order a couple of pies, I’ll pay if we eat at your house.”

“Sure,” she said, “bu
t we usually go to your cabin. What’s up?”

“I’m not ready for any drop-in guests.”

“Intriguing,” she said her eyes brightening, “but I’m sure you’ll expound on that when you’re ready. And I, of course, would never pry until you saw fit to share.”

“
Yep, if or when,” I said grinning.

“
Oh my God!” she howled. “You’ve figured out my punishment, you're just going to hint at things and then tell me the rest in your own sweet time.”

“
Exactly, and let me tell you this much, yesterday, men were involved, clothes removed, including a lace thong ripped. I even shocked myself.”

“
Gretchen, you have to tell me! I’ll do anything!”

“
You already did plenty which is what landed you out of the loop in the first place. But I’ll be compassionate and give you a clue phrase—‘fierce wild animals’.” True enough, I thought, in two respects.

S
he buried her face in her hands dramatically. “No Gretchen! Anything but this! You know I live vicariously through your trifling but promising love life!”

“
And,” I said grinning, “that is always where you do the most damage."  I thought back on her past misdeeds, the arrangement to have Jared placed in my bed the night I shot him with the tranquilizer gun, sending flowers from fake admirers to arouse his jealousy, using my phone to call Ben while I was in the hospital, there were plenty of feats that amused me, but never at the time they took place.

B
ecause of that latter infraction, ultimately as I was exiting the hospital Ben and Jared were bristling like they were at a dog fight—and they were the dogs.

I
reached over and patted Lucy’s hand. “This completely fits the crime. You’ll thank me one day.”

“
No I won’t,” She said glumly.

“
No you won’t,” I agreed cheerfully.

A
s we were driving my phone rang again and Lucy gave me an inquiring look before she answered. “Crisis Cleanup, yes sir, she’s driving now but should be able to call you back within the hour. No sir, I don’t have her schedule on me but I will tell her it’s important, yes sir, okay, VERY important. Is this the best number to return the call? Sure thing. Goodbye.” She pulled a pen and pad from my console and jotted it all down.

I
gave her a grin, “You really are acting like my little bitch. That could have gone to voice mail.”

L
ucy raised her eyebrows, “It was the chief of police.”

“
And?” I asked bemused, the Union County sheriff generally dealt with Lucy as though she were his favorite wayward child so I couldn’t imagine any branch of law enforcement that would garner special respect from her.

“
The Mecklenburg County chief of police himself, from his
cell phone
.”

“
Okay,” I said carefully, “Harlan again, my curiosity is piqued, I gotta admit that. Harlan is a friend of Dallas’s and sends me work in Mecklenburg, but he isn’t one to chitchat and I just saw him yesterday.”

“
He said if you couldn’t call now he had a meeting with the Mayor and to try him this evening.”

“
Would you save the number under Harlan? I think I’ll wait until then.”

“
Are you kidding?” Lucy yipped, “I am dying to know what this is about. Oh, oh my God. You’re going to keep me in the dark constantly aren’t you? Not just about romance?”

I
smirked as though to confirm that her punishment would be far more reaching than she had imagined, then I relented. “Lucy, as hard as it might be to believe, all my decisions are not based on their possible effect on you. He is just a tough, no-nonsense kind of man. I like to be in a still calm place when I talk to him. He doesn’t suffer fools and I don’t want to be thrown in that category, which I could easily be if I’m distracted by you and your preposterous behavior.”

“
No I get it, sometimes I don’t know where the boundaries are.”

“
No, sometimes you forget they exist. And you’re my closest friend, but it’s extraordinary you know as much as you do, so let’s just let the rest come in its own time.”

L
ucy leaned back against the headrest and cackled. “I knew it – more to come, past, present, future…it’s like being hooked on a show and you never know when it will air next!” She leaned forward again excitedly, “And the cast of characters, you couldn’t make this shit up, rich good ol’ southern homeboy womanizer, AN EARL, your unpredictable dad then there’s Dallas, your fairy godfather and now the chief of police!”

“
Don’t forget the star of the show,” I said mildly, “that would be you.”

S
he settled back again, a smug look on her face. “Ah, I’ll be the supporting actress stealing the scene. Just remember, I’m all ears all the time.”

“
Like antennae,” I said dryly “Or more aptly, a heat seeking missile. Every time I’m wondering whether to tell you something, there you are ready to implode my brain and send all the thoughts flying out of my mouth.”

“
Then think of me as your therapist” she implored.

“
Impossible," I said, “good therapists keep their mouths shut.”