2 The Judas Kiss (29 page)

             
Ben’s eyes snapped up and he shook his head.  “Aside from the fact that I care about other Stella, I think that’s a colossally bad idea.  There are people getting kidnapped and killed left and right, and if she thinks you’re in danger, it’s for a real reason.  The best hope you have is to stick with me.  Look, I have a hotel-”

             
But Ben was cut off when a furious, red-faced Alex stormed up to the table.  Her hands were clenched at her sides, and when she spoke, it was like the entire room hushed, and Ben heard only her voice.  “What the hell did you think you were doing?  Do you realize what you could unleash if she’s not on our side?”

             
Ben bowed his head.  He had known, and he accepted that what he’d done was stupid, but he couldn’t help himself.  This was Stella, and despite the fact that she’d lied and deceived him, he cared enough to find out what she needed.  “I’m sorry,” was all he said. 

             
Alex gave Stella a once over and she frowned.  “Well that makes a lot of sense, now doesn’t it?”

             
“He hasn’t figured it out yet,” Stella said, nodding to Ben.

             
“Figured what out?” Ben demanded.

             
“It’s not important,” Alex snapped.  “Pay your bill and let’s go.  Andrew’s finally coming to and if we’re careful, we can make our move.  I only have a few hours left in this body before it has to be returned, and there’s no way I can get my other self all the way to California before all hell breaks loose.”

             
There was a sense of urgency in Alex’s voice, enough to get Ben moving swiftly.  He paid for the tab and hurried outside after Alex and Stella.  He didn’t argue when Alex said she’d be taking Stella with her, and he hurried to his car, feeling building anticipation, panic and dread.

             
This was it.  They were going to have to move on their information, and they were going to have to do it soon. 

Chapter Sixteen

Mark’s Story

              In all of the rejoicing about Yeshua’s return, no one but I noticed that Yehuda had disappeared.  To this day I could never be sure if it was anger or shock that drove him out that night, but whatever he had been feeling, it was strong enough to keep him away for the better part of six days.

             
I looked for him at first, wandering for hours, but no one had seen him and all seemed to be distracted by Yeshua’s miraculous return, and curious to hear about the experiences and knowledge he brought with him.

             
When I finally returned to the house, Yeshua was there with Yosef, Maryam, Yaakov, my wife and daughters, eating and talking.  There was a definite difference in him, a sort of calm like I had never seen before.  He had about him a glow, as though the bitterness and evils of the world, of growing up oppressed and terrified, had not touched him.  I had to consider that maybe they hadn’t.  Maybe he’d escaped that life when he went with the men from the East, and I envied him a little.

             
I may have started out carefree, Roman, wealthy, learned, but I had not ended my journey that way.  He stood when I entered, smiling at me, and he embraced me, which was a surprise.  Yeshua had never been one for physical affection, and almost seemed terrified to touch people.  I accepted the gesture happily, glad to see him safe, despite his brother going missing and the intense curiosity surrounding his return.

             
He looked healthy, though, full and satisfied, and when he spoke, he carried a slight accent to his words.  He was foreign to this land he’d grown up in now; he was not part of us any longer.  It occurred to me that he and I switched places, and I let the irony of that sink in as I joined everyone around the table for food and drink.

             
While we sat there, he spoke.  He spoke of the teachings of one called The Buddha.  He spoke of a word called Dharma and of oneness and Nirvana.  These things made no sense to me, even with my retained pagan background, but I absorbed them.  He had done everything I had wanted to do as a child.  He had traveled, experienced the world and cultures.  He had been privy to books and knowledge that had been kept from me the moment I took my place here with these people.  He was full and shining with information that I could never dream of touching.

             
I sipped my wine and smiled at him, nodding as he expressed his joy in what he had learned, but I hated him a little for it.  I thought perhaps I understood why, then, Yehuda had left.  Yeshua had abandoned his brother, his family; he’d taken this journey that none of us could dare dream to take and now he returned, happy in a way that we could never have made him.

             
He declined Yosef’s offer of work, explaining that he had a message to bring to our people.  “We cling to this idea of freedom from the Romans,” he said, waving his glass around at all of us.  “We believe that someone will come to save us, and I’ve come to realize that it isn’t the Romans we need freedom from.  It’s fear and anger and hate.  We must transcend all of that, and through the things I’ve learned, I can show us all how.  The Romans do not hold us in place; it is our fears that keep us here.”

             
It was clear from the faces of everyone in the room that they feared him, suddenly.  What he spoke bordered on blasphemy, calling down into account the very laws given by God that we lived under, and telling us that it was not God who would liberate us, but ourselves.  What he said made sense to me, but I could feel the terror rising in the room.  If Yeshua was too vocal, too loud, someone would take notice. 

             
We were a peaceful people for the most part, but there was a growing unrest in Jerusalem. The prefect had been replaced by a tired, angry man by the name of Pontus Pilatus.  Rumor had it he’d been displaced from his previous post for angering Caesar, and was now forced to hold office in Jerusalem.  The Jews in the city knew this and used it to their advantage.

             
The Roman Military numbers had increased to try and keep down the disruptions, but the Sadducee Counsel was using it to their advantage, doing what they could to control the government, and Pilatus wasn’t happy.  Very little affected us outside of the city, but we’d seen an increase in Roman foot traffic and if Yeshua meant to stir up a revolution, he’d be taken down swiftly.

             
“Things are dangerous in this part of the world, Yeshua,” I said, when no one dared to speak up against him.  “If you mean to tread in the waters of blasphemy, you may want to take it somewhere more welcoming.”

             
Yeshua’s eyes darkened.  “This is not blasphemy, Makabi!  This is truth.  If you listen to what I have to say, the message I bring, you will see this does not go against God, or the Jewish way of life.  I merely mean to explain that there is no warrior coming to liberate our people.  There is no path of freedom in fighting the Romans.  We must find that freedom in ourselves.  Stop relying on predictions from the ancient texts and learn to bring peace to our own lives.”

             
I had not fallen so far from my past that I didn’t understand him, and what he said made sense to me, but the rest of the family begged him to stop.  They begged him to keep quiet, for his own safety and for theirs. He was still young, they told him, he could still settle down, take a wife and live a comfortable life away from everything.  They had missed him, they said, and no one had ever forgotten his place here.

             
But he was not the same confused boy that had left with those strange men.  His eyes no longer held that ultimate questioning.  He had discovered his path in life, and he meant to share it.  He smiled at them with pity and shook his head.  A feeling of dread washed over me, and I wasn’t sure where it would lead.

             
By nightfall everyone had gone home, and Yeshua accepted my offer to house him for the night.  There was still no sign of Yehuda, but the twin seemed unconcerned over his brother’s fate.  He took his leave of me, stepping outside, and I gave him his space.

             
Rachel, my wife, took my hand as I sat at the table feeling helpless to prevent what I was sure to be a violent oncoming storm.  “You and Yehuda spoke so much of him, but he wasn’t what I expected.”

             
I let out a small laugh and shook my head.  “Nor I, my love.  He’s changed.”

             
“You’re afraid for him.”

             
I closed my eyes and let myself feel that dread, that dark fear looming over me, just for a moment.  “I’m afraid for all of us.  I think this is going to signal a change that none of us wanted, and I don’t know how to stop it.”

             
She stared at me for a long time, her large eyes sad and worried.  Eventually she sighed, pressed a kiss to my cheek and rose.  “I’m going to sleep now.  Come to bed soon.”

             
But I didn’t.  I sat there for hours, until the deep night fell, and the entire village went quiet.  I realized that Yeshua was still outside, so I ventured out and saw him sitting cross-legged beside the wall of the house.  His eyes were closed, but his mouth curved up into a smile when I approached.

             
“I hope you weren’t up waiting for me,” he said, his eyes opening slowly.

             
I shook my head and gave a little sigh.  “I was hoping your brother would come home.  I’m sure you expected a warmer welcome from him.”

             
“I expected nothing less than what he gave,” Yeshua said with a shrug.  “I always hoped he would have forgiven me, but I didn’t expect it.  My brother has always been angry, and leaving him the way I did, I didn’t expect any favorable reactions.”

             
“He still loves you, you know,” I said.  I took the liberty of sitting down near him, not too close, however, as something about him unnerved me.  I couldn’t put my finger on it, but he was more than changed by philosophy and religion.  “I think he was mostly shocked.”

             
“Shock is a fair word for what he’s feeling,” Yeshua said.  He looked up at the sky and I joined him.  It was clear, and the blanket of stars never ceased to amaze me, the heavens shining so bright with specks of light that I thought sometimes there would be no need for a sun.  “I expect angry words when he returns.”

             
“Do you really plan to leave again?” I asked him, hoping to persuade him to stay for just a little while longer.  “Everyone missed you, and you might find yourself comfortable here once you get used to the differences.”

             
He looked at me for a moment, the smallest of smiles on his face.  “This coming from you, Makabi?  The wanderer?  The Roman with no home?  You’ve been here for most of your life now, and still you’re not comfortable.  You don’t belong.”

             
That stung because he had spoken the absolute truth, and I felt tears prickle in the corners of my eyes.  I had never fully belonged anywhere.  The child of two worlds, lost in between them, and now here I was talking to this man I didn’t understand, yet he seemed to understand me exactly.  “I’m happy.”

             
“You’ve conceded to this fate,” he corrected me.  “You don’t have to, you know.  You could come with me.”

             
“Rachel is expecting again,” I said, but truthfully, it was more fear of leaving yet another home that kept me in place.  “I can’t leave her.”

             
He shook his head and gave a small chuckle, but didn’t argue with me.  He took a deep breath and bowed his head.  “There is no place like the deep desert, Makabi.  The feel of rough sand on your feet, the dry, harsh air along the skin.  There’s a certain beauty to it, one I will always treasure.  My journey here is going to be short and painful, but worth it.”

             
“What’s changed you?” I finally asked.  The question was burning inside of me and I had to know.

             
“It wasn’t just my path following The Buddha that changed me,” he said after a few moments.  “There’s something with me, something inside of me, waiting to awaken.  I’ve had dreams, Makabi.  Strange dreams, of my fate, my path, and the future of you and my brother.  I’m not sure what it means, but I was drawn here, and the two of you are going to take a journey with me.”

             
He rose at that moment, giving me no time to respond to him.  Extending a hand, he helped me rise to my feet and we brushed the dust from our clothes.  “So what now?” I asked, thinking of nothing else to say.

             
“I have to seek out my cousin Yochanan.  He, too, has studied with the monks, and I have something to give him.  After that, I cannot say.  Our paths are set, Makabi, and every step takes us on them.  We still have a lot to learn, but there are beautiful things waiting for us at the end.”

             
He left me standing there, confused, afraid, and full of absolute wonder.  There was something in his voice that made me believe him, and as I lay down inside next to my wife, I felt how absolutely temporary it all was.  This life was just a costume, a show I had put on in my desperation to belong, and right then, in that very moment, I knew it was going to change.