26 Kisses (30 page)

What would Killian say if he could see me now?

“Kiss me!” I yell over the noise of the band and the crowd.

“What?” Noel holds a hand up to his head and leans closer. “I can’t hear you!”

“I said, kiss me!”

He jerks back in surprise. “Really?”

I smile and pull him closer. “Yes!”

We’re still moving to the beat, getting jostled by the crowd around us, and our teeth bump as Noel brings his face to mine.

“Sorry!” he says, shrugging.

I give him a quick hug and turn away. “Good enough!”

There are so many people in the crowd, it takes me a few minutes to find Mel and Seth again. “I kissed Noel,” I whisper in her ear.

“No way!” She jumps up and down. “You’re amazing.”

“I’m going to go sit down,” I say, fanning myself. “It’s way too hot.”

“I’ll come with you.” Seth’s black T-shirt is sticking to his thin chest. “Come on.” He grabs my hand and pulls me to the edge of the crowd. I suck in lungfuls of clean, cool air as we weave our way through the coolers and folding chairs scattered across the lawn and back to Brianna and Landon’s blanket.

“I can’t believe you danced to ‘Don’t Stop Believin’,’ ” I say, nudging his foot as we collapse onto the ground. “What did you call that song once? An unbearable cliché?”

Seth folds his arms behind his head and smiles at the sky. “I guess it didn’t bother me as much tonight.”

Kyle and Oliver, Mark’s brothers, wander past, looking at something on one of their phones. “Hey, Oliver!” I call.

“Yeah?” Oliver says. They walk over.

“Is Mark here?” The twins glance at each other, and I cringe, realizing how it must sound—like I’m still desperate to make up with Mark. Nothing could be further from the truth.

“Yeah, I think he’s here somewhere,” Kyle says. “He might have left already, though.”

“Cool.” I grab Oliver’s hand, which is dangling right at the level of my face, and give it an exaggerated smooch. “Thanks.”

“Uh.” Oliver stares at his hand like it has just turned into a spider. “No problem.”

Seth rolls over and stares at me as the twins walk away. “What the hell was that?”

“Nothing.” I rifle through the cooler, looking for anything to drink that isn’t spiked with alcohol. Apparently, Landon didn’t think to pack any water bottles.

“You just slobbered all over your ex-boyfriend’s little brother’s hand for no reason?”

I sigh and pull out my phone, avoiding Seth’s eyes. “I’m just a little buzzed, Seth. God. Lay off.”

“I hate drunk people,” Seth mutters, dropping his arm over his face. The crowd by the stage lets out a cheer as the band launches into a new song. “Can we go home now?”

I watch the crowd roll by, people laughing, talking, fighting over everyday problems. Dexter and Ryan walk by, and I wave, grinning at Ryan as Dexter awkwardly looks away. I close my eyes, and the blanket seems to tilt and rock, like we’re floating out on the lake. “Whoa,” I say, putting my hands out to steady myself and opening my eyes. “Seth? I don’t feel so good.”

“Mmmm,” he mumbles from underneath his arm.

“Are you asleep?”

No answer. I sigh and struggle to my feet, suddenly having to pee. Maybe if I can go to the bathroom, find a drinking fountain, and walk around a little bit, the world will stop trying to fall out from underneath me.

I stagger to the small building housing the park’s public restrooms and duck inside, holding my breath against the smell of urine and bleach. One of the light bulbs in the ladies’ room is burned out, and I can barely see well enough to get some toilet paper off the roll. There are spiderwebs in every corner, and the flush of the toilet echoes off the cinder-block walls.

I wash my hands quickly in freezing-cold water and hurry out of the bathroom, feeling sick from the smell.

“Hey.” A voice floats out of the shadows, and I jump.

“Hey?” I squint and see the outline of a skinny guy slouching against the wall.

“Do you have a light?” He steps forward.

“Uh, no. Sorry, I don’t smoke.” I turn away, but the ground spins underneath me, and I stumble.

“Whoa. Are you okay?” The guy has his arms underneath my shoulders, supporting me as I sway. I’m disoriented and can’t quite figure out which way I need to walk to get back to Mel and our friends.

“Thank you.” I lean into him and let him help me down to a sitting position. “Oh my God. I did not mean to get so drunk.”

“Tell me about it.” He’s beside me on the ground, a warm, comforting weight against my side. “Let’s just sit here for a minute. I’ll stay with you until you’re feeling better and can find your friends.”

I let my body relax. “Honestly, I wasn’t even going to come out tonight. My friends dragged me.”

He laughs. “That’s always the way the craziest nights start out. I’m the drummer for Chronic Dehydration. We just finished our set.”

“Oh man, you guys were amazing.” I lean into him. “Thank you again for taking care of me. I think I’ll be okay soon.”

“No problem.” He puts his arm around me and rocks lightly back and forth in time to the song the band is playing.

I close my eyes and let my head loll onto his shoulder. “This is nice.”

“Mmmhmm.” It takes me a moment to realize he’s nuzzling my neck, his arm dropping from my shoulders to circle my waist. I can smell his tobacco breath, feel the edge of the cigarette box in his pocket against my thigh. His lips are on my jawbone, light and soft.

“Wait,” I mumble, my body so heavy, I couldn’t move even if I wanted to. “What’s your name?”

He brushes the back of his hand against my arm, and I shiver. “It’s Thomas.”

I lift my head and look at him, his eyes deep and dark. I can’t even tell what color they are. My phone vibrates in my pocket. “Thomas,” I whisper, leaning closer, my lips nearly brushing his. “That’s perfect.”

I don’t know how long I’m with Thomas, but by the time I break away and stumble back toward the concert, my mouth tastes like old cigarettes.

It’s eleven fifteen, more than forty-five minutes since I left to go to the bathroom. I have seven texts, all from Mel.

10:32 P.M.
hey, where’d you go?

10:45 P.M.
vee?

10:50 P.M.
i’m back by landon’s blanket. come find me.

10:55 P.M.
are you mad? can you at least let me know you’re okay?

11:01 P.M.
vee??!?! pls call me.

11:04 P.M.
i’m really starting to freak out.

11:10 P.M.
if i don’t hear from you by midnight, i’m calling the cops.

I try to run and text at the same time, but my hands are so unsteady, I almost drop my phone.

I see Mel standing up and scanning the crowd, Brianna next to her.

“Mel!” I call. “Mel!”

She turns and runs toward me, and we crash into each other so hard, I can’t breathe for a moment.

“Oh my god, where were you?”

“Sorry.” I squeeze her. “I was just over there.” I gesture to the bathrooms, already regretting Thomas.

“Stay here,” Mel says, pulling away. “Stay right here and don’t move.” She jogs back over to Brianna and Landon, hugs them quickly, and comes right back to me. “I’m texting Seth to meet us at the car. He’s out looking for you.”

I’m 100 percent fine, but the way everyone is freaking out and the thought of Seth running around looking for me is too much. I take a deep, shuddery breath and run the back of my hand across my face.

“Vee, are you okay?” Mel grabs my arms.

I nod, suddenly desperate for a breath mint or a stick of gum, anything to get the stale taste of tobacco out of my mouth. At that moment everything hits me at once—the fact that I just made out with a perfect stranger yet am somehow upset about being labeled a slut, the idea of Dad and Kaylee moving halfway across the country, the way I yelled at Killian when all he was trying to do was show me how much he cares. I cling to Mel, my wet face against her shoulder, and she holds me as I cry. Brianna rubs my back soothingly, and Landon stands nearby, hands in his pockets, his eyes trained on the ground.

“Come on,” Mel says after a few minutes, slipping her arm around my waist and propelling me forward. “Let’s go.”

We sit in the dark car until Seth runs up and dives into the backseat. He asks me all the same questions Mel did, grabbing my shoulders and staring at my tear-stained face. I have to tell him I’m okay a dozen times before he believes me. Mel drives us back to my house, which is dark and silent, my mom and Jeffrey in bed. Seth hugs us both before jogging across the street to his house. I see the thin outline of his body silhouetted against his front porch light until Mel and I are safely inside.

Mel walks me upstairs and sits on the closed toilet seat while I take a scalding-hot shower, scrubbing at every inch of my skin. For once I’m glad the mirror fogs over every time someone takes a shower because it means I don’t have to face myself once I get out. Then I brush my teeth and rinse with mouthwash until Mel makes me stop.

“Thank you,” I whisper as I finally get into bed and Mel pulls the sheet up under my chin, tucking me in tightly. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Mel.”

“Shhh,” she whispers. “It’s okay.” She sits with me for a while, until the glowing red numbers on the clock next to my bed read: 2:00.

“You should go,” I mumble. “Your mom is going to flip out. I’ll be all right.”

“Okay,” Mel says. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

I must fall asleep because I don’t remember feeling the bed shift as she got up, or the soft click of my bedroom door shutting. I don’t dream, and I don’t move until nearly ten the next morning when I wake up in a pool of sunlight, my arms pinned to my sides under the tight sheet Mel folded around me.

The night comes rushing back in a flood of regret, and I jump out of bed and hang my head over my wastebasket, dry heaving at the memory of the smell of cigarette smoke.

“You’re okay,” I whisper to myself, staring down at wads of mascara-stained tissue and the wrapper from a pack of fruit snacks I ate the day before. “You’re okay.”

Noel Callenbaugh

At Battle of the Bands

3/l0

Oliver (Mark’s brother)

Also at Battle of the Banks (on the hand)

l/l0

Thomas

Again, the fateful night at Battle of the Bands

-l0/l0

A few days later I drive Jeffrey over to Dad and Lila’s house. I bought a card for them and made Jeffrey write
Congratulations!
on the inside. Whatever this new job is that Lila’s taking, wherever they need to move—it’s an opportunity for our family, and we need to be happy for them. Even if the thought of being so far from Kaylee is like a stab in the heart.

“Jeffrey! Veda!” Lila answers the door, and Kaylee comes running when she hears our names, throwing her arms around my knees. “Come in.”

Dad’s watching TV in the living room, his feet up on the couch. He mutes the TV when we walk in and stands up, hands on his hips. “What’s going on?” he asks, his gaze shifting from me to Jeffrey and back again. Lila sidles up next to him and slips an arm around his waist.

I nudge Jeffrey, and he holds out the envelope. “We just wanted to say congratulations on your new job,” he says, and I’m proud of how strong his voice sounds. “We’re really excited for you. And we’ll miss you.”

Lila gives a little gasp and turns her face into Dad’s chest. He rubs her back in slow circles.

“Thank you so much,” Lila says, turning back to us and taking the envelope from Dad’s hand, carefully ripping it open. “This really means a lot.”

Kaylee tugs on my hand, and I lift her into my arms. “We’ll get to go on a plane to visit you sometimes,” I tell her. “It’ll be an adventure.”

She looks at me seriously, her blue eyes wide. “Plane,” she says.

Lila wipes her eyes and smiles. “Hey, are you guys hungry? I just made brownies.”

Jeffrey pushes his bangs out of his eyes. “Yeah, definitely.” He follows Lila back to the kitchen, and Kaylee wiggles out of my arms and races after them.

Dad hasn’t moved, his face impassive.

“I’m sorry for running off at the reunion,” I say, lowering my voice and bracing myself for his reaction. “I’ve had a rough summer.”

Dad nods. “I think we all have.” He clears his throat and awkwardly swings his arms back and forth. “Look, Vee, we should have told you and Jeffrey about the move first. That was a mistake on my part.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s been a stressful decision. Lila is”—he lets out a long breath—“nervous about it.”

I glance toward the kitchen. “Is she okay?”

Dad looks at me. “She has some problems, Veda. I’m sure you’ve noticed a thing or two going on with her.”

I nod.

“But I love her.” Dad’s voice cracks. “She’s getting counseling. And this is a big step for her career.”

“I know.” I play with the hem of my shorts. “But I’m still sad you’re leaving. And so is Jeffrey.”