2B or Not 2B (Roomies Series) (13 page)

Chapter Fourteen

DAY 23

Keys in my hand ready to unlock the door, I braced myself against the wall. If he was already with another girl
, I would lose it. No matter how I praised myself for my lack of female-like crazy behavior, I had my pride. It would be awful to think that a couple of hours after he was inside me, he was inside someone else. And it would be utterly gross. Just that thought made me ill to my stomach.

I shook my head and unlocked the door, ready for what felt like a big fight bound to happen at some point. Things couldn't be the same from now on. Speaking for myself, I knew I'd be unable to chase away these images of Byron above me, doing things to my body, things I didn’t want to ever
admit that I craved all over again and more.

I stepped in and found Byron on the couch, chilling while watching a rerun of an episode of a TV series I'd never
admit I loved to watch — Falling Skies. He was wearing blue jeans and a brown tee shirt, and his bare feet were on the coffee table while his left hand was holding a fresh beer almost empty.

When his blue eyes turned to me, I felt warmth spreading everywhere in my body, tingling my core and leaving me weak in the knees as I was still standing like an idiot in front of him. His mouth, so amazing when he nipped at my lips, turned up on one side.

"Is my hotness leaving you speechless?" he asked, teasing me as his growl of a voice zapped me. I was morphing into a puddle though I didn't like it at all. Where was my control? Where was my wit? Where was my strength? I left all of these in bed with him, and I couldn't risk losing more of myself. It was dangerous. And he wasn't the kind of guy I could risk everything for. I needed a sweet guy, someone not as rough and easier to talk to. I needed someone safe.

And at that very moment, I made a decision. Macon was right, it was best to play like nothing happened because both Byron and I weren't the kind to have
an open hearted talk and dissect everything. I had to go back to my old self and ignore the stirring inside me. Nothing new there since I met my roomy.

I walked to the kitchen counter and dropped my handbag on the
high stool before throwing my keys on the counter. The noise drowning out the TV was buying me some time to gather, and convince, myself that I wasn't about to self-combust. Nope, what I felt was just a hundred times more powerful lust than what I felt before sleeping with him. Nothing to be worried about! Yeah, right.

"Think whatever you want to boost your ego, dear Lord." My voice wasn't fully sounding right to my ears. It was obvious to me that I wasn't at ease and that wasn't natural, but I prayed that my words would distract Byron enough for him to not grasp on the depth of my uneasiness. Uneasiness wasn't the best choice of word for what I was feeling, but I failed finding something more suitable for how I was feeling. Everything was colliding inside me between my old wounds and fears and the ones I was scared of having in the future. I was a mess.

He stood up after he put the remote on the coffee table where his bare feet were seconds ago. My eyes landed on his feet, and it was difficult to look away. Somebody should study the woman's mind because I didn't understand why a man in jeans and with bare feet was sexy, but Byron wasn't disappointing at all. With his powerful thick thighs, his long legs and his thick, strong hips, just the bottom half of him was making me salivate. More so than even the greasiest junk food I loved eating so much. And then there was his firm chest with defined muscles, but what had my attention was his face now that my eyes looked up. His eyes were icy cold, more silver looking rather than blue, and it chilled me to my bones. I froze and waited. His frown deepened, and his scar got more pronounced on his sun-kissed skin. He had lost his smirk some time between his words and my come back. His mouth was set in a straight line, something that didn't bode well for me.

I knew how short fuse
d he was, and his lack of sleep from his insomnia did nothing to help the matter. But I didn't expect him to react so badly at my words. After all, it wasn't the first time that I teased him that way. Though, it was the first time post-roomy-sex. I was screwed and very well so, at that.

"Is that how you want to play this?" he asked, his voice even colder than what I thought it would be. I had to fight the urge to take a step back when he walked to me, so very slowly that I had plenty time to take in how his muscles were moving as he walked and how his body looked tense.

I bit the inside of my cheek and willed myself to keep calm. After all, Byron wasn't the violent kind with women, so I shouldn't fear him. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Liar.

He tilted his head
to one side, making his scar more visible by doing so, and for some reason, it made me want to jump him, take him down and do some dirty things with him. I was definitely losing my mind. I crossed my arms and didn't move as he stopped in front of me, his bare toes almost touching my shoes.

This guy was like a heater. Warmth was radiating from him
, and yet, his eyes were still burning cold. My body was lost between the chills and the tingling shivers. All these mixed signals were messing with me even more.

"Do you mean that nothing happened today?" His growl was dark and maybe a little disappointed. Did that mean that he wanted to talk about it? It would be weird to have a post-sex talk with Byron
, or with anybody if I was honest.

"Nothing worth mentioning." Again,
liar
. It was so worth mentioning, shouting out loud and dancing around the room kind of worth it. It had been amazing, too amazing for any good to come if we spent more time fretting about it. It was done, and now we had to move on and keep this in the past, locked behind steeled doors.

"Yet, you seemed to enjoy it very much, Bridge."

I had a hard time swallowing as images and sounds crashed back to me when I thought about our time in his bed. I shook my head and cleared my throat. His little smirk annoyed me so much that I wanted to slap him, but touching him, even like that, could be dangerous for my self-control. I was already getting turned on, and he did nothing to make me feel hot and bothered besides being himself and breathing.

"I don't want to talk about this. Mistakes happen." As soon as these words left my mouth I wanted them back. Even if it was the truth, the pain in my chest was enough to tell me that I did something wrong.

His silver eyes hardened when he took in my words. He looked me up and down, a disgusted grimace invading his drawn face. He nodded, turned around and walked to his bedroom. The loud clack of his door closing rang in my ears for a while, even after I heard a loud crash coming from his bedroom. I hoped for him that he didn't break his laptop.

My eyes stung suddenly. I knew sleeping with him would be a mistake, but what I never thought about was how I cared about our building friendship. Something told me that it was over, or at least that it would be different from now on.

I leaned against the kitchen counter and let myself slide down to the ground. I circled my arms around my legs and hid my face against my thighs. For the first time I wanted to go back to my parents' home. For the first time since I moved in, I was feeling out of place.

* * *

DAY 27

Sometimes when shit happen
s, I'd love to be able to put on some kind of invisibility cloak like in Harry Potter. It would be awesome to put it on whenever you see someone that you'd pretty much do anything to never cross path with again. Of course, Hogwarts didn't exist, and I wasn't a witch―but I was a bitch at least once a day―so I was running out of luck.

Ryan walked to me
, and I waited like an idiot. I was the incarnation of a deer caught in headlights. I should have known that the little charade Byron and I did wouldn't work for long. With my reputation as the go to girl for a blow job or to just mess around a little, it was bound to happen that he'd hear that Byron and I weren't an item, and never would be.

Ryan looked like he always looked. His clothes
―a chocolate brown polo and brand new jeans―were perfectly ironed. His hair was styled in a carefully thought out disarray, yet disciplined by products. His cheeks were smooth, without even a hint of facial hair.

His fake smile did nothing to ease my mind
or myself. In fact, it made me sweat more. He shook his head and grabbed my elbow before he led me in a more secluded place. After all, he was still with Miss Gorgeous, and he'd never want her to see him talk to me. We weren't supposed to know each other since I was the other woman or girl, since it all started in high school.

Once
we were behind the science building where nobody was, I shook free and took a step back. We weren't in high school anymore, I didn't have a crush on him, and I became wiser since back then. I wouldn't fall for his boyish charms again. In fact, for the life of me I wasn't even remotely attracted to him, and that had me worried. Was I that lost in lust for Byron?

"What do you want, Ryan? I've got class in ten minutes."

His eyebrows shot upward at the tone of my voice. He wasn't used to me being rude. I had always been the sweet little
Lonie
with him. He cleared his throat and leaned against the wall that was more grey than the white it used to be.

"Why did you lie, Lonie?"

I closed my eyes for a second, still feeling the pain whenever he called me this nickname. When would it go away?

"Don't call me Lonie. I've got a name
, so use it."

His smile slipped away
, and his easy demeanor vanished. I steeled myself and waited for his comeback or for the reason that he led me here. I didn't want to be alone with him and even less when I was still reeling from what happened yesterday with my roommate. Too many things were on my mind to have to deal with this kind of shit.

"Yet you let that guy, the ex-soldier, call you by a nickname."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Jealousy. Who would have thought that Ryan needed to be threatened by a guy to be interested in me and to feel jealous. "That's none of your business."

"Are you sleeping with him?" he asked me, his cold voice making me almost chuckle. If only he wasn't dead on.

I squirmed a little and waved him off. "I do whatever I want, Ryan, and I sure won't let you play me again. Stay out of my life and go fuck someone else. Oh, an idea, maybe go fuck your girlfriend!"

I turned around
and took two steps before his big hand stopped me. He tugged on my hand with enough strength that I collided with his body. He turned me back around to face him, keeping my body flush against him.

Maybe it was my lack of sleep, or my mind still playing tricks
on me with everything that was happening in my life, but my body began to betray me. Surreptitiously, sneaky bastard. My stomach was fluttering just a tiny bit, but enough to get me confused and frightened.

Not again. I couldn't go there again.

I glanced up and saw his gaze, the same kind of look he used to give me just before we had sex. I tried to step back, but he wouldn't let me. His hands travelled down my tense back and stopped at my ass. His smile crept back. I wanted to slap him, but I didn't. Instead, I was still in his embrace, not moving. Why wasn't I moving? Was I that desperate to have some attention? Was I that hung up on Ryan still?

"Lonie, try to fight me all you want, but we both know that you're mine. You still love me
, and I miss you." His velvety soft voice brought a sting to my eyes. How long did I wait for these words?

But no. I was finally finished grieving a relationship that never existed,
only in my head. I used to be a naïve girl blinded by her feelings, but it was over. So what if I had been humiliated and crushed? I wasn't the first or the only one who had a broken heart. It was part of life, part of growing up.

I took a deep breath and
… kneed him. A loud cry came out of his mouth. I pushed him away, and his shoulder collided against the wall as his hands were cupping his precious balls and dick.

"Try that again
, and next time I see your girlfriend, I'll tell her everything."

Without waiting for his answer, I walked away toward my next class, my backpack weighing on my shoulders and my steps almost bouncing. It felt good to knee a dick. Who knew I needed that kind of closure?

The first smile since I had sex with Byron a few days ago brightened my face and unfroze my cheeks. One problem solved.

Chapter Fifteen

DAY 31

Though the front door
was closed, I could hear voices, guys' voices. It was probably Byron and Eliott. I unlocked the door, and a sudden silence greeted me. Byron and his best friend Eliott watched me as I closed the door behind me. Having their eyes on me made me quite uneasy, more so when I realized how disgusted by me Byron seemed to be. What now? It wasn't like I was being clingy. I lived here, and I had every right to come back home. Though, by his face it was clear that he wasn't pleased to see me. Was it really just because I didn't want to have some heart-to-heart talk?

"Hey, London," Eliott greeted me after a few more seconds of tense silence. I waved at him and grabbed a water bottle. "How was your day?"

Byron grunted and turned back to watch TV. I wasn't so sure that watching some ugly monkeys copulate was that thrilling, but maybe I was wrong, as Lord was not paying attention to anything else.

I felt my face getting harder and my mouth twisting in some kind of sinister smirk. I was debating between ignoring my roommate or picking at him. I hated to be ignored. And I didn't deserve it! Damn it! Who knew that he'd be such a pain once we had sex. I was so sure that he would treat this as everything else, with his laid back attitude and a dismissive yet very sexy smile for me. But no, I was given the angry look and cold shoulder like a betrayed virgin would do.

"A pain. Yours?" I opened my bottle and took a sip, sighing as my parched throat got better. I put down my bag on the high stool and played with the bottle cap with my thumb and pointer finger. I couldn't explain it, but I felt like the third wheel.

If they were talking about me before I walked in, it would explain the weird vibes here. And the lingering look Eliott was giving me
, complete with a soft, yet intrigued smile stretching his thin lips. His dimples made an appearance, and I felt like every girl. Dimples were a thing to be reckoned with. Even a half good-looking guy would make a girl melt if he had dimples. And Eliott was a good-looking guy in a soft kind of way, which was kind of funny considering that he was a soldier, too, but not as scarred—physically and mentally—as Byron was.

He chuckled and glanced quickly at Byron when he grunted again. Apparently my roomy wasn't thrilled that
his best friend and me were making small talk. Next time, I would need to ask him if I was granted the right to go to pee, too.

"Not bad. I got my deployment date." If it wasn't for the way Byron's shoulders got even more tensed, I'd miss the meaning of Eliott's words. The casualness of his voice was flabbergasting. These last few weeks were making me think that I wasn't the weirdest person in this city.

"You're going back to war. You're going back to some awful place on another continent, and you just shrug? What is wrong with you?"

Byron's lips twitched slightly before he scowled again and turned the volume higher of the TV. Eliott laughed deeply, but when he saw how serious I was he sobered up.

"It's my job, you know." The drawl in his voice became more pronounced as he tried to find some help from his best friend, who was acting like nobody else was in the room. That was beyond rude. "I'm in the army, and I go where they tell me to go."

I blinked several times, unable to grasp how guys, men so strong
-willed like the ones sitting on the couch in front of me, would be fine with taking orders without even considering them. I knew it was how soldiers were,which I respected, but I could never be one to follow orders without questioning them endlessly. I would be kicked out of the army before I could ask my second question, I was sure. Or maybe I'd never be accepted in the first place as I was quite out of shape.

"When are you leaving?" I asked quietly, my throat closing up at the thought of saying good-bye to this guy I learn
ed to like―it could be a forever kind of good-bye. Ouch! It was too deep of a thought for me, and I wasn't the kind to be so pessimistic. I cleared my throat and tried to put on a mask of assurance, far from what I was truly feeling.

"In two weeks. I hope you'll have a farewell party for me," he said with a bright smile I had a hard time returning. Byron bumped his shoulder with more force than if it was casual. Eliott shook his head
; his smile broadened.

I kept Byron in the corner of my eye, unsure of what it was all about. I used to be the one leaving him speechless, but
as more days passed by, the more I was starting to be the one left speechless even if I was quite good at hiding it. But still.

"Of course! And even a parting gift," I replied with a mischievous smile that made him blush faintly.

Byron's head snapped back to me, his eyes icy cold on my face. His jaw had a hard look with the square not as astounded by his scruff as usual, and his kissable lips were more ready to bite my head off rather than kiss me senseless. Even his eyebrows were casting a dark shadow over his face. And his scar did nothing to soften his appearance, which unfortunately lit up my lust. He was obviously mad at me, we weren't alone, we weren't even speaking, and yet I was already feeling the ache between my legs that he alone had the power to extinguish. Just like yesterday.

"I'm sure he already guessed what it would be. After all, it's no secret that you like to give head." Byron's harsh voice made me straighten, ready for a fight that I wasn't so sure
I’d win. He could be awful when he was on a roll, and even if I knew his strength was mainly in his body, his tongue and use of words could be quite lethal, too.

"Byron—‘’

"Shut up, Eliott," Byron said, stopping him before he could finish his sentence.

"Who says that it'll be a blow
job?’’ My voice was getting higher than it was seconds ago. A little more and only dogs would be able to hear me. Shit! He was getting to me.

"London, I think you shouldn’t—"

"No, Eliott, let her finish. I'm sure it'll be a big moment. After all, you love to have the last word, Bridge."

"Fuck off, Byron!" I grabbed my bag, shouldered it
, and looked him with disdain pouring out of me. "What if I want to have sex with Eliott? It's none of your business, and you shouldn't even have a say in it."

He opened his mouth to retort something when
a knock at the door startled us all. Eliott released a relieved breath as he stood up and avoided to even brush against my arm as he walked past me to the door, ready to let the person in and probably ready to run away from this freak show. Byron stood up and made a show to straighten his body and use his broad shoulders and big muscles to make me feel like a bug in front of a carnivore plant. He was compelling, smelling wonderful and looking sexy when he was in fact seconds away from eating me alive, and not in a good way. Or maybe it was because he was so angry that I found him so very sexy.

"Uh
…" Eliott said with so much uncertainty lacing his voice that I glanced over my shoulder to see what the big deal was.

My heart plummeted, my stomach rolled, my lungs constricted and my eyes were stinging. I was such an idiot. I was a pathetic idiot. I supposed I would never learn from my mistakes.

There, beside Eliott, was a leggy brunette, very beautiful in a cold way. Her wavy brown hair was falling over her big boobs while her tight clothes― dark grey leggings and a silky cream low cut dress―were showing all her little curves. She was perfect, except for the way she was scowling at me as if I was a nasty thing about to crawl up her leg.

I turned back around, avoiding the uneasy look Eliott was sending me before he left with a wave and a promise to call soon for the party. Byron was looking smug, waiting for my reaction, but I was just standing. I waited for this pain to diminish or leave
, and yet it was still there, strangling me fast. It wasn't the kind of pain you should feel after a meaningless one-night stand. No, it was disappointment inside of me because I didn't guard myself enough. I should have waited for the right guy to have sex again. I should have waited for a good guy to have sex again because I wasn't made for casual sex without putting some kind of feelings into it. I swallowed the bile about to rise at the thought of him having sex with someone else just a few days after doing me. I kept quiet and walked to my bedroom, waving over my shoulder. Back straight, shoulders straight, and head held high.

I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, closing my eyes as I heard their steps going to his bedroom
, and her giggles, already loud. I bumped my head against the slim wood that was my door, the only protection I would have against the noises that would sure make me ill.

And that was it. Only ten minutes later
, and I was in a nightmare. Hearing this girl's high-pitched moans was annoying. But it was mostly painful for my ears and for this tiny dark part of me who's hurt by the fact that the man I slept with is making her scream so loud in exactly the same bed where he made me come so hard. I knew I shouldn't be bothered because it was meaningless sex for both of us, but it was hard for me. And yet, the bitch inside me was at least delighted to not hear the slightest sound coming from Byron when he was quite vocal with me. Or maybe, I couldn't hear him over the loud moans of the girl.

I hid my face in my hands and groaned. I was trying to listen
to them having sex just to hear if he was making some kind of sound to compare this to how it was with me. It was so not normal, and it was extremely weirding me out. I shouldn't listen to them; I shouldn't think about how it felt to have him above me, moving inside me, making me so hot that I couldn't see a thing except him.

I walked to my bedside table
, grabbed my stereo remote and turned on loud music. It was a song by Hinder. I sat on my bed and sighed. I couldn't do this. I couldn't live with a guy I had sex with and take this tension every day. He had me. He won. I would lose our bet and leave as soon as the two-month trial was over … in less than three weeks. It would be for the best because I didn't want to start a new obsession and have my heart broken all over again when I wasn't even sure if it was tapped back right.

But in the meantime, I needed to get back to him and get
over
him. I grabbed my phone and sent a text to Eliott, inviting him over. Poor guy, he left not long ago. Ten minutes later, Eliott and I were in my room, talking. He was on my bed, perusing through my iPod, relaxed. We were both ignoring the sounds coming from next door, and I was pretty sure that it was bothering me way more than Eliott. After all, he was a guy.

"Do you have all of Muse's tracks?" he asked me, looking back at me after he put my iPod back on my little bedside table.

I nodded and sat next to him, my back against the headboard. "I love that band. I went twice to see them with Macon."

He ran a hand in his dark hair and opened his mouth before he closed it without saying a word. He was debating something
, and from the little I knew about him, it wasn't like him to keep from saying something.

When I met his eyes, my nerves went up a notch. I knew that light
; I knew it very well. "Eliott?" I whispered cautiously, playing with the hem of my black one-shoulder top.

"I want to kiss you. Would you let me?" he said with his drawl that sent tiny shivers along my spine. To say th
at it was a surprise would be a euphemism. I hung out with him a few times already. We had spent a few fun nights watching movies and talking about his experience in the army, but he never made a move that would have let me think that he saw me that way.

Did I want to be with Eliott that way? If I was being honest, I'd say no, but I needed this, I had to get over Byron and what happened, just like he's doing. Nervously, I nodded and forced a small smile, ignoring what was going in the other bedroom, ignoring the raging emotions battling inside me.

Eliott leaned closer to me. His left hand brushed up my arm and caressed my cheek very softly. For such a big guy, he was very sweet and soft. When his lips came in contact with mine, I tried to get into it, I tried to enjoy the feel of his tongue brushing mine, I tried not to compare this with how I felt with Byron, but it was useless. I wasn't into that kiss despite the obvious skill with which Eliott was kissing me.

I broke the kiss just before his hands wandered over my body parts. He was breathing louder than I was, but in his eyes, the spark I saw earlier had disappeared. "It's Byron, isn't it?" he asked me with a forced smile.

"What do you know?"

He shook his head and ran a hand over his face. "Nothing. He doesn't want to talk about it."

I swallowed and pushed back the lump in my throat. "I'm sorry, Eliott. I swear I thought I'd be able to … I don't know." I looked down at my thighs and closed my fists on my yellow bed sheet.

"Don't worry
. I'm fine." He squeezed my right hand with his left one and his warmth and understanding made me regret that he wasn't my roommate instead of the womanizer next door. "I think his girl just left.’’ He was probably right; the calm was back in the apartment.

"Did he tell you we slept together?" I blurted out suddenly, surprising me as much as Eliott.

He frowned. "And he's going at it like that with others?"

I shrugged, but each of my shoulders weigh
ed a gallon. Playing it cool was becoming harder. "He's Byron."