Read 3 Great Historical Novels Online
Authors: Fay Weldon
14 March 1841
Everything is grey. The stripes of sky through the small, high window, the linsey prison clothes, the walls, the cloth we sew. Even the food is grey. The world is bled of colour. Could I see myself in a glass, I know that my face would be grey. I feel colourless. I hunger for colour as much as for white bread and jam. Time is measured by the sound of the warden’s boots on the steel stair and by the jingle of keys.
I am alone. Once a day we are allowed into the exercise yard, ward by ward. Everyone at Millbank is leaving England. That is why we are here, but I cannot leave. I
cannot
cross another sea. There are women who have been here for months and months waiting to be assigned to a transport. I pray that Mr Dillon will remember me. I listen to the shadows of prayers of the forgotten, who will not show themselves. I never thought that I would wish for the company of ghosts. I was happy when they left me alone. I remember you saying that spirits are like people and know when they are not welcome.
My hair is gone. It is a prickly crop and I’m over weeping for it as if it were something important. They clipped it off in the refectory (which, by the way, is grey) with great iron shears that looked better suited to cutting through
sailcloth
. I watched it drift to the flagstones and lie in black coils, dead as my soul, to be swept away and incinerated. The warden said it was a precaution against lice, but it felt like part of my punishment, like the coarse cloth of brown clothing, like this calico apron. If I wish, my prickles can be covered with a cloth cap like a housemaid. My neck is
always cold. Who’d have thought that hair afforded so much warmth?
It will be time to go to the yard soon, where I always keep my eyes to the heavens and take full, deep breaths to store air and light, though it never lasts me through all the dark hours. I only ever believe I can get through one more day. Then another. Then another. One after the next. I try to think of colours and cloths and pots of dye. Texture and pattern. But I cannot conjure a palette that isn’t dull. I could not write before now, and I only have the paper that Dillon gave me. There is little but the sky that is safe to look at in the yard. I discovered this only after chancing a look at Nora Beck. She is a bully and said that if I gawped at her again she’d give me a beating I’d never forget. It should have frightened me, but in fact I thought it might not be so bad. At least it would make me feel something. Nora is mean, and Agnes, her henchperson, is too. Nora is large, huge in fact, and domineering. It turns the others into cowards. Only one prisoner, Margaret, dares to cross her, and she is nowhere near Nora’s physical equal.
I can hear boots on the stairs. I’ve kept the writing
materials
inside my undergarments and, thus far, no one has discovered them.
Anon.
Margaret Dickson approached without Rhia noticing. Rhia was looking for flying horses, and angels in the clouds, as she and Thomas had once done. She saw only ships.
‘Best get over your miseries, Mahoney.’ Margaret had her arms folded across her bosom, and wore an expression that managed to be both stern and teasing. Her hair was a mop of tight ginger curls, so she’d been at Millbank long enough for a few inches of growth. Her skin was so freckled that you could barely see a patch of its true colour. She was plumpish and her eyes were small but sparkly. Margaret nodded towards Nora’s group, a dozen or so women standing in a huddle, gossiping and rubbing their hands together against the cold. ‘You’ll not want
them
thinking you’d be lowering yourself to give them the time of the day?’
‘I have no timepiece,’ Rhia retorted, and Margaret laughed throatily. ‘I knew there’d be a spirit beneath that long face!’ She shrugged. ‘Not that I care either way, but I’d wager you don’t fancy yourself genteel as all that. Most ladies from the trade don’t.’ She gestured towards the other women and lowered her voice. ‘They wouldn’t know the difference.’
‘Is that what they think – that I fancy myself genteel?’
‘What else?’
‘How did you know I was from the trade?’
‘Word gets around in a prison, Mahoney. You’ll see. Besides, I’ve seen
ladies
of all sorts and I can tell who’s who and what’s what.’ Margaret’s expression became earnest. ‘To be truthful, I’d a word with Mrs Blake and she asked me to look out for you. It’s down to her that you’re in this ward, you see. She knows people. Everyone in our ward will be on the same
transport
. That’s the way it works.’
‘Mrs Blake was here? When?’
‘Two days after you came in, but new prisoners aren’t allowed visitors or letters until they’ve settled a bit. The wailing gives everyone the collywobbles.’
Rhia could have wept. Antonia had been at Millbank. Margaret looked cautiously sympathetic. She shook her head in warning. ‘Remember, no wobbles, Mahoney.’ She jerked her head at Nora and company. ‘They already think you’re soft, so you’ll need to toughen up, or at least pretend to. Tomorrow’s a visiting day and you might have someone in.’
Rhia fought off the emotion. It was always only a breath away. ‘How do you know Mrs Blake?’
‘Quakers often visit. Saints the lot of ’em, but Mrs Blake especially, with her own troubles and all. She told me her maid has been poorly, though I can’t say I’m surprised by it. She’s not the full shilling anyway.’
‘Juliette?’
‘Barmy. Completely. She told me … but I mustn’t say – I promised I wouldn’t.’ Margaret looked disappointed. Presumably she was keeping some kind of secret for Juliette.
A morsel of gossip was suddenly of huge interest. ‘It was something foolish?’ she coaxed.
‘Oh,
aye
. I’ll tell you this much: Juliette gave me something to carry to Sydney, which is where I’m bound for, and if you were to see it, you’d know she was batty.’
Before Rhia could ask any more about Margaret’s odd secret, or about Sydney, the clang of the iron bell at the gate to the yard interrupted them and they were rounded up and led back to their cells and their sewing.
By the time there was no light left to sew by, Rhia longed to sleep for ever. In fact, sleep was no friend in this place and she was often wakeful. At least she now knew why she had received no letter from home. Surely by now her mother would have heard from Dillon. What if Brigit was ashamed and couldn’t bring herself to write? Rhia put the thought firmly from her mind. If nothing else in the world was true, then she could at least be sure of her mother’s love.
Her thoughts turned to Laurence. Even if his advances had been mere flirtations, she still missed him. She might never see him again. He would not think her so desirable now. Her
vanity
was in tatters, like a bright print left in the weather to fade and tear.
The moon must almost be full, because a pale beam fell across the wooden cover of the washbasin and the shelf above it. In some of Mamo’s old stories, the moon was the lantern of the Queen of the Night, whose name varied from story to story, from Anu to Cerridwen, Rhiannon and Cailleach. Rhia thought of Antonia’s icons. Mary could also be Queen of the Night. The beam lit the shelf and the only reading material Rhia had seen in weeks, a Bible. She had barely noticed it and had not touched it. If the sighing shadows would not show themselves, then tonight, she decided, she would be Catholic. She reached for the moonlit holy book, before she could think better of it, and opened it randomly. The psalm she read made her close the book just as swiftly:
119:37 Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity and quicken thou me in thy way.
There was no need to look for signs of spirit when they were pushed under your nose. She was not sure if she should feel comforted or reprimanded but for now at least she felt less alone. She slept until the morning bell.
The wardswoman Miss Hayter let herself in to Rhia’s cell the next morning. Miss Hayter had shown her the
unforgettable
kindness of sitting with her on her first night, when Rhia was frightened and almost beside herself with loneliness and homesickness. She did not speak, but sat by the door with some sewing while Rhia sobbed herself to sleep in her
hammock
.
Miss Hayter was bird-like, plain and quietly spoken but, more than any other warden, she engendered respect amongst the women. Perhaps it was because she was diminutive, so not physically threatening, or because she seemed genuinely
concerned
for their well-being, or because she appeared to be able to look right through you when she spoke to you. Everyone liked her and wanted to be liked by her, Rhia included.
‘You have a visitor, Mahoney.’
Antonia! Rhia almost felt light-hearted as she pulled on her cap and tied her apron strings. Miss Hayter waited quietly, watching with her earnest expression. ‘I hear that you are a draughtswoman, Mahoney?’ she said.
‘I almost was.’
‘Perhaps your skill will be useful to you, when we sail.’
‘When we sail?’
‘Why yes, have you not been told?’
‘Told what?’ A shiver crept up Rhia’s spine.
‘The ward has been assigned to the next transport, the
Rajah
. It is to depart on April the fourth. I myself am to be the matron in charge.’
Rhia opened her mouth, mutely. Miss Hayter was watching her. ‘It must seem sudden, but it does happen occasionally. There is a need for literate women in Australia, and
particularly
for women with a trade.’
‘London needs women with a trade too, Miss Hayter, and women who are literate.’
The warden had the grace to look abashed.
‘What is today’s date?’ Rhia whispered.
‘It is March the twenty-sixth.’
‘Then I have less than two weeks left.’
Miss Hayter nodded. ‘There is great opportunity in Sydney, and for one such as yourself—’ Rhia didn’t hear the rest. She didn’t want to hear praise for the colony, she could think only that two weeks wasn’t enough time for an appeal to be made. She was not to be saved.
She followed Miss Hayter to the refectory where visitors had been shown. She looked for Antonia among the faces of the free. The people from outside were like brushstrokes of colour – a red scarf, a green hat, blue breeches.
Antonia was not here.
Then she saw Mr Dillon. She supposed he had visited a prison before because he seemed perfectly at ease. He had the good grace not to let his eyes stray to her prison uniform, nor to remark on her appearance. She recalled last night’s lesson with some difficulty. His eyes held hers.
‘Good morning, Miss Mahoney.’
‘Good morning, Mr Dillon.’ His face looked different. Though maybe she had never really examined it before. He was somewhere between the beginning and middle of his thirties, she thought, and had a light dusting of freckles on the pale skin
of his nose, cheeks and forehead. His hair was as black as her own and tied back with a ribbon. His eyes were a mottle of mossy hazel, like a forest floor. He looked back at her, his eyebrows arched, and retrieved his pocket book from some hidden recess inside his long coat.
‘I have word from your mother. I advised her to send any return correspondence to my address. I promised that I would honour its privacy and bring it safely to you. I have fulfilled both promises.’ He passed the letter, hidden beneath his hand, across the table towards her and Rhia kept her eyes on his face.
‘Is anyone watching?’ she whispered as her hand touched his. He cast his eyes about the room and shook his head. He withdrew his hand and Rhia slipped her mother’s letter into her apron pocket. A look of co-conspiracy passed between them. ‘We are good at this,’ she said. He nodded, but his smile quickly disappeared.
‘I’ll come straight to the point. I’ve set in motion an appeal to the crown, but it is a lengthy process and could take months. In my opinion, you were targeted to look guilty of this crime, and I’m in the throes of convincing Mr Montgomery of the fact. He says that his wife is certain that you stole the cloth and that you took the key to the storeroom.’
‘But I did not! Mrs Montgomery gave the key to Isabella.’
‘Prunella Montgomery is not a reliable witness,’ Dillon agreed, but the Crown is not interested in that. Your defence was not present at the court, which is an abomination and a matter I’ve still not been able to get to the bottom of. Mrs Blake engaged one of the best counsels in London, but he will not receive me, nor answer my letters. Mrs Blake herself was going to visit you today, because we’ve not been allowed to see you before now, but apparently her maid has taken a fit of some kind.’ He shook his head. ‘It would appear that the maid doesn’t
want Mrs Blake to see you. At any rate, she will come next time.’
Rhia bent her head. ‘Then Juliette will have her way and I will not see her. I have been assigned to a transport that sails to New South Wales on April the fourth. So you see, there is no hope.’
Dillon looked shocked, and then angry. But when he spoke his voice was low and even. ‘That is very soon indeed, Miss Mahoney, but there is always hope.’
Rhia stared at her hands, noticing that her fingertips were scoured red from needlework and cold.
‘There is something else,’ he said quietly. ‘I wish that I didn’t have to be the one to tell you it.’
What could be worse than this?
‘It concerns the death of your uncle.’
Rhia tensed. ‘Please be direct, Mr Dillon.’
‘Very well. I don’t believe Ryan Mahoney’s death was
accidental
.’
‘Then you think he took his own life after all?’
‘No. I believe he was murdered.’
The bell clanged but Rhia didn’t stand.
Mr Dillon stood and bowed as though they were in a
drawing
room and he was her guest. He said something about Laurence Blake certainly being back in London before the
Rajah
sailed, and something about her belongings being
delivered
to Millbank, and then he was gone.
She was alone.