30 First Dates (18 page)

"Nah, I'm up and at 'em this morning," she said, hiding her surprise as a tingle raced up her spine.

"What, did DJ just leave?"

"Why, Benjamin Bertram, you sound a little jealous," she answered in a joking tone. She felt the familiar mix of affection and confusion that seemed to color all her interactions with Ben these days. "If you must know," she said coolly, "Devon did
not
spend the night."

"Devon." He rolled the word around on his tongue as if it tasted bad.

"Anyway," she said, pushing past this sudden awkwardness, "if you haven't gone out for a run yet, do you want to go with me? I could meet you at that park by your apartment."

Her attempt to placate him worked. "Yeah, sure. Sounds great," he said. How fast can you get over here?"

She could hear the sounds of him getting up and moving around. Erin got up, too, pushing shut the lid of her laptop and rising from the table.

"See you in fifteen."

*  *  *

"You haven't contacted them yet?"

She'd just told Ben about the Twitter message from the
TODAY
show. He seemed less surprised than she was, approaching it from his usual practical perspective rather than an emotional one.

"Well, no," she said between strides. They were running through a meandering park in Uptown, the path wide in places and narrow in others as it traced under viaducts, through wooded stretches, and beside playing fields and pavilions. Their footsteps were punctuated by the sounds of kids playing and cars passing, the occasional whir of bike tires causing them to move left or right depending on the condition of the trail. "I might wait till Monday morning, be professional and all that."

He snorted. "They contacted you through Twitter. I don't think it matters."

"Hmm, you might be right." She ran for several paces in silence. "I'm just…I don't know, nervous, I guess. Putting it off."

"Don't you want to do it?"

Erin thought this over. Did she want this? How much of any of this was she seeking, as opposed to just letting happen? Isn't that the path she'd been on before, just letting things happen to her rather than making conscious choices about her future? Was her current situation really that different?

"I think so," she said finally. "I mean, I don't mind going public with the blog—I don't have anything to hide. I just didn't expect anybody to care about it this much. I kind of feel like I'm a…an imposter. Does that make any sense? It's not like I have anything figured out about life or love or…anything. I'm no expert on dating, or blogging. What do people care?"

Ben gave her a funny look that she caught despite the fact that a man and woman walking toward them from the other direction caused them to split to opposite sides of the path and then come back together. They'd unintentionally upped their pace to match the intensity of the conversation.

"I think you're selling yourself short," he said.

"I don't think so," Erin countered. "I think I'm being realistic. Just because I'm having a mini life crisis doesn't make me an expert on life crises. I get that the blog is kind of funny, and I also get, sort of, that there are a lot of people who like reading it. I get that the stuff about Noah is getting a lot of attention. I just don't really feel like any of that's earned me a spot on the national stage."

"Huh," he said. "I bet Noah feels that way, too."

One corner of Erin's mouth turned up. No doubt that was true. The latest headlines kept pitting Amelia Wright's life up against Colin Marks'—showing her in a blissful love affair with Noah while Colin was clubbing it up night after night with different starlets, "numbing the pain," as the tabloids were telling it. She had no idea how true any of it was, or if Noah was even still with Amelia. She'd love to talk to him, but she couldn't bring herself to call him right now, especially considering the way
she
was getting hounded because of their dating history—and the way she'd brought that on herself.

"
That's
probably why the
TODAY
show is calling," she said, her expression contorting with the realization. "That makes a lot more sense. Ugh."

"I'd thought of that," Ben said. "I don't really see why it matters, though. Like you've said, as long as you tell the truth about the situation, you can't do anything but help the guy. Just enjoy it. It's
not
true that everybody gets their fifteen minutes of fame. Your blog is awesome, actually. I still say you're selling your own part in all of this short."

He was staring straight ahead, pumping his strides fast again while Erin worked to keep up. Her head, likewise, was spinning, trying to keep up with her thoughts. Ben thought her blog was awesome. She tried to wrap her mind around that, remembering how she'd felt telling him about it in the first place. Things had been in such a whirlwind ever since that day that she hadn't taken time to stop and assess what she was doing.

She had another jarring realization. "Holy shit!"

"What?" Ben said, his step faltering for a couple seconds as he looked at her in alarm.

"Going on the
TODAY
show means they'll fly me to New York. I can do one of the items on my list! No. 20. Walk the Brooklyn Bridge." A wave of relief flooded through her at the thought of getting a free plane ticket, a free hotel stay.

Ben smiled, oblivious to the reasons behind her relief. "There you go. There's the Erin attitude I'm used to.
That
," he said pointedly, "is why so many people are reading your blog."

Cocktails & Dreams

August 16: ten months to thirty

Erin stood in the doorway and shifted from foot to foot, watching as the caterer flitted among the tables lighting fuel burners under chafing dishes and wondering what else she could do.

The guest list had grown from fifty to around seventy-five. She'd never hosted an event anywhere near this scale before, and throughout the day she'd felt little jolts of excitement that her list had brought this night to life. Along with the food—they'd gone with the Asian-inspired menu and had a station serving sake and jasmine tea—they had gorgeous floral arrangements put together by Hilary, of all people, who'd been into flower arranging lately after spending so much time around her florist. The flowers themselves had come from Hil's mother's English-style garden.

Hilary walked over at that moment, Mark in tow. "Anything else I can do?" she asked.

Hilary was being extra-nice to her in the run-up to the wedding. Erin hadn't made her mind up yet whether it was genuine or whether it had to do just with the wedding or with the blog and its growing popularity. Hil had been in awe when she'd found out about the
TODAY
appearance, which was taking place in exactly nine days. Erin's stomach flipped over at the thought of it.

"I was just wondering that myself," Erin said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I think we're in pretty good shape."

She leaned around the door frame and glanced up at the clock hanging just inside the doorway. It was 6:45. Guests would begin arriving in about fifteen minutes. Her eyes swept over the room, which was long and narrow, with tall round tables set up around the perimeter and a few sit-down tables tucked against the far wall. The gallery was arty and cool, with hardwood floors and exposed ductwork, and was owned by the family of a late fashion photographer who'd produced a huge body of work for French and American
Vogue
. The front part of the space housed a permanent collection, and another small room between the main studio and the back room, where the party was being held, contained rotating exhibits. Guests would walk through both galleries to get to the party and could peruse the collections throughout the night.

Sherri started toward them, and Hilary dragged Mark off to fuss over the flowers on one of the front bistro tables. Erin noticed that Hilary didn't tend to hang around long when Sherri was around. Maybe she could sense Sherri's general distrust and disapproval of her.

After they were out of earshot Sherri turned to Erin, her eyes bright. "This is so cool," she squealed.

"Thanks to you," Erin said, lightly squeezing Sherri's arm.

"Girl, no problem. I am
so
happy we're doing this. Besides, I'm hoping to land a new client out of it. I've invited like ten prospects."

"I'm just excited to see Dave and Angie again," Erin said. "I feel like it's been ages. Hell, it
has
been ages." She'd finally called Dr. McCann a week earlier to let him know she wasn't coming back this fall. He'd sounded disappointed, which was touching considering their recent history.

Both Dave and Angie had RSVP'ed. Erin hadn't heard a peep from Paul, which was no surprise. He wasn't the only 30 First Dates alumnus on the guest list—she'd also invited Nate, Devon and his friend, Jenni, and, of course, Ben. She figured even though this night didn't include a date, it'd make one heck of a blog post.

A reporter from
The Dallas Morning News'
style section was coming, too. She wasn't on the guest list, but three days ago, after Erin posted a blog entry about making final preparations for completing the tenth item on her list, the woman called Erin on her cell. Erin had no idea how she'd gotten her number, but ever since her run with Ben she'd resolved to go wherever this crazy ride took her. So she said yes.

Ben hadn't arrived yet. He'd had to stay late at work to finish some sort of testing in the lab, and he was planning to come with Nate and Nate's new girlfriend. The last time she'd talked to him, which was yesterday, he'd asked if she'd had any more blog dates lately and then told her he might bring a date to the party, a woman from work. Erin was burning with curiosity, but she didn't ask questions. Now she found herself glancing anxiously toward the door every few minutes, waiting for him to show up with his mystery woman.

Nerves dancing in her stomach, she rested her palm subconsciously against the flat front panel of her dress. Sherri had actually gotten her out shopping for the occasion, and Erin wore a knee-length, navy dress with a lace overlay that gathered at her right hip and extended over her left shoulder, creating an asymmetric line that flattered her trim frame. Sherri had on an LBD that was scalloped above the bust and topped by a sheer sleeveless panel with an Audrey neckline. She looked beautiful, Erin thought, very glamorous.

Sherri had a date—Brandon Hull, a guy she'd dated at UT who'd recently moved to Dallas and asked her out on Facebook. Before she invited Brandon, she'd invited Alex, the musician, and his bandmate Travis, but they were touring out west with another band and had a show in Albuquerque the night of the party. Sherri had been disappointed, but now that Brandon was coming she was glad. Erin was secretly glad, too. She wasn't sure the party could handle another man she'd gone out with. As it was, the only thing that could make it weirder would be if Noah showed up. Or Mathew, her ex-fiancé.

She didn't have a date for the evening herself, and that was her reasoning. She had enough former suitors to entertain.

Erin felt a hand on her shoulder and spun toward the door. It was Ben, and he was there alone. She tried to ignore the relief that flooded over her at that fact.

"Hi," she said, a little breathless. She stretched up to peek behind him. "Where's—" She stopped herself from saying "your date" and instead finished with "Nate?"

"I went ahead without him," he said. "He was waiting on Alison, and I thought you might need some last-minute help."

Erin smiled and reached up to hug him, placing one hand on his chest. He stiffened slightly, and she blushed and pulled away.
Why is this weird?
She began to grow irritated with herself.

"Thank you," she said, taking a small step away from him. "That's very sweet. I think things are running pretty smoothly though."

She gestured around the room, where the caterer had finished preparing the food tables and bartenders were taking their stations. Flickering candles in the centerpieces formed a romantic glow around the edges of the room that made it seem suspended on a cloud of light, or suspended in time. The sweet and sour spices emanating from the chafing dishes smelled divine.

"Very classy event you have going here," Ben said, looking, if not surprised, then impressed.

"I'm as shocked as you are," Erin said with a laugh. "It's almost entirely due to Sherri and her impressive organizational abilities."

He shifted his step and put an arm over her shoulders, pulling her toward him in a teasing gesture that felt familiar, not uncomfortable this time. "Again, you sell yourself short," he said. She had the feeling that if she wasn't all done up, he'd tousle her hair. A strong wave of affection swept through her, and she reached up to tug her favorite curl.

"What, your date stand you up?" she asked.

He raised an eyebrow. "I would say the same thing to you. I figured this was prime date-night potential."

Erin giggled, and it came out high-pitched, nervous. She tucked her hair behind her ear. "I thought about it, but there's already the potential for a hot mess with all the former 30 First Daters on the guest list."

He laughed too. "Including me," he said. "If you want, you can consider me your date for the evening. Round two, although I know that's against the rules."

"I just can't write about you again. That doesn't mean we can't date again," she said, and a wave of embarrassed heat flashed over her. She moved straight into another sentence to suppress it. "I've been out with Devon since our blog date, twice."

Ugh. Word vomit.
Ben's jaw tightened, and she felt like stepping on her own toes to keep her foot out of her mouth.
Why?
she asked herself again.
Why is this so awkward?
She decided it was because Ben had just declared himself her date.

But still, if things were this uncomfortable with Ben, she was in trouble. She wasn't sure how she'd handle Devon being there, or how he might react when he saw her playing host to the other stars of her blog.