31 Days of Winter (17 page)

‘Yes, please,’ I whispered as I opened my eyes and
realised it was so black up here that if I stayed facing the passenger window,
all I could see was my face reflected with his in the background. I let my eyes
enjoy watching his handsome side profile, he had a slight frown of concentration
as he watched the road up ahead.

‘Once I was sixteen I had more freedom at school.
I discovered girls and sex. I loved sex and excelled at that as well.’ I
watched as a small smile appeared on his face. Him excelling at sex I could
totally get, just the thought of it made my insides water and nipples throb. ‘I
had a lot of sex with a lot of girls. I was arrogant back then, women were
playthings. I was like Zac back in those days. An arsehole.’

‘You cheated on your girlfriends?’

‘Yes.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I could. Because women threw themselves
at me. Because I was young and naïve to think that I could do what I wanted
with no consequences.’

‘What consequences?’

‘I obtained an IT degree, first class with honours.
I worked for a firm in the City,’ he replied, bypassing my question. I wasn’t
about to interrupt to ask why, not when he was on a roll.

‘London?’ I asked, surprised.

‘Yes.’

‘
You
wore a suit?’ I laughed.

‘I look good in a suit,’ he said firmly as he
looked straight into my reflected eyes, as if he’d known I’d been watching him
all along.

‘I can imagine you would,’ I nodded, knowing
exactly what Dan fantasy scenario I’d be masturbating to later.

‘I’m not just some hillbilly, wood cutter, hired
help.’

‘I never thought that was all you were.’

‘I’m more,’ he nodded. ‘I was more.’ He added the
last part quietly, the sadness in his voice apparent. I uncurled myself, spun
around and lay my cheek on the cool leather as I looked directly at him.

‘What happened?’

‘I think I’ve shared far too much tonight, given
you were only getting one question and one answer a day,’ he replied and
quickly slammed down a gear again and took a sharp bend to the left. I let out
a startled gasp and he reached over and smoothed my hair. ‘Don’t be afraid, I’m
here to take care of you,’ he advised gently. I gave him a half smile before he
looked away again. Warm Dan was back, the Dan I really cared for, the Dan I
wanted on top of me, between my legs so my hands could clutch that perfect
bottom and pull him further into me as I screamed his name.

‘You don’t have to tell me more about you, just
talk to me. I like hearing your voice.’

‘Talk about what?’

‘Tell me about the island and the loch, why you
like it so much. About the village, the hotel and the pub and the locals.’

‘Ok,’ he replied and I closed my eyes as I
listened to him. He still spoke in a really unusual way, very factual, as if he
were in a meeting and had to get across his points in a succinct manner, but I
didn’t care, his low and sexy tones were reassuring to my ears and I found
myself drifting off.

I woke up feeling groggy and shivered, suddenly
cold, and as I half opened my eyes I realised why. We were parked on the
shoreline and the back of the car was open. I groaned as I tried to stretch out
and heard the back door shut and suddenly my passenger one was opened.

‘Are you ok? You passed out on me.’

‘I’m sorry, you lulled me to sleep,’ I mumbled as
I looked up at his smiling face.

‘I’ve never “lulled” anyone before. You even slept
over the cattle grid and potholes.’

‘Hmmm,’ I sighed as I felt my head flopping. I was
ready to sleep again.

‘Come on, you’ll freeze in here overnight. We need
to get you home.’ I felt him slide one arm under my knees and he spun me around
and pulled me onto him. ‘Hold tight.’

I clung to him like a monkey, my arms around his
neck, legs around his waist and my head dropped to his shoulder as he lifted me
out of the car and locked it. I heard the crunch of the snow under his feet as
he carried me, then the creak of the wooden boards of the jetty and a slight
wobble as he stepped into the boat and lowered himself down, me straddling his
lap, lying on his broad chest with my arms still firmly wrapped around his
neck. I nuzzled in, liking the close contact and the smell of his wood smoked
jacket and the sound of the outboard powering up.

I suddenly felt really hot and opened my eyes,
surprised to find I was lying on his sofa, opposite his crackling log burner
with a blanket on top of me. I quickly looked under the blanket relieved to
find he’d only taken his jacket off me. No way would I have wanted him to have
undressed me and seen me in my thermals.
Not
a sexy look. I sat up and
rubbed my eyes then checked my watch, it was almost nine o’clock. I’d been out of
it for ages. I heard the latch on a door open and my heart moved to my mouth as
I looked towards the back of the boathouse and he appeared from what I assumed
was the bathroom.

He was looking down as he walked barefoot, tucking
in the corner of a small black towel wrapped around his waist. I felt my mouth
drop just as the girl in the Christmas shops did, and I was sure I was just as
red. He glistened with water, droplets running down from his broad shoulders to
the edge of the towel. The zoom facility on my iPad hadn’t done him justice,
the edges of his smooth pecs and six-pack were so clearly defined and in
perfect symmetry and his skin had the sort of tan that came from going
shirtless during a summer heatwave. That
seriously
sexy “v” shape at his
lower pelvis just directed my eyes to what lay beneath that towel and I felt my
mouth watering. I’d always thought of blow jobs as a chore, a duty I had to
fulfil to get some oral back in return, but looking at the impressive swelling
I could make out under there, suddenly I had a feeling that they could become
my favourite past time. Zac suddenly looked like a scrawny teenager in
comparison to Dan, this was the filled out gorgeous body of a real man. I tore
my eyes away from his groin and looked at his firm arms, his biceps flexing as
he reached up to smooth the wet hair from his face and he stopped and froze as
his eyes locked with mine. He cocked his head as he read the look on my face
and his lips curled upwards at the corners, it was obvious he was enjoying my
reaction to him.

‘I … I’m not sure … I don’t know … I need … to
go,’ I stammered as I stood and launched myself at his front door, flinging it
open as I ran across the snow, the path ahead lit by the shaft of bright
moonlight and the thousands of twinkling stars. My lungs were burning and not just
from the freezing air invading my lungs. I wanted that man, more than I’d ever
wanted anything, but what if he finally relented and we had sex? I had a
feeling I’d fall for him really hard and in three weeks I’d be returning to my
life in London, while he’d be up here, still holed up with whatever issues had
driven him here in the first place. I had to stay strong, there were thousands
of available men in London and I never had a problem attracting attention. I
had to wait and just find myself someone who had physical proximity and no
honesty or commitment issues. That preferably looked just like him.

I reached down into my jeans and dug out my key
and opened up the house, surprised to see that the table lamps were on and the
lighting under the cupboards in the kitchen and there was a roaring fire in the
lounge. I locked the door behind me and left the key in it, I couldn’t trust
myself if he suddenly turned up. I ran upstairs and got out of my cold
protective gear, the house was roasting in comparison to outside. I pulled on
my denim shorts and a slouch top and pulled my hair back into a pony tail. I
was starving, something to do with fresh clean air, constant sexual desire and
the fact I’d only had two scones all day. I walked out to the top of the stairs
and looked over at the pole, bit my lip and headed over to it. As I looked down
it wasn’t that far, surely I could manage to stop myself before I hit the
bottom? I grabbed it, wrapped my legs tightly around it and released my grip a
little and immediately started the descent. I quickly clenched and slithered
too slowly to a halt, my feet sliding across the oak floor as my bottom smacked
the floor and I winced and laughed. I needed more practice. I noticed that all
my day’s shopping bags were neatly lined up by the pool table and I hoped he
hadn’t looked in them.

He’d also unpacked the groceries and filled the
fridge and freezer too while I’d been asleep down on his sofa. I decided to
make a chilli con carne for tomorrow night, I always preferred it the day
after, or reheated, it seemed to add to the intensity. I poured myself a glass
of white wine and put on some music again as I microwaved my beef stroganoff
ready meal and tipped some red wine and lots of chillies into the mince and
sauce on the hob and put a load of rice on to cook. I left it to slowly bubble
as I ate at the island and finished off with the lemon cheesecake slice and
popped in a truffle as I spooned out the rice and chilli into the freezer boxes
which I found he’d put in one of the empty cupboards. I also made a small
plateful which I covered and put in the fridge for me tomorrow and a seriously
large pile for him. I looked at the phone and hesitated, but as if he was
reading my mind it rang.

‘Hi,’ I answered.

‘Hi.’

‘I was about to ring you.’

‘I’m sorry about earlier. I thought you were
asleep. I was just coming out to grab my clothes.’

‘I’m not going to complain about the view, it was
pretty spectacular, but I think it would be easier for both of us if you remain
fully clothed in front of me from now on.’ I heard him chuckle. ‘Thanks for
bringing up the shopping and lighting the fire. I’m sorry I fell asleep on
you.’

‘No apology required. You obviously needed it.’

‘Obviously. Thanks for driving in such bad
conditions as well, that can’t have been easy for you.’

‘I’m used to it. Your handbag’s down here and
keeps vibrating.’

‘It’s my iPad,’ I said quickly, not sure why I
even said that. Like he’d think I carried a vibrator around in my bag?

‘I’ll bring it up.’

‘Not yet.’

‘You don’t want your iPad?’ he asked, sounding
confused.

‘I … I can’t see you yet,’ I whispered,
embarrassed to admit how badly seeing him nearly naked had affected me.

‘Because you’d want me?’

‘Yes.’ I hung my head and sighed.

‘I please you, visually?’

‘Very much,’ I whispered on an intake of air as
the visual of that wet muscular slab of perfection ignited my senses again and
I heard him groan.

‘I thought about you while I showered.’

‘Did you … did you touch…’

‘Yes,’ he interrupted.

‘To the thought of me?’

‘Yes.’ He sounded as breathless as me.

‘Why haven’t you had sex in three years?’

‘One question a day, Ellie.’ He hung up before I
had a chance to ask anymore, or even tell him that I’d made him dinner. I screamed
in frustration, then went upstairs, grabbed my laptop and came down by the
stairs, not the pole this time. I grabbed another glass of wine, tipped some
truffles into a bowl and put my feet up on the sofa in front of the fire and
logged into my emails to find another from Brooke.

I’m seriously worried about your emotional
state of health Ellie, you’ve got a crush on a gay guy. Has Zac really fucked
you up that badly? I thought you were ok, hurt and shocked, but ok? And stop
worrying about Maisie, she’s fine, more than fine. In fact, I think she loves
her new adopted mummy better than her own ;-) We’ll talk properly tomorrow, but
please let me know that you’re ok? LYMY xx

Don’t be mad at me, I lied. He’s not gay, he’s
so far from gay and I do have a serious crush. I didn’t want you to confuse me
by asking me loads of questions that I don’t have answers to, but I’m already
confused enough. Really looking forward to talking to you tomorrow and getting
your advice. LYMY too xx

I opened my manuscript, if anything Dan had
inspired me to write a story about unrequited love. The feeling I had inside of
wanting something that I couldn’t have, so badly, was more than enough to help
me write. I was startled by a knock on the door and looked at the clock, it was
nearly eleven p.m.
What could he want?
I set my laptop on the coffee
table and headed over to the door and flicked on the outside light. He was
standing there with just a t-shirt on his top half, holding my handbag which
made me laugh internally, yet somehow he still managed to look masculine.

‘I brought your bag,’ he called as he waved it.

‘So I see.’

‘Do you want it?’

‘You promised to stop doing that. Option two,
remember?’

‘I didn’t promise yet, you told me you’d get on a
plane tomorrow if I didn’t stick to your rules. It’s not tomorrow yet.’

‘So what? You’ve just come to return my bag, which
I told you I didn’t need, and wind me up again?’

‘No. I’m hungry.’

‘O, ok.’ I was disappointed. I was sort of hoping
that after our flirting and banter earlier he wanted to talk and explain
himself, but no, he was just after my cooking. I sighed, unlocked the door and
opened it for him. He’d barely stepped inside when he dropped my bag, kicked
the door shut behind him and grabbed me, yanking me against him.

‘What are you doing?’ I asked, my voice trembling
along with my body. ‘I thought you were hungry?’

‘I am,’ he growled sensuously, the lust in his
voice caressing my skin. ‘For you, Ellie.’

‘But you said … you made it clear, that you
couldn’t,’ I gasped as he walked me backwards in his arms towards the island,
with all the confidence of a man who was used to women submitting when he
willed it.

‘We have an hour before your deadline where I have
to stick to your request to be friends only. Do you want to keep questioning my
motives or would you prefer I spend that hour making you come a hundred
different ways?’