37 Things I Love (In No Particular Order) (16 page)

“Thanks. When do you leave?” I ask. Every summer when school lets out Abby’s family goes on vacation for a few weeks.

“In the morning,” she says quietly, pushing her hair over her shoulder.

The part that goes unsaid says everything. The night before they leave, I always stay over, because it’ll be weeks and weeks before we see each other and we have to get a good dose of togetherness before we’re pulled apart.

Not this time. Maybe we’ll pretend it’s because of Dad, or because Abby’s technically still grounded, or because we spent the night together just last weekend.

“See you in a few weeks,” she says, hugging me. Her hair smells like the shampoo we like, the one we bought two giant cases of on sale at the mall and had to call her mom to come and get us because they were too heavy to carry home on the bus.

My eyes prickle. “Yeah, sure.”

Mrs. Duncan squeezes my hand and then she tucks Abby under her arm and they blur into the crowd. I watch until they disappear behind my enormous second cousin. I think about how I took the broken heart necklace with
ST NDS
off my wall this morning and didn’t even cry.

*   *   *

CARA COMES ALONG
for the burial, the part in the cemetery where the coffin goes into the actual ground. We don’t hold hands, but she links her arm through mine. Besides us, it’s mostly family and a few of Mom’s old friends.

A quick wind lifts my hair from my neck. I turn my face into the summer breeze and breathe deeply. As if there’s something in it meant for me. A whisper, or a thought, or a comfort. The air whips up faster around me, and I can’t help but put out my arms and feel it blow.

In the space of a few days, my world’s been turned upside down. Everything changed, and it shook me, but it didn’t shake me loose. I’m still holding on. When I open my eyes and look down, the chasm doesn’t seem so deep.

Before, I thought the hope was keeping me going, but I guess it was bogging me down. I kept seeing Dad fall and trying to stop it, but that’s not what I’m seeing right now. I don’t know what to think about an afterlife, but I know he’s not falling anymore. He’s flying.

So maybe I don’t have to hold on so tight. Maybe it’s okay to let go a bit. I’m ready to leap. Well, almost ready. If I fall, it won’t be that far. The wind will catch me, lift me, safe as Dad’s arms.

The next part is easy.

Acknowledgments

Writers work alone, but only some of the time. I greatly appreciate the support I’ve received from many people in the process of writing this book.

Thank you to my parents and my brother for always believing in me. And to my cousins Katie, Christopher, and Anne for being some of my best book advocates!

Thank you to all the first readers of this manuscript, including my Champagne Sisters: Laurie Calkhoven, Bethany Hegedus, and Josanne LaValley; and the women of my writers’ group: Susan Amessé, Diana Childress, Catherine Stine, Vicki Wittenstein, Barbara Ensor, and Holly Kowitt.

Thank you to the faculty, alumni, and students of Vermont College of Fine Arts, who continue to support me and my work, especially Caitlin Baer, Tami Lewis Brown, Rita Williams-Garcia, and Zu Vincent.

Thank you to my sweet and savvy agent, Michelle Humphrey. And to my brilliant editor, Noa Wheeler, for attending to every word in every sentence with thoughtful love and care, along with everyone at Henry Holt who helped bring this book to life.

Finally, since this book is a lot about friendship, thank you to my many friends (named and unnamed), who make life more fun and the hard times easier: Sarah Badavas, Stephanie Nichols Ford, Carmen Goetschius, Shawn Jordan, Kerry Land, Grace Lester, Kristina Leonardi, Eric Murbach, and Bich-Van Pham.

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Copyright © 2012 by Kekla Magoon

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Magoon, Kekla.

37 things I love (in no particular order) / Kekla Magoon. — 1st ed.

p.          cm.

Summary: Fifteen-year-old Ellis recalls her favorite things as her mother’s desire to turn off the machines that have kept Ellis’s father alive for two years fill the last four days of her sophomore year with major changes in herself and her relationships.

ISBN 978-0-8050-9465-7 (hc)

[1.  Self-actualization (Psychology)—Fiction.   2.  Interpersonal relations—Fiction.   3.  Coma—Fiction.   4.  Grief—Fiction.   5.  High schools—Fiction.   6.  Schools—Fiction.]   I.  Title.   II.  Title: Thirty-seven things I love (in no particular order).

PZ7.M2739Aam 2012       [Fic]—dc23       2011031998

eISBN 978-1-4299-4170-9

First Edition—2012