8 Mile & Rion (13 page)

The woman talking to her team mates was loved by her old man. He raised her right and it showed. She was a good woman and she was too good for the likes of me, but if I could change even a little bit and could keep her, I sure as hell would fucking try. When her guys walk over to say goodbye, I watch everything she does. When she spoke she used her whole body, when she smiled it was with every muscle in her face. When she spoke of me personally, she was actually bragging in full detail and fuck if she didn’t look proud to be here with me. Shaking hands in goodbye and packing up I feel the urgency to get her home, under me and safe.

I even let her do all the talking on the way back while I sorted my head out. Truth is, I could listen to her talk for hours. Mostly she replayed my killing spree from her point of view and I felt like a king that she thought I was somebody. She wasn’t doing it to bullshit me either, she meant every word. Once we’re back in the city she takes my hand and laces her fingers through mine.

“Thanks for coming today,” she says looking down at our hands linked.

“Thanks for inviting me.” I manage to groan out.

“I don’t know what war’s like,” she says squeezing me, “but thank you for doing it so people like me didn’t have to.”

Speechless, I replay what she said and was struggling with what to say back. No one’s ever thanked me before, that’s for damn sure. Parking in the garage, she said to leave the car in gear for later, so I did. She asked me to give her a few minutes while she checked her messages so I opted for a shower and made us both some dinner while I waited. The door opens, Rio walks in, flops on the couch and eats Rion’s salad. “Said she’d be a while, got a bunch of bets to place. You got me for a few.”

“Wonderful,” I mutter making her another salad.

“Airsoft, huh? She talked you into it, or did you lose a bet?” When I don’t answer he keeps going with his mouth full. Rio was a sloppy eater and didn’t seem to care in the least. “Went with her a few times but the girl never tires out and she’d shoot me when I wouldn’t follow the rules, so I quit going.”

Still ignoring him he keeps yapping. “Hope it’s cool I had her bail your ass out. She was all fucked up about thinking you were a no show. Heard the judge let you go, but if you ever get to see her in court for real, prepare to get your god damn mind blown.”

“Why’d she quit if she’s so good?”

“She only went to school because Senior wanted her to. She’d be happy taking bets for the rest of her life; she’s that good at it. But the only thing she loved more than betting was making him proud. Thing is, she dedicated her life to making him happy. Junior wanted what Senior wanted. He didn’t want this life for her. She knew that and did it for him. For me too, I guess. She’s had to defend me once or twice over the years.”

“I lost my shit earlier out on the field,” I confess. “She brought me back.”

“She’s good like that,” he says smiling, then frowns. “You break her heart I’ll kill you, Loyal. Not trying to sound hard, but it’s true. I would probably have to use a rocket launcher or some shit, but one way or the other you would die. I love her, she’s all I got, best remember that. She’s had enough loss for one female. She’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy but don’t take that shit for granted. You best do what it takes to make her happy too or bail now. I’ve never seen her like this with anyone and I don’t like it. For some reason she thinks you’re special. Best make sure she knows you think she’s special too.”

With that said, he got up and left. Taking a seat at the table I have to seriously ask myself if I have what it takes to get over the shit with Jill to have a real go at this with her. But when she walks in and lights up when she sees me, I realize that even though I don’t have a definite answer, I was willing to risk it.

“You made me a salad?”

“You need to eat, don’t you?”

“I don’t skip meals,” she giggles grabbing the plate.

“You shouldn’t,” I tell her watching as she takes her first bite “You’re too small as it is.”

“Too small? Maybe. But I’m sturdy.”

The comment did not go unnoticed by my dick. “I could hurt you,” I remind her. “I told you I came back wrong. Be damn sure you’re ready for me because I won’t hold back with you. I don’t know how.”

Pushing her plate away after a quick bite, she stands up taking my hand. “Oh baby,” she says, pulling me towards her room. “I was hoping you would say that.”

Then with all of the finesse of a high school kid getting his first lay, I tripped over myself following her.

‘The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.’

~ Ambrose Bierce

When you take bets for a living you get good at bullshitting. I was so full of shit right now it wasn’t even funny. I want him, of that there is no doubt, but I’m not nearly as brave as I’m pretending to be. Loyal is a big man, a strong man and as much as I don’t want him to go easy on me, I don’t know what to do in the event that he doesn’t. The few partners I had were safe. I thought safe was the way to go, but watching him morph into a hungry man because of me, I knew that safe was cowardly. I wanted this. I wanted it raw, dirty and often. He’d give that to me in spades. I knew it and so did my vagina.

So when he took his shirt off, I bit my lip and my hands got itchy. I wanted me some of that. “Do you work out?” I ask without thinking, then slap myself mentally for saying something so stupid.

“No,” he says in a low voice as he approaches, “but I’m about to.”

“Oh,” I mumble, feeling uncertain of what comes next. The first time I came onto him I felt confident. But after that nightmare ending I wasn’t as confident as I should be.

“You afraid of me?” he asks placing my hair behind my ear.

“No,” I whisper, hugging him. “I’m not afraid of you.”

“I need control of you, Rion,” he groans. “Tell me I can have it.”

“You can have it.”

“Lay down.”

Breaking away from him, I crawl onto the bed and stretch out onto my back. He watches but doesn’t move. “Loyal?”

“Spread your legs,” he orders me after a moment and slowly I do. When his hands ball into fists, I know he’s as affected as I am. Almost as if he’s unsure, he closes his eyes and groans. “Touch yourself.” Slowly moving my hands between my legs, I do that too. I wasn’t sure exactly in what manner he wanted to do it so I started out by making circles. Then he cupped himself and groaned and any shyness I had, fled.

“Feel good?” he asks me.

“No,” I moan quietly.

“No?” he asks looking confused.

“No,” I repeat. “I want you to do it.”

Dropping his hands, he lowers his jeans and boxers then crawls up to me. Pulling me under him I can feel his breath on my face, but he doesn’t move otherwise. Then seeming to make a decision, he places his forearm behind my back to hold me up and uses the other to bend my head back. This was a different Loyal, a more confident Loyal. He was engaging in something out of his comfort zone and this was huge for both of us. He was asking me to trust him and I was. Despite our brief history, I already trusted him with my life. Now I would take it one step further and trust him with my body. Melting into him I watch as he kisses my ear, my neck and then down the front of my chest, until he takes a nipple into his mouth.

“Better?”

“Mhmm,” I moan. “Much better.”

Minutes pass as he pays attention to every part of me with his lips. Panting, I try over and over to move my arms, but he won’t allow it. Finally giving up, I trust him to guide me. Taking his left hand he slides his fingers through my folds but doesn’t penetrate me or tease my clit. Even that small amount of contact felt amazing.

“Wet,” he says in what sounded like disbelief. Then his demeanor changes. Suddenly his arm is gone, I’m on my back with my legs spread and him in between them. “Wider,” he orders and I try, but find I’ve reached my limit. Wrapping them around him as best I could, I use my heels to bring him closer. I need this, now.

“Please,” I whisper, “I hurt, Loyal.”

He does this manly growl like what I said was what he was waiting for, then without warning, he plunges. Shocked by it, the fullness and the force of it, I grip his sides in an effort to control the pace. With his shoulders pinning my arms, I could only squeeze his sides letting him know I was with him. Pinning me even harder, he pounds into me with such strength my legs burn trying to hold on. He felt just like I thought he would, but I want more, something was missing. Minutes pass and he continues to fuck me in total silence. No kissing, touching, moans, grunts and no words of praise.

Why was he so quiet? Was he enjoying himself? Dammit, I wanted to hear him. “Loyal,” I say gripping him, “are you with me?”

“Yeah,” he says continuing the same movement with no technique whatsoever. It’s in out, in out. I feel myself losing my nerve. Is he thinking of her? Why won’t he look at me? Move around? Talk to me?

“Can I try something?” I ask, unsure of what his response will be. Right now it seems like the idea of sex intrigues him but not the actual act. He’s treating this, me, like a job.

Slowing down he asks slowly, “Try what?”

“Let me flip over,” I suggest, hoping the position would allow him to let loose a little.

“On your hands and knees?” he asks stopping altogether. “Like a whore?”

“What?” I ask shocked he said the words. “I’m not a whore!”

Pulling out of me, then climbing off the bed I see he’s already limp and getting dressed. Feeling very vulnerable and righteously pissed, I pull the covers up. “You sure about that?” he throws at me. “Pretty sure that’s what whore’s do.”

“I—I—”

“You what? You want to be fucked like a whore but can’t be called one?”

Jumping out of bed, modesty forgotten and grabbing my own clothes, I push past him to leave. “You’re an asshole and I have work to do.”

Stowing the tears for later, I slam one door and rip open another. Fuck him and his issues. I’m a lot of things but I am not a whore. According to him Jill was a whore. In fact, instead of her name he just calls her
the whore
. Now I’m a whore too. My guess is to him all women are whores. Yeah well, he’s a fucking dick and trusting him was a mistake.

Turning on my lap top and grabbing the checkbook I set about paying Rio, Loyal and the two cops what they’re due. The cops need to step up their game though because Loyal was just behind Rio in collections for the week. Reaching into my top drawer for my signature stamp for the checks it’s when I see recent pictures of myself with a handwritten note, I start shaking violently.

I’ve seen you before, I’ve seen you quite often.

You were promised to me for a bet forgotten.

Nothing is given, nothing is free.

Because of one deal you’re now my property.

What the fuck? Flying out of my chair, I look around for a threat in the shadows but I don’t see one. Picking up the phone I dial one number. When the one man I do trust answers, I keep it simple. “Get here.”

Five minutes later he was there and when he came through that door, I launched myself at him and refused to let go.

‘You have to recognize your mistakes, own them and pay the consequences. If that doesn’t work then keep doing it until you get it right.’

~Mrs. Davis tenth grade high school counselor

Packing up my shit, I sat down to write her a note then a few words in, tossed it. I can’t apologize in a fucking note. I also can’t keep doing shit like this. Especially, not to her. When I was inside of her I was fighting with myself to stay focused, be gentle, make it good for her and I couldn’t even manage that. Old habits are hard to break. All I could hear was
don’t touch me there
,
that’s dirty
,
a lady doesn’t do that
and
do you have to be so loud and disgusting
? I could feel her struggling to free her hands and as much as I wanted them on me, I was afraid of it. There was no apologizing for this. I broke her trust an
d said cruel things.