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He informed us in a matter true to his personal style, transforming the dining room into a multimedia presentation area with a few spoken words. Screens dropped into place in response to the voice recognition technology, the room darkened, and Bro. Gemini then told us that although he would bear the cost of the wines and spirits, which amounted to well over a quarter million dollars (a bargain, he claimed, considering the short time in which his staff had to gather them), the shared cost of the dinner itself amounted to eight hundred and fifty thousand dollars each.

At the gasp from the Signs, Bro. Gemini inquired of Bro. Capricorn the cost of the previous dinner, which he had solely borne, and was told the amount was seventeen thousand dollars, not including the wines. Bro. Gemini admitted that there was quite a difference between seventeen thousand dollars and over ten million, but that his fellow Signs would understand when they realized just what it was of which they had partaken.

The presentation began then, a combination of video and still photography that showed in detail the process of harvesting the meat, with sections entitled “On the Hoof,” “Making the Purchase,” “The Butchering Process,” and finally “In the Kitchen.” Much of the material was more graphic than several of the Signs cared to see, your secretary included, and Bro. Cancer and Bro. Libra wasted both the meal and the wines by disgorging the entire contents of their stomachs into thoughtfully provided plastic-lined silk bags.

Still, no one left their seats, and at the end of the presentation, Bro. Gemini gave an eloquent defense and rationale for his menu selections, by the end of which nearly all the Signs were in agreement with him, and checks for each Sign’s share were promised.

Bro. Aries was named the caterer of the next dinner, and assured his brother Signs that he would continue in the tradition established by Bro. Gemini.

Adjourned.

Capricorn,
Secretary

… Cubicle steak. Ed Devore and John Thornton, my old friends, actually laughed at that ghastly pun. Perhaps New England inbreeding has softened their brains so that they can find such a thing funny. Although Devore vomited at first, along with Levine, I think it was because of the graphic elements of the presentation rather than the knowledge of what they had ingested. They probably would have gotten sick at the sight of a steer being butchered, let alone a human being
.

Cubicle Steak and Champion de Virginie, Chambers’s dreadful wordplay. Champion for
Jambon,
and it happens that Kevin Dupree, a purchasing agent in Chambers’s company, was indeed the Virginia state spelling bee champion when he was in middle school, as his projected résumé told us
.

And what awful detail Chambers went into to carry out his parallels to the raising and purchasing of stock. We saw footage of Dupree “on the hoof,” both at his job and with his family; we saw the chilling purchase, Chambers himself offering the man ten million dollars for his family if he would vanish forever; then Dupree’s slow breaking down as the realization dawned that he was Chambers’s body and soul, and that
if he refused he and his family would he ruined, both financially and in other ways that only a man with a vast fortune might accomplish
.

The butchering itself was numbing, nearly as deadening to me as it must have been to poor Dupree; then seeing the meat cooked and prepared for serving, and most coldhearted of all, seeing us eating it in footage that had been shot by hidden cameras only an hour before and then assembled by Chambers’s flunkies
.

By the end, some Signs looked sick, some merely uncomfortable, and some were smiling as though they were boys who had been caught stealing candy. But when Chambers began to speak, their faces changed. Though the man can be as coarse as a line worker, he can be as eloquently silver-tongued as the devil when required. He talked about the twelve of us as the true leaders of the country, the new lords of the world, and how our employees, from the humblest we never see to the executives who work closely with us, are all commodities, material to be bought and sold and used as needed. “Our intelligence and foresight and energy have given us the power,” he said, “to enrich them or impoverish them … or devour them, if we will it.”

And God help me, I could not tell the others that he was wrong. He had already proven himself right. He has seduced them, my friends along with my competitors. I could see their minds churning, thinking of how they might top Chambers’s feast. Condelli is next month’s caterer, and he seemed thrilled beyond measure at the prospect
.

My desire to spread civility has set something quite the opposite into motion, and I do not see how I can stop it. Honor compels me to remain silent, but also to end what I have unwillingly begun. I would do so immediately, but if that is not possible, I have nearly a year until it is once again my turn to serve as caterer, and many things can happen in a year. …

Third Meeting

THE HAVENS, BALTIMORE, MARYLAND JANUARY
26
TH
, 20—

Present at table: All Signs. Aries, caterer
.

MENU:

January 27th:

… Lamb was Condelli’s Director of European Operations. At first I thought it possible that he simply might have contributed his leg and survived, since the cost was far less than for Chambers’s dinner, but my investigations show that Philip Lamb has disappeared
.

Such an act boldly throws down the gauntlet for the other Signs. Lamb had been quite important to the success of Condelli’s overseas ventures. It was as though Condelli was saying that anyone can lose an anonymous office drone, but
he
was willing to make a real
sacrifice. …

Fourth Meeting

DOUBLE R RANCH, DALLAS, TEXAS FEBRUARY
23
RD
, 20—

Present at table: All Signs. Taurus, caterer
.

MENU:

February 24th:

… bad enough that Rank would discard his two top drilling men from his Mexican offshore rigs, but to further weaken himself by barbecuing his distribution Vice-President for that terrible beef/veep pun was utterly foolish. But far worse was his disposal of his entire legal team as a mere appetizer. Of course, he’ll put together another, but still it seems insane. …

Fifth Meeting

THE DEVORE HOUSE, BOSTON, MA MARCH
30
TH
, 20—

Present at table: All Signs. Cancer, caterer
.

MENU:

March 31st:

… a return to fine dining after Rank’s reprehensible Texas barbecue. But Devore has taken the whole thing to a new plateau—or an even lower depth. Perhaps he felt the only way to top Rank was to make more than just a business sacrifice. I have no doubt that he loved Mindy. She had been his mistress for seven years. Psychologically, a loss like that can be far more devastating to a man and his business than the loss of personnel alone can be, and I could see that Devore was feeling the loss deeply. It will be interesting to see the progress of his holdings over the next few months. Rank’s growth has certainly been curtailed in the wake of his dinner. Perhaps after Chambers is dealt with, I might try a silent run at Double-R Industries. …

Seventh Meeting

CEO de lait, rôti …

Ninth Meeting

Directeurs à la crème …

Eleventh Meeting

Pére à la organe …

Twelfth Meeting

THE TAYLOR HOUSE, MIAMI, FLORIDA NOVEMBER
30
TH
, 20—

Present at table: All Signs. Virgo, caterer
.

MENU:

WINES:

Krug 1978

Chateau Latour 1946—Magnum

Clos de Vougeot 1948

Madeira, rainwater 1886

Napoleon brandy 1873

Most of the Signs seemed in somber mood this evening, in spite of Brother Virgo’s splendid repast. Though Bro. Virgo himself seemed a bit glum, possibly over the business misfortunes that have adversely affected nearly all of the Signs, and possibly over the provenance of the sweetbreads, spirits seemed to lift as more and more spirits were consumed.

Several of the Signs joshed Bro. Gemini concerning the successful hostile takeover of his company by Bro. Capricorn, who protested that in spite of the technical terminology he felt no hostility toward Bro. Gemini at all, and hoped that Bro. Gemini reciprocated his goodwill. Bro. Capricorn concluded by telling Bro. Gemini that despite the tides of fortune there would always be a place for him at this table.

A full year now having passed since the first meeting of the New Zodiac, it falls to Bro. Capricorn once again to perform the function of caterer at next month’s dinner, which, he informed his brother Signs, he expected them all to attend.

Adjourned.

Capricorn,
Secretary

December 1st:

… his own daughter. They’ve become monsters, but at a woeful cost. No matter how tough and ruthless you may be, you cannot remain unmoved when serving up your own flesh and blood
.

And your
business
cannot remain unmoved when your guilt interferes with your attention to it, and you leave gaping holes in your corporate charts by butchering those who made it what it is
.

Nor can that business remain unshaken when your surviving employees are individually informed of what has happened, by messages that remain on screen just long enough to read and then vanish forever from Fairfax Technologies’ now universally used network servers
.

December 9th:

The
Signs are all, save one, ruined, victims of their own hunger and the things that hunger brought. With my inside knowledge of their troubles
,
it has been easy to buy them out and swallow them up in their weakened condition. The last one fell just this morning
.

The companies of the Signs of the New Zodiac have been devoured
.

Minutes of the Thirteenth and Final Meeting of the New Zodiac

THE FAIRFAX CLUB, NEW YORK DECEMBER
28th, 20—

Present at table: All Signs. Capricorn, caterer
.

Absent from their seats: Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius
.

MENU:

WINES:

Pol Roger extra dry 1956

Château Latour 1947

Tichner Madeira 1868

Café Anglais 1854

Discussion following the dinner was succinct. Brother Capricorn observed that sometimes there is no remedy for incivility in society but removal of the incivil elements. No one spoke in opposition to this remark.

After a brief period of silence, it was moved by Brother Capricorn that the New Zodiac be dissolved due to lack of members. The motion carried,
1
–0.

Bro. Capricorn, having dined alone, offered to bear the entire cost of the dinner, and there were no objections.

The other Signs rested most comfortably, and most civilly.

Adjourned.

Capricorn,
Secretary