A Baby and a Betrothal (5 page)

“Slut,” Katie whispered as she ran her fingers through the Lab's soft fur. She didn't want to think about how much she had in common with Tater, since Katie's instinct was to beg for loving every time she thought about Noah. Even at her angriest she wanted him, which made her more pathetic than she was willing to admit.

She commanded herself to
woman up
as Noah hopped onto her porch and leaned against the wood rail.

“Are you afraid to come any closer?” she asked, straightening. Tater flipped to her feet and headed into the box spruce bushes that ran along the front of the house.

“Should I be?” His voice was low and her body—stupid, traitorous body—immediately reacted. The darkness of the night lent a sort of intimacy to their exchange that Katie tried her best to ignore.

She forced herself not to look at him standing in the shadows. She was stronger than she had been a week ago, committed to moving on from her silly girlhood crush. The fact that the object of that crush had just crashed a very promising first date was irrelevant. “What are you doing here, Noah?”

“Protecting you.”

She huffed out a laugh. “From a really nice guy who might actually be interested in me?” She turned for the house, opening the screen door. “Excuse me if I forget to thank you.”

Her fingers had just touched the door handle when Noah was beside her, reaching out to grab her wrist. “I'm sorry,” he whispered, releasing her when she tugged away from his grasp. “I
did
want to make sure you were okay.”

“Why wouldn't I be?”

“I don't know.” He raked his fingers through his blond hair, leaving the ends sticking out all over. It should have made him look silly, but to Katie it was a reminder of running her own hands through his hair when he'd held her. “I've been a lousy friend, and this isn't my place. I've told you I can't give you what you want. We both know that. But...you're
alone
here, Katie.”

Her lungs shut down for a second as sharp pain lanced through her at his words. Then she gasped and his gaze met hers, a mix of tenderness and sympathy that had her blinking back sudden tears. He knew, she realized. Her biggest fear, the one nobody recognized because she kept it so hidden. As busy as she was, as much as everyone in this community needed her, at the end of the day Katie was alone. Alone and afraid that if she didn't make herself useful, they'd toss her aside. It was irrational, she knew, but she couldn't seem to stop herself from believing it. Without the bakery and her volunteering and offers to help wherever it was needed, where would she be? Who would want her—who would love her—if she didn't have something to give them?

Could Noah possibly understand? And if he did, how could she ever look at him again?

He paced to the edge of the porch and back. “When was the last time you saw your parents?”

Her mouth dropped open and she clapped it shut again. “Two summers ago. They had a layover in Denver. Dad had just finished an Ironman in Europe.”

“They didn't come to Crimson?”

She shook her head. “He wanted to get back to his business. His coaching business has exploded in the past few years. He still races but spends more time training other elite athletes.” He continued to watch her, so she added, “Mom and Dad haven't been here since my grandma's funeral.”

“So no one in your family has seen the changes you've made to the bakery? How successful you've made it.”

“It was successful when Gram ran it.”

“Not to the level it is now. Do your parents have any idea?”

“They wanted me to sell the shop and the house after Gram died. Mom never liked me working at the bakery. You know that.” She smoothed a hand across her stomach. “She didn't think it was good for me to be near all that sugary temptation. She was afraid I'd get fat again.”

“You weren't fat.”

She almost smiled, but the memory of so many years of being ashamed about her weight and having every mouthful of food analyzed by her mother drained any wistful humor she felt about the past. “You don't remember when I first moved to Crimson. By the time you started dating Tori in high school, I was halfway to the goal weight my parents set for me.”

“I remember you just fine.” Noah shrugged. “I just never saw you like that.”

Katie suppressed a sigh. Was it any wonder she'd fallen in love with him back then? She bit down on her lip, forcing herself to keep the walls so newly erected around her heart in place. “You never saw me at all.”

* * *

As if he needed that reminder, Noah thought, as Katie's words hung in the air between them. He should walk away right now. It had been a stupid, impulsive idea to show up at her house when he knew she had a date. He had no business intruding on her life.

“I'm a jackass, Katie-bug,” he said with a laugh then cringed when she didn't correct him. “But I wasn't lying when I said I wanted you to be happy. I came here because... I guess it doesn't matter why. I want to be a better friend if you'll let me.” He shut his eyes for a moment, clenched his fists then focused on her. “Even if that means vetting your dates for you.”

She arched one eyebrow, a look so out of place and yet so perfect on her he had to fight not to reach for her again.

“Matt Davis is a good guy.”

Her eyes narrowed. “How do you know my date's name?”

“I asked around.” He shrugged. “I'm sorry if I cut your night short. I'm sorry I keep doing things that make me have to apologize to you.” He flashed a smile. “Good night, Katie.”

He stepped around her onto the porch steps.

“Noah?”

He turned. His name on her tongue was soft. The same tenderness that had annoyed him earlier from his mother now made him want to melt against Katie. To beg her not to give up on him.

“I'll be praying for your mom tomorrow.” She wrapped her arms tight around herself as if she was also trying to hold herself back. “And you.”

He gave a quick jerk of his head in response then took off into the night. He couldn't stand there and let her watch his eyes fill with tears. Her kindness slayed him, made him want and wish for things that weren't going to be. Even now, as he moved down the quiet street, Tater's breathing soft at his side, he wanted to run. The feelings that had bubbled to the surface at his mom's house earlier were still churning inside of him. It was part of what had driven him to Katie tonight.

After his mom and Emily had gone to bed, the farmhouse had been so quiet that Noah's mind had gone into overdrive. Thinking and remembering. Two pastimes he'd tried like hell to avoid the past decade. His job kept him moving and he surrounded himself with friends—and women—during his downtime. Noah was always up for a good time as long as there were no strings attached. It was what had affected his friendship with Katie. Like his mom, she wanted more from him. She knew the serious stuff, the demons that haunted him, and it had been easier to keep her at arm's length than to see himself fail at living up to her expectations.

But he couldn't run any longer. He was tethered to this town and to the women in his life by an unbreakable, invisible thread. He wasn't sure whether he had it in him to become what each of them needed, but it was past time he tried.

Chapter Five

T
he next morning dawned far too early. Noah moved on autopilot as he drove his mother along with Emily and Davey toward Denver. His mom tuned the radio to her favorite station, all of them silent as music filled the SUV. He expected Emily to initiate some sort of conversation, but when he glanced at her in the rearview mirror, all her attention was focused on Davey watching a movie on his iPad. Normally the winding drive down into the city calmed Noah, but he hardly noticed the scenery. His mom worked quietly on her knitting until they arrived at the hospital.

She'd already had her pre-op visit and filled out most of the paperwork, so it was only a short wait at registration before she was admitted. They stayed with her until she was moved to the OR, emotion lodging in Noah's throat as she kissed his cheek.

“I love you, Mom,” he called as they wheeled her through the double doors.

She waved, her smile cheery as she disappeared.

He felt Emily sag against him and wrapped one arm around her shoulders. “She's going to be fine.”

His sister's response was to punch him lightly in the stomach. “I know you're as scared as I am. Don't act like you aren't.”

He sighed and closed his eyes, allowing his fear to wash through him for just a moment, testing how it felt, how much of it he could handle. When the feelings rose up and threatened to choke him, he forced them down again. “I'm acting like I believe she's going to make it through this, Em. I can't stomach the alternative right now.”

“That's fair,” she answered softly. “We
will
get through this.”

“I need to go potty,” Davey announced. The boy stood just a foot away from them, his arms straight at his sides, his gaze fixed on the linoleum squares of the hospital's tiled floor.

“Let's go, then, little man.” She glanced at Noah with a halfhearted smile.

“I'll be in the waiting room.” He watched his sister guide Davey around the corner toward the restrooms, and then he turned and made his way down the hall to the surgical waiting area.

A man stood as he approached. “What are you doing here?” Noah asked.

Jason Crenshaw shrugged. “Where else would I be?” He stepped forward and gave Noah a quick hug. “Meg is the closest thing to a mom I had. You're like a brother to me. Of course I'm here.”

Jase had been Noah's best friend since they started second grade, assigned to sit next to each other alphabetically. Noah hated to admit how many tests he'd passed by looking over his friend's shoulder. Jase had been smart, motivated and intent on doing the right thing all the time—a perfect teacher's pet and the exact opposite of Noah. But the two had forged an unlikely bond that had seen them through both good times and bad.

Like Katie, Jase saw past his good-old-boy act. Unlike Katie, most of the time he let Noah get away with it. Although Jase hadn't been athletic as a kid, he'd grown into his body and now stood an inch taller than Noah's own six foot two. Whenever Noah was in town, he and Jase would find time for some type of extreme outdoor activity—rock climbing in the summer and fall or backcountry snowboarding in the winter. With Jase's dark hair and glasses covering his hazel eyes, they didn't look like family, but Jase had always felt like a brother to Noah.

But he'd purposely kept his communication with Jase to texts and voice mails this trip. Jase had been raised by an alcoholic single father and had spent many afternoons, most weekends and even one extended stay with Noah's family when his dad had finally ended up doing jail time after too many DUIs. Noah knew their close relationship should have made him reach out to Jase, but instead the idea of sharing his pain with his friend had been too much.

Now he realized he'd probably hurt Jase by not including him—another fence to mend during his time in Crimson.

“I'm sorry I haven't—”

“No apologies,” Jase interrupted. “You get to deal with this however works for you. But I'm going to be here one way or another.”

Noah bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. “I'm glad.”

“How's your mom holding up?” Jase asked as Noah sat in the chair next to him. The waiting room was almost empty at this early hour, only an older man in a far corner reading the newspaper. That should be his father, Noah thought with a sense of bitterness. His dad should be here now, and the old loss tugged at him again.

“She's a trouper, like always. She's happy to have Emily and me under her roof again, even if it's for such an awful reason.”

“Emily's here, too?”

Noah glanced up at his friend's sharp tone. “She came in last week with her son.”

“What about her husband? The politician, right?”

“I hear you're the local politician now.” Both men looked at Emily, who walked up to where they sat, Davey following close at her heels but still not touching her.

Jase scrambled to his feet. “Hey, Em.” He shoved his hand forward and ended up poking Emily in the stomach as she leaned in to hug him.

Noah hid a smile as his sister grunted, rubbed at her belly and stepped back.

“Sorry about that,” Jase mumbled, reaching one of his long arms to pat her awkwardly on the shoulder. “It's good to see you, but I'm sorry this is the reason for your visit.” He continued to thump her shoulder until Emily finally pulled his arm away.

Noah cringed for his buddy. Jase's crush on Emily was well-known to everyone but Noah's sister. She'd never seen him as anything but one of Noah's annoying friends.

He thought about Katie and how feelings could change in an instant. Still, he couldn't imagine his lively, sophisticated sister with a hometown boy like Jase. Emily had always wanted more than Crimson could offer, even more so after their father died. But life didn't always pan out the way a person expected. The gauzy circles under his sister's eyes were a testament to that.

“It's nice of you to be here, Jason,” Emily said in a tone Noah imagined her using at fancy society dinners where she'd lived with Henry in Boston. “And congratulations on your success in Crimson. I'm sure you'll make a great mayor.”

Color rose to Jase's neck. “The campaign's just started, but I'm cautiously optimistic.”

Emily glanced at Noah. “We know that feeling.”

“Is this your son?” Jase crouched down to eye level with Davey. Noah saw Emily's eyes widen and wondered what he'd missed. “What's your name, buddy?”

“Davey, say hello to Mr. Crenshaw.” Her voice was wooden as she threw Noah a helpless look. Davey continued to hide behind her legs.

“Hey, Jase,” Noah said quickly. “Tell me more about your plans for the campaign. Maybe I can help while I'm home.”

Jase glanced up at Noah then straightened. Emily took the opportunity to duck away, leading Davey over to the far side of the waiting area and taking out a LEGO box from the shopping bag slung over her shoulder.

“She really doesn't like me,” Jase muttered. “Something about me literally repels her. Always has.”

“It's not like that.” Noah placed a hand on his friend's back. “She's dealing with a lot right now.”

Jase's gaze turned immediately concerned. “Like what? Is she okay? Is that East Coast prick treating her right?”

Noah squeezed shut his eyes for a moment. This was the last conversation he wanted to have right now, and he couldn't share Emily's story with Jase anyway. It wasn't his to tell.

He looked at Jase again, ready to offer an excuse and change the subject, when something made him glance down the hospital's hall. Katie walked toward him, balancing a large picnic basket in her arms. She wore a pale blue sundress and a yellow cardigan sweater over it. A well-worn pair of ankle-high boots covered her feet, and the few inches of pale skin between the top of the leather and the hem of her dress were the sexiest thing he'd ever seen. Her hair was swept up, tiny wisps framing her face. He caught her eye and she gave him a sweet, almost apologetic smile.

He stepped forward, heart racing, to greet her.

“Sorry I wasn't here earlier,” she said, lifting the basket. “I wanted to bring—”

Before she could finish, he grabbed the picnic basket from her hands, set it on the ground and wrapped his arms tight around her. He buried his face in her hair, smelling the sugar-and-vanilla scent that was uniquely hers. With Katie in his arms, a sense of peace flooded through him. Suddenly he had hope—for his mom and for himself. Everything else melted away, from his sister's hollowed eyes to Jase's unwanted concern. He'd deal with everything. But all that seemed to matter at the moment was that Katie hadn't given up on him.

* * *

Katie tried to keep her heart guarded as the warmth of Noah's big body seeped through her thin sweater and dress. She hadn't even been sure she should come to the hospital today after how their last conversation had ended.

But she'd known his family forever and she wasn't the type of person to desert a friend in need, even if it took a toll on her emotions. Who was she kidding? She couldn't possibly have stayed away. People in need were Katie's specialty. She'd gone extra early to the bakery this morning to make fresh scones and sandwiches for later. Food was love in her world, and she was always ready to offer her heart on a plate—or in a picnic basket.

But Noah dropped the food to the floor as if it didn't matter. Right now, he was holding on to her as though she was his rock in the middle of a stormy sea. Funny that for years she'd wanted to be that person for Noah, but he'd been unwilling to look at life as anything but a continual party. Now that she'd decided to give up on her unrequited love for him, he wanted her for something more.

For how long? she couldn't help but wonder. Even as his breath against her neck made her stomach dip and dive, she could already see the ending. His mom would make it through the surgery—there was no question in Katie's mind about that. And as soon as Meg recovered fully, Noah would go back to his party-boy ways and leave Katie and Crimson behind once again.

She knew he was friends with many of the women he'd dated over the years. In his heart, he loved women—all women—he just couldn't commit to one. When things got serious, he'd move on. Yet Katie'd always been amazed at the warmth between him and most of his former flames. It was impossible to remain angry with Noah for long. He couldn't help who he was. But Katie had to keep the truth about him fresh in her mind so she wouldn't make what was happening between them into something more than it was.

When she caught both Jase and Emily staring at them, she pulled away, quickly picking up the picnic basket and holding it in front of her like a shield. “Is everything okay?” she asked, thinking maybe there was a reason for his uncharacteristic display of affection toward her. “Have you heard something?”

He glanced at the clock hanging above the elevator doors across the hall and shook his head. “It's too early. The doctor estimated close to five hours for the surgery.” His blue eyes were intense as he looked back at her. “Thank you for coming. It means...a lot to me.”

She swallowed, her throat dry. Why did she ever think she could keep her heart out of the equation with this man? As much as she wanted to support Noah and his family, this was dangerous territory for her. “I wanted to bring by some food. There's breakfast and lunch in here.”

“Katie, I—”

“By breakfast, I hope you mean something you baked this morning.” Jase Crenshaw stood and moved forward, as if he could sense how hard this was for Katie. Jase was one of the nicest guys she knew, and at this moment, Katie appreciated the rescue.

“Cranberry-orange-and-cinnamon scones,” she answered with a smile, beginning to lift the cover off the basket.

“Thanks.” Noah quickly took it from her and handed it to his friend. “Here you go, Jase. Give us a minute.”

Jase took the basket and Katie clenched her palms together in front of her stomach, feeling exposed without something separating her from Noah. She gave a small wave to Emily, who nodded but stayed with her son on the floor in one corner of the waiting room.

Jase peeked in the basket. “Looks and smells delicious, Katie.”

“There are paper plates and napkins on the bottom.” She took a step around Noah but he grabbed her wrist.

“A minute,” he said again to Jase, who lifted his brows but turned away with the basket of food.

As if realizing he was holding on to her in a way that seemed almost proprietary, Noah released her arm. “You didn't have to bring the food.”

She flashed a bright smile. “Have you eaten anything today?”

He looked at her for a long moment before shaking his head.

“You have to keep up your strength for your mom. She's going to need you.”

“I need...” he began then shook his head. “You're right, as usual.”

“Josh and Logan are planning on coming down later. They don't want you and Emily waiting here alone.”

“Logan told me, but they don't have to do that.”

“They're your friends, Noah. They want to be here.” She gestured to where Jase stood with Emily. “I'm glad Jase is with you. He cares about your family a lot.”

Noah continued to watch her, as if anticipating her next words.

“I only wanted to drop off the food. I have some things for the bakery I need to pick up in Denver and—”

“Stay.”

Her lips parted as he breathed out the one word, as if she could catch the air whispering from his lungs. “You don't—”

“I don't want your food, Katie.” He stopped, ran one hand through his thick blond hair. “It was sweet and generous of you to bring the basket of stuff. I'm sure it will help while we're waiting. But I want... I need...” His gaze slammed into hers and she almost took a step back at the intensity in his blue eyes before he blinked and shuttered his emotions once more. “Just stay,” he whispered.