A Baby Before Dawn (12 page)

“That’s possibly how Shea found us, too.” Chase squeezed his friend’s hand. How had he ever doubted Ben’s loyalty? “You got here just in time.”

“Looks that way.” Ben’s eyes went to Lily. “She okay?”

“I think she’s in labor.”

Even through the grimace of pain, Ben smiled. “You better get over there.”

Chase squeezed his hand again. “You saved our lives, bro.”

“Just doing my job.”

“Ambulance will be here any moment.”

“Go,” Ben said.

Chase didn’t want to leave him—Ben Parker was in a bad way. But Lily needed him, too.

Taking off his shirt, Chase covered Ben with it to help keep him from going into shock. “I’ll be right over there,” he said.

“By the way…” Ben closed his eyes. “Congratulations.”

Chase gave the man’s hand a final squeeze, then strode quickly to where Lily lay on the ground and knelt beside her. “An ambulance is on the way.”

“I don’t think your daughter is going to wait.”

“What?” He’d heard—he just couldn’t believe it. “The baby is coming.”

“You mean right now? Here?”

A faint smile touched her lips. “She’s impatient, just like her dad.”

Alarm and a good measure of fear rattled through Chase at the thought of helping to deliver his own baby. An EMT, he knew the basic mechanics of labor and delivery, but there were so many things that could go wrong. “I’ve never done this before,” he blurted.

“I did it once in the emergency room,” she said. “The baby was very determined and came before the doc could get there. I’ll coach—” She bit off the words. Her face screwed up and sweat beaded on her forehead. “It’s…going to happen right now.”

“Tell me what to do.” His voice came out strong, but panic bubbled inside him.

Lily was already in the throes of another contraction. Chase forced his mind back to his EMT training. He knew that when the contractions came at close intervals, delivery time was near.

When the contraction passed, Lily blew out a breath, then began to breathe the way expectant mothers were taught to breathe in Lamaze classes. “I’m taking you to the car,” he said, kneeling to scoop her into his arms.

“The backseat. I need to lie down. See if you can find a blanket…”

Chase already had her in his arms. The pain in his injured hand forgotten, he quickly carried her to the car and opened the rear door. “We’re in luck,” he said, laying her down. “There’s a blanket.”

“For the baby,” she said.

“Okay.” Standing at the door, Chase glanced back at the road, wondering where the ambulance was.

“Will you be all right for a moment while I check on Ben?” he asked.

“I’m between contractions.” She smiled when he squeezed her hand. “Go.”

Chase sprinted toward the downed agent, praying the other man was going to be all right. “Ben?”

The FBI agent raised his head. “What the hell are you doing over here? Get back to that woman, Vickers. She needs you more than I do.”

Still, Chase was torn. The man was ghastly pale. His breathing was shallow and rapid. “Hang tight, man. Ambulance should be here any moment.”

Ben waved him off, then let his hand fall back to his side. Praying the other man survived his wounds, Chase sprinted back toward Lily.

P
AIN SCREAMED
through her with the ferocity of a wild beast raging through her body. Lily braced against the onslaught and pushed with all of her might. Just as the contraction ended, Chase appeared at the car door.

“The baby is coming,” she said as she panted.

“What do I do?”

Another contraction tore through her before she could answer. Lily squeezed her eyes shut and rode the wave of agony. At the crest, she used its momentum and pushed until her breath ran out.

When the pain passed, she propped herself up on her elbows and made eye contact with Chase. “Get the blanket ready.”

She could feel another contraction approaching and spoke quickly. “When I push next time, the baby’s head may appear. Support her head. Don’t pull. I’ll do the rest.”

Pain knifed through her with such power that Lily felt her eyes roll back. A scream hovered in her throat, but she swallowed it. Instead, she used every last bit of her energy to push her baby into the world.

She tried panting, the way she’d learned in her childbirth classes. But nothing could have prepared her for this. A keening sound tore from her lips, till the pain took her breath away.

“I see her!”

Grinding her teeth, Lily accepted the pain, used it to tell her what to do next, and she pushed harder. The contractions came now one on top of the other. No time to rest in between. All she could think about was holding her daughter in her arms for the first time.

“Keep pushing,” Chase cooed. “You’re doing great, honey. She’s coming.”

An elongated moan escaped her. The pain rolled lower, wrapping around her lower back and pelvis like a red-hot chain growing ever tighter.

In the next instant, a faint cry sounded. Lily raised her head and looked down to see Chase holding her squirming, supremely unhappy little girl.

She looked at Chase and, for the first time since she’d known him, she saw tears his eyes. He cradled the baby with the reverence of a man holding the most precious thing in the world. In this case, he was.

“She’s perfect,” he whispered.

A sob broke from Lily’s lips. But it was the sound of a mother’s joy. As Chase laid the child at her breast, emotion overwhelmed her.

“She’s beautiful,” she whispered through her tears.

The world shifted on its axis as Lily put her arms around her baby girl and cradled her gently. “Hi there,” she whispered. “Welcome to the world, little girl.”

“Is she all right?” Chase asked.

“She’s got good color and a strong cry.” Lily couldn’t stop looking at her child. “She seems to be just fine.”

Chase wiped his eyes. “She’s definitely got a healthy set of lungs.”

Lily choked out a laugh. As a nurse, she knew a baby’s lungs were the last organs to fully develop. Even though her baby had come early, she appeared to be entirely healthy.

“She’s cranky,” she said to Chase, then looked back at the child in her arms. “I can’t blame you, baby girl.”

Chase leaned close, and Lily realized she wasn’t the only one who couldn’t take her eyes off the baby. Neither could he. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Better than I’ve been in a long time,” she said.

He took her hand and squeezed. “We have a daughter.”

Lily looked down at the wrinkle-faced little girl. “She looks like you.”

Chase made a face and she laughed. “She’s got a few more wrinkles.”

For a moment the sound of their laughter filled the car.

“Have you thought of a name?” he asked.

“I was thinking of Chassidy.”

“Chassidy,” he repeated. “I like it.”

In the distance, sirens blared. Lily cradled her baby girl, thankful she was safe and alive and healthy. Chase hovered over her, like the new father he was. He hadn’t taken his eyes off either of them.

As the first ambulance arrived and the EMTs disembarked, Chase gave her hand a final squeeze and met her eyes. Within their depths, Lily saw all the things she’d always known in her heart. He loved her. She loved him, too. She always would. But she knew it wasn’t enough to change who he was or what he did.

The thought of him walking away, of her never seeing him again, was like a giant hand reaching into her and yanking her heart from her chest.

“I’m going to check on Ben,” Chase said.

Lily thought she saw something now in his eyes. Something vague, unsettling and slightly sad that she didn’t quite understand. It was as if he’d closed himself off emotionally.

“Thank him for me.” She looked down at her precious baby. “Thank him for both of us.”

Chase nodded and gave her a smile. But as he turned and walked away, all Lily could think was that she was never going to see him again.

Chase had always prided himself on having the integrity to do the right thing, even when the right thing wasn’t necessarily the easy thing. He’d learned at an impressionable age to take the high road over the low. He’d always been a firm believer in the adage that adversity built character.

For the first time in his adult life he was tempted to take the easy way out. To hell with his self-imposed code of honor. But he also knew a relationship with Lily, and with his infant daughter, would be anything but easy. As much as he didn’t want to face it, Chase was going to have to walk away from both of them.

He hadn’t seen Lily since he’d delivered her baby—
their
baby—a few hours ago. It felt more like years. Better get used to it, a harsh voice reminded him. But it had taken him that long to muster the nerve to do what he needed to do.

He and Lily had made statements to both the police and the FBI. Chase found out later that Aidan Shea had died at the scene. The nightmare should have been over.

But Chase knew Liam Shea and his other sons were still out there. And they would like nothing more than to hurt the people Chase loved most.

The authorities were looking for them, but the Sheas were still at large. A fact that brought Chase’s line of thinking full circle.

The truth of the matter was he’d made a lot of enemies in the years he’d been with Eclipse. Too many, if he wanted to be honest about it. He had no way of knowing if—or when—one of them would reappear. All he could do now was protect what he loved most. In this case, the two people who meant the most to Chase: Lily and his daughter. In order to keep them safe, he had to sever ties with them once and for all. He had to end it right here and now.

It was going to kill him to walk away. It had only been a few hours since he’d last seen Lily, since he’d last spoken to her, heard her voice, touched her skin, and already he felt he was dying inside. She was the one great love of his life. He would never love another the way he loved her.

And then there was Chassidy. One look at his precious little girl and Chase had been a goner. She had Lily’s red hair and his nose. Already he loved her more than his own life. How was he going to walk away? How could he live his life without them?

The ache went clean through his chest as he walked into the lobby of New Hampshire Medical Center, a small local hospital just twenty miles from Shane’s house. He took the elevator to the maternity ward. He promised himself he wasn’t going to look in on Chassidy. This would be easier if he didn’t let things get too complicated. But as he passed the glassed-in nursery, the sight of a dozen or more screaming, squirming babies stopped him dead in his tracks.

His eyes were drawn immediately to the crib with the pink zebra blanket and the name “Garrett” printed on the placard. He couldn’t keep the stupid grin off his face as he ogled the baby inside.
His
little girl.

In the past, babies had always been more like small, mysterious and screaming alien beings. Tonight, he felt a connection to the little girl such as he’d never before experienced in his life.

A man standing a few feet away wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt snagged Chase’s attention. Disbelief swept through him when the man turned and he saw his half brother, Shane.

Chase was surprised all over again when his half brother grinned. “Which one is she, bro?”

Chase’s heart tripped, his pulse rate jacked at seeing Shane here. “Uh, the little girl on the right. In the zebra blanket.”

“Ah, the little redhead. I should have known. Too damn cute to be yours.”

“Takes after her mom.”

“Good thing, I guess.”

“Yeah.” Staring at his daughter, pride swelled in his chest with such power that for a moment Chase couldn’t draw a breath.

The baby kicked her little legs and let out a squeal loud enough to make both men jump. Chase couldn’t help it; he grinned at the toothless, screaming, red-faced baby girl.

“Takes after you, that’s for sure,” Shane said.

Chase looked into his brother’s eyes. The same eyes he’d looked into as a hurt and angry ten-year-old boy and had seen the man he’d once wanted to be someday. But that man had walked out on him. Left him alone and in the hands of strangers.

Reaching into his pocket, Shane withdrew a cigar and offered it to Chase. “Congratulations, man.”

“Thanks.” Chase didn’t smoke, but he took the cigar.

“How’s Lily?”

“Good.” He glanced toward the hall and he wondered how things would go between them. “I’m about to see her.”

“Tell her I said congratulations.”

“I’ll do that.”

Shane stuck out his hand. His dark eyes burned into Chase’s. “I’m happy for you, man.”

Chase hesitated for an instant, then grasped his brother’s hand and shook it hard. “Thanks.”

“I thought maybe I might be a real uncle…and a brother.”

“I think maybe you could.” Chase knew the old wounds would not heal overnight, but this was a step in the right direction. “See you around.”

“Bet on it.”

Chase slid the cigar into his pocket and started toward Lily’s room.

He found her standing near the window, looking out at the city beyond. Her hair was down, the red tresses curling around her shoulders. If he didn’t know better, he never would have believed she’d had a baby just hours ago.

She turned then, and the sight of her face struck him like a punch to his solar plexus, literally taking his breath away. Her green eyes widened when she noticed him standing in the doorway of her room. Her lips parted, but it was as if his presence had rendered her speechless.

“Chase,” she whispered.

He entered the room and stopped. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Really good.”

“How’s Chassidy?”

“The doctor says she’s just fine.” She fumbled with the collar of her robe. “Any word on the blackout?”

“The city is still without power,” he said. “The damage at the power stations was pretty extensive. It’s probably going to be a while.”

She looked strong and capable as she stood there, contemplating him. But he’d seen her at her most vulnerable. The image of her bringing their baby into the world flashed in his mind’s eye. It was the most profound moment of his life. One he would never forget for as long as he lived.

“You look good,” he said.

“So do you.” She sent a pointed look to his bandaged hand. “How is it?”

“No permanent damage.”

“I’m glad.” She fiddled with her collar again.

“I stopped in the nursery and looked in on Chassidy,” he said.

Her full lips curved into a smile that made his heart stumble in his chest. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

“Just like her mom.”

“Her dad’s not too bad to look at, either.”

Chase laughed outright at that. He was a lot of things, but he’d never even conceived of the idea of beautiful.

“How’s Ben?” she asked.

A shadow of grief passed over Chase’s heart. While his daughter had come into the world, Ben Parker had passed away from the gunshot wound. Grimacing, he shook his head. “He didn’t make it.”

Lily’s hand went to her mouth. Her eyes filled, but she didn’t cry. “I’m sorry.”

“He died a hero. That’s the way he would have wanted it.”

“That’s so unfair. He saved our lives.” She blinked back tears, a breath shuddering out of her. “So did you.”

This was the moment he should bring up the harsh fact that he had also been the one to bring danger into their lives. For the life of him, Chase couldn’t do it. He loved Lily. He loved Little Chassidy. He wanted to be part of their lives. God knows it was going to kill him to walk away.

As if realizing there were too many things that had been left unsaid between them, Lily turned back to the window. “I didn’t know if you’d come.”

“I tried to stay away.” Taking a deep breath, he crossed to her. “I couldn’t do it.”

Even from two feet away he could smell the soft scent of her. Something warm and floral and sweet that titillated his senses. He wanted badly to reach out and touch her. He wanted even more to pull her into his arms and never let her go.

Finally, she turned to face him. For an interminable moment, they stared into each other’s eyes, a hundred thoughts zinging between them.

“I came to say goodbye,” Chase managed after a moment.

An emotion he couldn’t identify flashed in Lily’s eyes. Relief? Pain? Willingness to face the hard facts even when he wasn’t?

“Chase…”

“I’d like to support Chassidy financially, if it’s all right with you.” Before he lost his nerve, he cut off the protest he saw in her eyes and continued. “It’s important to me, Lily. I can set up a trust for her. For college, maybe. Med school. Law school. Whatever she wants. I’ll make everything anonymous so it can never be traced back to me.”

Instead of arguing, Lily simply nodded. “All right.”

“I wish I could do more,” he said.
Like watch my daughter grow up and share it with the woman I love.
“I want to take responsibility for my part.”

“I agree,” she said.

He wanted to say more, but the words jammed in his throat. He knew anything he said now would probably do nothing but get him in deeper than he already was. But, dear God, he didn’t want to leave. He couldn’t imagine turning and walking out that door, never to see either of them again.

He stood there, drinking in the image of the woman he loved more than his own life. He branded the picture of her onto his brain—soft red hair, cautious green eyes, skin as soft as velvet—and reminded himself he would always have his memories of her. They were going to have to be enough.

They would never be enough.

“I’ve got to go,” he heard himself say. “Before I do something we’re both going to regret.”

Taking a final, lingering look at Lily, he turned and started toward the door.

“D
ON
’
T GO
.”

Lily hadn’t meant to say the words aloud. Her heart had been chanting them like a mantra and somehow they had bubbled to the surface.

Chase stopped before reaching the door, but he didn’t turn to her. Though she couldn’t see his face, Lily saw clearly the war raging within him. The battle between duty and love, right and wrong. Chase lived in a world of black and white. She knew reality’s boundaries were rarely that clear. She couldn’t help but wonder if there was some middle ground they might be able to find.

After a moment, he drew a breath and turned to her. His eyes were shuttered and hard. His mouth pulled into a frown. “I have to go,” he said.

“I’m not finished.”

He went rigid when she started toward him. Lily watched him steel himself against her closeness. Against all the things they’d shared. She knew he loved her. She knew he would always love her. But was love enough?

It devastated her knowing he was willing to walk away to keep her safe. To keep Chassidy safe. That was the kind of man Chase Vickers was. The kind of man who would sacrifice his needs to do the right thing. He was the kind of man she had fallen in love with.

How could he expect her to let him go? Was his work so important that he was willing to sacrifice what they had?

“I don’t think it’s going to help our situation if we draw this thing out,” he said.

She stopped a foot away from him and shook her head. “I never had you pegged as a coward, Vickers, but then this isn’t the first time in the course of our relationship that you’ve surprised me.”

He blinked. “Excuse me?”

“And it’s not the first time you’ve run.” She squared her shoulders. “You’re willing to take on some of the most vicious killers in the world, and yet when it comes to your own daughter and the woman you claim to love, you turn tail and run.”

He looked truly offended. “It’s the only way to keep you safe,” he said. “Look at what we’ve been through.”

“We’ve been through a terrible ordeal I would never want to repeat,” she shot back. “But guess what? There are no guarantees in this life, Chase. Do you think a love like what we share happens more than once?” Raising her hand, she poked him in the chest with her index finger hard enough to send him back a step. “Let me answer that for you with an unequivocal no. There are no guarantees. No safety nets. No insurance policies for tragedy. I know—I’ve seen all of those things in the emergency room. Complete strangers whose misfortunes touch me deeply. Just last week a man with a wife and two kids wrecked his car on his way to play golf. His family never saw him alive again.”

She poked him again and Chase went back another step. “Do you think he was unlucky? No. You want to know who the unlucky people are, Chase? They’re the ones who never find the one great love of their lives.”

Some of her anger leached away and she dropped her hand. “We’re the lucky ones, Chase. We found something special and precious and rare. Now you want to walk away because you think something bad might happen to me or Chassidy?”

“If it’s in my power to keep you safe, then I’m going to do it.”

“At what cost?”

Stepping close to her, Chase gently grasped both her biceps and spoke urgently. “This has nothing to do with personal sacrifice or right or wrong. It has to do with making sure that no one hurts our daughter, and that her mother is alive to raise her.”

“I have a say in the matter.”

“No, you don’t.”

“What about her father, Chase? Doesn’t he count?”

Blinking, he searched her face. “I don’t like this any more than you do. But I’m willing to sacrifice what we have to ensure both of you long and safe lives.”

“Or maybe you’re willing to run away because it’s easier than handing over your heart to us. Maybe it’s easier to walk away from us than it would be for you to walk away from your work.”

Her own words shocked her to silence.

“There’s nothing even remotely easy about any of this,” he ground out.

“Then do the right thing. Listen to your heart. Listen to mine. Give your daughter a father.”

Unable to keep himself from it, Chase pulled her into his arms and held her so tightly he thought he must be bruising her. He could feel his emotions winding up, like a giant rubber band tightening in his chest and squeezing his heart and lungs until he couldn’t breathe.