A Baby by Chance (15 page)

“You wouldn’t.”

Okay, so she was lying through her teeth.

“Live and let live. That’s my credo,” Madison said breezily.

Chance rubbed his jaw and continued to look at her thoughtfully for a long minute. “That’s probably a good attitude to have since you and I aren’t having an affair and, according to you, anyway, never will again.”

Madison skipped over that, deciding it was something she definitely did not want to comment on, no matter how sarcastic he was being.

Chance thrust the towel aside and leaned against the counter, his arms folded. “I can see this is still worrying you,” he said dryly. “So if it will set your mind at ease, Rona is seriously involved with the producer of her TV show.”

Madison tried to ignore the velvety mat of black hair covering his wide, muscular chest and the flatness of his abdomen above his tight-fitting jeans. Her throat unbearably dry, she kept her eyes leveled squarely on his and pushed on with her inquisition. “Oh.”

“Jealous?” Chance taunted, holding her gaze.

If you’re making love to someone else right now? Hell yes,
Madison thought. But there was no way she was telling him that. “I just thought I should know what was going on, for the sake of the baby,” she fibbed.

Chance gave her a look that let her know she wasn’t fooling him one bit.

“The fact you and I are having a baby wouldn’t keep me from making love to Rona, if that was what I wanted, Madison. I could easily be a dad and have a woman in my life, too.”

“Be blunt, why don’t you?” Madison said, then could have shot herself the second the words were out.

Aware she had revealed far more about her feelings than she was comfortable doing, Madison picked up her camera and strode from the house. Head held high, she darted down the steps, across the yard. All too aware that Chance was right behind her, moving at a typical leisurely pace, Madison began taking pictures of the stables, the ranch house and the tree-shaded lane leading up to it.

“Don’t you have anything to say to that?” Chance taunted lazily. “Any rules or regulations to set down?”

Madison caught sight of his bare chest and the sexual promise in his eyes. A river of warmth rippled through her. “There’s nothing to say.” She aimed her camera at the pasture where Shiloh was contentedly munching on sweet green grass. Making sure that Chance wasn’t anywhere in the frame, she focused and snapped the shot. “Except that I have a ton of work left to do. The director wants at least five or six more rolls of film taken of the inside of the stable.”

“Why not get a professional to do it?”

“No time. Vince wants the film at his lab in New York—where he’s currently working—for developing before ten tomorrow morning. So I’ve got to get them taken in the next hour if I want to meet the express mail deadline for shipments going out tonight.”

Ignoring what she had just told him, Chance clamped his hands on her shoulders and swung her around to face him. “Why are you being like this?” he demanded in obvious frustration.

“Like what?” Madison challenged, knowing she was spoiling for an argument even if she didn’t quite know why.

“Icy.” Chance sized her up relentlessly. “Remote.”

Madison returned the favor, giving him her haughtiest ice queen glare, the one that had sent men running for as long as she could remember. “How would you expect me to react?” she asked. “You and I have to work together and pretend to all the world like nothing’s happened, when you and I both know I’m carrying our baby inside me. As if that alone isn’t hard enough, you bring your old lover here and go off alone with her for hours.” Yes, she had had a miserable afternoon, and so what?

Chance smiled at the mention of their baby and frowned when she referred to Rona. He ran a hand through his hair, shoving the unruly black locks off his forehead. He turned his glance away, then back, his blue eyes laser-bright. “Rona doesn’t get much time off and she loves to ride,” Chance explained, as if she were yanking the words from him one by one. “Not in bits and pieces like she does on the show, but in the open countryside. For the record—” his voice dropped another gruff, warning notch “—she comes here anytime she wants. And when she does, I usually drop everything and go off with her.”

Madison’s spine stiffened. She was shocked at how possessive she felt toward Chance, and at the same time unwilling to admit how much the idea of Chance being at another woman’s beck and call hurt. Was this how it had been for her mother all those years? She didn’t want to think about any of this, but Chance’s actions, the unexpected events of the afternoon had brought it all back anyway, with startling force.

“So what do you want here, Chance, a permission slip? You’ve already made it quite clear we’ve got no claim on each other.”

“Do you want that to change?”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Cartwright, I’m no idiot.”

He glared at her in utter frustration, as aware as she was that she hadn’t exactly come right out and answered his question. Ignoring her sarcasm, he regarded her resentfully. “I’ve done nothing to make you distrust me.”

So, he didn’t like having a leash on him, either. “Then you have my apologies.” Madison shrugged uncaringly as the sun beat down on them.

“And yet you do distrust me,” Chance persisted.

Try all men.
“It’s nothing personal.” Madison’s hands clenched her camera as she struggled to retain the cool sophistication that had become her trademark.

Chance swore profusely, this time loud enough for her to hear. “And that’s supposed to make me feel better?” he demanded roughly.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t the only one feeling rattled and uncertain. Which just went to show, Madison thought, how emotional this pregnancy had made her. She sighed with world-weary resignation and did her best to get a grip and shut him out once again. “Look, Chance, if I appear jaded and cynical—”

“You do.”

Why wouldn’t he just let this go? Angry at how quick this footloose and fancy-free cowboy was to criticize, Madison answered in the most even voice she could manage. “Let’s just say I’ve seen and heard it all before.” She pushed the words through her teeth.

Chance studied her relentlessly. “From whom?”

You really do not want to know.
“My father.”

“What does he have to do with Rona buying another horse from me today?”

As that news sunk in, Madison muttered a single, succinct expletive. If Chance had set out to deliberately punch holes in her composure and get her where she was most vulnerable, he had certainly succeeded. She had just made a complete and utter fool of herself. And it all could have been avoided had Chance mentioned the fact Rona was there to buy a horse.

She turned away, aware she could cheerfully deck him at that moment. “Just drop it, Chance. Okay? None of this has anything to do with anything.”

He grabbed her by the arms and swung her to face him. “Tell me.”

Feeling she’d already told him too much, Madison went utterly still.

Chance dropped his hold on her, stepped back. “Did your father cheat on your mother?”

“All the time. He’s still doing it. All right? Are you satisfied?”

Pain twisting her heart, Madison spun away from him and stalked to the stables. Stepped inside the cool light. The horses were all outside for the day. The cement-floored building had been hosed down earlier with a mixture of disinfectant and water by the part-time help. Fresh straw had been laid down and the automatic feed buckets filled. The wide doors were open at each end, creating a welcome breeze that swept through the wood-paneled building. As she lifted the camera to her face, Madison forced herself to think about her work. She knew Vince Smith, the director, was going to love this place. There was a lot about it to love.

Chance hovered just to the left of her as she snapped photo after photo of the interior of a spacious wooden stall. He leaned against a beam, his arms folded casually. He smelled of soap and sun-warmed skin. He wasn’t saying anything. But he wasn’t leaving her alone, either.

Madison knew her father’s unfaithfulness had bred in her a distrust of all men. Madison remembered without wanting to all the times she had stumbled on her father cozying up to other women while her mother pretended not to see what was going on right in front of her.

The worst time had been at a party her parents had been hosting. She’d been ten, and they were living in Paris. She hadn’t understood much of what the woman in the wine cellar had been saying to her father, but once Madison caught sight of the two of them, their faces alternately white then red as they hastily tried to adjust their clothing, she’d understood enough.

Madison had known even then her mother deserved better. Just as she had eventually come to realize that her mother was as much to blame as her father for allowing it to keep happening without doing anything. It was so much simpler to be married to your work.

Standing in the center aisle of the stable, Madison focused her lens on the barn doors at the far end.

Chance moved to block her. He stood in front of her, legs braced. He seemed to understand that some hurts were deep enough to defy logic. “You want to know about my relationship with Rona, I’ll tell you about it,” he said gently.

Madison averted her eyes from a bare chest so fine it could have graced the cover of
Playgirl
magazine. She wanted to tell him it wasn’t necessary—he didn’t have to explain—but the truth was she wanted to know. She wanted some reassurance that she wasn’t just another in a long string of talented, successful women who had wandered in and out of Chance’s life.

Keeping his eyes locked on hers, he continued, “Our affair began six years ago, Madison. Rona was getting ready to film the pilot for
Woman of the West.
She didn’t know how to ride, and she knew if she couldn’t ace that, she’d be replaced—pronto.”

Unable to turn away, Madison shoved a hand through her hair. “The producers didn’t know she couldn’t?”

Chance shrugged his broad shoulders restlessly. “She’d lied to them to get the job. And she came to me because she had heard I had a way with horses. She was hoping I could teach her the way, too.” His blue eyes darkened. “I understood that kind of desperation.”

Chance ducked into the tack room and came out with a crumpled but clean blue chambray shirt in hand. He slipped it on but didn’t bother to button it or tuck it in. “I’d started this ranch from nothing, and if I had a penny for every time I had severely overestimated my—let’s just say resources to the banks, I’d be a very rich man. So I taught her to ride in an intensive two weeks, and even lent her a horse to take with her, a sweet gentle mare to ride during the filming of the pilot. She told me later it was her way with the horse that got her the job. So when she came back to thank me and pay the first of many installments on that horse, we let her gratitude and my loneliness lead us into bed. Eventually we realized the love we felt for each other was not the kind that endures. Besides horses and the sex, we had nothing. And after a while, well, nothing can get to feeling pretty empty to the point that it’s almost worse than being alone. So we both moved on.”

Moved on,
Madison thought. Was that what she and Chance were eventually going to have to do, too? she wondered uneasily as she thanked Chance politely for clarifying things for her and got right back to work. And if so, why was she finding even the thought of it so hard?

* * *

B
Y THE TIME
Madison finished taking photos of the interior and then the exterior of the stables, plus all the surrounding area, Chance was showered, shaved and sitting inside doing the books on his computer. Madison had only to look at the set expression on his face to see how much she had hurt him. She turned away from him and once again buried herself in the safety and security of her work. She knew he didn’t deserve it. Not at all. Because her misgivings about herself and her ability to sustain a relationship with a man, to keep him interested and faithful over the long haul, had nothing to do with Chance.

Madison could see Chance making a fabulous husband someday, settling down right here on the ranch, maybe even raising a family. She just wasn’t sure she could ever be a
wife.

That would most likely mean giving up her career, Madison thought, as she prepared an express mail package for the director, enclosed the film she had taken, then walked over to Chance. He paused as her shadow fell over him. “Do you have professional photos of your horses I could send to my bosses?”

Chance rose and wordlessly went to his file cabinet. Five minutes later, he had assembled eight-by-ten glossies of all the horses he had for sale. He handed them over.

Judging by his expression—which had never been less welcoming—Madison figured she’d better warm up to that apology she owed him, rather than just jump right in. She fit the pictures in the cardboard mailer along with the film and sealed it. Glancing at her watch, she figured she had better get going if she wanted to make it into town in time.

Several hours later, she was back and Chance was still sitting in the same place. To her disappointment, he looked just as surly and unapproachable as he had when she’d left. How long was this mood of his going to continue? And why did she care so much, anyway? Madison chastised herself sternly.

Grateful for the occupation of her work, Madison told him, “I was thinking about the commercial on the drive back—”

Chance gave her a smile that did not reach his eyes. “What a surprise.”

She paused and cleared her throat. So he wasn’t going to make this easy for her. So what? She had lived through worse. What was important was establishing some sort of renewed peace between them. And the best way to do that was to get them talking to each other again, even if it was just about business. She leaned against the corner of his file cabinet, jerked in a deep breath and continued pleasantly. “Maybe we could do a far-off shot of all your horses, running in a meadow or something like that, with you on horseback, riding with them.”

Chance narrowed his eyes on her. “Maybe we could at that,” he agreed reluctantly after an exceptionally long pause. “But only if the cameras were well outside the pasture fence.”